M. Shadows' Lips of Deceit

Last night I laid and listened to Adam complain to Sandra for over an hour. He’s worried I’ve broken again but it will be nothing compared to the wrecked state I’ll be putting him in once he finds out. And I’m only making matters worse by keeping it from him but he’s not going to accept it. I could get rid of it, matter of fact I don’t plan on keeping it, but he’ll find out. It’ll come out on the cards, word will travel, whatever he’ll just find out. If I could only break his declaration of the no sex before our marriage rule, then it’d be an easy cover up. But I can’t even begin to try to attempt that, on one hand I’m utterly disgusted with myself but on the other hand I had a dream come true. The ultimate fan desire, basically.

“I think she needs help again, she hasn’t left the bedroom, she’s missed meetings with her publisher,”

“I’ve tried everything I can think of, I’ve talked, I’ve yelled, I’ve thrown things. I just can’t seem to get a reaction out of her. I’m worried San’ and I’m scared.”

“I have no fucking clue what’s brought this on, she was so happy after the concert.”

“No everything’s been going smoothly with her publisher and at work, it’s totally fucking out of the blue.”

Those lines along with many others recoil around and around inside my head, driving me into deeper pain, if that’s possible. Worn out, cried out eyeliner lost its burning effect late last night after Adam forced himself to sleep. My chapped, wrinkled and wounded lips lost their stinging after I slid my lip ring slightly out of place, the pang of that oppresses the other. A lot like how I’m feeling, the guilt possibly oppressing pain of losing him.

I cock my eyebrow after hearing a rap-tap-tap on the outside of the bedroom door, I hadn’t heard the front or backdoor open…Then again I haven’t heard much of anything other then Adam lately.

“Viktoria, hunny it’s Sandy, can I come in?” I swallow back the short source of saliva left on my tongue and answer with a fractured ‘no’.

“You can talk to me, you know that. Please talk to me, we’re worried. What happened? What are you feeling? Do you need me to drive you to a doctor-“

“Gimmieaminute,” I articulate with less saliva then before; shoving the blankets in different directions and carefully getting off the bed. I grab my robe and pull it around my figure, my hand resting on my stomach for a second before tying it.

“Hell,” Sandra mutters after I open the door and I let my eyes fall to the floor. “What have you been doing to yourself?” Her hand reaches out for mine but I jerk away before she’s in nails distance. “What’s the matter?”

“Can’t you just go away?”

“Is this about the wedding?” The wedding. Adam was ready to give up his life for me, ready to give himself to me forever and that’s where I put his commitment. I should have been smart and used a condom or just given him a blowjob but no I had the full orgasm, skin tingling, after glow sex that would crumble my world as I knew it to bits.

A half gulp travels to down my tongue and I dash to the bathroom, the fastest I’ve moved since before I found his awful fate. Oh wait, my awful fate. Our awful fate.

My hands clutch the opposite sides of the toilet as I choke out as hard as I can anything in my system. Repeatedly coughing out, screaming out saliva, blood and some emotional vomit. My nails grind against the marble and my hair drips down as if gelled down.

“Oh my god, you’re pregnant? This is what you’ve been upset about?” My lungs collapse and my heart falls, any moment now my eyes will burst out of their sockets. No, that would be too easy. I heave against the coolness of the marble, wiping my chin and lips with the robe sleeve, I’m going to look up and Sandra will have that fucking test box in her hands with wide happy eyes. “He’s going to be so happy! Why the hell are you doing this to yourself? It isn’t good for the baby. He finally caved in? Knew that celibacy wouldn’t last.”

I lean against the tub, regaining my breath and voice. With one last safety of closed eyes I look up at her, sure enough standing there with a concerned smile on her face and the damned, dented box in her hands. “It’s not his,” I say way too clearly, scaring myself.

“What?” She scoffs, tossing the box against the wall to the right of me. “What the hell did you just say?”

“It’s not his.” I know the look she was receiving was harsh and unconcerned with what I had just confessed and that doesn’t help the situation, then again nothing will.

“Who the hells is it then? One of the fucking guys at the show?” She was joking but it quickly turned bitter with a look at my not so kidding face. “At the fucking Sevenfold show? You slept with one of them?” She kneels down and her face is level with mine, I’m not scared, I know what’s coming. “You had us fucking believing there was something seriously wrong with you! Well there is, you’re a fucking whore! Do you know what you’ve done to him? Why the hell did you waste his fucking time? You should have just off’d yourself years ago and save him the pain. You fucking bitch, I’m going to tell him, calling him as soon as I get the fuck out of here.” I can feel her breath climb across my nose, she leans in, swallows back and coughs up something nasty and hit’s me dead on in the face.

I wipe my face off with the robe sleeve after the front door slams viciously. I can’t stay like this, he’s going to kick me out so I might as well go and get ready.

“VIKTORIA!” I zip the duffle bag, show time.

“Well you look fucking better! Is it true? Why the hell would she lie? She’s my fucking sister. How the hell could you do that to me? To us?! Huh? Fucking say something!”

“I didn’t plan it, it just happened.”

“Oh what the fuck ever! You didn’t have to go through it!” He was fighting with himself to stay angry but I can see right through him, right to the core where he was falling apart. I took his heart and completely shredded it. “Which one was it? I hope you don’t fucking expect whoever it is to drop everything for fucking you!”

“I fucking don’t and it was Matt.” He nods, his briefcase long been tossed across the room. The coffee table keels over the smash of his foot and I slightly twitch.

“Get the hell out, just fucking go and don’t come back.” I turn and easily paced I walk to the small hall, picking up the bag and turning back to walk out the door.

“Leave the ring,” He demands from the archway of the living room. I pull it off slowly, this all making my head spin. How everything has been desecrated by only one night. A light clink rises up from the floor as I dropped it to the floor. Not hesitating, I turn the door knob and he grabs my dangling free wrist. Whispering in a tone way past wrath, “Was it fucking worth it? Was he?” His breath travels down my neck in way that shoots me. I spin back around, tangling out of his grasp and reply “Yeah, he was.”