If Looks Could Kill, I'd Be Dead

Theta

I have to admit, this altercation at lunch really freaked me out… I mean, Sascha blew up because Loren was, well, he was just kidding around. But when he started asking questions, Sascha just lost it. I know he’s very protective of us, so I suppose that’s a good sign for our relationship. After Sascha stormed away, I felt the need to explain to Loren.

“I-I’m sorry.” I mutter. “Sascha… he’s really defensive and has a rather quick temper. And when he’s pissed, he is pissed. He’s like a storm. Nothing gets in his way, and nothing can stop the storm…” Except me, I don’t add.

“Oh…” Is all Loren says. “I guess I can relate.” He adds after a moment of contemplation. “I mean, I’m protective of Camden because he’s my little brother, yeh know? So I suppose I can understand that Sascha just wants to protect yah.” He looks away, lost in thought. I awkwardly bite into my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, uncomfortably chewing. Loren takes a few swigs of his water bottle, thinking about something. I finish my sandwich.

I need to break this silence.

“I-”

“So-”

We both start at the same time. He smiles.

“You first.” We both say. We laugh.

“Seriously, what is it?” I say, giggling.

“Okay.” He calms down a bit, and starts to be a bit awkward. “Uh, I… er, I really don’t know how to ask this… or say it. Um, well…” I urge him to go on. “I’ll just say it.” he takes a deep breath. “What happened at the party on Saturday?” he looks in my eyes, blue green meeting brown. “Loike, I don’t mean to pry, by any means…” he sighs. “I’m sorry, I’m rambling. I just kind of want to know what’s going on with you two. You guys are just so… I don’t even know. Not as close? It’s strange, really. I just wanted tah help. Sorry if I come across as nosy.” He takes a breath.

“No, it’s alright, Loren.” I say. “Really, I don’t think you’re nosy. Sascha is just… upset. He gets so angry sometimes. You know, he’s always happy. He doesn’t really let his other emotions show very often because honestly, he’s just a really happy person.” I smile, thinking of my best friend. “But when he’s mad, he’s just pure rage…” The word vomit just won’t stop now. I suppose we both have problems controlling our speech. “I’m really the only one that can calm him down. Like, I don’t know. Even when we were younger… usually, I just wrap my arms around him and whisper things in his ear. I try to transmit love through him, almost like osmosis.” I smile, like an idiot. Out of my own mind, I look over at Loren. A slow smile spreads across his face, his beautiful face. I shake my head, mentally scolding myself for being distracted by Loren’s beauty. “So… yeah.” I indicate that my spiel is over.

“Whoa.” Loren stretches his long legs out in front of him and rests back on his palms. “You guys… you’re, like, really close, yeah?” he exhales, and throws his head back, looking at the sky. “I wish I had a best mate like that. Even back in England, none of my mates and I were as close as you and Sascha are.”

“I guess you just need to find the right person.” I shrug. Feeling brave, I say, “I think we’re on the right track.” And smile at him. His eyes crinkle up when he smiles and happiness is evident on his face.

“Oh. Well, good.” For a moment, we just sit there looking at each other. I want him so bad. I start to laugh, just because. He laughs too, and we just sit there, giggling like idiots. I feel compelled to hug him, so I do. I wrap my arms around his waist. He returns the embrace, pulling my shoulders close to him.

When we pull away from each other, I know he still wants to know what happened at the party. I mean, it’ll be awkward, but I feel obligated to tell him. And really, I just want a confidante.

“So Sascha and I...” I take a deep breath. “Well, it was a party. Party equals alcohol. Excessive amounts of alcohol means getting drunk… Okay, well Sascha and I have had this tradition since freshman year. Our friend always throws this end-of-summer bash sort of thing and for the past three years, we had always gotten piss drunk and passed out in various parts of his house.” Loren chuckles softly. A grin appears on my lips as I continue. “All I remember was Sascha and I dancing. Then, he goes and dances with some other guy. I know that the other guy wants to hook up with him, but Sascha just comes back over to where I am. I remember leading him to the dance floor, but after awhile, he pulls me upstairs. After that, everything is a bit fuzzy, but I remember bits and pieces.” He nods, listening intently. I continue. “Well, I suppose we went to the attic bedroom that we usually pass out in. I don’t know what we said to each other, but we were just talking… and then, I don’t remember anything after that… except for waking up the next morning naked, Sascha next to me.” I’m blushing furiously and my voice falters. I clear my throat.

“Oh my God.” Loren’s jaw is on the ground. “You two seriously shagged?” He shakes his head, astonished.

“What does shagged mean?” I ask him, feeling stupid.

“Oh,” he chuckles. “It just means, ‘you two fucked?’”

My cheeks and neck must be so flushed. I don’t really know what to do, so I just mumble a “Mhm…” and look away.

“But… I thought Sascha was… gay?” he says it like a question.

“No! I mean, he is. Like… I don’t know. He always says that he’d be interested in me if he were straight. So…” I just stop talking. I’m an idiot.

“Huh…” he trails off, lost in thought.

“Well, I mean, I’m glad it was with him and not some random person!” I say, exasperated. I don’t want Loren thinking I’m some hoe. “I’m glad it was with my best friend, and not some random dude, you know? It wasn’t meaningless…” I probably sound like a double tard. Oh, Lord.

“No, I mean, it makes sense. Both of you were virgins and alcohol makes people fruity, so…” he states.

“What?!” what the hell is he talking about?

“Oh, I mean… well, I think Americans call it horny.” he says with a smirk.

“Well!” I throw my hands up in the air exasperated. He laughs, a smile wide across his face. God, he’s so beautiful. I just want to-

The bell rings, cutting off my thought process. I feel like such a terrible person. I feel like a whore. Wanting one guy, while drunkenly sleeping with my best friend a week ago. Gah.

I walk Loren to his next class. I leave him with a quick hug and then, I’m off to my next class. I have psychology next, but I don’t feel like going just yet. I decide to just wander a bit. I walk down the art hallway, taking the long way to class. The bell rings above my head, but I give it no notice. I take my time.

I admire the lovely paintings on the wall instead of rushing. I’ll just make up an excuse as to why I was late. My teacher is pretty easygoing; I don’t think he’ll care much. I look around the hallway, in awe. All of the people in the advanced painting class are able to paint something on the wall at the end of the year. Usually, the people are seniors, but there are a few juniors as well. I still don’t know what I’ll do, but school has just begun, so I don’t even need to think about that, yet.

I come to the end of the art hallway and continue my leisurely walk down the adjacent corridor. I’m walking, and then all of a sudden, two boys spring out of the bathroom. I yell in surprise. The larger one pushes the smaller one against the wall.

Holy shit.

It’s Loren and Sascha.

“If yeh ever lay a hand on meh brother again, you’ll be sorry.” Loren pushes a frightened Sascha against the wall. I put my hand over my mouth, in shock.

Camden walks out of the bathroom too, pale as a ghost. Not that it’s any different from his normal fair skin, but the pale pinky colour, that usually is his skin tone, has drained from his face.
Sascha pushes Loren away from him, shoving his shoulders. Loren’s green-blue eyes almost change shades, to a darker, menacing green. Sascha’s normally jovial blue eyes are like ice. Both of my friends stare at each other for a moment before Sascha pushes Loren again.

“Stop…” all three of us whip our heads around at Camden’s still, small voice. He immediately starts chewing on the long sleeve of his hoodie, looking away from us, the fringe of his straight hair falling into his face.

“Camden, stay out of this.” Loren says, most definitely a bit harsher than he meant to. Camden instantly turns a shade of red and looks like he’s going to cry.

“Don’t talk to him that way!” Sascha growls. Loren’s face darkens.

“Sod off! Don’t tell me how to talk to meh brother!” he snarls.

“Fucking nosy bastard.” Sascha replies, venom seeping into his words.

“Bugger you, yeh fucking twat!” Loren retorts.

They’re still calling each other names and profanities when I turn to look at the shy boy a few feet from me, feeling his hurt and insecurities. I rush over to him and bend down a few inches, meeting his watery blue eyes, ignoring the quarreling older boys.

“Camden?” I say. He makes some sort of squeak, acknowledging me, I presume.

“I-I’m…” I don’t really know what to say, so I just hug the small boy to me. At first, he completely stiffens up, and I feel like I just made the worst mistake of my life because he’ll hate me now. But after a moment, he wraps his thin arms around my waist, like a little kid. I feel like an older sister to him; I gently rock us back and forth, a comforting motion. He rests his cheek on my shoulder and I lean my cheek on the top of his head, stroking his hair. “It’ll be okay.” I whisper, hoping to convince myself, as well.

“You fucking…@#$%^&*&^%$#@!$%^”

I turn back to Loren and Sascha. They’re both grabbing each other by the shoulders or shirt, spitting poisonous words at each other. I groan in frustration.

“Sweetie.” I easily use the term of endearment; it just comes naturally. I unwrap Camden from me. “I’m going to go stop this. Okay?”

“Uh huh.” he nods, a hint of a smile on his once forlorn face.

I smile quickly, before walking over to them. Frowning angrily, I start my speech.

“Both of you, back the fuck away from each other.” I say sternly. They both look at me, a shocked expression on their faces. I step closer and put one hand on each of their shoulders. I push, separating them. They drop their hands from grasping at each other. “What the hell is going on here?”

“This arsehole pushed meh brother down!” Loren spits.

“Well…” Sascha cools down a minute and looks ashamed. “I was so angry. I didn’t…” he trails off.

“Oh.” I reply, not really knowing what to say, my anger at the two of them quelling. I look over at the small boy and he meets my eyes, gnawing his sleeve.

“I-I’m sorry.” I turn back to Sascha when he speaks. He looks so… sad. A blush forms on his cheeks. He turns to look at Camden. “I’m sorry, Camden. It’s… it’s been a… long week. A long week…” he looks at his feet. “I mean, I was so angry, for a stupid reason too. And when I’m pissed…” he sighs. “I’m just sorry. I didn’t mean to be an ignoramus dick.”

I look at Loren. He seems to have cooled down some, but he still looks irritated.

“It’s a’wright.” We all look over at Camden, yet again. He stares back at Sascha; blue eyes meet blue eyes. “I forgive yeh.” He says in that soft voice of his. I look back at Sascha. He looks like he’s about to cry.

“Please, excuse us.” I tell the brothers. “I’m taking Sascha home with me. So… we’ll talk to you soon.” Before either can say anything, I take Sascha’s hand and walk speedily down the hall. He’s silent as we walk to his car, tears threatening to spill over his tired eyes. “Keys.” I hold out my hand. He unclasps the keychain clip with his car keys, house key, and a few random keychains we’ve bought together from one of his belt loops. He places them in my palm. I unlock the car, we get in, and we’re off. I decide to just go to his house.

On the way there, I look over at Sascha a few times. He’s just looking straight ahead and I see some tear trails on his cheeks. I want to cry to, but I need to be strong for him. When we get to his house, we rush inside.

“Theta!” Sascha wraps his arms around me the minute the front door shuts. “Theta, I’m sorry! I’m so so so sorry…” and the tears flow freely down his cheeks. “I’m sorry about everything! The party, the being stupid around you, the fucking... thing with the brothers today…”

“Babe, shh.” He’s hugging me so tight; I need air. I loosen his grip on me and walk us up to his bedroom. I start to cry too. All of this… it’s just too much.

“Oh, don’t you cry too!” he sees my tears and wipes them away. We go over to his bed and sit down. I just wrap my arms around him and hug him. He hugs me back. It’s just like it was.

“God, Sascha…” I take a heaving breath. “I’ve missed you. Not being… us this past week, it’s killed me.” I pull away from him, just so I can see his lovely face. I love this boy so much. I start to cry again at the sight of my best friend.

“Oh, sweetie…” he smiles and hugs me again, wrapping me in his arms. He pulls me onto his lap, just holding me. “I have missed you, too. I was tortured! I-I can’t even live without you. It was horrible.” I bury my face into his chest.

And just like that, we’re back to normal. No, not normal. Actually, this whole thing had brought us closer together, if that’s even remotely possible.

We spend the rest of the day talking. Just talking. About everything and anything. Making up for lost time. I’ll probably get shit for skipping the rest of school, but it was only three periods, and I don’t really care; senioritis, yah know? My friendship with Sascha is most definitely more important than three damn class periods.

“Sascha…” I start later that night. We’re snuggled up on his couch, watching a movie and eating popcorn.

“Yeah, babe?” he says, squeezing my side. I giggle, damn my ticklishness.

“Nothing.” I look up at him and smile. “You’re just the best friend a gal could ask for.” I nuzzle my nose into his neck. “And I love you.” I say against his skin.

“Awh.” He leans his cheek on my head. “You know I love you too.” he rubs my shoulder and gives it a tender squeeze.

There are some people that you meet in your life that will be there for you no matter what. Even if you argue, even if something happens, you’ll get through it. In the grand scheme of things, that minor incident won’t matter. Because those people, well, they were made for you. And you were made for them. There’s only two people like that you will meet in your entire life. They are your best friend, and your soul mate. And Sascha and I, we’ll be friends for life. We were made for each other emotionally. Now, all that’s left is my soul mate. We’re not only made for each other emotionally, but physically as well. And when he comes, I’ll be ready.

I snuggle into Sascha, content at where I am in my life right now.

If only Loren could fit into the picture… Is it possible that he is my soulmate?