Whatever It Takes

“So was it as good the second time around?” Patrick asked her, as they waited patiently at a red light. “Even better than I remembered” Arianna responded, forcing herself to smile as she finished her ice cream cone.

Patrick turned back to focus on the road as the light changed to green, frowning slightly. He could tell something was off with her; she had been edgy all night. “You ok?” he asked her, shooting her a quick glance, “you’ve been really quiet all night”. Arianna just nodded her head, “I’m great”.

Truth was though; she was an absolute mess inside. Every since they had left the locker room, she had kept to herself. She got more nervous and edgy every time her heart fluttered from being near him. Her stomach felt sicker as time winded down, signaling fewer moments left together. It also reminded her that she had barley any time left to make her decision.

They drove in silence back to her hotel, letting the music from the radio fill the quiet between them. Arianna could feel her heart tighten in her chest, as she tried to breathe deeply to calm it. As she saw her hotel pull up in front of them, she was certain she would pass out. Her nerves were shot through the roof, a feeling she was not use to.

Patrick pulled up in front of the hotel, pulling the car to the side and setting it in park. He nervously put both hands on the steering, playing with it for a few seconds before letting it go. “Thanks for coming” he began as he turned to look at her, startled by her blank expression.

“Why didn’t you tell me about what I did?” Arianna asked him, while silently willing herself to stay calm. Patrick’s eyes showed his momentary confusion, until he realized what she was talking about. “Marissa told you,” he said, not really asking but stating instead.

“Yeah she did. And I want to know why you didn’t tell me?” Arianna replied, growing frustrated with him suddenly. “I was a fucking idiot. And how I treated you...I’m so embarrassed” she continued, shaking her head at him in disbelief. “You should have told me. Why didn’t you?” she asked him again.

“I don’t know Ari” Patrick said, as he leaned back in his seat. “I didn’t want to upset you…” he said simply, hoping that would be enough for her. He looked into her eyes and saw the irritation.

“That’s not a good enough reason Patrick. Everyone does stupid things once in a while, you still tell your friends what they did though” she responded, “why is everything with you so complicated? Can’t you just treat me how friends are suppose to treat each other?”.

She was pushing him; she knew that. She could have just accepted what he said and be done with this. But a piece of her told her to not let it go so easily. There was more to it than whatever Patrick was saying; and she wanted the truth.

“I can’t! I can’t just treat you like a regular friend. I don’t know why but I just can’t” he replied, his voice filled with emotion. “I hated having to see you like that, all over some other guy. Then I find you in the kitchen at 4 am and I’m so pissed off with you for kissing that jerk. And you can’t even remember doing it, doing anything for that matter. So I decide it’s better,” he continues, as he stared into her eyes with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine.

“It’s better to just let it go and pretend it didn’t happen. Because I don’t want to remember you kissing him. And I don’t want you to remember that either. So I’m sorry. I should treat you like a regular friend but I don’t”.

Arianna sat there, slightly stunned, as she repeated his words in her head. That was definitely more than she thought she would get, some of it confusing her slightly. “We promised each other we would be honest, right?” she asked him quietly, starring straight ahead of her out the windshield.

Patrick looked at her confused; this wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting with his sudden outburst, but this was not it. “Of course Ari” he replied, as he leaned over and held her hand.

“Then I need to tell you something” she began as she finally turned to look at him. He searched her eyes for a clue of what was going on, but they worked hard on keeping him out of her thoughts.

“Tell me anything,” he said, as he rubbed her hand in his. “But you need to promise me” she continued, “Promise me that after I say this, you’ll forget about it and never mention it again”.
Patrick starred at her in confusion, “I don’t understand…I don’t know if I can promise that”.

Arianna shook her head, “Please Patrick. Promise me. Promise me once I say this you’ll leave it be and not mention it again”. Her eyes pleading with his with such desperation, he could do nothing but nod in agreement.

She took a deep breathe in, exhaling as it came out shakily. Her hands trembled in his slightly, as she willed her cougar to come. “I don’t know what to say exactly, so I guess I’ll just get to the point” she began, as she looked at him. “There’s really no other way to say this except to just simply say that I’ve fallen for you. Really fallen for you. As more than just a friend”. She saw his eyes twinkle, as the revelation hit him.

“I mean I kind of knew from the day I met you that I had a little something for you. But it kept growing, especially while we were apart. Leading up to this weekend, I kept going back and forth in my head with all these emotions. But now I know; I really like you, and I have feelings for you. Feelings that I realize you might not, and probably don’t, have for me. And why would you? I mean you’re Patrick Kane, you can have any girl you want” she proclaimed, as she removed her hand from his slowly.

“When I went out with Jordan a few weeks ago, I had an amazing time. He’s everything I look for in a guy; smart, handsome, funny. We’ve been friends for so long and I trust him. I actually thought that I could have something more than just friendship with him all the way up until the end of our date” she confessed, as she shook her head. “And then he kissed me…and that’s when I knew he had no chance. Because all I did was compare him to you, and to that brief kiss we shared”.

“After seeing Jamie though and finally seeing what your lifestyle is like, I realize what I have to do. I can’t be one of those girls Patrick who comes and goes in your life with no strings. I can’t be comparing other guys to you. It’s just not fair. Not fair to them or to me. I deserve to be happy too, and be happy with someone who wants the same things as me, and who just wants me at the end of the day”.

She felt her eyes water up, as she finally looked back into his eyes. She was taken aback by all the emotion she could see behind his clear blue eyes. She focused on what she had to say next though; the hardest part.

“That’s why I think it’s best if I just distance myself from you for a while. Not forever, I could never do that. Just enough time for me to get over this silly crush. Get us back to just being best friends. Will still talk and everything, just not as often. And I wanted to explain to you all this before I went ahead and did it, and left you confused about the sudden change in our relationship with no explanation” she finished, “you deserve that much”.

She sat in silence, waiting for his reaction to come, but it never did. If he was shocked or angry or confused, it did not show. His face remained motionless, hidden behind his blue eyes she had come to know so well. She could see a mixture of a thousand thoughts and emotions behind them, yet ignored them. If he had something to say, he should say it to her now. She was done reading between the lines.

He suddenly sighed and slid down in his seat, “ Wow…that’s a lot to take it Arianna”. She felt her heart crumble the minute the words left his mouth. Realistically she hadn’t been expecting much (although a piece of her did silently wish he’d proclaim his undying love for her). But she did somewhat expect something a little more than this generic response. She could feel the tears coming on, and she knew instantly she had to make her escape.

“Yeah it is…” she replied, trying to hide the cracking in her voice. “I’m sorry again Patrick”. She opened the door, much to his surprised, and began to get out. “Let me know when you feel ready to speak to me, if you ever do” she told him, as she closed the door and walked with her head held as high as she could into the hotel.

The end of the night did not go how either of them planned.