I'm Finding Me Out

Roxxie’s POV

Addison immediately wrapped her arms around my shoulders and I awkwardly hugged her back with my one good arm. “Shh, Adi,” I whispered. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not!” she said, pulling back. “I was so...I just...I didn’t mean to hurt you, ever,” she stuttered, sitting down in the plastic chair beside my hospital bed and folding her hands in her lap, staring down at them. “It wasn’t your fault I was a clumsy fucker and fell off the stage,” I said with a small smile. “It feels that way,” she said quietly. I reached for her hand, and she scooted her chair closer, clutching my hand tightly.

“Hey, I fucked up, too. Hell, I fucked up bigger and better than anyone. That fall will go down as the best onstage stack in history!” I laughed. Adi managed a smile and looked into my eyes, hers reddened and puffy from crying.

“I love you, Roxxie. I’m so sorry about everything,” she said, tearing up. “Me, too,” I said, and Adi hugged me again, causing me to cry. We pulled apart and she sat back down, I wiped at my eyes with my good hand. “Aw, now look what you’ve done,” I said with a smile. Adi laughed and wiped at her tears. After a few moments of silence, she spoke up, saying something I hadn’t expected.

“You were right about Alex,” she said quietly. “I still love him. I always will.”

“But you love Zack, too,” I said with certainty. “Why do you sound so sure?” Adi asked me, picking up on my tone. “Because I am. I see the way you look at him. You’ve just gotta decide who you love more.”

“That’s impossible,” she said, exasperated.

“I know it seems that way, but these things sort themselves out. It’ll all become clear soon,” I told her, patting her hand. “Since when did you become so wise?” Adi said sarcastically, cracking a genuine smile. “I can be wise!” I protested. “Yeah, right,” Adi replied with a laugh.

“You were right about, Matt, too,” I said once we’d quietened down. “What do you mean?” Adi asked me, confused. I told her everything. It felt so damn good to confide in someone. To get everything I’d been holding in off my chest. I told her everything from the start. How Jack liked Alex and wasn’t really drunk, the deal I’d made with Jack and my feelings for Matt that I’d had ever since we’d met when I was fifteen. The butterfly kiss Matt and I had shared. What Alex had told me and the way he’d been so broken.

After I’d finished, I fell silent, searching Addison’s face for her reaction. “Wow,” she said after a moment. “That’s a lot to take in.”

“I know,” I sighed. “Try being me.”

“I’m so sorry about what I said about you and Jack. You were just trying to help him out and then when you found out that Matt liked you too, but you had to keep pretending....oh my God! Roxxie, how the hell do you do it?” Adi asked me in disbelief, her voice rising. I shushed her, for fear the others waiting outside would hear. “Sorry,” she shrugged.

“I’ve been bound so tight for such a long time,” I told her. “It feels so good to tell someone.”

“I’m glad you told me,” Adi replied.

“Hey, what are sisters for?” I said with a smile, grabbing her hand. She beamed back at me and gripped my hand tightly. “How long are you stuck here?” She asked me.

“I have to stay for tonight for observation. I’ve had a heap of tests and depending on the results of them, which I find out tomorrow, I could be staying another night,” I said with a grimace. “You sound alright,” Adi said. “Thanks.”

Three sharp knocks at the door broke the moment, and Adi stood to open it. Jack came through the door first, holding a ridiculously large teddy bear and a bunch of balloons. Alex, Zack, Rian and Matt followed. “Hey there, clumsy!” Jack hollered, making his way over to me. He put his lavish presents on the nightstand before sitting down on the edge of the bed next to me, draping an arm around my shoulders. I laughed and punched him in the shoulder with my good hand.

“Ow!” He whimpered, rubbing his arm.

“She’s still got a wicked right hook,” Alex said with a laugh. I smiled at him and looked over at Matt, who was standing towards the back of the group, his hands stuffed into his jeans pockets.

“Hey, cool! Can I sign your cast?” Jack asked excitedly, looking down at my plastered arm. “Sure,” I laughed, tearing my gaze away from Matt. Jack whipped a Sharpie out of his back pocket and wrote his name in huge letters, taking up half of the cast, before passing around the marker for everyone else to sign. “When I get this thing off, we should sell it,” I said, looking down at all my friend’s signatures. “We’d make a million!” Jack exclaimed.

“I’m not sure anyone would want your sweaty, stinky cast,” Alex said with a cheeky smile. Addison laughed and Zack looked over at her warily. I could sense the beginning of something there immediately, and I just knew that it would end in heartbreak.

“Hey, as long as you’ve signed it, we can sell it,” I told Alex, who blushed slightly.

“Bitches love Alex Gaskarth!” Jack jeered, sending the room into fits of laughter. Everyone hung around until visiting hours were over and the nurse had to kick them out. They all left reluctantly, Matt herding them out the door. “Matt, wait,” I called out to him. The others continued up the hall and Matt stepped back into the room, closing the door behind him. “What is it?” he asked me, worry clear on his face. “Hey, hubby,” I said after a moment, a smile stretching across my face. Matt blushed and looked down at his feet. “It was the only way they’d let me go with you,” he shrugged, still staring down at his converse.

“Matt.” He lifted his head and his gaze fell on me, his eyes boring into mine. “We never talked about what happened in the back lounge...” I trailed off. He blushed again and walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge beside me. A nurse suddenly burst through the door and gave Matt a warning look. I held onto his hand gently and looked over at the nurse. “Give us ten minutes? Please? He’s my husband,” I told her. She smiled knowingly and nodded, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

“I think I like being called that,” Matt said, looking down at me with a small smile. He tugged at his lip ring like he always did when he was nervous and I reached up, taking his wrist and pulling his hand away from his face. “Matt, do you remember when we first met?”

“How could I forget? You flicked me in the eye with your guitar string,” he said with a laugh. “Hey! That was a total accident!” I retorted. “Right,” Matt said sarcastically, his smile growing wider. We were silent for a few moments, and Matt wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to him. I rested my head on his chest and he gently ran his fingers through my hair.

“I wish Jack wouldn’t have come through the door that time,” I mumbled. “Why?” Matt murmured, still playing with my hair. “So that it would have been a real kiss,” I admitted, closing my eyes shut, fearing Matt’s reaction. “I don’t understand. Jack’s your boyfriend,” Matt said, his voice cracking on the last word. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. I felt so guilty and Matt deserved to know. “Because I love you,” I said softly, wondering if he’d even heard me. When he didn’t say anything, I feared the worst. That he didn’t like me back and I was being too bold and I really shouldn’t have said anything and why was I always like this? and why did I constantly put my foot in my mouth and...

“I love you,” Matt said, kissing me on the top of the head. “I always have.”

I almost died. I swear you could hear my heart speed up on the monitor. “Ever since you flicked that damn guitar string in my eye, you had me. I’ve always been yours,” he said. I wrapped my arms around his torso and hugged him tightly, never wanting to let go. “You know I was trying to impress you,” I said with a smile. “I was trying to do this really complicated riff and the string just snapped. You were just standing in the wrong place at the wrong time,” I told him. “Really?” Matt asked me.

“Please! Like you didn’t know! I’ve liked you ever since I was a dorky-looking fifteen year old,” I said, looking up at him. “You were never dorky-looking,” Matt said with a smile, kissing me on the nose. I scrunched up my face and laughed, propping myself up further to kiss him again. He held the side of my face in his hand and brought his lips to mine slowly, kissing me softly at first. I held the side of his neck with my good hand and kissed him back, our lips moving together perfectly, like it was natural. Meant to be. He pulled back and looked down at me adoringly, kissing my forehead and hugging me tightly. “I can’t believe this,” he said after a moment. “Why?”

“It’s like my dreams are coming true,” he said with a smile, and I kissed him on the neck. “Me, too,” I said with a smile. “I feel like I’m in a fairytale.”

“I’ve never heard the fairytale about the princess that plays guitar and ends up in hospital after falling off stage,” Matt said with a smile. I laughed and rested my head on his chest again. “You’ve always been my knight in shining armour.”

“And you’ve always been my princess.”