Like We Used To

"I told you. I fucking told!" John hissed, violently tugging at the ends of his hair as he swiftly paced the floor, "A fucking pre-school kid would've listened better than you! But no, your wise Mr. O'Callaghan. You know everything."

I didn't dare lift my gaze from the floor, instead I forced my eyes to trail after John's feet, desperately trying to find some sort of comfort.

"Well guess what?" he laughed bitterly, "Mr. O'Callaghan just got shot the fuck down. Kyle doesn't want you. For fuck sakes, I'm starting to believe you two are better off alone!"

"It's okay."

As soon as those two words fell from my lips, I regretted it. It's not okay. It will never be okay until Kyle is mine. However, I believe I can grow to live without Kyle... I mean, it couldn't be that difficult... I was perfectly fine without him.

Dammit. Who am I kidding? I was a fucking wreck before I met him! I was living day to day, not knowing my next move until I made up my mind. Life was tough. I don't think I even-

"And I'm sure as hell not going to put up with your depressed ass!" John exclaimed, "It's not fair for me or you, or anyone else for the matter! You don't deserve this, shit, Kyle doesn't deserve this! You guys, especially you, need to put the past behind you and move the fuck on!"

"I don't want to..."

John paused between breathes, leaning down on his knee to place both of his calloused hands on my cheeks. His gleaming orbs searched mine as he pressed his nose against my own, a small frown tugging at his lips.

"That's what I was afraid of," he murmured, rising to his feet, "Just promise me something, alright?"

"Anything.." I breathed out

"Try to move on."

The mere though of trying to forget Kyle caused tears to spring to my eyes. Shivers erupted over my arms as I pulled my knees to my chest, burying my head and gaze from his view.

"Sure thing."

As soon as the words tumbled from my lips I hurried off to my bunk. I could hear John's faint voice, muttering something about getting a few drinks and then calling it a night.

But that wasn't what caught my interest. It was the fact that Kennedy Brock's head poked into my bunk, offering me a supportive smile.

"You know," he started off, quietly, "John once told me that you had more determination than anyone he knew. Including himself. I know that right know John doesn't seem so sympathetic towards you... But, he's just speaking as an older brother. Deep down, somewhere, he wants you to get what you deserve."

"Do you think that's Kyle?" I ran a hand through my hair, "Kennedy, I don't think I deserve Kyle. I've fucked up far too much and everything is just completely ruined."

"You deserve to be happy," He offered a small smile, "And if you're happy with Kyle... then yeah, you deserve Kyle."

"He doesn't want me..."

"He's just hurt right now," He explained, wiping my damp cheeks, "You of all people know how it feels to be cheated on."

"I didn't-"

"But he doesn't know that." He gave me a knowing look, "I bet you haven't even thought of explaining everything to him, have you?"

"No.." I smile sheepishly, "I just thought that confessing my true feelings would-"

"That's something to start with." He cut me off, "But just, don't give up, okay? No matter what. Even if tour ends and you're still in step one. Fight it."

"Sometimes you're just too wise," I laughed

"Jared's rubbing off on me." He grinned, rising to his feet, carefully stumbling around Pat's junk that harbored every available spot on the floor.

Then a thought struck me.

"Hey, Kennedy,"

He stopped, glancing back at me, "Yeah?"

"Did something happen?" I chose my words carefully, "I mean, you're not the one usually telling me to 'fight' and not to 'give up.' What I'm trying to say is.. well, did someone hurt you?"

"You can say that." He shrugged, "More or less. Doesn't help too much that they didn't know."

"Who is it?" I asked, my eyes lighting up

He chuckled, shaking his head, "Doesn't matter. Things happen, people change."

With that said, he spun around on his heel and began exiting the room. Did he honestly think he was gonna escape me that quick?

"Kennedy!" I called after him

He paused.

"You should take your own advice," I said quickly, "Y'know, I mean, like you said, everyone deserves happiness."

"I know," He nodded, "But they don't deserve me."

"Let's not get dramatic here," I teased, attempting to lighten the tension, "I'm the one with the issues and ex-boyfriend shit."

"Exactly."

He didn't waste a second as he jogged away, his footsteps not faltering. He left me with my jaw hanging open and realization flooding through every vein in my body.

Shit.

________

"....Maybe we should bring him home," Garrett offered, "I'm sure Tim won't mind too much... I mean, technically, it is his fault."

"I just- I don't know," John groaned, "I feel like this is more Kyle's fault. And then again.. I don't know how to feel."

"You can't just blame one of them," Kennedy shook his head, "It's not right. I mean, yeah, maybe Jinx hasn't been the one to blame the most, but still, he has to give Kyle a reason to get upset."

"Are you telling me it's Jinx fault Kyle fucking left him?" John asked quietly, "Kyle's dad is a fucking bastard who can-"

"Calm down!" Kennedy exclaimed, "You can't go getting so worked up! I was just stating a fact, geez."

"Yeah, yeah..."

I sighed before rolling over on my side, pulling the curtain to my bunk shut. I tugged on the duvet, pulling it up and above my head.

Maybe Kennedy is right. I've given Kyle way too many reasons to strike up an argument. I couldn't help but go back and regret the many times Kyle has yelled at me, causing my temper to flare up.