The Pursuit of Happiness

I was so mad, so mad and I didn’t even attempt to calm myself down, there was no use. Why should I? He obviously was too busy to pick up his damned phone. “Son of a b– ” I wanted to curse so badly, but bit my tongue before I let emotions free. Calm down, calm down …

“The hell you need a phone if you can’t pick one up!?” I shouted at the white object in my hand, waiting for the other line to finally connect, but just like two previous times this wasn’t an exception – Shannon doesn’t know how to pick up the damned thing. I bit my tongue once again, trying to keep my eyes on the road, as I pressed the red button, disconnecting the call in the process. There were a lot of profanities I replayed in my head, but didn’t dare to say them out loud. I was so mad.

I always hated when people couldn’t pick up their phones. What if it was an emergency? What if something happened? What if lives were at stake and just one phone call was all it took? What then? “Stupid, motherfu–” I exhaled deeply before letting myself finish the sentence.

I pushed on the breaks and shut the engine off, undid the seatbelt and made my way out of the vehicle and into the building where I knew I would surely get my answers. How dare he? How dare he ignore my call and then ignore them completely? What if something was wrong with Theodore, what then? I had to get myself together and stop with the thinking, it wasn’t doing me any good.

I waited for the elevator to open the doors on the eleventh floor and made my towards the penthouse I knew Shannon would be in. Last time I was here wasn’t the most pleasant one and it had started the whole stupid war thing. Now, now I wanted some answers and when I wanted something, I would make sure I would get them, my way.

I knocked on the white wooden door as loud as I could and waited. No reply, of course. I huffed feeling my temper rise and knocked harder. And again, no answer. I took the phone out of the pocket and pressed the number, feeling the blood rush through my ears as my chest raised up and down with the heavy breaths I took in and breathed out.

“What?” finally!
“Open the God damned door, Leto!” I snapped disconnecting the call.

I hoped that he got my message clear from the tone I spoke – I wasn’t in the mood to wait, let alone to negotiate. I was here for my answers, simple as that.
After a few moments I heard loud footsteps at the other side of the door, as it was suddenly flown open and there he stood in all his glory, confusion written all over his face.

“Do you know how to pick up a phone when it rings?” I snapped letting myself in, not really waiting for a reply. I made my way into the living room and stopped in my tracks as I saw a familiar form sitting in one on the leather couches. Oh.

“I was … busy,” Shannon said coming into the room shortly afterwards. The person sitting on the couch turned her head towards me and attempted to smile which I returned trying to place her face in my memory. There was something familiar about her.

Suddenly I became aware of my surroundings – the whole living room was dimly lighted as the shades were halfway drawn, blocking out the sunny day that was trying to make its way inside the room. The whole atmosphere was somewhat grim and unpleasant, and I felt out of place – I have stepped somewhere I shouldn’t be.

“Uhh,” I made a noise at the back of my throat. “I need to go,” I said heading back towards the door I came in through a few seconds ago.
“No,” Shannon and the woman said in union, as I looked at them feeling slightly uncomfortable. “I need to talk to you,” Shannon whispered looking down at me, his gaze never leaving mine. For a split second I allowed myself to actually let my guards down and become paralyzed by his piercing gaze, but the moment was soon broken when the blonde woman was making her way past us.

“It’s nice meeting you,” she said looking at me like she knew who I was, but I couldn’t remember her. Still, there was this feeling that I needed to know her, like there was something important about her. She looked at Shannon and was out the door, leaving us both behind.

“So,” Shannon said rubbing the back of his short hair, avoiding my gaze. I felt uncomfortable with him alone and it looked like he was feeling the same way. It wasn’t the first time we were alone in the same room, yet those were the times that probably neither of us wanted to bring up. The drunken … fucking against the wall in my hallway and the broken hearted sobbing on the hospital bed, yes, those surely were the moments I wanted to forget.

“Would you like something to eat, drink, anything?” Shannon asked as I sat in the black leather couch, watching him pouring himself a glass of dark liquid. “Make me the same thing you’re having,” I said feeling slightly unnerved. I should’ve declined his offer, but at the moment I didn’t think. It seemed like whenever things revolved around Shannon or if it was in direct contact of him, my mind was taking a day off. All I felt were pure emotions – sometimes I was scared, sometimes I felt the blood rush to my face and sometimes I felt aroused. Now I felt curious.

He didn’t look too good, if I may say – there were no hints of mischief on his beautiful face, nor was there his usual smirk that often made me week in the knees. He was polite and somewhat restrained, and I wondered what made him this way. This was certainly the side of Shannon’s I didn’t know. But on the other hand – I didn’t even know him to begin with.

“Are you sure? You don’t look like a whiskey girl to me,” he said smirking slightly. “I’m not,” I said smiling a bit, “but it’s worth trying. Never really had a chance to taste it properly.”

It was true, I was not a brown-liquor girl, but then again I didn’t drink that often. Well, of course, the year when I drunk myself into oblivion doesn’t count – I didn’t care what made me forget, all I cared about was that it indeed made me turn my back on the reality.

Shannon finished with pouring the drinks and sat by my side, handing me the glass of whiskey. I didn’t dare to smell the liquid as I feared to fail myself in the eyes of a man that was my son’s father. “Did you know that I’m all over the internet?” I asked suddenly remembering the reasons I came here the first place. I brought the glass to my lips and took a mouth full of its content, contorting my face in disgust. I was definitely not a whiskey girl.

Shannon chuckled as he drank his glass without a care. I found myself admitting that the process actually suited him. “Yeah,” he finally said looking down at the half empty glass in his hands, twirling it in his fingers. “Jared and Emma told me yesterday,” he said finishing the rest of his drink as he got up from and made his way towards the counter, making himself another drink.

“Oh,” was all I could say. I felt kind of stupid, sitting there, looking at him not really knowing what to say. My mouth felt dry and no matter how awful the drink was, I gulped it down trying not to choke on it. “Do you have something else?” I asked, raising up from my seat and making my way towards Shannon. “Something more suited for me?” I smiled looking up into his beautiful brown eyes. He was so handsome and the fact of it made my heart ache. Why couldn’t things be easier, why was there this chasm between us that neither knew how to climb over. Maybe it was not meant to be? Maybe there was no “us”.

Shannon didn’t break his gaze as he slowly leaned into my form. I felt my heartbeat increase as I anticipated this – the feeling of him so close after all this time brought out emotions I was trying so hard to conceal. He was doing things to my body without knowing it, the way his whole form made my lower abdomen come to life. I was feeling like a woman when he looked at me, especially when he had that glint of mischief like he was undressing me in his mind.

“Will wine be good for you?” He asked, a smirk gracing his lips, as he took the empty glass from my hands. It was the glass … The reason he came so close was because he wanted to take it. Oh.

“Yeah,” I whispered, averting my gaze and bringing my hands into the curls on my head, brushing them slightly. I returned back to my place on leather couch as I watched him pull out another glass from the counter and a bottle of wine, opening it in the process.

Maybe I was just a fool who lusted after the father of her child. I had to stop myself before it all went too far and get myself out of it while I’m still whole, as whole as I was.

* * *

“You know,” Shannon said after our laughing died down. “I feel like we’re meeting for the first time.” He smirked, taking another sip from his already half empty glass and leaned his head back against the leather couch, while I looked at him smiling softly and feeling the room around me pulse with every breath I took.

Somewhere between our drinking, we moved to the floor, seeing as the white fur rug was much more comfortable than the couch. We stretched our feet while saying things we haven’t said in a while and maybe didn’t dare to say when we were sober, and just passed the time until the sun settled behind the horizon. We both admitted that it was the best sight we have seen in a while and smiled at each other, finally feeling like the moment we shared was meant to be.

I laid my head down on the floor, listening to Shannon’s stories from tours, the smile never leaving my lips. I wished I could be there, experiencing all the things he had, seeing the sights he loved and feeling those emotions he tried so hard to describe.

Shannon was not a man of many words, it seemed like sometimes it was hard for him to say the things he wanted to say, because he didn’t know how to describe them properly with the right words, but I reassured him that I got the point – in the end the meaning behind the words was what mattered.

And somewhere between our talking, I begun to understand that I was quite comfortable in his presence – the smirks, the mischief, the warm-hearted nature of the man was actually pleasant to be around, once I get to chance to actual be there with Shannon. He was such a beautiful human being and it made my heart beat faster knowing that he was the father of our son.

“I never had a chance to say this,” Shannon looked at me while he spoke calmly, “and I don’t know if I ever would man up to say this when I am sober, but I think you are amazing, Helena.” He put the glass on the floor and stared down at me with those beautiful hazel eyes of his, making my world spin even more. I was not intoxicated, rather tipsy, but his presence was doing things to me.

“I was mad, you lied to me, kept the truth away from me and yet you gave me the best gift I could ever ask. Thank you, Helena,” and it was all it took for my tears to come. After all these months, after all I have been through, he was finally here, with me, saying these things that made my heart beat faster and tears of joy to flow. “Hey, it’s okay,” Shannon said, bending down and taking me in his arms while my whole form shook with sobs.

His musky scent filled my nostrils as I tried so hard to calm my nerves and stop the tears from falling. Shannon was holding me in his arms, rocking us back and forth and I just clung to him, soaking his shirt wet with my tears. He was so close, so close … I could feel Shannon’s heart beat in his strong chest, the way it rose and fell with every breath he took in and breathed out. I could feel it all and when I looked up at him my eyes were still full of tears, but my form was calm.

Light stubble covered his chin, as his eyes were suddenly looking nowhere else, but me. He looked sober, but I knew better. Nobody could be sober from the amount we took in in the past few hours. I allowed his fingers to stroke my back and make their way up to my arms, as he looked down at my lips, licking his own in the process, while his fingers brought my chin closer to his face. “Shannon,” I whispered not really knowing what else to say or do. All I could think about was the closeness between us and how it seemed to vanish with each passing moment until finally I closed my eyes and felt his lips pressed against my own. I needed this.

I almost moaned at the feeling of him against me, the softness of his warm lips, the perfect shape of his mouth and how skillful he seemed to be as he parted my mouth with his and searched for my tongue. He was so warm and so perfect, with a small hint of whiskey, but somehow it all aroused me even more. I could kiss him like this forever.

Shannon’s arms tightened around me as he brought me onto his lap, holding his one arm on my hip, guiding me closer to his form, while the other was lost at the back of my neck, into the depth of my black curls.

He kissed every inch of me, his breathing becoming shallow as I felt the world around me spin uncontrollably, but I never let him go; I didn’t dare. I had the front of his shirt clutched tightly in my fingers as he kissed me with ferocity and passion that only increased with every passing moment. My arms snaked their way around Shannon’s neck as I pressed myself closer to him, chest on chest, suddenly the heat of my body becoming almost unbearable. I wanted for him to take me right there, right that instant and the thought of actually doing it made the anticipation in my folds become almost unbearable. My core was on fire and I was so desperate for a release.

“Shannon,” I moaned once he let my mouth free and I gasped for air only to have it blocked out from my lungs by the kisses he planted all over my neck. Shannon sucked, nibbled and licked on it and I could almost feel the stinging on my skin from the forming bruises, but I didn’t care. I wanted him so much. “Sha– ” I wanted to moan again, but couldn’t find my voice as I felt my shirt being taken off my form. I opened my eyes and looked at the man in front of me, his dark gaze never leaving mine, as he brushed his fingers against my back, coming closer to the clasp of my bra. He smirked once the clip was undone without any effort and brushed the straps of it down as my breasts were exposed. His smirk widened as he slowly gazed down at my chest, but all I could feel was the anticipation building up inside. I needed this so much.

“Shannon,” I breathed taking the hem of his shirt and taking it off of him as fast as I could. “A little eager, aren’t we?” He chuckled while his hands cupped my breasts and I gasped feeling the roughness of his touch. I needed more.

“Shannon, please,” I whispered taking his face in my arms, trying to place a kiss on his plump lips, but he had none of it. Shannon drew his head back instead and bit down on his lower lip, trying to stop the smile from gracing his lips. I pouted and huffed, but the look in his eyes made my heart beat faster. Pure lust.

His hands were all over me and I moaned as I closed my eyes, leaning back and holding my form on my arms. He covered the naked part of my body with kisses, starting from my chin with a mouthful, sloppy hot kisses that continued lower and lower until I felt his tongue brush just below my panties. I opened my eyes and looked down at Shannon, while he undid the button of my jeans and took them off. Never once did he ask for permission, it seemed like he knew that I would not object, and I wouldn’t. I certainly wouldn’t.

I sat there almost naked in front of him, the last piece of clothing was my cotton undergarment that covered the most sacred part of my body, and yet I was willing to take it all off, to strip my dignity in front of the Shannon once again and let him have me, all of me.

I stood up, his gaze never leaving my body, and took in a shaky breath, reaching down towards the hem of my panties, slowly pulling them down. Shannon’s eyes widened and in a second he was standing in front of me, his form towering over mine as he replaced my fingers with his. “Allow me, please,” he whispered his voice husky and filled with lust, as his lips curved into a smirk.

I placed my arms on his hips while he slowly took my panties off, brushing his fingers against the skin beneath as I felt shiver run down my spine. He was intoxicating me with every touch on my skin. Never once did Shannon’s eyes leave mine, not even when my panties were lying on the floor and I stood there, completely naked in front of him, anticipating and nervous inside. The last time we were this close to each other was almost a year ago and under different circumstances. Now … now I wanted this.

“You are so beautiful,” Shannon whispered brushing every inch of my body with his fingers. “These curves – your breasts, your hips, your butt, everything …” he drew his hands all over my form with every word he spoke, finally stopping at my breasts, slowly tracing patterns on them and I felt my nipples harden.

“Take off your pants,” I whispered finally having enough of his teasing. I needed him, didn’t he understand? And apparently Shannon wasn’t the person that needed to be told twice. He smirked coming closer to me, his eyes never leaving mine, as I heard him unzip his pants and then the fall of the clothing on the wooden floor. I averted my gaze downwards and smiled feeling satisfied – he was naked and finally we were equal.

His manhood was standing up – aroused and ready, and I wanted to touch him so much, to feel his silky skin beneath my fingers and stroke him, having my way with his body. And so I did, I brought my hands to his manhood and squeezed him lightly, earning a hiss from Shannon who placed his palms on my hips, bringing me closer to him. “No teasing,” he whispered and I smirked.
“I’ll be the judge of that,” I replied suddenly feeling confident. I had him right where I wanted him.

So I touched him and with every stroke I earned a satisfying sound from the man in front of me. His hold tightened on my hips, as I stroked him up and down, increasing my pace. I could feel him growing beneath my fingers and suddenly I had the urge to feel what was it like to have him in my mouth – what would that be like to actually feel him, to taste him?

Just as I was about to voice my suggestion Shannon commanded “enough,” and turned me around by my hips, laying us down on the rug. “On your knees,” he ordered and I placed my palms on the floor in front of me, obeying his commands, as I felt the front of his thighs come in contact with the back of mine. I took a glance back and saw him take his manhood and press the tip of it at my entrance. “You’re so wet,” he said and chuckled deeply, but I couldn’t answer … the feeling of him touching me there, so close … it was too much. “For God’s sake, do it alr– ” and I didn’t have the chance to finish, he filled me so suddenly and I felt my eyes widen at the feeling of him widening my folds.