The Dating Rules of a Record Label

March

I swear this fish is still alive. If you look closely, you can see its gills softly flapping. Maybe it's my imagination. I really do hope it is.

"Kaya stop prodding your fish with the fork," Yumi says.

"Why not?" I ask, "Nae is doing the same thing with her fish!" I reply and put down my fork.

"Because it's the wrong fork. That's the desert fork," Yumi smiles and, in a posh manner, elegantly takes a small piece of her steak and puts it in her mouth via the "correct" fork.

"Moooo..." Jazzie smirks and I laugh with a full mouth at Yumi.

Yumi glares at her, "What?"

"That steak is extremely medium rare. Look- the blood is still oozing out. Is the blood seasoned too?" Jazzie giggles.

"You can still hear it moo-ing." I chuckle.

"Oh shut up," Yumi snaps and continues to properly eat her fancy, expensive dinner.

I catch Nae trying not to laugh behind her desert menu. Yumi, Jazzie, Nae and I decided to have a nice fancy dinner like those posh celebrities. I was only joking when we thought of it this morning but Yumi took her roll very seriously.

I am never going to grow up am I? I'm just some wealthy, lucky, lazy, good-for-nothing girl-slash-woman. I want to be more than that- something good- to make my parents proud.

I seriously begin to try to imitate Yumi and Nae's gracefulness at the dinner table. Jazzie and I struggled too much. I should have taken etiquette lessons when I had the chance.

The four of us walked out of the restaurant casually. Yumi began lighting a cigarette but threw it away once we heard and saw flashing cameras. I swear I didn't know cameras would be waiting out in the cold for me! But once I had my right black boot outside on the gray pavement, a crowd of people began calling my name and taking pictures.

"Hi," I smile quickly and begin to walk to Nae's car. But which way? Oh man! I forgot if she parked left or right of the restaurant. See? This is why I fail as a person.

"Hey, Kaya, one picture, love!" Someone says.

I ignore him and realize I was separated from my group of friends. I bet that was there plan: Separate the weak from the strong. It's like a jungle here- prey verses predator in the land of the rich and famous.

I was alone in this tight circle of people.

Except for Jazzie.

Which I didn't like.

No! Don't get me wrong! I love hanging with Jazzie! It's just that people know Jazzie Poynter too. She is Dougie Poynter's little sister. Who wouldn't know her? Don't anyone dare raise their hands! If they saw Jazzie with me, they'll make a small connection. And small connections turn into big connections.

"Hey Jazzie," someone cooed, "You made friends with Sambora eh? Kaya are you befriending all the Poynters?" I'm not befriending all of them. I'm just currently in a hot steamy relationship with one and everyone else I only befriended.

"Where did Yumi and Nae go?" Jazzie asks me.

"I think Nae parked little bit down here." I started walking through the crowed of photographers. I had to push around for Jazzie to get through. Now is the time to have super Karlie to help me! But she's not here. She's in her nice, warm home, sleeping.

Lucky

I began to get annoyed at the flashing lights in my face. And everyone kept closing in on me! Really, it's nice that I'm the object of their cameras, but come on now! They don't have to zoom on the spot on my chin!

*******************************************************************************

"Junk mail, tabloid, high electric bill, junk mail, oops I accidentally have a love letter for my neighbor, another bill- Jazzie on a tabloid?" I ask out loud. It was quite pathetic- talking to myself and all. It gets lonely sometimes in this flat. Tom moved out to be with the love of his life and I, in my early twenties, only now realized that Zukie cannot talk nor will he ever talk.
I throw the post on the kitchen counter and walk to my favorite seat right in front of the large plasma screen television. But I can't sit down. Jazzie took over my home theatre room and she's using the "sibling bonding" thing as her excuse.

"Don't you have a home?" I ask my little sister. I fall on the sofa and stretch. I've been relaxing all day, waiting for Kaya to come over. She had just called and said that Yumi got her naval pierced and she had to catch Yumi when she fainted. But Yumi didn't faint. Danny did! Harry just phoned as well and he was laughing his buttocks off. I wish I was there to see it. But I don't trust Jazzie alone in my flat. When we were kids, our mum went out to run errands and Jazzie invited all her little friends over. They tried putting makeup on me.

"Jazzie!" I yell.

"What?" She whines, still watching television.

"Don't you have a home?" I ask.

"Yeah of course I do!" She replies and gives me a small scowl, "There's mum's house and Nan’s house and my bachelorette pad," She counts with her fingers.

"...Jazzie..." I begin to whine, "Go home! Away from my television set!"

"But Doug-lASS, I like your television set! It's so big!" Jazzie's eyes light up.

I eat some crisps and prop my feet upon the coffee table, "Fine. I'll just entertain myself by embarrassing you, miss 'I have chocolate stains on the corner of my lips.'"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh nothing," I shrug and pretend that I'm suddenly interested in game shows. I can see Jazzie from the corner of my eyes wipe her mouth and check her small compact mirror just in case.

"There's nothing on my face!" Jazzie replies.

I look at her and smile mischievously, "There isn't right now, but there was." I feel smart.

"What are you talking about?" Jazzie snaps, getting impatient, "You don't have chocolate here!"

I suddenly remember Kaya eating every bit of chocolate I had in this place two days ago. She looked so happy sitting on the counter and throwing away the coconut-filled pieces. She hates those. I smile again and begin to read a tabloid, "Little Jazzie Poynter, sister of Dougie Poynter, loves chocolate! Everyone can tell by the chocolate bits hanging on at the corners of her mouth!" I laugh.

Jazzie's jaw drops and she jumps at me to get the tabloid, but I, being older and taller, jump out of the way. I continue to read, "Kaya Sambora is so immersed in trying to find her unidentified friend's car, she didn't notice what was on her new friend's face," I laugh more, picturing my girlfriend getting lost when trying to find her car. She always gets lost. It's so cute when she frowns and thinks really hard to remember.

"Let me see the sodding magazine, you fucker!" Jazzie yells and jumps on my back. I feel a hard force ram into my back as Jazzie snatches the tabloid out of my hands.

"Ouch, Jazzie that hurt!"

"That's what you get," She replies quickly and it was like she was talking to herself as she read. After each sentence, her mouth kept on getting bigger and bigger. By the time she was finished with the article, her eyes were as big as her mouth and I can just hear the curse words forming in her head.

"I am not an unidentified, chocolate-covered-mouthed friend! And I'm not just Dougie Poynter's little wild sister!" She stutters.

I look at Jazzie as she continues to ramble on and on about the press being unfair, "Jazzie, I think you're a bit too sensitive to all this. It was just once and that's the price you have to pay when walking around with someone famous."

"I know that!" She snaps, "But I'm pissed off because they stepped on my foot! I had not one, not two, not three, but four blokes step on my feet! Stop laughing! I'm nursing a bruised foot and you're laughing, you cock head!"

*******

A girl has never made me this nervous. A girl has never made me have the desire to try to impress her and be everything she has ever dreamed of. Kaya makes everything seem in place, with nothing wrong. How such perfection like her came into my life is unbelievable because I'm not perfect.

"Hey Dougie, where's the 'Silence of the Lambs?'" Kaya asks me from the other room.

"Shit," I mumble as I try not to burn my finger, "Erm...top shelf next to Saw II." She was into watching horror movies tonight. I'm all for it. If she gets scared, I'll be her pillow. Or maybe she'll be mine because I can get scared crapless sometimes. Must I remember the time McFLY went on "Most Haunted”?

"I hope I don't over-cook the pasta," I mumble to myself. What was I thinking? I can't cook!

"You don't have to cook," I hear Kaya chuckle and I feel her hands slide around my waist. I love her hands and how soft they were. Her touch was light but I felt how tight and smooth they glided across my abdomen. I feel her lips touch the cotton on the back of my shirt and I try to keep it together so I wouldn't just have her then and there.

"But I want to cook for you. Its good practice," I smile as she moves next to me. I could smell her sweet perfume over the pasta.

"Dougie," Kaya giggles and looks at me, "You over-cooked the noodles!" He bright eyes shone with laughter.

I take my eyes off of her and realize that the yellow noodles were way too soft to be considered solid, "crap..." I quickly turn off the stove, "Erm..." I curse myself for trying to cook, "Take-away? Greek?" I smile. I have to get dinner for Kaya somehow. I notice how the press always covers her as always eating even though she's thin and to me, she's beautiful just the way she is, but I'm a little worried that someday it will all get to her personally even though she's strong.

Kaya smiles and looks into my eyes, "I'll call and order your favorite dish, but I'll have to hide when the delivery boy comes," She stands on her toes, puts her hands on my shoulders and softly kisses me. I kiss her more as my hands slide around her waist, gluing her closely to me. My hands began to roam up her back and I could help but run them through her hair. My lips left her mouth as they trailed down her neck. She smells so sweet and her skin was soft and warm, it was hard to control the desire to pick her up and go to my room. But Kaya said she was starving and here I was with my lips roaming all over her face as she stood there. I opened my eyes to find her eyes closed. And my gut did a nice back flip when I saw her smiling.

"You sure do know how to distract a girl," Kaya opens her eyes. I flash her a grin. I couldn't find words to describe how happy she made me. I watch her lightly and quickly tip toe to the phone. She was so cute when she did that and she knew I went crazy when she ran a hand through her hair, which she just did as she politely talked on the phone. She smiles at me as she ordered our food and I know, I absolutely know, that I found someone worth more than anything I've ever wanted.

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"So we'll just pretend that you cooked that really good lamb and potatoes," I smile and crawl into Dougie's bed after I took a nice, hot shower (alone). Dougie laughed and took off his cool Billabong necklace but kept on the plectrum necklace I gave him for Christmas. Then he took off his shirt.

"Okay, yeah the guys will definitely believe that I cooked a three course meal without burning down the whole place. You know," Dougie thinks as I cuddle up to him, "Harry gave me an extra fire extinguisher just in case when he found out I was cooking tonight."

I laugh and take Dougie's necklace out of his hands. I put it on and Dougie smiles at me. It went well with my white tank top. "Oh...is it okay if I wear your necklace?" I ask as I entwine my legs around his legs. I'm sleeping over tonight. I'm even wearing my dorky Cinderella pajama pants.

"Yeah it's fine." He leans over to kiss me but he stops short just before his lips collided with mine.

"What?" I ask, disappointed he stopped.

Dougie looks into my eyes and smiles, "You're beautiful."

I close the gap between us and press my lips to his, "You're perfect."