Born and Broken Every Single Time.

It had been a few days since I had finally decided in my own mind that moving back to my own house was required. We were back at school, which was the biggest drag ever. In the morning Mikey and I had both forced ourselves up and reluctantly dragged ourselves to school. It wasn’t as bad as we’d imagined but still it was nothing great to behold. The teachers all seemed to be in the same "can’t be bothered" frame of mind for the first few days, thus our classes weren’t requiring of a lot of effort.

Thursday came within the blink of an eye and although most people left school thanking God that there was only one day left until the weekend, I left with a slightly more negative attitude. I’d decided, that day I accepted I had to go home, that today was going to be the day I ventured back just to talk it through. It wasn’t moving back in yet, but today would let me know how hard this was actually going to be. I knew they’d accept me back with open arms at first, but I couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take for things to slip back into their old routine.

As everyone made a mass exit from the building I hugged Mikey goodbye before we set off in our different directions. He had offered to come with me but I reassured him that I would be okay and this was something I had to do myself. Really, I was just terrified nothing had changed and I didn’t want him to see that everyone else was right.

I walked down the streets heading to my real home for the first time in forever, surrounded by scurrying kids and pointless conversation. Although I wasn’t involved in the conversations, I couldn’t help but listen. Some people spoke of how they got in trouble for no homework, others about how they’re "totally getting laid" at a party at the weekend. That one really amused me seeing as the kid who said it looked about 12 and was lucky if he even knew what getting laid was.

I sped up my walk, bypassing all the minions who seemed to just walk in front of me to annoy me. After a few more minutes at my heightened pace I reached my house. I hadn’t told them I was coming around so it would be a surprise for them. I sighed in relief to see my dad’s car in the drive. At least I knew it couldn’t be that horrible with him here.

I walked down the path and rummaged in my pocket for my house key. I stood briefly for a moment, just psyching myself up before putting the key in the lock and letting myself in. I dumped my bag as I closed the door behind me and made my way nervously down the hall. I looked in the living room to find my dad reclined in his chair and watching the television. I walked in and watched as shock took over his expression momentarily before he smiled welcomingly at me.

"Uh, what are you doing here?" he asked. I knew he didn’t mean it in a nasty way, more in a notion of his surprise.

"I-I want to come back," I muttered as I sat down on the sofa opposite him. "I can’t stay with Mikey forever. H-has mum changed?"

"Ask her for yourself," he smiled, indicating behind me. I turned around to see my mother leaning against the door frame, biting her lip nervously.

"I-I can’t give it up Frank," she began shakily. My heart sank. I tore my eyes away from her immediately and just stared at the ground. I didn’t want to cry but hearing her say that was seriously testing me. I just sighed in frustration. "No, no, let me finish. I-I have cut down, a lot, I just can’t totally give it up."

"I knew you couldn’t change," I muttered dejectedly as I stared at the floor, burying my head in my hands.

"She has tried Frank," my dad interjected. I looked up to see how genuine he seemed. I knew he wouldn’t lie for her, but I couldn’t help but feel heartbroken that it hadn’t totally changed. I think deep down I knew this would be the case, but some small part of me hoped it would be perfect and my family could prove everyone else wrong.

"I swear," she pleaded as she walked in front of me, kneeling down so I was forced to look at her. I could see the anguish in her eyes as she tried to persuade me. I didn’t like seeing her seem so desperate to convince me. "I haven’t had much since that day you walked out, I-I just have a little sometimes. You can’t ask me to completely stop, even you drink sometimes."

"But I don’t act like you when I drink," I groaned. "I don’t-"

"I know," she interrupted, looking briefly to the ground. "I’m so sorry Frank, so, so sorry…"

"I’m coming home," I said bluntly, causing her to look up with a glint of hope in her eyes. "I was coming here to tell you that anyway. But if you do anything, anything like you have done, and next time I leave will be the last."

"Thank you," my father smiled. As much as I wanted to play happy families, I couldn’t.

"That goes for you to," I said sternly. "You raise one hand to me and I’m gone. You touch anything in my room again and I’m gone. I still remember how I felt that night, so don’t thank me, you’re in the same boat as her."

"You know I won’t," he mumbled, taken aback slightly at how I was taking control of the situation. I think they both expected me to take his thank you and return it with hugs of gratitude that they were accepting me, but it wasn’t going to happen. Although I knew I was going to come home, I wasn’t going to let them think they were in control. Yes, it was their house and yes, they were my parents but I was coming back on my terms. It was me who moved out and it was them who wanted me back. I wasn’t the one who had to prove anything.

Having said that, I couldn’t be totally hard faced. I leaned down and hugged my mother loosely, feeling her cling to me protectively. She whispered another thank you into my ear before loosening her hold on me. I forced a smile as I stood up.

"I have to go," I muttered. "I was never going to stay long, I said I’d be back for dinner."

"It’s fine," my mother smiled as she stood up. She stood before me just looking at me anxiously as if trying to suss out my next move.

"I guess I’ll see you at the weekend," I shrugged. "Bye."

I smiled weakly before walking out of the room, picking up my bag as I walked out the house and closed the door behind me. I jogged up the path until I was back on the street and didn’t look back, knowing one of them would be looking out the window. I felt a great weight being lifted off my shoulders as I walked through the winding streets back to the Way’s residence. Although that weight had been lifted off me, I suddenly felt the burden of knowing that there was only two weeks before Gerard left and now after my blunt decision, there was only two more nights living in the same house as him.

I felt my heart sink slightly as my thoughts continued along this train of thought, because now it was decided I had to tell him I was moving out. I didn’t think he’d mind, Mikey didn’t, nor did his parents, but I wanted to make sure it was happening before I told him. I didn’t relish the idea of putting the first distance between us but it had to be done, and it had to be done now.

As I reached their house I walked through the door and dumped my bag beside Mikey’s. I took a deep breath as I walked up the stairs. Like I said, it had to be done now. Right now.