Some Say This Can't Be Real.

Another day and a half of driving and I arrived back in Chicago. It felt strange being back here. I walked into my shared apartment. Neither Amy nor Karlee were home, which put me more at ease. I wasn’t in the mood for twenty questions right now. Being two friends of mine, they would get quite annoying. Worst of all, they hadn’t the slightest idea of who I really was. As a band, we cited Avenged Sevenfold as one of our influences, because we were fans. I hid my past from them well, because I knew they would freak out.

I showered, unpacked, reorganized, then laid in bed. I as almost asleep when I heard the door open.

“Lisa! We saw your car, where are you!?” Amy’s voice sang through the halls.

“In my room!” I called back.

“So, how did it go?” she asked, appearing in my doorway.

“I took a road trip to clear my mind. It went okay.”

“Where did you go anyways?”

“Somewhere to get closure.”

“So like usual, you’re still keeping your past shrouded in darkness.”

I had suddenly decided that I wanted to tell them. “Go get Karlee and meet me in the kitchen in five.”

I rustled around my room for a moment, finding my locked box. I opened it, grabbed what I needed, then went to the kitchen. They both were sitting there, waiting for me. I sat across from them, holding a short stack of pictures in my hand.

“This first picture I’m going to show you is my brother and myself, at my high school graduation.” I slid the picture to them and turned it over.

Both of them gasped upon recognition of my brother, then looked back at me for explanation.

“I’m originally from Huntington Beach, Johnny is my older brother. I know them all. I went back to visit Jimmy’s grave, because he was one of the closest friends I ever had, and he is the reason I’m playing drums today.”

“So why did you leave? You had it all out there.” Karlee said.

“There was some unpleasantness. A horrible memory I repressed shortly after getting on my medications out here. Like I said, I know them all, but it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m friends with them all.”

“So what happened?” Amy asked.

“Something between Brian and myself. He always tried to make me miserable. One night, I just up and left without a word to anybody.”

“So when you went back, did you see them?” Karlee asked.

“I didn’t intend to, but at the cemetery, I ran into Brian, and he pretty much threatened me into going to see Johnny. I had a good talk with my brother, and right now I’m facing the dilemma of going back to live there, or stay here.”

“Here’s my opinion…” Amy started. “Yes, you have a new life out here, and you have us, as well as our band and our small crew, but out there, you had everything. Better friends, family, your brother, and the chance to not have to watch how much money you spend.”

“It’s not about the money. I wouldn’t mooch money off of them. I would just get a job.”

“From our honest opinion, you should go back. It would give you all the closure you need. At least go tie up all your loose ends,” Karlee said.

“It’s more complicated than that. It’s just too sensitive to talk about. Brian fully knows what he did, and he fully knows he drove me out of town, but to be blunt, I despise his existence. Right now, everything is up in the air. I’m staying here for the time being, but it would be wise for you guys to find a replacement in the band for me, or prepare to end it and get jobs.”

“Understood. My brother plays drums, so he might be interested,” Amy said. “No matter where you go though, you’ll always have us.”

I nodded with a smile. They were good friends to me, but I couldn’t bring myself to fully open up to them. It took three years alone to let them into this part of my past, so imagine if there was anything bigger. Somehow, my mind was telling me that I would end up going back eventually. I owed it to myself to get to the bottom of everything.

“Okay, as much as we’re glad you told us some stuff, it got too depressing,” Karlee said. “We need to go out.”

“How about later?” I asked. “I’d like a nap, I have been driving forever.”

A nap was agreed upon, and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

“Johnny? I got in a huge fight with dad, can I come stay with you for a bit?” I asked.

“Sure thing, come on over.”

I packed up a few things I needed, jumped in my car, and sped off towards Johnny’s apartment. He answered the door, looking at me questioningly.

“He was drunk, I don’t even want to talk about it,” I said as I followed him to the guest bedroom.

“You don’t have to. I know how he can get. Just relax, spend a day or two here and let him cool off.” He was trying to calm me down. “I was gonna go out with the guys tonight, but if you want I can stay home and we can have brother and sister time.”

“It’s fine, you can go out. I’m going to sleep soon.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

He left, I got changed and laid down, trying to relax. My dad infuriated me sometimes, over the dumbest little things too. It took almost an hour and a half, but I finally relaxed enough to fall asleep. I have no idea how much time passed until the bed dipped. Like usual, I assumed it was one of my twitches and began to doze off again. Someone started rubbing my back, almost sending me back into a deep sleep.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” a slurred voice whispered. “I wish I never was an asshole to you. We could be dating, we could be lovers…” He paused. “…and I’d have someone great to come home and fuck every damn night.”

His words alarmed me, but I didn’t do anything. He continued gently rubbing my back. I thought nothing of it until I felt his hand now under my shirt. I continued to lay there, figuring out the situation. He brushed the hair away from my neck, and the smell of Jack Daniels became stronger as he leaned over me. The alcohol smell was almost making me nauseous. I felt his lips touch my neck, near my hairline behind my earlobe. One of my spots, but how did he know?

“So fucking beautiful. What I wouldn’t give for one night with you. To make you scream, to let me just ravage you for one night.”

Chills raced through my body, and if I didn’t react now, I might regret it soon. At the same second I went to roll over and cuss him out, he grabbed my shoulders, pulled me, and pushed me onto my back.

“Brian, get the fuck out of my room!” I shouted.

“You were never asleep anytime I’ve been in here. I’m not an idiot. You know how I feel about you.”

“I do, just come talk to me when you’re sober.”

“When I’m sober, that’s when I’m with the guys.”

“So? Fuck what they think,” I said, trying to squirm out from his grip.

“Just this once, then I’ll back off and figure myself out.”

“No,” I said firmly. “Get out.” I continued to try and escape his grip, but it wasn’t working.

His grip tightened as he climbed onto the bed and straddled me, despite my protests. My struggles weren’t getting me anywhere, so I just gave in.