The Choices We Make

“Fucking balls.” I said as we approached the porch. “I. Hate. You.” I spaced out each word. Zane smiled and pulled me into the front door. Everyone I knew was inside the house, smiling bright and waiting for me.

Zane laughed at my tortured expression and drug me upstairs to my room past everyone. Suddenly he had a gray bag in his hands and I stared at it wondering where the fuck it came from. “Zane-o, why are we celebrating, what is there to celebrate?”

He opened the bag showing me the most beautiful dress. “Well, you can celebrate that you still look good in a dress, not to pudgy.. yet. We can celebrate that you are alive and okay today. You are beautiful and I'm glad you were born. If not, I would be alone..” His eyes watered and I jutted my bottom lip out.

“Oh, Zane, don't cry.” I hugged him tightly. Zane handed me the dress and I quickly changed. I sighed in relief when I noted that the dress gave away no hint that I wasn't the only inhabitant in my body. Zane smiled.

“Thanks, for the dress.” A smile crossed my face. Maybe I would try to enjoy this.

We bounded down the stairs; Zane's hand was on my lower back while I held onto the railing, heels were not my thing. We laughed while we joined the party. We danced around a bit and I chattered here with everyone.

My eyes fell upon Jake. He smiled and walked over to me. Just as he was doing so the people quieted down and my mom stood in front of everyone; microphone in hands. She ushered to me. I smiled apologetically at him and walked over to her. I was sure my face was beat red.

“This beautiful, young women, is my daughter.” She gestured to me. “Life has been crazy for her, she has been through trenches and deep waters. Her strength always surprised me. Now, my little girl is sixteen and has so much to go through at this crucial time.” My mom looked at me with weary eyes. I grinned encouragingly, glad at her choice of words. “She has someone great to get her through all of this though, Zane. God, I can't thank you enough. You've taken care of my baby when I couldn't be there, when I couldn't understand what she was going through. I know she loves you.”

Zane wiped away tears.

My mom swallowed her tears as she continued her speech. “Ace, I couldn't be more proud of who you are. Two more years and you wont be my little girl anymore, you hardly are now. For a sixteen year old, you are so much more wise and smart than I ever was at that age. Maybe even more than I am now. I love you, baby.”

I had to wipe my eyes, too, as my mom and Zane did. I watched as he came forward taking the microphone from my mom. She smiled at him and hugged me before joining my friends. Zane grabbed my hand.

“Those were some great words, Nadine, I must infer. So's, my little Acey, you're sixteen. Woo!” His hands flailed in the air. “You are the only person to ever fully understand me and my choices. The only one that excepted my sexuality without question. The only one who wouldn't call me crazy if I wanted to play dress up and make over games. You're naturally kind. You will be great, you are great. Any guy that you end up with is going to be goddamn lucky.” He looked towards my mom. “Sorry, Nadine, 'scuse my French.” He giggled.

“I think you have always been ten years above your age. Twenty six fits you more. Where ever life takes you, good or bad, I'll always be in the passenger seat till you tell me to get out.” He kissed my head and hugged me tight. I was thankful that, that was the last of the speech's.

The rest of the party went by without missing a beat. Nathan and Jake talked to me about random crap and how I was finally almost catching up to them. Of course, they didn't come to me at the same time.. Jake doesn't like Nathan. Whatever. He would dislike him even more if he knew I was carrying Nathan's baby. Wow, that's weird to say.

The party ended at nine o'clock and all that was left was Nathan, Zane, Jake, and I. My mom was passed out on the couch, she was exhausted. She had a reason, Zane may have “helped” with the party but she had to set it up all herself. Very Zane-like.

The four of us moved around the living room picking up fallen party décor, food, and drinks.

“Well, I must say, that was fun. Why no alcohol, though?” Nate asked. I looked at him and seen Jake eye him and not in a good way.

Zane snorted. “Acelynn is sixteen, not twenty-one. Besides, Nadine would of killed me.”

“Nate, shut yo lips. Alcohol is bad.”

Nate picked up a cup and threw it in the trash. “Bull-o crap-o. You drink.” Zane's head and mine shot towards my mom making sure she didn't hear that. When it was apparent she was still sound asleep and softly snoring I snapped my head back to Nate. Jake looked at me with sad eyes. I knew it was because he thought I was better than that. I am, it was just on occasion. I don't drink now, obviously. I am with child.

The thought made me sigh. No more fun. “I don't anymore.” Jake looked relived, but said nothing. Almost everyone knew things like that about me, not Jake. That's because he shut out anything bad he heard about me, he told me that, he didn't like to believe other people. He would only go by what I said and I just said I did drink right there.

Jake would think so much differently about me if he knew my situation and my past.. Past is past though, gotta move on. I picked up a few streamers and stuffed them into the trash bag and laughed as Zane danced around the living room with a pink feather duster.

“Okay, where the hell did that come from? We don't own a pink feather duster!”

Zane looked sideways and tried to hold back an embarrassed grin. “Alright, I own up to it! It's mine. I keep a few random 'what if?' things in my car?”

I laughed and Jake finally spoke up, laughing, too.

“'What if things'?”

Zane looked at him as if he said the craziest thing in the world. “Uh, yeah. Like each time I am in my car and I think about something like 'What if I get stranded in a blizzard?!' then I put something in my trunk for if a blizzard ever happens.”

“What's in there for a blizzard?” Nate questioned.

He froze. “A sled, duh.”

I rolled my eyes and hit myself in the face. “I thought you were the smart one.”

Zane laughed. “Only joking, I actually have a shovel and some blankey's and crap.”

“What if you get chased by a elephant who's pissed off because someone stole it's peanuts and it thinks it was you?” Jake asked.

“I will drive quick.”

“Oh, whatever, what if it out runs you? What can you put in your car for that?”

Zane rubbed his chin while me and Nate smile at each other and pick up more stuff off of the floor. Zane tapped his forehead. “O'Course. A pogo stick.”

“A pogo stick?” The three of us asked at the same time which caused laughter among us.

“Ye-ah. Elephants can't jump.”

We got back to work, giggling while our 'what if?'s' continued. Finally, we got done and we sighed and said our goodbyes.

I hugged Jake and Nathan tightly and they made their ways home. Thank god I didn't have to have any intimate conversations with either. Zane stayed to spend the night. We woke my mom up and she thanked us for cleaning the mess while eying Zane evilly.

Zane sat on my bed next to me and we stared at the ceiling. “You know, Ace, Florida is gonna be fun. I think the baby will like it. Any idea what you're gonna name it?”

“I haven't thought about it..”

“I like the name Sophia for a girl and for a boy..”

“Gracen.”

Zane bobbed his head. “I likey. What do you want?”

I sighed. “To not be pregnant.” Zane got ready to make a smart remark so I said. “I really don't care. A healthy, sweet baby would be nice.”