Some Say This Can't Be Real.

I obviously had a few rough experiences with having to say goodbye to people, even if it was only temporary, but having to say goodbye to Zack as he was getting ready to leave with the band for a European tour was probably the hardest. I knew they'd be back before Christmas, but we were missing Johnny's birthday, as well as Zack's and my own.

When his alarm was ringing at three in the morning, my heart sank as I opened my eyes to the early morning darkness, and to the reality. I groaned sleepily and rolled onto my side, cuddling against him. “I don't want you to go, baby,” I whispered into his neck.

“I know, but it won't be long, and you'll be busy. The time will fly.”

He was right. I was staying behind, but I'd have my hands full the whole time. Between keeping checks on his apartment and my brother's, and helping out with his clothing line, that would take up a good amount of time. I also had my friends with me and we were going to try and write some new songs and get our band better organized for when we tried to tour again. Lastly, there was Leana with the baby, and while she was trying to get back into the swing of her own life and going back to work, I told her that I'd help out and babysit if she needed me to.

“Baby, I gotta get up before I fall back to sleep and miss the flight,” he whispered, breaking into the silence.

“No,” I groaned, holding him tighter.

Before he had gotten a chance to respond, a sudden wave of nausea had washed over me, and I jumped out of bed, running for the bathroom. It's been happening since the tour, though recently it had become more frequent. I hadn't felt too great the past two weeks, and figured that I had come down with some kind of stomach virus. A lot of emotional factors contributed too. I've had dealt with stress reactions before, and they often caused me to get sick to my stomach.

Like clockwork, Zack was in the bathroom, rubbing my back and holding my hair as my stomach emptied. Once I was done heaving, I sat back while he got me a cup of water. He sighed, sitting on the edge of the tub. “Lisa, there has to be a reason why you're getting sick a lot recently. And you can't keep using the tour recovery excuse, because that was over a month ago.”

“You're going overseas. Baby, we haven't really been apart since I came back. I'm just having stress reactions, and those make me sick. I've had them before.”

I could see the uneasy look on his face as he stared at me for a moment. “I don't want to bring this up right as I'm about to be leaving, but have you thought about the possibility that you could be-”

“I'm not pregnant, Zack.” I cut him off. “I did get my period, remember? I felt better that week and the week after, but then I started thinking about how you were leaving and it upset me. Valary went through the same thing, and she's not pregnant.”

“Okay, here's how I feel. I think that you should take a test anyways. Just confirm it so it puts both of our minds at ease. Because since we've been back, things have been a little different, and I've been really worried about you.”

I exhaled sharply as I stood up to put the cup back on the sink. “Fine. I'll take one and then I'll e-mail you or whatever when it comes up negative.” I knew my voice was laced with sarcasm and frustration, but I didn't really care right now.

“Sweetheart, you really don't need to get so defensive about it. Please relax. Come here.” He held his arms out to me. I went to where he was still sitting and he hugged my waist. “I just don't like seeing you this way. I love you too much for you to be upset.”

I ran my fingers through his hair, hugging his head gently as it rested against my stomach. “I love you too.” He stood after a moment and held my body against his and my head now rested against his chest. “Zacky, you're my life, and you're my everything. I know I've been moody lately, but I just haven't been feeling too great. I was fine for a bit there, but then I knew you were going to be leaving.”

“I understand why you're upset. I've gotta get ready to go now. They're gonna be here in like a half an hour, and I'm sure you wanna say bye to Johnny too.”

I nodded and both of us went back to the bedroom where he grabbed his last few things. I helped him bring his bags to the front as they all busted in, somehow full of energy. After a few minutes hanging out, I said my goodbyes to them. While Matt and Brian brought Zack's things downstairs, I hugged my brother tightly and said bye to him. Then they left me alone with my boyfriend.

“We'll be back in a few weeks, don't worry, baby.” His lips touched my forehead. “You'll be so busy with things that the time will fly by, and we'll be home before you know it.” I nodded, unable to speak because I knew I'd cry if I did. “I love you, so much. Okay?”

“I love you too,” I squeaked against his chest.

I watched him walk out and down the hallway. I knew it was only for a few weeks, but it still had felt like my life was walking away from me. It was then that I had realized how everyone must've felt when I left without a word. After wiping the few tears that had fallen down my cheeks, I went back inside and back to bed. The bed instantly felt lonely, like he had been gone for months already. I grabbed one of his pillows and hugged it tightly, breathing in his scent that lingered in the fabric pillowcase. It was just enough to help me relax and not feel as lonely as I drifted back to sleep.

I'd slept for a few more hours until my ringing phone woke me up. With a groan, I rolled over to grab it off the nightstand and answer it. It was one of Zack's friends at his office asking if I could come in for a few hours and help pack some shipments because a few people had gotten sick. I got up, showered and was at the office within an hour of the call.

A few hours passed quickly and I left when it was dying down. As I was leaving, Amy called me and asked to hang out with them and talk band talk. After stopping by my brother's to grab the mail, I went over to my friends' apartment. I walked in to silence, calling out to my friends who didn't answer. “Really guys?” I said to myself. “Ask me to come over and they're not even home.” I sighed and helped myself to the refrigerator to get something to drink.

“They went to pick up some food,” Arin's said behind me, causing me to jump and smack my head on the fridge.

I groaned and rubbed my head as Arin apologized for startling me. “Cool. I was about to say, they wanted me to come over, and then to actually come and they're not around...” I trailed off and laughed as I went to sit on the couch.

Arin came and sat next to me. We talked about what we were up to for the past few weeks, which wasn't much except for relaxing after the tour. I couldn't thank him enough for all of his help on the tour and helping me out towards the end when I was getting more stressed out. I couldn't even lie on the fact that in the short time that I've known him, I've just about grown to love him to death. He was a great person all around, just like his sister. If I had gotten to known him while I was in Chicago, I probably would've tried dating him. Of course though, Zack was in my life, and I knew he wasn't leaving anytime soon. I could even tell that Arin had started to like me, but he knew that I was happily taken. I could easily admit that this kid could quite possibly be the next closest friend I've had since I had Jimmy.

Our conversation was interrupted by Karlee and Amy walking in with pizza and drinks. “We also figured that on top of the band talk, we could have a few drinks, because we know you're lonely,” Amy said, holding up two liquor bottles.

“Fuck yeah!” I shouted, jumping up to grab one of the bottles.

After a few hours of pizza, drinks, and band talk, we settled into more drinks with some video games and then a movie to wind down the night. Soon enough, Amy and myself were taking Karlee to her room to pass out, and then not too long after that, Arin and myself were helping Amy to her room. The two of us continued watching the movie for a while longer, but I didn't make it to the end before I fell asleep myself on the reclining chair.

I remembered waking up once during the night to a dark and silent living room and seeing the couch pulled out to a bed with Arin sleeping soundly on it. With a small smile and a cramp in my neck, I got up from the chair and climbed into the empty side of the full sized mattress. It wasn't as cushy as the chair, but I was able to get comfortable quite quickly and fall back to sleep.

“I'm sorry, I know she's happy with Zacky, but that is just too adorable,” I heard Amy's voice whisper as light began to filter through my eyelids.

“Hurry and take the picture,” Karlee whispered.

As I was waking up, I felt a pair of arms around my waist and someone breathing against my neck. I lifted my head and turned to see Arin still sound asleep, then turned to my friends who were standing at the foot of the fold-out bed. “What time is it?”

“Almost noon, sorry to wake you, but we'd really like to watch TV and stuff. ARIN! Wake the fuck up!” Amy shouted, jumping in the air and landing somewhat in between us.

Both of us groaned and while she woke her brother, I was untangling myself from his arms and the blanket before sprinting to the bathroom. I didn't really feel hungover, but I knew it was why I was emptying everything I ate last night into the toilet. I groaned again as I leaned back against the tub.

“You alright?” Karlee asked, leaning against the door frame.

“I'm never drinking again,” I muttered as I flushed the toilet and stood up to wash my mouth out. “I'll be out there in a second.” After I cleaned up and got my composure back, I joined the three back in the living room where they were entranced in something on TV. “What are you guys watching?” I asked as I sat in the chair.

Amy leaned over. “Karlee is addicted to this show. It's called 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant.'”