World So Cold

“Where to start?” said Damon and I could tell he was asking himself. If I interrupted he might change his mind so I kept my mouth shut. “The beginning I guess. Do you know what purple roses are a symbol of?” Damon asked me. I could see his eyes looking at me through the reflection in the glass.

“No,” I said puzzled to where this could be going.

“They are symbolic of love at first sight.” Involuntarily I gasped even though air was useless to me. My mind flashed back to that day in the garden when he handed me the purple rose. “Yes,” he said sounding amused and somber at the same time, “I loved you from the moment I saw you.

“You were beautiful,” said Damon his eyes miles away. I could imagine they were when we had first met. In the garden when he had come up to Stefan. “You always were. From the moment I saw you I was struck by your beauty. And when I learned you were a Medici…none of that mattered to me.

“I wanted to know you, to learn what you liked and what you wanted, just in hopes of giving them to you. And I had loved you from that first moment. But eventually I realized that I couldn’t give you everything. I couldn’t give you what you wanted, what you deserved.” Damon’s voice had taken on a different tone, one that made me want to go to him. But I remained where I was.

“You were a Medici, practically royalty and you deserved as much. You were meant to marry a prince, rule a kingdom, have gowns and jewels that I couldn’t give you. I was going nowhere. Father wouldn’t have even left the plantation to me. He would have given it to Stefan and I could have maybe worked with him. We could have maybe lived under his roof.” He kept talking and I wasn’t going to interrupt. It was good for him to finally let go of this, to get it out.

“But you deserved so much better than that.” He turned to look at me then I could see his troubled eyes filled with so many warring emotions. “And so when I went away to university I had hopes of you forgetting me, of falling in love with some other man. I had no hope. You were constantly on my mind. You plagued my dreams. I couldn’t sleep.

“And when I was awake, I’d try to forget. I’d drink and be with as many women as possible. I hoped that they’d erase you but every time I looked at one, it’d be you who would jump to my mind. I was going crazy.” And by the sound of his voice I believed him. He sounded half mad now.

He came to kneel beside the bed and took my hands in his. “Juliet, I’ve always loved you,” he said. And the way he looked at me, the vulnerability on his face, I wanted to believe him. I wanted to with all my heart. But one thing kept nagging at the back of my mind.

“What about Katherine?” I asked. I saw Damon’s jaw clench but the vulnerability remained. He didn’t close off like I expected him to.

“Katherine was just another girl, another distraction. She was the best at it. Now I imagine compulsion had something to do with that. Katherine was just another hope to forget you.”

“You didn’t even say anything to me,” I whispered. I was close to tears. “I just see you with her one day and I thought you didn’t love me anymore. She was beautiful,” I admitted grudgingly.

“The way your beauty shone, it blinded me from anything else. Nothing could compare. Juliet, I have always loved you. Everything I did, I did it for you. Even if I suffered, I wanted you to be with someone you deserved. I—” I cut him off this time.

“Damon, I never wanted anyone but you. I wouldn’t have cared if we lived on the streets. As long as I was with you, nothing else mattered. I didn’t care if I had jewels, gowns, or a kingdom. You’re all I wanted.”

“What we want and what we deserve are two different things,” he said tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I coaxed him to sit on the bed beside me where I put my arms around him.

I just wanted to hold him, needed to hold him. This Damon was so vulnerable and caring that I wanted to cherish it forever. Who knew what tomorrow would bring.

And it was there that Damon fell asleep. His face was peaceful, childlike, and beautiful. I sat there memorizing the lines and shadows of his face. I ran my hands through his hair, feather soft, loving and missing the feel of it.

I had just seen a side of Damon that no one has seen in probably a long time, if ever. To me, this Damon was precious, fragile. I wanted to savor every moment. “I love you,” I whispered to him.

I woke up the next morning feeling better than I had in awhile. The memories of last night came to my mind and the happiness was suddenly no surprise. I sat up expecting to see Damon somewhere but he was nowhere to be found.

Suddenly Stefan walked in the door. Immediately I could smell it and I wrinkled my nose in disgust. “Why do you smell like vervain?” I questioned.

“Where’s Damon?” asked Stefan looking around the room. “I thought I told him to watch you.”

“He’s…” I trailed off realizing I had no idea where he was or where he could be.

Relax, came Damon’s telepathic voice. You were never in any danger. By the way Stefan clenched his jaw in frustration I knew he had heard Damon too. I heard the sudden flutter of wings and wondered if that was Damon flying away or just some other bird.

“Anyway, why vervain?” I asked again.

“It’s for Elena. Damon’s had an…interest in her and I want her to be able protect herself against him.” I wanted to say that there was no worry of that. That Damon wouldn’t do that. Damon loved me. But I still had doubt. There was just something about his expression that night and the way he wasn’t here this morning. It didn’t sit well with me.

“Could you help me? I want to extract the oil.”

“Sure,” I said and moved towards Stefan to help him with the vervain.