We Can Make This Last

It was fun with Shawn. He was such a good friend and he did give me a few dancing shows just for me. I loved them all. He also ended up teaching me some more guitar and stuff and even gave me what he called was ‘homework’, as in if I didn’t practice at least for one hour a day, he wouldn’t dance for me on Fridays… so I obviously practiced… but I didn’t need a threat. I loved music anyways. It was a joy to play.

Shawn was like the brother I never had—definitely a substitute for a best friend. I had definitely had breakdowns, meltdowns, depressing days, or randomly just started to cry and he was there for me. It was good. I met his fiancé, who liked me, too. We became friends. I was stoked for him. He would take me out to have fun and would just be silly and sometimes serious. We went to a local mall and rode on those machine horses, in which we took pictures of each other having a blast. I had gotten some new clothes, too, and the hot summer days were literally around the corner.

Max and Andy called and texted regularly—on a daily basis. Andy and I started acting like fifteen again and decided to beat our old texting record (we had once stayed up til 2AM texting each other) and we had gotten to twenty four hours. Max and I have been reminiscing about how our feelings used to be… and it brought me to tears a lot… because I still love him very much… what I wouldn’t give to kiss him and have him hold me again…

I really do love him. Of course I never stopped… and how he promised that he’d come back and never did… and how now I know he’s THE Max Green, bassist of Escape the Fate… who knows where the fuck he’s been… who knows who he’s met… and it hurt me so much to know all of that in the back of my mind.

I tried not to think about it.

Plus Andy basically said they toned their rockstar selves down around me. Who knows how they REALLY are.

I’m scared to find out.

Bianca had left to go off somewhere else. She felt bad for the fuck up and it was whatever. It’s done and it’s in the past. It didn’t matter now. We still love each other and, honestly, it was fun at the time.

“’Morrrrrnin’,” He said the morning we were leaving for Warped prep (What I ended up calling it). He leaned against the kitchen counter and sipped at his coffee, wiggling his eyebrows at me and giving me his little dance. I laughed and took my cup of coffee, too.

“Good morning,” I said.

“Ready?!” He asked.

“Yeah, my stuff’s all packed and everything. I’m stoked.” I said, smiling. He smiled back. “I’m just gunna go back upstairs after breakfast and wash up and stuff because I’ve got a lovely Just-Got-Outta-Bed look about me right now.” I said. Shawn nodded in agreement. I scrunched up my nose at him. “You weren’t supposed to agree!” I complained, draining the rest of my coffee and walking off upstairs.

“Mama Mia!” I heard Shawn yell. I smirked softly and went in my room, grabbing some new clothes I got from Pac Sun and some new Vans and I ran into the bathroom.

After washing up and blow drying my hair and doing my makeup, I looked at myself fully in the mirror and thought I looked different. I had a calmer look—the eyeliner was either not as thick or it wasn’t even there, and I wore eyeshadow more that were nice skin-like colors or that really worked with my eyes. I had taken out the blonde in my hair and had it a little prettier, I think. It got darker for sure. I like wearing hats and my whole clothing style definitely became more brighter and not as dark.

I felt good.

I went into my room, grabbing the suitcases filled with essentials for the summer—or at least one week of summer. I’d buy stuff there, anyway—and I made my way downstairs. Shawn was no longer in the kitchen, so I’m guessing he was getting ready, too. A few minutes passed and I ended up watching the Pink Panther on Boomerang, as childish as it is. I used to love this show!

Soon, I heard Shawn yell, “Nuh uh! Pink Panther?”

“Yeahhhhh buddy,” I said, laughing when he came over and sat by me. We watched until the half hour was over and we decided to go off. Shawn took mine and his stuff even after I told him I could take my stuff and put them in the back of his really cool car. I got in the passenger seat and Shawn soon came to the driver’s seat and we were off.

We stopped by Dunkin Donuts EVEN THOUGH we just had coffee. Well, we didn’t have breakfast… so it was an excuse to get more coffee. I had my awesome bagel in hand with cream cheese. Shawn had his Jelly Filled Donut. Such a good start to the day.

Shawn drove me off to wherever the fuck he knew to go, but he knew where, and there was a shit ton of busses. Like, a real shit ton. Band members of all kinds had come out and were mingling and I noticed out of the sea of them Max and Andy laughing at something and Matt Good from the band From First to Last. I smiled and found T.J, Chris and Angelo from Motionless In White. Looking at Shawn, I saw a smile on his lips as he got out of the car and I did, too. I ran to them and made a face at the three rockers I could find, then hugged them all before being pulled away by Johnny from Get Scared. Lloyd and Nicholas were standing around with him and they laughed at my meaningless protests. They hugged me and I hugged them back, and I told Johnny about tattoo and piercing ideas that he grew excited about, and all too soon, I was taken hostage by yet another person who I noticed had actually thrown me over their shoulder. Jake Pitts. I laughed as he took me off over to where his band was and I hugged Ashley, Jinxx and Sandra.

“Stop hogging her, guys! Seriously!” Craig yelled, picking me up now and taking me away. He took me to Robert and Monte, and I hugged them and laughed at the excitement of seeing them again. I looked at Max and Andy who were looking at me expectantly, and I ran over to them both and was engulfed in their warm and familiar hugs.

“Hey there,” Max said softly. “I’ve missed you.” I smiled softly. He pulled away and looked at me. “You ready to go nuts?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, let warped tour drive you nuts. I’m stoked.” Andy said.

“And then you can use that lovely pick up line on girls,” Matt Good said. He shook my hand and I told him my name. Andy laughed.

“’Have you seen how hot my mom is?’” He said, laughing. He hasn’t laughed a lot last time. Max and Matt cracked up.

“Has it ever worked?” Matt asked.

“No, never,” Andy said.

“Nice smile,” I said. “Did you always have that?” Andy blinked up at me and shook his head.

“Get used to our stupidity,” Max said. “Cuz I guarantee we can’t hide much of it at warped as well as we have done so far.” Max said, looking at Andy and Matt with a knowing look. I raised an eyebrow. I wonder how they really are when I’m not around… how they act when a tour is actually really awesome… I wonder what they just do.

“Andy, you’re a stick…” I said softly. He looked up and down himself and smiled.

“Yeah, I paint my pants on every morning and stuff…”

“Ah!” I laughed.

“You’re bunkin’ with us,” Max said.

“But I need my stuff,” I told him.

“Get in the bus,”

“Let me get my stuff!” At this point Andy and Matt were smirking.

“Get in the bus,”

“I’m gunna get my stuff,” I said, and turned.

“Get in the bus, babe,” He growled, picking me up and opening Escape the Fate’s tour bus doors, entered and plopped me down on the couch. He looked at me and smiled. “You’re gorgeous.” I gulped a little and he walked off the bus only to come back with my suitcases of essentials. I got up to take one of them but he shook his head and gently pushed my helping hand away.

“Where do I sleep?” I asked, following him to the back of the bus.

“On a bed,” He said.

“Har-har-har,” I muttered, pretending to kick the air he just walked by. He pointed at a room very much like the one in the Black Veil Brides room yet slightly bigger. I walked in and plopped on the bed, happy that it was comfortable. I sat up abruptly and ran from the room and looked farther into the bus. “You guys have four separate beds just out in the open?” I asked, astonished.

“Yep. And then…” he motioned for me to follow him after he set my suitcases in the room. Max walked into the bathroom and pointed at the mirrors. “This one doesn’t apply... you don’t pee standing up.” There was a mustache drawn on it. “You can be a chinese dude… uh… oh, wash your hands… you can be Elmer fucking Fud…” he walked off and we went through a beaded curtain. “You saw the bedroom area for us… what a mess…” He laughed. “Um… and then the lounge… video games, food, chilling out, music… and the little recording shit we got going on there…”

“This is rad!” I said, smiling at everything. “I’m stoked.”

“Me too. Warped is a lotta fun. It’s like a summer camp for bands.” I smiled and nodded in agreement. “Look, I’m gunna head out and go annoy someone for a bit and hear some shit from important people. You can crash or something. Eat. Play Halo. Whatever you want, Taylor.” I smiled and he hugged me tightly. “I’m so happy you’re in my life again.”

“Me too,” I whispered, and let go of him before walking off to my new bedroom and plopping on the bed.

Warped Tour… What a fantastic way to spend my first of four last years on this earth…

I told Shawn about it…

Shawn took me out on a playground and we went around on the spinny thing. I sat, carelessly and loved the carefree of my days at the moment. It started to slow a little and I smiled at Shawn. I declared him my brother. Looking at him sadly, I thought of all he did for me and how much he actually cared about me… and, well, we planned to stay really good friends after everything.

“Shawn,” I said softly, squinting only a little because of the sun set about to take place. He smiled and nodded up at me. I took in a deep breath and let it out. “I’m dying, Shawn.”

There was a tensioned silence that I couldn’t take for more than five seconds. It scared me when his stare turned saddening and he didn’t say anything. I ended up looking away from him and around elsewhere—anywhere from his worried expression—when the silence still took place and I looked back my favorite band member of all time’s face.

“Please… say something…?” I pleaded softly.

“W-when…?” He asked, his voice soft and scared.

“Four years,” I told him.

He let out a breath and shook his head, his bangs hiding his face now. “Do Andy or Max k—”

“No.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “No. They don’t… and no other band member of the last tour does, either… only you do… and it’s going to stay like that, understood, Shawn?” He looked up a little and he gulped. I sighed. “Shawn, I don’t want anyone to worry about me—especially Max and Andy—and I just want to enjoy life as much as I can right now. Please let me do that…” He nodded a little. “I only told you because you’re like a brother to me and I trust you.” He smiled and nodded, and I could see a tear escape from the corner of his left eye. I looked down and then up at the golden glow that could be seen creeping though the spaces of the leaves on the trees…

The bus was moving when I woke up.

“Mother fucker!” I yelled. I walked out of the room and looked around. No one was on their bed, and as I walked further into the bus, I saw no one was in the lounge. I walked back and saw no one on the front couches and I was upset. The bus driver was driving, sure, but where was everyone else? So dumb. I walked up to my little room and opened the door.

Did I shut the lights off? Am I nuts? There’s no window in here. I searched the wall for the light switch and found it, turned it up and screamed when I found the four boys looking at me with evil expressions. WOW, WHAT ASSHOLES. They may as well have been posing for a fucking group picture for all I knew! But they didn’t have to do that! Craig let out a small smile. Monte sighed, chuckling softly. Robert, well, I guess he just used a neutral look since he always has his glasses on, and Max broke out into his boyish grin and cracked up.

“Why did you do that?!” I asked in almost a whimper, my mouth open in shock at them. I knew they were just teasing but ohman! Max hopped off my bed and Craig came over to hug me.

“We were just playin’.” He said. “And Motionless in White has a new merchgirl and we’re out one so this was us asking you to be ours!” Max hopped on Craig’s back and looked over at me from his shoulder.

I laughed at their eager expressions and I nodded. “Sure, why not? But you could have just asked me straight up!”

“Now what’s the fun in that?!” Max asked, hopping off Craig. “Dudes, Halo? Fuckin’… a few hours til the venue.”

“Sounds good… and food… some ruffles potato chips to ahh,” Craig said with a smile of complete relaxation. “kick off the 2009 Vans Warped Tour with some shit here and there… and all around the square.” I could tell that this was Craig’s favorite place to be—other than with his kid. Max told me about Leila and Craig had butted into the videochat session and said he’d like to have me meet little Leila some day, to which I agreed automatically. I grew fond of Craig. Weirdly enough, though, Max didn’t like it when I asked questions about Ronnie, the old singer who I was fond off. He was like an older brother to me back in the day.

“Don’t worry about it,” He’d say, and I’d let it go.

“I suggest you get to know food area,” Robert said. “Plus if you’re lucky you should fuckin’ take what you want while you can ‘cuz we fuckin’… beast on all this shit in like two seconds.” I laughed. “I’m serious, dude.”

“Okay, I’ll take your word for it.” I told him. Robert nodded and grabbed lunchables, walking over to Max who I knew didn’t like the cheese, I think…

“Robert, I don’t like the cheese!” I heard him say. “Come on, man.” He laughed. I took a bag of marshmallows and some pretzels and scurried off to my room, shoving them under my bed, and running off to the back with the guys.

The sun was out today, and it was beautiful. The guys wanted to play me at Halo, and I had beaten them all, which they pretty much all said “REDO!” or “THAT DOESN’T COUNT!” or “I LET YOU WIN!” or “TWO OUT OF THREE” or something like that. It was hilarious. They were pretty crazy as I listened in on their conversations on things I wouldn’t know about.

He has changed, though, Max Green.