Memorial

The music I had picked for my routine echoed through the dance room as I worked on the dance for the hundredth time. Sweat from today coated my body and I tried to push myself harder. I held my breath as I did my last final moves, ending my routine.

I let out my breath in a big huff, wiping the back of my hand across my sweaty forehead. I walked slowly over to the iPod dock pressing the pause button and grabbing the bottle of water I had set out. I unscrewed the lips and took a massive gulp, quenching my thirst.

“‘Ow long yeh been workin’ on tha’ one?” Holly’s voice spoke through the room. I looked over the door and smiled at my older sister.

I shrugged. “Not too long.”

She smiled, “S’ bloody brilliant sissy.” She grinned, pushing her sunglasses up on her forehead, pushing back her bright red hair, and making her way across the room. Her heels clicked against the hardwood floors. She was dressed pretty plainly; In a pair of skinny jeans and a plain tee shirt. She hugged me tightly.

“Thanks Holly.” I said hugging her back.

“Ugh!” She pulled back, “Bloody ‘ell Payton.” She grumbled. “Yeh reek!”

I groaned. “I know!” I pulled away and looked down at myself. “I’ve been here since noon.”

She laughed, “Well ‘m guessin’ tat yeh ‘aven’t eaten?” I shook my head. She smiled. “O’reight, grab yer stuff yeh can shower at the ‘ouse, then we’ll go eat.”

“Ok.” I smiled and gathered up my things. I locked up the studio as she waited patiently in the car for me. It was raining lightly, making my skin feel amazing as I stood in it. I looked up closing my eyes and just standing for a moment.

The sound of the car horn made me jump. “‘urry, up!” She shouted. I laughed and ran to the car jumping in. She shook her head as she pulled away. “Yeh a silly bird yer are.” I shook my head and buckled up as we drove to her house.

“‘M ‘ome!” Holly shouted, as we walked into the house I’d grown up in. Footsteps echoed through the house. I smiled at the sight of my other adopted sisters and my one brother. The littlest who is now ten, squealed throwing herself at me.

“Payton!” She squealed squeezing my middle.

“Hey, Suzie!” I giggled hugging her and kissing her forehead.

“Lo, Sissy!” She beamed looking up at me. “I’ve missed yeh!”

I smiled, pushing the hair from her face and kissed her forehead again. “I’ve missed you too buggy!” She hugged me tighter burying her head in my stomach. I squeezed my arms around her too, being over her to hold her too me.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around the two of us and warm breath hit my ear. “Lo, Pay.” My brother Grant said into my hair. I unwrapped my arms from Suzie and hugged Grant back, Suzie still between us.

“Hi, Grant!” I said hugging him tightly.

“AHH!!” Suzie squealed. “‘M bein’ squished!”

We both laughed and Grant pulled away, pulling Suzie with him. She started to whine, making Grant rolled his eyes and tossed her over his shoulder.

I giggled and turned to see Brittany and Jasmine. They both waved, making me smile and make my way over to them. I looked at Brittany, who was holding a buddle of fluff in her shaking arms. I hesitated before hugging her slightly, trying to get a better look at what was in her arms. “Britt?” I asked slowly.

She smiled and looked down at the fluff ball in her arms. “Miles got meh a puppy.” She moved her arms slightly and the puppy wiggled looking at me better. I stared down surprised at the Saint Bernard puppy. “I named ‘er ‘elia.” The little dog looked me directly in the eyes making my heart melt.

“Hi, Helia.” I cooed the name of Britt’s on again off again abusive boyfriend, nudged the back of my brain.

“Se’s adorable, aye?” She asked as I petted Helia’s head softly.

I nodded smiling the best I could, “When did you get her?”

“Miles gave ‘er to meh last night.” She grinned happily.

I pulled my hand back slowly, dropping it to my side. “Well that was thoughtful of him.” I said trying to keep my tone as happy as I could as my insides screamed in sadness. She grinned a bit more and looked down at the puppy lovingly, cuddling with her. I looked over at Holly, who had a rather irritated look on her face.

I sighed softly and looked back at the puppy.

“Oi!” Jasmine snapped. I looked over at her and she stood at the foot of the stairs her hands placed on her hips. “Wha, no, Lo fer meh?” She said trying to ease the small amount of tension.

I turned to her and saw a smile twitching in the corner of her mouth. I giggled and rolled my eyes walking over to her opening my arms for a hug. We squeezed each other tightly and she messed with my hair.

I pulled back quickly brushing it down. She laughed and placed her hand on her hip again. “Ow’ve yeh been sissy?”

I shrugged, “Ok, I guess.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Yeh guess?”

I half smiled weakly and shook my head.

Holly sighed loudly. “O’reight, yeh buggers. We all need to be ready in an ‘our. I don’t want to be late.” She started up the stairs, “Oh an’ dress nice.”

Everyone nodded or mumbled an ‘ok,’ before separating off into their own rooms to get changed and ready for the night.

“Come on, yeh can shower in meh bath.” She said starting to walk up the stairs again. I quickly followed her behinds her walking passed the room she had called her since I could remember and walking towards my adoptive parent’s old room, which was now hers.

When JoAnn and Henry moved to London, Holly had bought the house from them for herself. It was like a vacation thing for the summer or when she needed to get away from her job or whatever boyfriend she had at the time.

She opened the door and we walked into the bedroom. My eyes looked it over and I sighed softly, before walking towards the bed and throwing my bag onto it.

“Go shower an’ I’ll get yeh some clothes.” I nodded silently and walked to the bathroom closing and locking the door tightly behind me. I stripped out of my sweaty dance clothes and walked to the shower turning it on, letting the water warm itself. I walked towards the sink and looked my body over in the mirror. Exscastion was written on my face. I dropped my head and turned away from my reflection.

I climbed into the shower the hot water burning my skin. I stepped under the shower head, letting the water hit my head and run down my body. I grabbed the soap and started to scrub my body. Once all the suds had fallen down the drain, I washed my hair quickly before jumping out; smelling of vanilla.

I turned off the water and grabbed a towel drying myself off before wrapping it extremely tightly around me. I sighed and walked back into the room. The stench of burning tobacco meet my nostrils. I frowned and looked over to see Holly sitting on her open window sill looking a million miles away.

I walked over to her silently, holding the towel to my body as the cold air blew in the mist of the rain. “Holly?” I placed my hand on her shoulder.

“Huh?” She sounded troubled, she turned her head slightly.

“What’s wrong?”

She sighed turning her head away from me. I watched as she pressed the cigarette to her lips. “S’ nothin’ really.” She mumbled blowing the smoke from her nostrils.

I pursed my lips. “Holly.” She took another drag from the cigarette more annoyed this time. “How long ago did they get back together?” I asked guessing she was worried about Britt again.

“A week.” She nearly spat, watching her smoke drift off through the window. “M’ gettin’ bloody sick of this.” She tossed the last of the cigarette out the window angrily. “E’s already ‘urtin’ ‘er! An’ leavin’ marks, an’ se’ thinks meh an’ Jazz are fuckin’ morns.” She stood and slammed the window shut.

I frowned shaking my head. “Why does she keep going back to him?”

Holly sighed and ran her hand thought her hair, drumming the others on her hips. “I don’t know,” she finally choked out.

I quickly wrapped my arms around her hugging her tightly, as she started to cry softly. Holly was the most caring out of all of us. Family was the one thing that she held above everything else. It literally tore her up every time Brittany got back with Miles.

She sniffled and pulled back. “M’ go take a showa, right.” She wiped her eyes with her hand. I nodded dropping my arms from her fully. “Dress is on the bed, knickers are in the top drawer.” She said point to the bed and dresser. “I’ll ‘elp yeh with yeh ‘air when, ‘m done.”

“Ok,” I nodded before she walked into the bathroom. I walked over to her dresser and grabbed a pair of underwear and a plain bra, slipping them on quickly and dropping my towel onto floor. I walked over to the bed and picked the dress up.

It was black and flower deigns fabric. I sighed and unzipped the back, before slipping myself into it. I tossed my hair over my shoulder, zipping myself up. The thing fit like a glove. The shower water was still running, I sighed boredly and walked over to where I had thrown my bag on Holly’s bed. I pulled out my cell phone and opened a message to Taylor.

To: Taylor :P
I’m not going to be home tonite. I’ll see you tomorrow though :)

I sent the message and plopped down on the bed. I lay on my stomach and slowly kicked my legs back and forth just for something to do.

“M’ ‘bout done.” Holly said ten minutes later, sticking her head out the bathroom door. I nodded just as my phone buzzed with Taylors reply.

From: Taylor :P
Y?? R U ok??

To: Taylor :P
I’m fine, just spending some time w/ family. They came down for a few days.

“Wo’ yeh textin’, Sissy?” Holly asked walking over her dresser, a towel wrapped around her head and a robe tied around her waist.

“Taylor.” I sighed, opening the new message.

From: Taylor :P
ooh well ok. do u know wat time u’ll b home?

To: Taylor :P
Nope

I tossed my phone aside and buried my head into the mattress letting out a small shout. “Feel better?” Holly asked.

I lifted my head, propping my head on my palm. “A bit.” I mumbled. She chuckled and finished zipping herself up.

“Oh, sissy?”

“Huh?”

“Wo’ gave yeh the ‘ickies?” She asked walking over to the small vanity. I tilted my head slightly, completely confused.

“what?”

She laughed slightly, “The ones on yer tits, sissy.” She ran her hand along her collar bone and motioned to her boobs playfully. “Yeh can see ‘em in that dress.” My cheeks flushed pink and I hurried to the vanity. I searched my reflection, my collar bone and boobs were cover in blue-ish, purple marks.

My cheeks started to go red and I started to pull up my dress hoping to hide them. She laughed and grabbed my wrists pulling away my hands. “Don’t fret, I got some cover tat’ll fix this.” She turned and started to dig through the drawers. I sat down on the small vanity chair, hiding my head in my hands. “Sit up sissy.” She said, I looked up from my hands to see her holding a small tub of cover up. I did what I was told and she squeezed some on to her hand before smearing some on my chest.

Once she was done she tossed the tub on to her vanity and picked up her hair drier. She turned it on me, brushing it as the heat dried it. As she did her own I did my make-up and teased my hair slightly, then helped her do her own.

“O’reight.” She mumbled making the finally touch to her eyes. “Done with this now,” She hurried off to her closet and pulled out two pairs of shoes. She handed me a pair of black thin strap heals. I quietly slipped them on, before being dragged off to the full length mirror she had in her closet.

“Aye, we’re both done, now.” She smiled happily. I followed her into the room and grabbed my phone and wallet out of my bag. I turned off the bedroom light, following quickly behind her as she gracefully walked down the stairs. I walked down slowly, seeing as stairs and me in heals meant bruised faces.

“Anybody ready?” Holly called from the bottom step. I sighed and sat down on the step where I stood, tucking my skirt beneath me.

“NO!” Grant and Jazz both shouted. I laughed laying my phone and wallet in my lap.

“Urry the fuck up!” Holly shouted, looking down at her phone. “We ‘ave twenty minutes till we need to be there!”

Suzie came skipping towards the two of us. “Sissy, do I look o’reight?” She spun herself so we could see her completely.

Holly looked her over, placing her hand on her chin. “Mehh!” She held her hand out giving it the so-so, before looking away unimpressed. Suzie gasped angrily, causing Holly and I to laugh. “Yeh look beautiful, bug.” She chuckled, pulling her into a hug. “Go get a jacket, S’ rainin.”

“Ok.” She said quickly hurrying off to grab a jacket.

“O’rieght.” Britt’s voice drifted into the room. “I love yeh.” Her voice sounded joyful, but I saw Holly tense up a bit. “Aye, I’ll see yeh in a few days. Bye, Miles.” She walked into the room, stuffing her phone into her bra.

When she saw us her glowing face brightened a bit. “Ready to go?” She asked cheerfully.

“I need a smoke.” Holly grumbled, starting to rummage through her clutch.

I frowned at Holly. “No, we’re waiting on Grant and Jazz.” I answered for her.

“Olly, what are we ‘avin’ fer dinner?” Suzie asked walking towards us, a purple sweater held tightly in her hand.

“Italian.” She said a cigarette between her lips. She held her lighter up to the end and started to turn the end, to light it. She clicked it four times, failing. “Ugh! Bleedin’ bastards.” She grunted, shaking it. I sighed and stood up moving to her side and grabbing the thing from her. I clicked it once and a small orange flame appeared at once. She held the cigarette to the flame liting it, before taking it from me.

“Thanks.” She mumbled dropping it into the clutch. “Grant! Jazz! S’ time! We’re leaving!” She shouted grabbing a sweater and handing it to me. I slipped it on and Suzie came and grabbed my hand, holding her umbrella in the other.

“O’reight!” Jazz said walking out of her room fully dressed and a umbrella in her hand. She had a black hoodie on over her dress. “Let’s go.”

“GRANT!” Holly yelled her hands on her hips as she tapped her foot. “Come on!”

“Bloody ‘ell!” Grant shouted stepping from his room, his shirt unbutton. “Can’t yeh wait a damned minute?”

Holly rolled her eyes walking towards the front door me and Suzie right behind her. “Yeh were takin’ ferever!” She said stepping out into the light rain. Suzie quickly opened up her umbrella as soon as we stepped outside.

The drive was filled with chatter, everyone was trying to talk excitedly over each other. Suzie was shouting over Grant who was looking rather annoyed. “OI! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Holly finally shouted. I laughed as she gripped the steering wheel tightly. “‘M bout to kick all yeh out of meh car an’ make yeh walk.”

Suzie huffed and crossed her arms over her chest dramatically. I smiled and shook my head, they never changed. I loved them for that, they were like my mini escape from reality.

Once we had been seated by Armando and handed our menu’s he left leaving us to look.

“What are yeh goin’ to get?” Suzie asked looking at her own menu, from beside me.

I pursed my lips slightly and looked through the menu. “Hmmm…” I tilted my head slightly. “Cheese ravioli with alfreado sauce.” I smiled at her picking her favorite.

She smiled and clapped her hands. “I want that!”

I giggled slightly putting down my menu and watching as my family talked to each other.

Our orders were taken and served to us in a quick amount of time considering that the place was nearly packed. We joked and caught up as we ate our dinner. The stress seemed to pull away the more I talked with my family. That was cut half way through our meal when my phone began to ring.

I placed my silverware down, picking up my phone. I excused myself and walked over to bathroom answering the unknown call.

“Hello?” I said walking into the fancy bathroom.

“Lo, Payton! S’ Meh Vegan!” He said very loud and happy.

I had to pull the phone away from my ear wincing slightly from him volume. I rolled my eyes smiling. “Hey buddy. What’s up?”
“Not much.” He said slowly. He sounded drunk. “I were wondering if yeh wanted to comean’ party wif meh! An’ Tom, an’ Jona, an’ Lee, an’ Matty an’ his birdy, an’ two young birds.” I could hear the gibber of all of them in the back ground as my eyes widened.

“Matt, are Lilly and Delilah there with you guys?”

He chuckled. “Aye.”

“Are you guys drinking with them?” I asked nervously.

“Don’ worry ‘bout it, Pay. Matty hid’ our keys.” He sounded proud of himself. “I member ow’ yeh felt about that whole drinkin’ an’ drivin’ thin’ on account of yer parents.”

My stomach churned, I shakily leaned against the side of the counter. “I have to go Vegan.” I said, trying to keep my voice level.

“awh!” He groaned. “Are yeh goin’ to come party wif us?”

“Maybe.” I said, so he’d let me hang up.

“O’reight!” He cheered, ending the call.

I quickly dialed Lily’s number for face time as my head started to spin. I waited anxiously for her to pick up biting my lip.

She popped up grinning. “HI!” She signed, smilingly like an idiot.

“Are you ook?”

She bobbed her head a few times. “I’m having a blast!” She threw her arms up. The cup she was holding in her hand spilled a bit of liquid onto her arm.

“Having you been drinking?”

She looked down a bit, nodding and biting her lip. My eyes widened slight. “Lilla hasn’t, though.”

“Let me talk to her.” I said immediately.

She shrugged. “I can’t.” She pouted her lips.

“Lilly Rose, get her now!” I demanded.

She pouted more and stood up. The screen dropped to her side and I could kind of tell that she was stumbling around Vegan’s down stairs. The sound of dub step and metal was loud in the background.

Lila’s face was a bit of a relief to see finally. She smiled but it quickly fell when she saw me. “Have you had anything to drink?” I asked right away.

She raised an eyebrow at me. “No, I don’t like alcohol.” She signed. “Payton are you ook? You look a bit faint.”

Tears started to fill my eyes and I shook my head. “No.”

“Wo’ yeh talkin’ to, little birdie?” Tom asked sticking his head in front of the camera. He smiled widely and waved his hand. “PAYTON!”

I felt my stomach churn. “Hi, Tom.”

Delilah rolled her eyes and pushed his head out of the way. “What’s wrong?”

“Watch Lily, make sure she’s ok.” I said avoiding the question. She raised an eyebrow and nodded unsure. “Be carefull please.” I said then quickly ended the call.

My stomach churned more violently causing me to run into a stall. The contents of my stomach emptied into the toilet. I wiped my mouth off with the back of my hand, flushing the toilet. I shakely walked out of the stall a moment later and went to the sink. I rinsed my
mouth out and washed my hands before going back out to my family.

“Wo’ was it?” Holly asked taking a bit of her spaghetti as I sat down.

“Taylor.” I lied, picking up my fork and playing with my food. I felt her stare on me. I ignored it and keep my eyes on my plate; the smell of the food made me want to be sick again.

The rest of dinner was silent for my part. When the rest finished Holly paid and we walked out to the car in the light drizzle.

“Let’s go to the movies!” Grants said breaking the silence that had carried to the car as we drove back home.

Holly raised an eyebrow. “Now?” She said looking into the rear view mirror.

“Aye, S’ not too late.” He said

“Well the rest of yeh, want to go?” She asked. They all nodded and she looked at me. “Wha’ ‘bout yeh?” She asked me.

I shook my head. “No, I just want to lay down and relax.”

“Aye, meh too.” She mumbled. “O’reight then.” She looked back at Grant. “Imma drive to the ‘ouse, then yeh can drive yeh lot to the movies.”

He smiled. “O’reight.”

Within five minutes, me and Holly were out of the car and in the house. They left as soon as we step in from the rain.

“Yeh can borrow some of meh clothes fer sleep ef yeh want.” Holly said, walkin’ toward the kitchen. “I’ll be up in a moment.”

“Ok,” I mumbled slipping off the heels, walking up the stairs. I walked into the room closing the door behind me. I opened up the bottom drawer to find her pajamas. I grabbed a thin tee shirt and one of the many pairs of shorts she had before walking into the bathroom to change. I took off the dress she had loaned me and set it on the counter.

“Pay?” Holly called.

“In here.” I said loud enough for her to hear. I slipped the tee shirt on, it fit kind of lose on my frame. I frowned slightly as I stepped into the shorts they were loose too.

The door opened and Holly walked in a smoke hanging from her lips, a water and wine cooler in her hand; a wash rag placed over her arm.

“Do you have anything smaller?” I asked looking down at myself and holding the shorts.

She placed everything in her hands on the counter and tied the strings on the shorts and rolled the shorts a bit. “They won’t fall now.”

“Thanks.” She nodded taking the cigarette out of her mouth, blowing the smoke out away from my face and opened up the mirror pulling out make up remover.

“‘Ere so yeh can clean off the makeup.”

I took them and walked out of the bathroom; I grabbed the clothing and dropped them into the hamper. I walked over to the vanity and started to wipe off my face getting rid of all the makeup. The sound of the water running in the bathroom told me she was doing the same.

I sighed and tossed the used wipes and walked over to the bed sitting down on it and letting the mattress engulf me.

Holly walked out a short while later and walked over to the bed sitting beside me. She sighed and handed me the water. “O’reight spill away.” She said looking right at me and getting to the point.

I played with the water picking at the lid. My eyes started to water and my throat got tight. “I-I….I love him so much Holly.” I croaked as tears started to slip.

She placed her hand on my arm, “Wo’, sissy?” I couldn't get his name from my lips and she placed her wine cooler on the night stand, moving closer and pulling me into a hug. “Tell meh wha’ ‘appened, yeah?”

I nodded and let spill the recent events, not stopping or leaving out any details. She sat and listened her expression was unreadable. The whole time I spoke I kept my eyes moving to keep myself from crying.

“I always knew yeh would.” She said when I was done spill my guts. I looked up at her a bit confused. “Still love ‘im.” She grabbed my hand answering my unasked question. “Yeh should try an’ be with ‘im. Sounds like ‘e wants to be with yeh too.”

I shook my head tears returning. “He has her though.” My voice came out as a whisper.

“Well ‘e don’ want ‘er, ‘e wants yeh!” She said

I shook my head and looked up at her. “I will not be like SJ.” I mumbled. “It’s not fair.”

She sighed and rested her hand on mine. “Love, sometimes yeh got to just go an’ grab what’s rightfully yers.” She squeezed my hand. “No matta what the bloody reaction of anyone is.”

I pulled my hand back and shook my head. “I-I’m tired.” I whispered.

She sighed, “Ok, go to sleep.” I nodded my head and laid down turn my back towards her and pulling a blanket over my body. I buried my head into the pillow and cried myself silently to sleep.