But You Loved Me

“So, you’re telling me that you saw him… twice?” Mikey asked again, as if the first thirty times hadn’t been conformation enough, I nodded, “and you’re sure it was him?”

“Mikey, I’m not exactly going to forget him, am I?” I asked rhetorically, he shrugged, and I sighed, sitting back in my seat. It had been almost a week since I’d seen him, and since then, he’d been the only thing on my mind, I still couldn’t work… well, anything, out. I had so many questions and no answers, and no way of getting them.

“Gerard,” I looked up as he began to speak, “I… I know this is probably a big deal to you, but just…” he trailed off, biting his lip nervously; I raised my eyebrows, prompting him on. “I don’t want you turning this into something it’s not,” I rolled my eyes. I should have known this would have happened. “I know how you felt about him-.”

“Feel,” I corrected, he sighed and continued.

“But that was seven years ago Gerard, things have changed, people have moved on, and you need to as well. I don’t want you dwelling on this and then ending up stalking him because you think you’re still in love with him, when you couldn’t even make your mind up about how you felt when he did want you,”

“How do you know he still doesn’t feel that way?” I half-snarled,

“How do you know he does?” he asked, leaning towards me. I sighed. “Exactly, you might not even see him again anyway. Just, don’t go doing something stupid just because he popped back into your life for three seconds,” he told me, “Gerard,” he added sternly when I didn’t answer, I sighed again and looked over at him.

“Fine,” I replied, before glancing at my watch, “I’m gonna be late,” I muttered before pushing myself up and heading for the street without as much as a goodbye.

I knew Mikey thought that he was doing what was best, but he hadn’t seen him, I had. And he didn’t feel this way, I did. And okay, so maybe I wouldn’t see him again, but if I did, I wasn’t just going to let him walk away again.

*

The rest of the day dragged on by, and I was nothing but thankful for the moment I stepped through the doorway to my stuffy, dull, messy apartment. Okay, so it wasn’t the cleanest or nicest places to live. Nothing had its place, I rarely cleaned, and I lived off microwave meals and beer, but it was home for me, it was life for me now, sure it wasn’t great, at all, but that’s just the way it was.

I was in front of the TV with dinner and a cold can on the coffee table in front of me, some pointless procedural cop show playing when he slipped his way back into my mind again. I’d desperately pushed him away for the afternoon, hoping the day would go by faster if I wasn’t praying that he was going to walk through the door in search of another book, but it made no difference, my day was as slow as ever.

Mikey had a point. Mikey always had a point. But I knew how I felt now, and if he just so happened to walk back into my life again, after seven years, then there had to be a reason for it, it couldn’t just be pure chance, could it? Well what ever it was, if it happened again, I had to take advantage of it, I couldn’t just let him walk away again, at least, not if there was some chance that things were going to work out for us.