P.S. I Hate You

“Ever…” I heard my name being called again. Maybe for the thousandth time. I don’t know. I don’t remember. I groaned again and nuzzled my head against James’ chest. I smiled, replying the moment I’ve played a thousand times in my head.

“Holy shit wake up!” Someone took a pillow from behind me and hit me against the head.

I sat up and looked my best friend in the eye. I gasped, “Amber!” I squealed and jumped off the bed, giving her a tight hug.

“Yeah I’m happy to see you too. But, why…?” She didn’t even need to say the rest of the sentence. I knew what she was referring too.

I turned to James. He lazily smiled and then yawned with one eye open. “’Ello Amber. Morning Ever. What’s going on?” He asked in that very attractive British accent I’ve grown to adore so much.

“Uh… I don’t know exactly. But can you get out the room for a second while I talk to Amber?” I asked him with a slight smile on my face.

He shrugged and got up from the bed. Only wearing his white boxer briefs. Amber coughed. James looked down and winked at her. Not the lease bit embarrassed by his partially naked body and gorgeous defined abs.

Once James walked out the room Amber started with her rampage. “What the hell is going on? First you don’t call me for two months. Two! And we promised to talk everyday. Second I don’t know shit that’s going on with this wedding, or Gavin, or Terrance. And most importantly I don’t know what’s going on between you and James! I mean, what was that? You guys were actually sleeping together. In the same bed. And you were laying on his chest. What does a best friend got to do around here to be filled in?”

I pouted. “I know Amber I’m so sorry. I’ve meant to call you. Truly I have. Its been so hectic. I’ll make it up some way some how. Just please don’t be mad at me!” I begged. As a result Amber turned away her head and folded her arms. “Please, please, please, please?”

Amber looked at me and saw that the fake tears were about to work their way down. She sighed and smiled at me, “You know I can't stay mad at you for long.” She sat next to me on the bed. “Kay, so tell me what is happening between you two.”

I shrugged, not knowing really where to start. Then finally after a long silence, I told Amber, from beginning to end. How James wanted us to try it out. To try having a relationship. Honestly neither of us were really good at it. James has had many relationships. Although they were all about sex and no romance. Where as I’ve only had one and it wasn’t a very good one either.

“Aw, that’s so sweet! So you guys haven’t banged yet?” She asked in all seriousness.

I pushed her shoulder, “No Amber! I’m only sixteen.”

“That doesn’t mean shit.” She said pointing to herself. I rolled my eyes. “Well I’m glad my little Ever Bear is still a teeny tiny virgin.” I glared at Amber as she reached over to give me a hug. I denied it and stood from the bed.

“So why are you here anyway?” I asked her as I started to put on some clothes from the closet. I based my outfit on something similar to what Amber was wearing. She was wearing a simple floral romper. I quickly put on a blue floral dress.

“Why can't I just be here to see my bestie?” She asked walking towards the closet and leaning against the wall.

“Because you don’t have money to fly here yourself so you wait till Mary or my mother flies you out here to come visit me.” I answered, putting on a anchor necklace and some bangles. Then I started to do my hair and makeup.

“And that’s why you’re my best friend!” She yelled and came into the closet, then started to look through my clothes that she’s already seen. “Well Mary sent me out here because we’re supposed to be picking out brides maids dresses today and your… WEDDING GOWN!” She screamed and turned towards me.

“I can tell your excited.” I muttered.

“You don’t even know! This is every girls dream! To be married with the guy of their dreams. Better yet to a sexy ass prince.” She squealed again and started to comb out my soft light curls.

“Not when your sixteen…” I muttered.

“Hey, don’t be like that. You should be lucky that you’re marring a prince. You don’t have to go through all the bull shit of looking for someone that fits you perfectly. You’ve already got him picked out..”

I groaned and turned to Amber. “But what if we didn’t even like each other? Amber, how am I lucky to be married at sixteen if I don’t even know what love is. What it feels like. I would never know how it feels to be with someone else. I won't ever be able to make all the shit mistakes. I have to grow up before I’m even ready. And I’m scared as shit.” I shook my head and hugged my best friend as she tried to soothe me.

“Right now, I envy your life more than anything.” I muttered.

I stood up from my chair and Amber held my hands looking into my eyes. “I know Ever. I can't imagine how its like for you right now. You can't make all the mistakes that teenagers normally make. You can't have three boyfriends at once. Or have sex with a stranger. You’ve already got your life spread out on a blanket for you. You can't change a thing about it. You’ll never know what love is or what it feels like with someone other that James.”

I shook my head. “How am I supposed to know if I love James if I don’t know what love is?”

Amber smiled, “You’ll feel it in your gut. You’ll know when the time is right. Anyway, I’m your best friend. I’ll be here to support you anytime of day.” She grabbed me in a hug.

I heard the door open and turned around to where James was fully clothed in the doorway of the closet.

“My mum’s downstairs to take you two somewhere. Shopping or some girl thing like that.” He shrugged. Amber walked past James and grabbed her bag from the bed. “Bye to you too Amber…” He muttered with a smile. I put on my white pumps with a bow in the front and flattened out my dress.

I chuckled and followed after Amber. When Amber finally turned her head from me I gave James a quick kiss, grabbed my bag and left the room. Amber and I made our way down the stairs and to my mother and soon to be mother-in-law.

“Well don’t you two girls look beautiful.” My mom said, giving me a hug and kiss. I smiled at her. Mary didn’t say a word, but motioned to us to hurry out the door. For we didn’t have much time to waste.

*~*~*~*~*

“You are not having such a dress!” Mary screamed at me in the dressing room.

“This is my wedding! I’m already having my life controlled by you, your husband, my parents, and not to mention an entire country. I. Am. Wearing. This. Dress.” I yelled back at her. Making my point. She stomped her foot and stomped her way out the dressing room

“Your daughter is most spoiled brat I have ever met. If you don’t tell her white is the color she will be known as a whore.”

“Mary,” My mother tried to reason, “Its just a dress. That tradition is so old. I’m sure everyone in England knows that Ever is a virgin. It’s a beautiful dress and she looks wonderful in it. It makes her happy. Why can't we just have one thing that’ll make her happy and deal with the rest later?” Mary huffed and puffed but finally agreed.

I smiled at my mom and then looked at Amber. She nodded in agreement. This was the dress. The dress I was going to get walked down the isle with. I smiled again and turned in it. I didn’t know why Mary was so angry. The dress was an off white. No big difference. So what if I don’t wear white. Oh Princess Ever is wearing an off white wedding dress. She’s a prostitute and James is her pimp. Call the mother fucking cops.

Amber and I then walked around the store looking for the perfect brides maids dress that fit her critique and mine. Finally we decided together on a short black dress with a pink bow on it.

“That dress is awfully short Amber,” Mary commented once Amber had the dress on and it was just above her knees. Amber glared at Mary and mouthed a very provocative word. I smiled at her. “Who are the other brides maids dear?” Mary asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t have any other friends that knew what was going on right now. Only Amber. I’m sure she told our other friends. Although I didn’t want any of them at my wedding. That’s going to be on television. And on magazines. And on the internet. World wide. Oh God I think I’m going to pee myself.

“Well Meghan of course.” I answered. I thought a second and smiled, “Hey, can I have Kimberly as one of my brides maids?” I asked.

“But she’s a maid…” Mary said slowly. Stunned that I’ve even asked a question like that.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s one of my friends. And she’s delightful. I don’t even think of her as a maid. I think of her as a friend that oddly lives with us and cleans…” I muttered the last part.

“I think it’s a wonderful idea. Ever gets her way with letting the girl be her brides maid and it shows the rest of the world how caring she is that she let one of her favorite maids be the brides maid.” My mom said, smiling at me. I smiled back.

“I suppose so…” Mary muttered. Finally done in the bridal shop, Amber and I bought our dresses and Mary bought the dresses for Meghan and Kim. We started to walk down the street to a beauty store not to far from the Bridal shop. I suppose to pick out my hair style for the wedding.

While we were looking at all the different wedding hair styles we finally picked a simple curly up do with strands hanging from the front framing my face. It allowed me to have a couple flowers in my hair. Which I’ve always wanted on my wedding day.

Mary turned to me once the hairstyle was finally picked. “Ever we’re going to have to dye your hair back to red.”

“No.” I told her bluntly.

“I did like it better red dear,” My mom said. I glared at her. Oh I thought she was on my side all today. But when it comes to my hair she wants to ruin it.

“I don't care what you like or what England likes better. I’m keeping my hair.” I said touching the ends of my dark brown hair.

Mary starred daggers at me. “You are changing your hair back or I will do it for you.”

Mary walked out the store without another word. “What a bee-yotch.” Amber muttered. I nodded. If Mary comes close anywhere near my head I will cut out her vocal cords and feed it to Amber's cat. Mr. Brown Pants will love Mary vocal cords.