Your Lips Are a Hot Flame, Baby And Our Chemistry Is Kerosene

I watched Alex walk off stage and out of the venue through the back door. I followed him. I needed to know, it was killing me inside. I followed him, and he didn’t notice my presence until we were standing in front of his van and Jack cleared his throat and nodded his head towards me, pointing me out.

He turned around and faced me, and I swear I wanted to kiss him and scream at him at the same time.

“Noel…” he said lowly and monotonously.

“Alex,” my voice cracked, “can- can we talk? Alone?”

He looked around, receiving nods from his band mates, “uh, sure,” he furrowed his brows.

I nodded and walked him to the front of the venue. We were alone and I didn’t know what to do. He leaned his back against a wall while I paced in front of him, back and forth. I finally stopped myself and brought the words to my lips, “why?”

He seemed confused for a moment, but then he chuckled to himself, he pushed himself off the wall and began to walk.

“Alex,” I called out to him as he began to walk away, “don’t leave.” If the hurt wasn’t obvious in my voice before, I’m sure it was now; I was on the verge of tears, and I never cry.

“Why?” he turned on his heels, “seriously Noel, why shouldn’t I leave?”

I swallowed my pride, realizing this was way worse than what I thought it would be, “because,” I shrugged walking up to him, “I really care Alex, I really do…”

“You have a funny way of showing it,” he muttered and I felt worst than dirt.

“Please Alex,” I begged and reached out to grab his hand, “listen to me.” He yanked his hand out of mine and stared down at the floor.

“Why should I?” he narrowed his eyes at me, letting me see the disappointment and anger he was hiding.

“Because,” my voice cracked again and I took a step back, “because I am only interested in being with you, and I like it that you can make me smile.” I shrugged and he wouldn’t look at me, “I just- you make me happy. I’d never depended on a person so much in my life. I never thought I could need someone so much.”

He didn’t say a word, and he didn’t move a muscle, his eyes didn’t leave the ground, and then I began tearing slowly, “Alex, you stole my heart. The little black heart that I had, that hated everyone and was bitter and conceited and obnoxious, you took it,” I chuckled at how humiliating the situation really was, and at how nervous spilling your heart to a person can really be, “but I don’t mind. I swear, I’ve never smiled so much in my life. I mean, I don’t care if we’re in a room staring at each other all day through, I just care about being with you, and I know I already said that, but it’s true.”

Once again, I reached out for his hand, “just give me another chance? It was a silly fight and I didn’t mean any of it. Just- please look at me? Even if it’s out of pity, one glance from you means the world.” And once again, he yanked his hand out of mine, making my stare turn to the floor.

I ran one hand through my hair, then through my face, clearing out my tears, “I didn’t think I could ever care for anyone - for you – so much,” I sobbed softly as I spoke, “this is so humiliating,” I chuckled to myself lightly.

“Now you see how it feels,” he spoke, low and harsh.

My eyes shot up at him, “what?”

“Being humiliated,” he stared into my eyes, and it was the most cruel thing. He turned around and walked away, and I couldn’t speak – I couldn’t breath. I didn’t care about the humiliation though, I cared about him.

I could’ve been humiliated a million times more, but if, by the end of the day, it led me to him, everything would be fine. For the first time in my life, I had my heart shattered.