I Believe in Yesterday

Bailey's POV

“Hello?”

“Hey fucka!”

A smile instantly formed on my face at the sound of the high pitched voice on the other end of my phone. “Hi Pen.” I tucked my cell on my shoulder as I tried to readjust the box of donuts I was carrying in my hands. “What’s up?”

“Oh…nothing much.” I could hear the boredom in her voice and I was sure she was probably lounging on her bed with her tiny limbs dangling off. “I’m actually bored of my mind.”

“Well—”

“Hey! Did you know we can actually rent vacuums and cleaning supplies and shit here?!”

I squinted into the low, morning sun as I looked both ways down the street. “Um, yes, actually.” Seeing a break in the morning rush hour traffic, I scurried across the street in a pair of blue jeans and an old black T-shirt, which I had stolen from Jack a while ago.

“I always thought we had to buy it or some dumb shit like that.” I rolled my eyes at her. Who did she think cleaned the dorm all the time? A tiny angel? Sometimes I wondered how Penny was going through a semester of college without me there and if she could actually make it until January, when I would return. “I thought we were pretty clean people. But it turns out now that you’re gone this semester, we’re not. Well I’m not.”

As I jogged across the street, the chilly morning air hit my face and I wished that I had grabbed a sweatshirt before I left earlier this morning. It was crazy to think that just last week I was swimming in Vinny’s backyard; it was cooling down fast and another winter was upon me.

So many things had changed in the past year, but yet I still felt like me. With my friends, I had become a completely different person, who was loud and outgoing but my shy side still showed through once and a while. My two personalities that I have had mashed together and created a shy and bold girl that loved to laugh but was too quiet and didn’t know what she wanted but made decisions too easily.

“Oh guess what! I got tickets to the Keith Urban concert in two weeks. I won them on a stupid radio concert. It’s gonna be awesome!”

“That’s cool. Who are you—”

“I was just sitting in the car and thought, oh what the hell, and called. And won! Oh speaking of my car. I crashed it.”

“You what?!”

“Yeah. It’s no biggie though. I hated the car anyways.” I continued to walk a considerably fast pace down the sidewalk. I had been up for a while, walking around, and wanted to get back to the tour bus and relax. “Relaxing” wouldn’t be the best word to describe what I would do on the bus when I got back. I had left in the first place because being on the bus, stressed me out. Although, I don’t think there was anywhere I could go. Everything I was trying to calm from was in my head. I didn’t matter whether I was on the tour bus, in presence with the person that was making me restless, or miles and miles away in California with Penny. I would still be hassled with all the confusion rolling around through my mind.

“So, last night I went out, got wasted, let some guys chase me, went to Wendy’s, and I woke up at Kaitlin’s. Kaitlin’s? Like, how the fuck did I get there?” I exhaled, a little bored, but continued to listen to Penny as I reached the venue we had parked the bus at last night. As I walked through the parking lot, I noticed it was now filled with a couple more cars than it had when I left. “Kaitlin Turner. I hate her. Oh and you know what I heard? Her mom slept with some director to get her into Stanford. How Hollywood, right?”

“Well, Kaitlin isn’t the smartest person, it makes sense.”

“So fucking ridiculous. So, what are you doing? Oh wait don’t tell me. Did I interrupt sex?”

“No?”

“Foreplay?”

“No!”

“Naked Lapdance. Lapdance for sure.”

“Penny! It’s nine thirty in the morning. No.”

“Never stopped me…”

“How are you even up right now? It’s like… five o’clock in California right now. Shouldn’t you be hung-over?”

“Kaitlin’s damn dog was chewing my ear at like…fucking, three in the morning.” I pretended like that was a normal thing for Penny to say and didn’t question her night anymore. “So…how my sexy drummer doing? Zack is obvi still banging you, so has Rian broken up with his girl yet?”

I laughed at Penny and the crushes she had on all the boys of All Time Low, and turned the corner around the back of the building, revealing the two buses and plenty of vans. A few people were moving about, unloading and others chatting, but not more than ten people were up and actually starting their day. I started to walk across the quiet lot towards All Time Low’s bus. “Nope.”

“Damn. I’ll send a picture to y’all and then he won’t be able to resist.”

I was nearing the bus now and could see a faint light through the sunlight in the bus window, meaning people had woken up. “I’m sure the guys would all love that, Penny,” I giggled, tucking the giant box of donuts under my arm and struggling to use the padlock to unlock the bus door.

”Of course they would. I’m fucking sexy.”

“Yeah…you—”

“Have you convinced them that they should be a country band, yet? I’m counting on you, you know; they think I’m crazy.”

“No. And I’m not going to.” I had finally gotten the bus door open with more struggle than it should have been and walked up the bus stairs. Everyone’s head immediately whipped in the direction of the door to see me entering. A couple crew members, Jack, Rian, Alex and Melanie were all gathered in the front of the bus, still groggy from recently waking up.

“Please, Bailey? You know I don’t really like that rock shit. I just want four sexy country singers.”

Penny constantly made this argument to me and even with the boys when she met them a couple of times. They all just thought it was amusing that Penny actually believed she could convince them. “Yeah, okay, I’ll talk to them again,” I said sarcastically.

“Fuck you.”

I laughed, “Fuck you too.” I walked over to the table and set the box of donuts down as Penny and I said our goodbyes. “I bought you guys donuts.”

Everyone easily heard my soft voice from the dull, quiet atmosphere and absence of conversation in the air. After I had said that though, everyone immediately perked up and dove at the box filled with a warm, soft, sugary breakfast.

“Thank you, BayBay!” Jack screamed in my ear, picking me up and hugging me tightly.

“DONUTS!” Alex shouted after lifting the cover of the box, seeing the colorful array and getting a waft of the sweet inviting smell. Right away he snatched three and started indulging, with Melanie at his side.

I smiled at how happy they were, but also shook my head at them because it was amazing how easily a box of sugar could make them so elated. Stepping back, I scanned the room. I was surprised that a certain someone wasn’t sitting silently in the corner, her earphones in, letting her slip into her own world as she waited for Matt to come back and give her a backbone.

I actually hadn’t spoken a word to Jade since she arrived. I made a comment about her while she was in the room, but I hadn’t made the effort to acknowledge her presence. I knew it was cruel and I shouldn’t have, I was her sister, but I was really confused. I don’t think there was a better word than confused, to describe me. I had longed for my sister for two years and I thought I would be happy when I saw her again, but I wasn’t.

I’m pretty sure that was how the majority of us felt. Even Rian, though he was the most accepting of the new Jade, was bothered by it and there was no other way to describe it other than confused. But that was Rian; just too nice and compassionate when he shouldn’t be.

As I looked around the room though, it was like I was disappointed Jade wasn’t sitting there. I don’t know why I felt that. When I saw her, it made me angry. But not seeing her made me mad too. I couldn’t make up my mind. See? Confused. It was kind of like the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had when she ran over two years ago. It was the unknown and not accepting the truth.

Feeling dismay in my chest, I tucked away the cell phone I was still holding in my hand and looked around for something to do. Deciding nothing was going to take my mind of what was bugging me, I just wanted to be around someone who made me happy.

“Is Zack still sleeping?”

Rian looked up from his chocolate covered donut and answered, “No, he just came back from a run and is in the back I think.” Of course Zack wasn’t still sleeping; he was usually the first one up.

As I sauntered through the bus to find Zack, I walked past the bunks, seeing one curtain still closed with soft snores sounding from inside of it. I knew Jade was in there with Matt, and at the thought of it, the blood in my arms started to boil. I loved Matt. I loved Jade. But not together. It was never supposed to be like that.

It still baffled me how Matt could have kept this big of a secret from all of us, including his sister. Didn’t he have feelings? How hadn’t guilt eaten him up by now? Everyday, Matt saw how Alex struggled. How broken he looked; he gave up so much and offered so much to Jade and she thanked him by shattering him. Matt had been my neighbor, one of my best friend’s brother and one of his best friend’s girlfriend. Did he not see how broken and lost I was without Jade? I had missed her so damn much. It was like loosing Sam all over again; crying in bed from an empty feeling inside of me, wondering what I did wrong to make her do this.

And as I brushed past the bunk, I couldn’t decide which person I was mad at more. But there they were, tangled together under the sheets, making it even worse for me to digest and then sort out the problems they both created.

Even though it took less than a second to walk by that bunk filled with betrayingl bodies, as I did, my head became cloudy. My body went dizzy. I hated that bunk. I hated that it was Matt who was with my sister. I couldn’t understand and I didn’t think I ever could conceptualize the meaning behind it all.

“Hey.”

Zack’s sweaty body turned to see me entering the back lounge and shutting the door behind me. “Hey, cutie.” The sound of his voice instantly calmed me and the whole room brought me into a whole new mindset. I smiled and walked past him to the cupboards where my bags were. I dug around to find a different shirt to change into and make-up to put on. It was the first show today and I wasn’t sure what I was going to be doing or if I would need to help, but I decided I should look good. A holey T-shirt and messy hair wouldn’t cut it.

I looked over at Zack, who was seated on the couch with a laptop in front of him. He must have just gotten back because his face was still red and sweat still glistened on his shirtless body. I stared at his rock hard chest, and his defined abs that were always more apparent after he had worked out. Looking at him, I could feel my fingers running up his warm skin, feeling the light ridges his muscles under the pads of my fingertips. Even as he sat slack, I could still see the noteworthy definition in every muscle in his body; from his calves, torso, shoulders and arms.

With eyes focused on his computer screen, Zack spoke monotonous, “You’re staring.”

A blush rose on my cheeks, but I didn’t stop looking at him; he made my heart speed up. Sometimes I just couldn’t tear my eyes away or stop thinking about how attractive he was. I swore that sometimes I could actually see steam radiating off his body.

After a moment, he looked up at me with a smirk, cocky from my gawking, before putting the computer aside and standing up. “Where were you? I woke up and you were gone.” He slipped a cut-off tank that he had slept in over his curly hair and turned back to me. “I don’t like that.”

I half smiled and shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep. I had a really weird dream, so I went and walked around since we were parked.”

“Oh.”

Grabbing the hem of the T-shirt I was wearing, I pulled it up and over my head, throwing it onto the couch behind me. It landed next to a nicer v-neck that I had pulled out and planned to change into. “Then I went and got donuts for everyone.”

“You’re too nice. It’s disgusting.”

My eyes purposefully gave him the up-down. “You’re too attractive. It’s disgusting.” I tried slipping the purple shirt over my head, but I continuously was getting my arm holes mixed up with my head hole.

“Well I find your attractiveness very delicious actually.” I could feel Zack watching, amused, as I continued to struggle with the shirt. Finally getting my arms in the right holes, I poked my head through and saw Zack staring at my chest absorbedly. I smirked at him, but punched his stomach jokingly.

“Oh, owie,” Zack said dryly, causing me to stick my tongue out at him. He rolled his eyes at me with a smile tugging at his lips and grabbed both of my hands to pull me towards him.

As I smiled at him and his hard eyes were gazing back at me. Zack moved his head down to my level and looked at me pointedly. “Good morning.”

I attached my lips to his and sucked lightly. “Good morning,” I said back, thinking it was amusing that we were greeting each other so late. His hands found the soft curves of my torso, lightly rubbing the sides of my body as his mouth moved to the side of my neck, trailing butterfly kisses along my jaw line, to the lobe of my ear.

I shivered and tucked my face in the nook of his neck with his embrace around me. “You okay?” he muttered, moving his hands from my sides to my back to hold me better. “You seem…distracted. Or upset about something.”

I opened my mouth to simply see what jumbled thoughts would come out, maybe helping me to figure out what was bugging me, but before I could, a booming voice echoed all they way through the closed door. “BAILEEYYY!!!!!”

I ignored the obnoxious voice, and tried to sort out what I had just thought about as well as my walk so I could talk to Zack.

“BAILEY, COME HERE!!”

Continuing to lean against Zack, I tried to block out Melanie and Jack’s yells. His overheated body was heating my own, making me extra comfortable in his arms. I didn’t want that to be ruined by my problems. “So, Penny called me this morning and she made sure to let me know she still wants your nuts. She—”

“BAILEY BATES!!!!”

“Ugh, what do they want?!” I lifted my head and broke away from Zack to walk out too see what the hell was wrong.

In the front, Alex, Rian, Jack, Melanie and Danny lounged, looking lazy and bored. “What could you possibly want?” I asked.

Jack smiled at me. “Someone is at the door.”

I stared at him expressionless. His feet were up on Rian’s lap with a phone in one hand a donut in the other. “…And you couldn’t get it because…?”

“I’m too comfy.”

“I get you donuts and this is how you treat me?” I said sarcastically. “I have better be treated like a princess all day long after doing this for you dickheads.”

Alex raised his hands dramatically and exclaimed, “Hey, don’t blame me; I offered to treat you like a princess all night long last night.” He tried winking seductively. “But sorry, the prince isn’t horny this morning, babe.”

“Oh darn,” I said sardonically, walking past them all to the door.

“I don’t have a dick…” Melanie mumbled, chewing her powdered donut and looking down at her zipper of the pants she wore.

I laughed as I pulled open the door to greet whoever was outside. Thinking it was just one of the crew members that forgot the padlock code, I was taken by surprise to see three faces I had never seen before. As I looked at the three new face, they stared intently back at me.

“Whoa! We heard you dudes had nice hair, but this?” an average size looking boy spoke, looking a little younger than me, if that. His shaggy brown hair covered some of his blue eyes as he reached out to touch a piece of my brunette hair. I quickly yanked myself away from him and his curt actions. “You have the hair of a woman!” he exclaimed, ignoring my timid action.

I knew the whole thing was a joke, but I was still wary. Who the hell were these dudes? They must have seen my discomfort right away, because forward boy was pushed out of the way by a taller and skinnier one. If it wasn’t for their differing height and eye color, I would have thought they were the same people; wearing skinny jeans and a T-shirt.

“Hey, I’m sorry if Garrett is weird. He’s just…like that,” the tall one said as he looked awkwardly at “Garrett”. I looked at them all skeptically. “I’m John, that’s Garrett,” John said pointing to the one who had spoken first. “And that’s Jared,” he pointed to a strawberry blonde boy with straightened hair in a more grown into body.

“Howdy!” Jared said, moving his hand over his head like a rainbow across the sky.

“Hi?” I said, still confused. I didn’t mean to sound so hostile, but the shy side of me was coming out and I wasn’t really sure what to say to the strangers. I also wasn’t sure if I was supposed to let them in, so I stood rudely blocking the bus.

John spoke again with hands shoved in the front pocket of his tight skinnies. “Sorry if we offended you, we don’t think you look like Alex Gaskarth just because you have nice hair.” He blushed at the sentiment behind his words he had just spoken and I had to break a smile with how shy he was.

“Well I do have nice hair!” I heard Alex yell from behind me. When I turned, I saw Alex standing behind me. Immediately I saw the recognition appear on his face after he looked at Jared, John and Garrett, pushing past me to give them man handshakes. “What up, guys? Here,” Alex looked at me weirdly, surprised I was being so unreceptive, and lightly shooed me out of the way so he could open the door to welcome them. “Come on in.”

“Thanks man,” Jared said, leading John and Garret into the bus.

Instead of politely waiting for the three news boys to follow, I jumped up the stairs and sat down by Jack, letting Alex lead John, Jared and Garrett.

“We just came by to say ‘what up’ to you boys,” Garrett said, pointedly looking at me after with a goofy look on his face. I smiled back, getting the joke he was making.

“Who the fuck are you?”

I laughed a little, trying to be quiet, after Melanie was bluntly rude. John raised his eyebrows in surprise with a smile on his face.

“Who the fuck are you?” he shot back at her.

“I’m Melanie fucking Flyzik.”

“Well, I’m John fucking O’Callaghan.” Melanie smiled at him and sat back, clearly content that the three new guys were cool, passing her test.

“So,” Jacks spoke up quickly. “You guys excited for the first show tonight? Dicks will be whipping everywhere.”

“Hell yeah,” Jared laughed, his freckled nose scrunching up as he smiled. “But no, yeah we’re excited.” All of the boys found a place to sit, wherever they could scrounge from the already crowded bus. John sat on the other side of me, Jared sat by Melanie and Garrett perched on the counter beside Zack. I was still upset, and Zack could tell as he looked at me. I really didn’t want to be around people, all I wanted was to sit with Zack and talk.

“You play?” Melanie asked distractedly as she texted on her phone.

“Yes Mel, they are part of The Maine,” Alex explained, going to stand by Zack. “Singer,” he pointed at John. “Bassist,” he pointed at Garrett and lastly pointed at Jared, “Guitarist.”

I hated feeling like this and if this was how the rest of the tour was going to be, I don’t think I could last. I wondered if anyone else felt like this. Were they all secretly upset but just not showing it? Or have they come to terms with Jade and put it behind them? Was I the only one sulking and being immature about this? Overreacting?

I looked at Alex. He was smiling and chuckling at something John had just said. He was upset, right? I mean, he had just as much reason to hate Jade as me right now. Just yesterday he had locked himself in the back lounge with me and moped. But he seemed so satisfactory right now.

I listened as the boys chatted with each other about the drive, the venue, their crews and the plans for the rest of the day. I didn’t pay too much attention and mostly kept to myself, locked up in my own brain with my thoughts.

But my attention was caught when murmur stopped and everyone hushed. Beside me, John looked around confused, glancing at me to see what everyone was acting so weird about. My eyes were focused on a girl who stood in the doorway of the bunks awkwardly.

Her eyes grazed over the room shyly, but when she met mine she immediately looked at her bare feet. “I just came to get a drink of water…” Jade mumbled, going to mini fridge to get a water bottle.

Even after Jade had walked away and we heard her crawl back into Matt’s bunk, we stayed quiet.

“What just happened? It’s like you all saw an evil ghost or something,” John joked, trying to loosen the atmosphere that had settled with Jade’s presence.

“Not far from it, dude,” Alex said cruelly. Alex found my eyes and looked at me with a purposeful yearning look in his eyes, like he wanted me to see something in him. And from the look, my questions were answered; Alex was just as broken and mixed up as I was right now. I felt comforted by that stare; not only could he see I needed reassurance, but I wasn’t alone. I struggled to smile lightly at him before we broke eye contact. I felt Jack put an arm around my shoulders and slowly, everyone went back to talking.

Beside me, John turned. “Who was that really?” he asked curiously.

I looked into his green eyes, trying to see through him. I didn’t know John, but from the ten minutes he had been in my presence, he seemed nice. I also didn’t know why I felt like I trusted him so much, but I didn’t feel weird about him asking me about Jade.

With every second that went by, John continued to look more confused at why Jade walking into the front lounge was such a big deal. Finally I opened my mouth and spoke emotionless even though too many emotions were swimming through my body. “That’s my sister.”

The confused face that John had, became even more ponderous as he continued to look at me. With head cocked to the side, he spoke, “…And everyone hates her or something?”

I didn’t respond at first, not really sure how to answer him because I didn’t even know the answer for myself.

“Something like that…”