Some Say This Can't Be Real.

I drove until nightfall, which brought me just past Las Vegas. As I checked into yet another cheap motel, I grabbed my belongings and went to my room. The first thing I wanted to do was shower. After showering, I laid in bed, watching some sort of news through the static. Every TV station was distorted, but the sound helped me think. I reached into my toiletry bag and pulled out the familiar orange canister. Prescription pills. I had one as a sleep aid, and another to help with anxiety. After I got to Chicago, I wasn’t sleeping at night. My mind would wander constantly. Anytime I did fall asleep, I would have nightmares. As much as I repressed the memory, it always came back when I would fall asleep. For three years I’ve been on these pills, and I was slowly trying to wean myself off of them.

I wanted to go back, but I didn’t want to leave what I had in Chicago. I had great new friends, a steady job, and I loved life. On the other hand, I had a life in Huntington as well. Family was the big one. My brother was there. He was the only person I could confide in aside from Jimmy when it came to the guys. Jimmy was now gone, and I didn’t have anybody else. Talking to Johnny today lifted a tremendous weight off my shoulders though.

I hated having these huge mental debates with myself. They drove me near insanity. They almost made me rip out my hair. I scrolled through the numbers in my phone until I found the one I was looking for. Just like with Johnny’s door buzzer, my finger once again hovered over a button. I figured if I needed any guidance, this person would be the one to help me out. I pressed the button, holding the phone to my ear.

“Hello?” a cheerful, yet questioning voice answered.

“Valary?” I asked quietly.

“Yep, that’s me. Who’s this?”

“It’s Lisa.”

I pictured her facial expression as she heard my name. I couldn’t have been too far off either, as I heard Matt’s voice in the background asking her who was on the phone. “It’s an old friend, now shoo,” she said to him. “So, how are you?” she asked to me.

“I’m fine.”

“That’s good-oh hold on, the guys are coming over.”

I could hear her shuffling around, and I heard his voice in the background, shouting as he walked in. “Guess who showed back up today?” He asked. I couldn’t hear the rest of the words as the voices disappeared.

“Lis?”

“Still here.”

“So you’re in town? Brian just walked in telling us.”

“I was in town. I needed to visit Jimmy, to see that it was for real.”

“Ah, of course. A tragic loss for us all.” Her voice suddenly sounded upset. “Did you go see Johnny?”

“I did. I’m contemplating coming back for good. I’m just not sure.”

“Honey, you need to do what you think is right. Of course we all would love to have you back, but we can’t force you if you don’t want to.”

The words poured from me as I explained to her where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing, and why I left in the first place. Out of everybody, excluding my brother, Valary was another one I was comfortable talking to. Obviously about girl issues, but we understood each other as well. She was my best female friend, the sister I never had.

“Well like I said, we can’t force you to come back, but from my views, I would like to have you back. You’re like my long lost little sister.”

“I might, I’m thinking about it a lot since I saw Johnny. I told him a lot about what I had on my mind. I know that everyone wants me to come back.”

“You have a home here, you know that.”

“I know. I’m on my way back to Chicago. I’m going to think about it more, then I’ll let you and Johnny know when and what I decide. I’ll be in touch.”

“That’s good to hear, and I’m glad you’re alive and well. We were all scared for a while there.”

“I’m sure you were. Thanks, Val.”

“Anytime.”

I hung up the phone, and was finally tired enough to try and go to sleep. Surprisingly enough, I fell into a deep sleep quite quickly.

“Hey, Lis! The guys and myself are all going out tonight. Will you be okay alone?” Johnny called into my room.

“Johnny, I’m nineteen. I think I’ll be fine.”

“Just making sure, because mom and dad are gone for the weekend.” He appeared in my doorway.

“Dude! Nineteen! Adult!” I retorted.

“Johnny, come on! She’ll be fine, who’d wanna break in and kidnap her anyways?” I heard Brian ask from downstairs.

I sighed, hearing yet another one of Brian’s comments against me. I never knew why he hated me, or why he always picked on me. Any attempt to ask him just resulted in another negative comment. Johnny and the other guys would attempt to defend me against them, but I told them to just give it up. They left, I had the house to myself. After showering, I blasted music and enjoyed my alone time, walking around in just a towel. As midnight approached, the house was still quiet, and I decided to call it a night.

Dead asleep until my bed dipped, jolting me awake just a bit. I thought nothing of it, thinking I just had one of my random twitches. I started dozing off again until the faint smell of alcohol tingled my nostrils. I realized that I wasn’t alone in my room.

“I like you a lot, but why can’t I bring myself to tell you? Let alone even be nice to you,” a familiar slurred voice said. “I guess it’s because I don’t need the guys ridiculing me about it.”

I laid there, listening, still pretending to be asleep.

“Ever since I first saw you I liked you, and as I fell more and more in love, I also turned into an asshole to you. I regret all of it, and I wish I can take it back.”

The bed lifted, and soft footsteps headed towards my door, walking out and closing it. I sat up, staring at the door.

“Brian, if you love me, then just come out with it,” I said. “Fuck what they think.”

My eyes fluttered open. Surprising to me that it was a normal dream and not a nightmare like I would usually have. I turned over to get into a new comfortable position, almost instantly falling back to sleep.