Breathe Me

“What the hell are you doing up this late kiddo?”

I flinched at the sound of Pascal's loud voice. It was about 1:30 in the morning,and I had come down stairs after another horrible nightmare.

“I'm sorry I couldn't fall asleep” I said softly,hoping my voice wouldn't break on me.

Pascal noticed though. He always seemed to notice when there was something wrong with me,ever since I was a little girl. I'm pretty sure the tears on my cheeks also gave him the hint that something was wrong.

“Nightmare?”

I nodded my head,taking another bite of the Cocoa Rice Krispies I had poured for myself as a midnight snack.

“I'm so tired Uncle Pascal,but every time I close my eyes I see him”

Tears stung my eyes,and I blinked a few times,not wanting Pascal to see me cry again.

“Oh Sophie. You need to understand that you are safe here now. We're all here for you if you need anything,even the kids,they absolutely love you. You're part of the family,and families always stick together”

I had tears in my eyes by the time he finished,I got up from my seat,and he walked towards me,his arms stretched out,waiting for a hug. I smiled as he hugged me,feeling safe for the first time in a long time.

“Now finish eating and go back to sleep so you're not tired tomorrow,and if you have any nightmares just remember what I told you,okay?”

“Okay.”

****

“Come on Kris just text her! Ask her out for lunch or something. I'm positive she won't say no.”

Vero had been bugging me to text Sophia since the moment she had left the locker room after last night's game.

“What if she does say no?”

“Kris! I promise she won't say no. Believe me,she wouldn't do that to you.”

I sighed, “You're not going to stop bugging me until I ask 'er?”

She grinned at me. She sure is something else,that's for sure. She let out a squeal of delight when I pulled out my phone.

“What should I say?” I suddenly felt nervous.

“Uhh just ask her if she wants to have lunch at 1”

I typed out the message,and my thumb hovered above the send button for a moment before I finally mustered up some courage and sent it.

“What are you two up to?” Marc asked as he walked out of the locker room,giving Vero a kiss on the cheek.

“Kris is asking Sophia out to lunch” Vero stated happily.

“Yeah? Good job Tanger,it's about time you get a girlfriend”

I glared at him,and walked away from the couple. I could hear Flower laughing,while Vero scolded him like a five year old.

“Tell me how it goes Kris!!” Vero yelled at me right as I walked out the doors,into the parking lot.

I anxiously sat in the car for a few moments,waiting for her to text back. Maybe she didn't have her phone on her? Or maybe she just didn't want to go out with me. I sighed,leaning my head back on the car seat as thoughts ran through my head. I jumped when my cell phone vibrated in my hand,and looked at the text. A huge smile appeared on my face.

'That sounds great :) do you want me to meet you there or something?'

I quickly texted her back

'I can pick you up since you live close'

'Okay see you at 1 then'

I grinned as I pulled out of the parking lot,and drove through the snowy streets of Pittsburgh. The streets were always crowded this time of the year,it was the middle of december which meant people were going crazy,trying to find their families and loved ones that special present. It was always a sad time of the year for me though. The team usually didn't get to go back home for christmas,which meant I would most likely be alone this year again. I missed my family a lot during the season,so whenever I got to see them,I always tried to cherish the time I got with them.

I walked into the quiet house,dropping my bag in front of the stairs and walking up to the bathroom so I could take a shower. I had taken a short one after practice,but I didn't want to take any chances and smell horrible for lunch.

****

“So what are you going to wear?”Aunt Carole asked me. She had somehow found out about me going out to lunch with Kris,and had immediately got all giddy about it.

“Um nothing fancy,it's only lunch so...”
Aunt Carole grinned at me, “I remember when Pascal and I first met” She chuckled at the memory before continuing, “He was trying to impress me,using all of these horrible pickup lines”

“Yeah that sounds like him” I smiled and shook my head at my uncle.

“I'll leave you to get ready honey” She gave me a warm smile before walking out of the room.

About 10 minutes later I was fully dressed and ready to go. I had never really been one of those girls who could never make up their mind about to wear,I usually just kept it simple.

It was almost 1,and I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I know it was only lunch,but I wasn't used to going out with other people I didn't know. I had never been social like other kids,I usually preferred being alone. It wasn't that I didn't like having friends,it was more of an emotional attachment that I was scared of. You let somebody into your life,and they start to know more and more about you,then you make that person your everything,you put your trust in them and tell them all of your secrets,and before you know it they are stabbing you in the back.

I knew I would eventually have to let my wall down though. If I didn't want to spend my life alone I would have to let people in and tell them about my past. It terrified me,but the idea of living my life alone and scared,terrified me even more.

The door bell rang,shaking me from my depressing thoughts. I rushed down stairs,only to be pushed out of the way by Pascal as he ran to the door and swung it open,revealing a wide eyed Kris,obviously surprised to see Pascal and not me. Pascal stood there frozen,staring down Kris.

I sighed, “Pascal stop staring,it's not nice” I scolded him like a child

He finally turned around, “I am sorry Sophia. You two have fun,YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF HER TANGER!”, He yelled before returning back to the kitchen where him and Carole had been talking previously.

I chuckled, “Sorry about him,he's such a child sometimes”

He laughed, “Yeah we're all used to it”

His car was very warm,and the smell of his cologne nearly made me faint. It wasn't too strong like most guys,and I momentarily wondered what scent it was. He gave me a soft smile before pulling out of the driveway.

****

'Calm down Kris,it's only lunch'

My heart was beating hard in my chest and I didn't know why. I glanced over at Sophia,she looked beautiful as always. She had a faint smile on her face as she looked out the window,her blue eyes looking even more amazing with her glasses perched snugly on her nose. They seemed brighter to him. She turned the music up a little louder on the radio,recognizing the song that was playing,and softly starting humming along to it. It was almost inaudible,but I could faintly hear her.

I pulled into the parking lot of a small cafe,one I had been to numerous times. I looked over at Sophia and was relieved to find a look of content on her face. Pascal had told me that she preferred small, cozy cafes rather than large,fancy restaurants. I held open the door for her,and she seemed surprised as she thanked me. We sat down in a booth and seconds later a waitress I was familiar with walked up to our table a smile on her face when she saw I was here with a woman and not by myself.

“My name is Ruth and I will be your waitress today. Can I start you off with anything to drink?”

She looked at Sophia who was looking at the menu, “Um raspberry tea”

She then looked at me “Water is fine”

“Okay I will be back in a few minutes to take your order” and she walked away,leaving me alone with the French-Canadian girl sitting across from me.

“Everything looks delicious” Sophia said looking at the menu. She bit her lip as she tried to decide what she should get. She looked up at me through those long eyelashes and I found myself mesmerized by those blue orbs.

“What do you recommend?” She asked softy.

“The honey-mustard chicken sandwich is really good. I think you would like it”

She smiled at me,those adorable dimples appearing on the smooth skin of her pale cheeks. “That sounds great”

****

I surprisingly felt comfortable. The atmosphere between us wasn't awkward like I thought it would be.

“Do you miss home?” Kris suddenly asked.

I bit my lip before answering him, “Some things I do miss,but I love it here. This is my home now. What about you? You must get home sick with all of the traveling you do.” I suddenly felt bad for saying the last part when I saw his shoulders slump lightly.

He let out a soft sigh, “Yeah it gets hard sometimes,I don't get to see my family as much as I would like to and I start to miss my home like crazy,but hockey helps a lot. It keeps my mind off of everything,and there's no better feeling to me,than hearing the crowd cheering like crazy at home games. I don't know,hockey makes up for everything”

I smiled at his passion for the sport,it was easy to tell that he was grateful for everything.

Ruth came back with our drinks,and quickly took our orders,before leaving Kris and I alone again. While we were waiting,he would ask me simple questions,just wanting to know more about me. We actually had conversations,and I wasn't nervous anymore. I felt like I had known Kris for a long time,it was terrifying how comfortable I felt when I talked to him. Every now and then I would ask him questions,mostly about his family and home while growing up,and he would answer right away. Even while we were eating,it didn't feel awkward,and I was thankful for that considering how hungry I had been and how I had eaten that big sandwich easily.

He chuckled, “I take it you liked the food then?”

“Yes it was amazing,I haven't had food this delicious in a long time”

“Yeah I come here a lot. To get away from everything when I have a lot on my mind” He looked out the window where snow fell onto the busy streets of Pittsburgh.

“What's your family like Sophia?” It was an innocent question to him.

I froze at the question,I felt a sharp pain shoot through my heart. I didn't know what to say,and all I could think about was my dad and how much I missed him. My eyes stung and a lump formed in my throat

“I'm sorry I-”

“My dad died when I was 10” I blurted out,surprising myself.

I felt the blood rush to my face,and my ears felt like they were on fire. Yet I felt relieved,letting this man know something sad about my past was comforting to me for some reason. I finally looked up at him,scared of his reaction. I was thankful when I didn't see sympathy or pity in his eyes,I couldn't really decipher the emotions in those dark brown orbs though,it was like he understood how I felt.

“How? If you don't mind me asking”

“he had a brain tumour. He had brought me to Disneyland for my tenth birthday,it was the best day of my life,I was so happy. I remember he bought me everything I asked for,and then at the end of the day he told me he was really sick,and didn't have much time left. He died a few weeks later” I nearly started to cry at the horrible memory

His eyes now seemed sad. “I am really sorry you lost your dad. I can't even imagine”

I looked out the window,looking up at the cloudy sky. It was starting to get darker and I didn't realize it had gotten so late.

I swallowed the lump in my throat “Yeah I miss him a lot” it came out as a soft whisper. I suddenly laughed,causing Kris to look at me alarmed. Maybe he thought I was going to cry.

“Pascal always told me he's up in heaven playing hockey and making fun of Ovechkin. He hated the Capitals so much”

Kris let out a loud laugh, “So that's where you get it from”

We talked for a few more,the atmosphere feeling lighter.

“I should probably take you home,it's getting late.”

We had spent nearly 6 hours just talking and getting to know each other,even though it didn't feel that long.

“Yeah you wouldn't want Pascal to hurt you” I grinned over at him and he laughed.

****

“I'll walk you to the door” Kris said when we pulled up to the house.

We walked in silence,and when we got to the door we faced each other.

“Thanks for everything Kris I had a great time today”

He smiled at me “Me too Sophia”

He then surprised me by pulling me into his warm body,his arms wrapping around me. I melted into his warm body and wrapped my arms around his torso. I momentarily snuggled my head on his chest,taking in the smell of his body wash and cologne. I wanted to stay here forever. The warmth of his body,the way he held me,the way he made me feel safe,like he would protect me and not let anything or anyone in the world harm me.

It was all new and beautiful to me,and I cherished the feeling.

“I'll see you later Sophia. If you need anything call or text me”

I relunctantly pulled away from him,feeling empty. He leaned down kissing my cheek softly. I bit my lip and felt my face get hot.

“Bye Kris” He smiled at me before turning around and walking to his car.

I walked into the house,and was immediately greeted by Pascal and Carole who were looking at me enthusiastically. I grinned at them.

“Have a good time?” Pascal asked.

“It was great”

No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move