The ED Diaries

Thump, thump, thump

Hayden could feel her feet getting heavier each time they came in contact with the ground. She wasn’t sure how long she had been running for or how far she had gone, but it wasn’t enough yet, it would never be enough. She had decided to eat dinner and she could feel all the little particles of food that her mouth had chewed up slowly make their way through her intestines.

She started to slow down as her hideously perfect house came into view. The driveway was perfectly curved and melded perfect into the garage floor. The walkway was lined with flowers that were color co-ordinated and spaced out perfectly. The door was a perfect shade of burgundy that contrasted perfectly against the brown house. The people inside were disgustingly perfect with their perfect hair and perfect clothes. They talked to the perfect people and always knew the perfect things to say.

All the perfection was smothering. It was like all of the perfection was supposed to squish the imperfection out of the girl, so she could be perfect just like her parents, but she was still looked at with disapproving glances when she brought home a friend or a report card. She was checked up and down before she ever left the house and her mother subtly hinted at how much weight she was gaining every chance that she got.

Hayden sighed and walked up to the door, wrapping her hand around the perfectly shaped doorknob and walking into the house. Her mother appeared out of nowhere with a box of streamers and balloons that had yet to be blown up. She shoved the box into Hayden’s hands and ran to get the phone that was ringing off the hook. The girl walked into the spacious living room and dropped herself and the box onto the couch. She only sat for a minute before she heard the heavy footsteps of someone who she assumed to be her father coming towards her. She quickly got up and turned around, taking different coloured streamers from the box and tying them together.

“Hayden,” her father’s strong voice filled the room, causing the girl to jump and turn around quickly. Silver stars filled her vision and her head spun around quickly, but she ignored it.

“Yes daddy?” she said in her best innocent voice. It didn’t seem to phase him, though.

“Where were you? Didn’t you already go for a run today?” he asked with concern laced into his words. She shrugged and turned back around, grabbing more decorations.

“I needed to clear my head,” she said quickly, trying to walk away from the man. They went through this conversation every day and every day she said the exact same thing. She heard him sigh and she turned to look back at him. He had taken a seat on the couch that she was previously on and had his head in his hands. He was shaking his head back and forth slowly and bouncing his knee up and down like he always did when he was nervous about something. She stood there for a second before walking into the next room to hang up the decorations that she was still holding in her hand. She wasn’t sure what they were for, exactly, but it wasn’t her place to ask. Her mom was a hostess and she had made it clear that no one was to ask what her parties were for. She didn’t want to be embarrassed in front of the people she had invited.

There was a ladder that was set up in front of one of the walls in the room, almost like it was telling Hayden to climb up there and hang things up. Maybe she could earn some bonus points for doing something for herself. She took a step towards the ladder, her leg was shaking slightly but she brushed it off as fear. She put her had on the ladder and started to climb up. With each step she took, she was starting to feel weaker. She ignored it and climbed up to the fourth step, stopping for a second when the silver stars invaded her vision again. She felt her heart start to race and her hands got slightly sweaty. She wanted to move and get off the ladder, but her muscles weren’t listening to her brain.

Suddenly, everything started to fade and black took over her vision. She felt her hand let go of the ladder and a pain shot through her head before everything went dark.