Memorial

When we woke up the next morning the others had already left to go and wonder around town, in search of entertainment. Holly and I had been the only two to say home to relax.

“Pay!” Holly called from one of the upstairs rooms.

“What?” I responded looking away from the TV, still flipping thought and listening to what was playing.

“Come ‘ere!” I sighed and looked back at the TV. I pressed the off button on the remote, watching as the screen went black. Getting up I tossed the remote on to the couch and walked out of the living room and too the stairs. I walked quickly taking them two at a time to see what my sister wanted. I stuck my head in the master bedroom to see if she was there.

“Holly?”

“In ‘ere.” She called from another room. My forehead creased and I walked towards her voice. I walked straight into my old room. I stood in the door way and watched Holly walked around the room moving all the boxes I had left. When she saw me she stopped and placed her hands on her hips.

“Yeh left a lot of yer crap ‘ere.” She motioned to all of the boxes. I nodded my head slowly as she poked her head into one of the boxes. “We should go through ‘em an’ toss some of it.”

I shrugged. “Sure, might as well I guess.” I walked towards one of the stacks of boxes with a blank face. My heart was racing inside me though, being in my room felt so strange. It was like a foreign place to me. I grabbed one of the stacked boxes and placed it on the ground. I sat beside it reading what I had written on the side. It read Books; I started to unfold that top.

“O’reighty then!” She rubbed her hands together. “M’ gonna go get a few thin’ an’ be reight back.” I nodded my head and she walked out of the room quickly.

I sighed and looked around the room. There were at least 11 boxes here that I had left behind. This wasn’t going to take very long. I shook my head and began to pull things from the box. It was filled with books and small toys that had been lined up against my wall.

I started to make piles, on throw out and the other keeps. I started on the second box. It was filled with bunches of photo albums that held pictures of my Family and friends. Or pictures from my dance recitals from when I moved here. At the bottom were the albums filled with me the pictures of Tom, Oli, Matty, and the other guys. I shook slightly when I held it, my eyes going between the two piles.

Keep or toss; the thought of keeping it through my mind. I finally tossed it into a pile not caring, If It was there, and then I’d have it. If I wasn’t, maybe I’d be better off. I finished off that box and tossed it aside before grabbing another box.

This one wasn’t written on. I looked over at the other two that had been underneath it. They weren’t written on either. I frown slightly. I didn’t remember why I hadn’t written what was in them. I slowly pulled back the top and looked inside.

On the top was a black t-shirt. I frowned and picked it up holding it up; the front of it had a skull like thing on it. It seemed very familiar but I couldn’t put my finger on why. I placed it on my lap and looked through the box some more. I found a few other non-important things in there. An old pair of tattered Vans and a couple pair of jeans. At the bottom was another album. I shoved all the clothes back in in and quickly shoved it away.

I grabbed the other box and tore it open. Framed pictures, a blanket, more clothing, a sweatshirt, jewelry, filled this one. My eyes were all filled with tears now. I know why I didn’t put anything on these. I didn’t know what to write on them.

I looked into the bottom of the box and a strike hit my heart. I reached in slowly and pulled out the soft stuffed toy out. I held it gently in my hands and starred at it. The memory made me cry. Olligator; That stupid name, that stupid night. Everything about that night when he had won me over. I was so stupid.



“Are yeh sure yeh’re going to be ok?” Lauran asked over the phone.

I sniffled a bit. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I mumbled.

She sighed slightly. “O’reight.” she said finally. “I can be ova in like 5 minutes if yeh like.” She offered again.

I shook my head. “No, No. It’s fine Lauran. My family will be home in the morning. I’ll be ok till then.” I told her. I didn’t need her to see me cry. It was bad enough she had to check up on me. And listen to me cry over the phone.

“ok.” She sighed. “See yeh Monday then?”

“Bright and early.” I spoke with a happy tone that time.

“Bye, Payton.”

“Bye, Lauran.” I spoke as the line went dead.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and placed it on my night stand beside my bed. My eyes started to fill with tears once again. I let them flow this time. I was glad no one was home and it was just me. I could be as loud as I wanted.

I curled up into a ball on my bed and watched the night sky as I cried. Cried over him. In years since my parents died he had been the only other reason I had cried. He met so much to me. I hugged my blanket to me closely, my head on my pillows, soaking in my tears as they fell from my cheeks.

He had actually stood me up.

“Payton?” I thought I heard my name called. I squeezed my eyes tight, hoping I was just hearing things. I didn’t want anyone to be here. “Payton?” They called a bit louder. “Payton, are yeh ‘ere?” I heard the opening of doors and I pulled my blanket over my head and curled up into a smaller ball.

“Payton?” The voice was clearer now. Not muffled by my closed door. “Are you awake, Pay?”

I sniffled wiping my eyes. I looked up at the night sky through my window, not answering him. He sighed coming in. I heard my door close with a soft click and a few moments later my bed made a soft creak. My mattress sunk a bit as he sat next to me on the bed.

“Payton?” He said softly, touching my back. I slipped out of bed, causing my blanket to slide off me and onto the floor. I walked over to my window just gazing at the moon. Why did he have to be here? Why? My eyes welled up and I quickly wiped them away.

He sighed and moved off my bed. “Pay, M’ Sorry. Really, I am.” He spoke softly. He placed his hands on my shoulders and I felt his warm breath on the back of my neck. I sniffled and shrugged off his touch, sitting on the small window seat never tearing my eyes away from the full moon.

“Pay ‘m sorry.” He said again.

I shook my head and closed my eyes. “It’s whatever, Oli.” I said softly.

He sat next to me and placed his hand on my cheek. “No S’ not.” I looked at him. My arms crossed over my chest, I know that. “I promised yeh I was goin’ to take yeh to that stupid dance, an’ I forgot.” He brushed away my fallen tear.

I simply shook my head looking away from him. “Wy yeh cryin’?”

“Do you even remember what today is?” I said softly never looking away from the moon.

“Friday?”

Tears built up more. “Nine years ago today, I became an orphan.” I said barely above a whisper. Oliver didn’t speak; I pulled my legs up to my chest and buried my head in my knees. Tears poured from my eyes and I didn’t care that Oliver was there. I wanted him to see he had made me cry.

“P-pay.” He said unsure. “M’ sorry.”

I shrugged. “Sorry doesn’t bring them back.”

Silence surrounded us and Oli wrapped his arms around me pulling me into his lap. He squeezed me tightly with one arm his other hand moving up and tilting my head back. He brushed his thumb over my cheeks catching the tears and frowning guiltily. He sighed closing his eyes and laying his forehead on mine.

“M’ so sorry, Pay.” He mumbled shaking his head. He opened his eyes slowly looking directly into mine. “M’ the worst boyfriend ever, to ‘ave made my beautiful bird cry.”

I looked away from him and he sighed moving his forehead from mine, burring his head in the side of my neck. His lips brushed over my skin making my body trembled. Like always I melted a bit against his chest both his arms wrapped around my body hold me to him.

“Wha’ do yeh want meh to do to make this better?” he whispered in my ear, nibbling on it slightly.

“I-I don’t know-w.” my voice trembled slightly and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He smirked at me pecking my lips softly, before picking me up and standing both of us up. “Imma fix this.” He weaved my fingers with his and pulled me over to my bed. He silently reached onto the mattress and picked up a small stuffed animal. “S’ fer miss yer dance.” He mumbled holding it out fer me. I slowly grabbed it looking it over properly. It was an alligator. I ran my fingers over the soft fuzzy outside, my tears building. “S’ stupid, I know, but I though yeh’d like it.” He mumbled scratching the back of his head.

I looked up at him, “Olligator.” I whispered softly.

He smiled softly and I stood up on my tip toes pecking his lips. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into a hug. I hugged him back snaking my arms around his neck, the stuffed alligator still in my hand. He softly kissed the top of my head and I cuddled closer to his touch.

I heard a soft crinkle through his shirt and I felt him flinch slightly. I pulled away raising my eyebrow. “What was that?” I mumbled.

“S’ nothin’.” He said quickly, smiling reassuringly.

I loosened my arms from his neck and crossed them over my chest. “Oliver.”

He sighed knowing I wasn’t going to drop it and started to unzip his hoodie. He tossed it off and began to pull off his shirt. My cheeks instantly heated and I looked away. He tossed his shirt on to my bed where his hoodie had landed. He breathed out deeply and put his hands in his front pockets.

I blushed a bit more looking back at his shirtless torso. On his lower stomach he had a clear wrap taped to his skin. His hearts that he had lined down his hip were red and looked a little bloody. I frowned and looked up at him, hugging the alligator to my chest.

“I were gettin’ it re done.” He scratched the back of his head. “It was supposed to be a surprise fer yeh.”

“How?”

“Look at it better, love.” He smiled slightly taking off the wrap. I sighed placing Olligator on my bed and took at better look getting closer. In the dark my eyes adjusted to the moonlight and I saw letters inked into the hearts. I stood up straight and looked at Oli confused.

“You got my initials?”

He stepped towards me lacing his fingers with mine again. “Aye.” He mumbled smirking slightly.

I smiled a bit at the gesture, a heat burning through my stomach and up into my chest. Oli bent down and met his lips to mine. My free hand weaved into his soft black hair and he gripped his hand on my hip. His tongue pushed my lips apart opening my mouth and allowed him to heat up our kiss. He pushed me back so that my legs hit my mattress; I sat on the top of my bed. He pushed my legs apart so he was closer moving his hand to the back of my neck, my hands moved and rested on his sides. His tongue bushed over mine, making my moan into his mouth. He tugged my hair gently pulling his tongue from my mouth and biting my lower lip. My nails dug into his skin, his snake bites brushed against mine. He smirked and started to play with them. I groaned slightly, biting my cheek.

He pulled back slowly keeping his hand on the back of my neck. I opened my eyes slowly looking up at him, a bit dazed. He smirked down at me, his thumb brushing over my cheek. “Yer a beautiful.” He whispered, pecking my nose. I blushed, looking away. I shook my head a bit. His lips brushed my temple lightly, “Yeh are. Yer one of the most beautiful birds eva.” His fingers ran along my jaw. “I don’t understand wy yer still with meh.” He said softly. I looked back at him confused by his last sentence. He sighed, “M’ a terrible boyfriend.”

I frowned. “No you’re not Oli.” I grabbed his wrist, grabbing his hand slightly. He chuckled dropping his hand and rolling his eyes. “Oliver, you’re not. Believe me, I wouldn’t have been with someone who was nothing but terrible to me.”

He smirked down at me slightly, “Obviously yeh ‘aven’t ‘eard what Tom’s been sayin’.” He pulled away from me.

I stood up grabbing his chin, “Oli, you’re an amazing person and your treat me right.” He pulled his chin away and turned his head. I sighed and placed my hands on either side of his face and made him look at me. “Oliver, I’m with you because I love you.” I said and my cheeks instantly heated at my words.

He smirked at me and wrapped his arms around my waist, “Yeh love meh?” I dropped my hands from his face looking away. He chuckled and kissed my temple, “I knew it.” He whispered in my ear. I shivered and my cheeks grew darker. “Yeh red as a tomato, Pay.”

I covered my face with my hands. “Quit looking.” I mumbled.

“Nawh, yer sexy when yeh blush.” He smirked, “Specially if m’ the one wo’ casue it.” He breathed. “M’ ‘ave tempted to throw yeh on the bed an’ take yeh right now.”

I groaned and shoved his chest. “Shush up.” I grumbled. He chuckled holding my wrist.

He kissed my cheek and let go of my wrist. “I still got to make up fer missin’ yer dance don’t I?” He smiled and walked over to my CD player and many piles of CDs. I sat back on my bed and picked up my Olligator. I smiled at it and brushed it with my fingers lightly.

No Hardcore Dancing in the Living Room by Chiodos started to softly fill my room. He walked over to me, “Yeh don’t have too much soft shit, yeh know.” He smirked and held out his hand. “I must be rubbin’ off on yeh.” I smiled, rolling my eye taking his hand, standing up and wrapping my other arms around his neck. He placed his hands on my hip and we started to sway to the music.

“Don’t you want to put your shirt back on?” I asked looking up at him.

He smirked and pecked my nose, “Nope.”

I blushed and sighed, laying my head on his chest. His sent filling my nose and I smiled a little. I listened closely as Oli started to sing along. His scream rumbling through his chest, but his voice still soft enough to hear the singers. I bit my lip and started to play with the back of his hair. He sighed and wrapped his arms around my waist holding me against his chest.

“Don’t let this die. We may never fall in love again. It’s hard but it’s worth the wait when it’s over.” I mouthed my favorite lyrics tightening my arms around Oli’s neck. I felt my eyes start
to get heavier as we continued to sway.

“Tired?” Oli asked, as I hid a yawn behind my hand.

I looked up at him and nodded a bit. He smiled and gently scooped me up, carrying me to my bed and laid me down, tucking me underneath my covers. I pulled the covers around me for warmth and watching Oli as he turned off my CD. He walked back over to me, kneeling by the side of my bed.

“Imma leave since, I tuckered meh bird out.” He smirked, brushing his hand on my cheek. He kissed me gently.

“Stay and sleep with me.” I said half asleep. He smiled big and raised an eyebrow. I rolled my eyes. “Not like that perv.” I grumbled shoving him slightly. He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

“Bloke can hope, can’t ‘e?” he chuckled kicking off his converse before climbing into bed with me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me against his chest. He kissed my shoulder rubbing my side gently.

“I love you, Oliver.” I said sleepily.

He sighed, kissing the side of my neck. “I know, love.” He mumbled, my eyes grew heavier and I hugged Olligator tighter to my chest. “Night, Pay.” He said as I fell to asleep.



“Payton.” I looked up from the stuffed animal and over my shoulder. Matt stood in my door way frowning. He walked over to me and sat down beside me. “What’s wrong little bird?” He asked, pulling me into his lap.

I shook my head and sobbed into his shoulder, the stuffed alligator still tightly in my hand. He rubbed my back and rocked me gently trying to calm me down. “It’ll be o’reight, Pay.” He said softly trying to comfort me. He held me in his lap and let me cry my eyes out on his shoulder.

I wiped my eyes off on the back of my hand and sniffled looking away from him. He pet my hair softly and kissed my forehead. “Wy’ were yeh cryin’ Pay?” He asked concerned.

“What are you doing here?” I asked avoid his question.

“My mum called meh an’ said yer brother an’ sisters were in town.” He said, eyeing me. “Don’t avoid meh question, Pay.” He said sternly.

I looked away from him, climbing from his lap and scooping up the photo albums with me and Oli from the keep pile and tossed it at him. “Do whatever with that.” I whispered. “I-I don’t want to see it.”

He looked at it for a minute, frowning when he looked at me. “S’ ‘bout ‘im?” He asked.

“No.” I snapped quickly.

He stood up and held the photo album in his hands. “We’re all worried about yeh, Pay.” He said softly.

I wiped my eyes on my sleeve. “I’m fine, there’s nothing to be worried about.” I crossed my arms over my chest hugging myself.

He gave me a sad look, before shaking his head. “We care about yeh.” He ran his hand through his hair. “We’re not stupid Payton. We see that yer tryin’ to ‘ide somethin’.” With that he left, shutting the door behind him.

I turned and walked over to my bed crawling on top of the naked mattress and curling up. I felt so tired from all the crying, that I fell asleep almost as soon as my eyes closed.