Concrete Castle

-Devon-

Right as I was handing John his soda, my phone rang. I turned it on while making my sandwich. At first, it went nuts with notifications but then went silent once again. Since it was a call and not a text, I glanced at the I.D. it was Charlotte.

“Char? Is everything okay, how is Charlie?”

Charlotte chuckled, “everything is fine, Devon, don’t worry. I was just calling because Baylee mentioned in passing that you had lost your job.”

“Yeah, going on three weeks now.” I sighed.

“Well, I’m getting a shift change at the hospital and it involves picking up more hours and working when Charlie comes home from school. Would you be interested in babysitting him?”

“Of course, I would love to.”

“Okay, if you come over now we can work things out such as pay and hours.”

“Uhhhh, yeah, I’m kind of in California right now.” I admitted, scratching the back of my head.

“You didn’t tell me you were going to California!” Charlotte exclaimed.

“I didn’t even know until it happened…” I chuckled nervously.

“I don’t blame you, though, the weather here is terrible. It’s been raining nonstop since Wednesday.”

We went on talking, arranging times and rates. Charlotte was really generous in giving me ten bucks an hour, especially since I love Charlie. It was more than I got at McDonald’s. She said it was because Charlie would be a handful and I was the only on Charlie would tolerate without her there. And, with Charlie only communicating through sign language, any other babysitter wouldn’t be qualified. She said that I was the cheapest out there. Otherwise, she’d have to get a trained professional, and those were expensive.

After Charlotte and I were done, I looked at John. He seemed to be half asleep, sprawled out on his bed. I took the remote control and started flipping blankly through the channels. Pausing on some crime show, it was enough to bring me back to reality.

He slaughtered his family after snapping from the grief of losing his youngest daughter.

He murdered them.

I shut the T.V. off and inadvertently slammed the remote on the stand. John started awake, seeing me, his eyebrows pulled together. “Daisy? You okay? You look spooked.”

“I’m running, John.” I whispered, placing my face in my hands. “I’m running from it.”

“From what?” He was sitting beside me now, arm around my hunched shoulders.

“Arizona. My past. But I can’t run from myself. I can’t run from how screwed up my life and I are.”

“You’re not screwed up, Daisy.”

I shook my head, and suddenly everything was spilling from my lips about my past. What that man did, how I felt, how I still felt, it was my fault.

This was something not even trained professionals were able to do. I was opening up and talking about things.

To John.

John, who a month ago I wouldn’t even have trusted with giving me the proper time. John, whose arms I was now huddled in. I wasn’t crying, just shaking.

“Shhhh….” John cooed, trying to stop my tremors. “It’s over now, it wasn’t your fault, Daisy. It’s going to be okay.”

I pulled away from him with a rueful chuckle, “Believe it or not, you aren’t the first person to have said that to me. All those people, and so far, I haven’t listened to a single one. Why should you be any different?”

It was a question I had now asked myself a million times before. “Why are you so different?”

John’s eyebrows pulled together, “What do you mean?”

“I could stand you, and now I’m…you’re…we made out on the beach and now I’m telling you my life story! Not even Baylee knows half of that crap! And, why, out of everyone, do I feel safe with you?”

“Calm down, Devon.” John said, grabbing my hands.

Something came over me, and I found myself forcing myself on John. He didn’t protest, or even resist as I kissed him forcefully. I didn’t know what was going on, or why I was acting like this, all I know…

For some reason, I don’t feel empty like this.

My fingers curled in John’s hair, forcing his mouth harder on mine. John lowered my back on the bed while his hand roamed down my side. With my breath starting to get heavy, I pulled away. After a few breaths, I kissed John’s neck. I had no clue what I was going, this was all new to me, but John seemed to like it. The hand that was inching up my shirt gripped my ribcage tighter as he made a weird noise.

“D-Devon.” John gasped out as I started lifting his shirt up. “Hol-hold on a min-minute.”

“What?” I asked breathlessly, dropping my head back to the mattress.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

“Why not?” I was confused, shouldn’t our rolls be reversed? He was a ‘playa’, he was supposed to want this, no questions asked.

“B-because I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“I’m the one who started it.” I wasn’t supposed to be the one trying to convince him to have sex with me.

“But, you’re emotionally distressed and wanting comfort.”

“You’re joking, right?”

“No.” John stood up, his shirt falling back down. I sat up after him, the emptiness slowly returning. I felt a little….lonely. “I’m sorry, Daisy, but I don’t want it to be like this.” He explained, brushing my hair back from my face. He leaned down and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering.

“You’re actually a romantic, aren’t you?”

“Just because girls chased after me, doesn’t mean I screwed all of them.”

“Then, how many did you have relations with?”

“Three, but I only had sex with one.” Okay, my previous notions about John were completely blown away at that moment, “Don’t look so shocked, Daisy.” John chuckled. “You make me feel like some kind of manwhore.”

“But, I thought—“

“Rumors aren’t true, not all of them.”

“My mind has been blown.” I mentioned, blinking.

“You’re so kind to me, Daisy.” John rolled his eyes at me, sitting back down on the bed.

“All I’m saying is, you don’t act like a guy who actually cares about the girl he dates.” I shrugged, “Or even a guy who dates girls.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, you act like all you care about is fooling around.”

“No, I have a heart, you know.”

“I guess so.”

“You guess?” John once again laughed, throwing his head back in either frustration or amusement, I couldn’t tell until he looked at me again with laughter in his eyes. “You’re amazing, you know that.”

I shrugged, crawling and situating myself back into bed. “We should get some sleep…I want thinking tomorrow we should go back.”

“But, it’s only Saturday.”

“I can’t delude myself, everything is going to be just as bad when we go back.”

“Are you sure you want to go?”

I nodded, rubbing my tired eyes, “Yeah, John.”

“Okay, check out is at eleven.” He started to get up again, but I grabbed hold of his wrist. Getting what I wanted without me having to say anything, John lay down beside me. Almost instantly, he wrapped me in his arms. Unable to resist because I was feeling so tired at that moment, I snuggled closer.

I guess, since I had John all wrong in my head, I didn’t really have to hold back. He wouldn’t really leave me just because he got bored. But, there was still a large possibility he’ll break my heart. We’re still so young, there’s no guarantee. And, there was still that thing with my father.

I didn’t want to trust anyone, because trust leads ultimately to betrayal, and betrayal was deadly. God, it hurt so much.

“Good night, John.” I whispered into his chest.

“Good night, Daisy. Sweet dreams.”

He knew that I wouldn’t have sweet dreams. Though the night terrors seemed to be gone at the moment, I don’t think I have ever had a ‘sweet’ dream. There were too many bad things in the world. Sweet dreams didn’t exist. At least, not for me.

“Yeah, you too.” I mumbled, wrapping my arms around him.

As absurd as it still felt a little, John’s warm, strong arms were around me…..and I felt safe, and…happy.

That is what was so different about what I saw in the mirror last night. I didn’t see some struggling, messed up chick on the very edge of giving up, I saw some silly, lovestruck, but happy girl with a smile on her face.

I never realized how much a smiled lit up my face….I looked at John once more and smiled. When did this feeling even start to grow? It seemed now that it was just a random growth spurt, but what if there were other signs of it that I just missed?

I fell asleep pondering my whole past with John. No matter what I remembered, No memory even hinted at a secret liking he had for me. But…why on earth would he lie about something like that, there was no good reason.

He must be a really good actor, I concluded.