I'm Finding Me Out

Jack’s POV

As she stared at me curiously, I couldn’t help but stare right back. Her piercing blue eyes reminded me so much of Roxxie’s, and I cursed myself for even letting myself think of her. Not now. Not when this strange girl was looking at me as though she could read my thoughts. As though she could see into my soul. As if she knew everything. But that was impossible. We were nothing more than strangers. We stayed locked in the odd silence, until she tilted her head just slightly to the left and opened her perfect mouth to form around a few words.

“Why the long face?” She asked, her eyebrow creasing just slightly. I stared back at her. “I’m depressed,” I answered honestly, looking back down at my glass. “Depressed.” Her tone was flat. She didn’t question it. She’d just repeated what I’d said, like she was merely stating a fact. Like it just was and there was no questioning it. Something about that bothered me. So much so, that I felt I had to explain myself to her.

“Yeah, well falling in love with your two best friends, telling them, and thereby fucking up their relationships will do that to you.” I said this bluntly, emotionless. Over it.
“Wow.” I looked up at her. “Ouch, man. That sucks.”
I sighed. “Tell me about it.”

“I would tell you that it gets better, but it probably doesn’t,” she said, looking at me solemnly. There was something about her brutal honesty that I admired. I’d never met anyone quite like her. “You suck at advice,” I muttered, glancing at her tiredly. She shrugged. “Thanks,” she said simply, the ghost of a smile on her face.

“Why are you here?” I asked now, suddenly confused as to why she was even bothering with me. “Why are any of us here?” She retorted. “What is the meaning of life? Blah, blah, blah.”
“You’re weird,” I said, not allowing myself to laugh at her blunt sarcasm. I don’t think I expected anything less from her. “So are you, but I was considerate enough not to point it out.” This time, I allowed myself to smile slightly. “You never answered my question,” I reminded her. She raised her eyebrows at me. “Hmm?”

“You being here and all that.”

“Same reason as you. This was the first shitty bar I came across. I needed a drink to drown my sorrows.”

“You’ve got sorrows?”

“Doesn’t everybody?”

“Well, I suppose they do, but…”

“But what? Because I’m blonde and skinny my life is supposed to be perfect?”

“Something like that,” I said with a small shrug.

“You’re weird,” she said flatly.

“What happened to being considerate?” I smiled.

“Blame it on the alcohol,” she said, shrugging.

“I’m Jack.”

“Kelly.”

And that was how it all started.
______

“You suck at this!” Kelly jeered, picking up another ball and tossing it perfectly into the net in front of her. “You know,” I said as I took another shot. “I’m starting to think that you’re not considerate at all.” We were in a gaming arcade – her idea of cheering the both of us up – and she’d gone straight to the two-player basketball game. I was terrible at it, but Kelly threw the balls straight into the net in front of her with such ease it was as though she was going to be the next member of the NBA or something.

When the game was over, she’d won. The machine spat out a load of tickets on her side. I groaned and leant against the machine, watching Kelly collect her winnings. She was beautiful. But it was her personality that I’d noticed first. That had never happened for me before. Whenever I met a girl, I always assessed her looks first, gave her a full once-over, really checked her out. But there was a part of me that respected Kelly so much.

Kelly was beautiful inside and out. Her blonde hair fell just over her shoulders, framing her pale face perfectly. She was slim, her skinny jeans fitting her perfectly. Her mouth was perfect and her smile lit up her whole face. But it was her eyes that really got to me. they stood out against her pale complexion and pierced right through me, as though Kelly was looking not at me, but right at my soul. It was eerily compelling.

“What game next, Jacko?” She asked me now, folding her tickets carefully and putting them in her back jean’s pocket. I glanced around the small, empty arcade and my eyes landed on the racing cars. “I’m a beast at racing cars,” she said. “No one can compare.” I raised my eyebrows at her before racing over to the machine. “I’ll take that as a challenge,” I said, dropping a few coins into the machine and leaning back in the seat, gripping the steering wheel tightly. Kelly did the same. “I will accept that challenge,” she said, a smirk clear on her face.

The game started up and we were off, wheels skidding on-screen. Kelly immediately raced ahead, her bright red car surpassing mine easily. I switched lanes, avoiding all the other cars in an attempt to catch up. It took me two entire laps of the track before I passed her. “No way!” Kelly hollered, as my blue car passed her red one on the final lap. I smirked and turned the next corner, pulling ahead of her even more. “This is war,” she grumbled, slamming her pedal with her foot.

I won.

I turned and looked straight at Kelly, a triumphant smile on my face. She scowled at me. “I demand a re-match,” she said seriously, as my machine started spewing out tickets. “No way!” I said. “I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead.” Kelly gave me a look that said that was not an option. I sighed and fed a few more coins into the machine. She did the same. “You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment,” I said with a smirk, glancing sideways at her. She slammed down on her pedal. The race had started and I’d missed it by looking at her. I cursed and turned back to the screen, pressing down on my pedal and gripping my steering wheel, desperately trying to catch up. I didn’t. Not for the entire three laps. She won.

“Player two, winner!” She hollered, getting up out of her seat. “Aw, yeah! Five second victory dance!” She started dancing erratically, waving her arms in the air and shaking her perfect little ass, moving in circles. She completed the dance and sat down, her smile stretching across her face.

I just looked at her.

“What?” She asked, suddenly defendant. “That game didn’t count,” I said bluntly, still staring at her. “Why the hell not?” She replied. “You got a head start. I wasn’t looking,” I said. “And who’s fault is that? Suck it up, motherfucker! You were beaten by a girl!”

I laughed and leant back in my seat, resting my cheek against the back of it as Kelly collected her tickets and began folding them neatly. I noticed now that she was wearing a Fall Out Boy tour shirt. “So, you like Fall Out Boy, huh?” I asked her casually. “Like is an understatement,” she said, smiling. “Fall Out Boy are my life.” I smiled at her. “Yeah, they’re pretty good,” I said. “Just ‘pretty good?’ Are you a fucking mentalist? Fall Out Boy are legend.”

I laughed and looked back at my screen. “Do you wanna get out of here?” Kelly asked me, noticing the sudden drop in my mood. “But where would we go?” I asked her. She raised her eyebrows at me and shoved me in the shoulder as she stood up. “Who gives a fuck? Who plans anything these days anyway?” I laughed and followed her to the counter where we turned over all our tickets. I told Kelly she could choose the prize. We ended up with His and Her shot glasses. Kelly handed me the His glass with a solemn expression on her face.

“Take this and drink, in remembrance of me,” she said seriously, adding a little bow. I laughed loudly. It was genuine. “I wouldn’t have taken you to be sacrilegious,” I said, pocketing the small glass. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” she said. I nodded. “Hopefully I’ll get to find out,” I said, surprising myself with my attempt at flirting with her.

“So,” I said, as we walked up the street. “You play any instruments?” Kelly looked at me oddly. “What kind of a question is that?” She asked me. “Well, I just figured, Fall Out Boy being your life and all that, you woulda’ picked up a guitar and got inspired, or some shit like that.” Kelly laughed and shook her head. “I’ve been dying to learn guitar. I’ve tried to teach myself, but I’m hopeless. You?” I smiled and looked straight ahead, hoping that she’d heard of my band. “I play guitar in a band. That’s why I’m here. It’s a stop-over on our tour,” I said. Kelly’s eyes widened. “That is so fucking awesome!” She exclaimed, stopping in her tracks. “What’s your band called?”

I smirked. “All Time Low,” I said. Kelly started laughing hysterically, clutching at her stomach for air. “What’s so funny?” I asked her, raising my eyebrows. “Oh, Mother Teresa, hold me!” She said as she continued to laugh.

“Oh, holy sweet Jesus and all the saints and all the apostles!” She hollered as she laughed. She was on the ground now, clutching her stomach. I sat down on the curb beside her, staring at her curiously. When she finally stopped laughing, she pulled her wallet out of her back pocket and retrieved a piece of paper from it. “What’s that?” I asked her. She silently handed it over. It was a ticket to our show the following night.

“No fucking way,” I said, laughing a little myself. “And that, my friend, is what you call irony,” Kelly said, smiling widely. “You’re a fan and you didn’t recognize me?” I asked her in disbelief. “Not exactly,” she said. I just looked at her.

“That’s not my ticket. My best friend is, well, was obsessed with you guys. She begged me for months to go to a concert with her. I finally agreed. I only have the one ticket now. Had to sell hers. But I told myself I’d still go, just for her.” Kelly’s voice was soft, and I noticed her eyes had glazed over and she looked across the street, her face blank.

“Where’s your friend now?” I asked her.

“She died.”

“Shit, Kelly. I’m sorry…” I started to say, but she cut me off.

“Hey, don’t sweat it. People die all the time, right?”

“I wish I knew what to say,” I said, looking down at my feet.

“Nothing you can say will bring her back, so just don’t,” Kelly said, a tear escaping the corner of her eye and sliding down her face. She wiped it away with the back of her hand.

“You wanna talk about it?” I asked her. “I’ll listen.”

“She’d be turning in her grave right now,” Kelly said with a small smile. “Me sitting with the guitarist of her favourite fucking band in the whole world. She’d be furious!” I smiled and nodded for her to continue.

“She was a pain in the ass, you know. Argumentive, impatient, obnoxiously loud. Her stupid accent drove me crazy. That crazy bitch. You couldn’t take her anywhere. She was a real embarrassment. But now that she’s gone, I just really miss it, you know? I just, I just want her back. Just for one night. One hour. Even one minute would be enough.”

“That’s the thing about losing people,” I said. “When they leave, you just feel lost.”

We both remained silent for a few minutes, staring straight across the road. It started to rain, but we ignored it, both caught up in our own little world on the side of that damn street. “What was her name?” I asked after a moment. “Rebekah,” Kelly said, glancing up at me. “She came over here from Australia for me, you know. We met on the internet. She came here for college. And I can’t help but blame myself. If she hadn’t met me, if she hadn’t come here, if she hadn’t been in that car, on that street, on that day, at that time…she’d still be here. And we’d be back at our shitty apartment, fighting over the remote control and abusing the fuck out of each other. And even though we always gave each other a hard time, I really fucking loved her, you know? She was like family to me.”

I didn’t know what to say. What could I say? She’d lost her best friend. I had no idea what I’d do if Alex or Roxxie died. I’d probably hurl myself off the nearest cliff. So I did what I felt I should. I pulled her into a tight hug and let her cry. We weren’t strangers any more. We were two people that had been through hell and back, clinging to each other on the side of the street in the pouring rain. Two people who were both lost, and now more than anything, we needed to be found.