What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"Love, you can't keep doing these things to me." Stephen said with a hurt look on his face.

I remained silent as he continued.

"Why? Just.. Why? I mean, why would you tell me you love me when you don't? Why did you have to pretend you felt the same way? You could've just told me you wanted to be just friends."

I looked down.

"You know, I almost believed you. I almost went into understanding why you had to pretend to be with Jawn. I was this close," He held an inch of air in between his thumb and index finger. "But.. Love, you just fucking slept with him. You expect me to believe you didn't want that? You didn't want him? Now that's something I don't think I'll ever believe. Are you sorry you did this to me? No? Yeah, I didn't think so either. Remember when you told me you loved me and meant it? Yeah? Me neither. You never loved me."

You're wrong. You don't understand. I muttered in my head, too weak to have answered him with actual words. I love you legitimately.

"I was wrong to think you cared about me. I was wrong to think you actually wanted to be with me. I was wrong to think I made you happy. Well, now, I'm sorry for being stupid. I'm sorry for having been wrong."

You weren't wrong.

"Ah, Jessica Marie Bowen." He pulled my face closer to his. "You're a whore."

I started crying harder.

"Whore, whore, whore. That's what you are, Jess. But I can't lie, though, I still love you. You can sleep with all the guys in this world, and get herpes from every single one of those boys.." He sighed. "And I'd still love you to death. I don't know why. I just love you."

I'm sorry, and I love you too.

"But you're a whore! I'm in love with a fucking whore! And it had to be Jawn! Fine, I'm sorry! He's perfect! And he was probably all better in bed than I ever was for you, correct? You know, last night, I made out with Charlotte. I was pretty drunk. She was drunk too, and you were right, she spread the shit about Jennedy and Bow'Callaghan and Jephen.. She said she even used Photoshop to add effects. Hot damn, she's so stupid. But now, I'm pretty sober, and I know what I did was wrong. But heck, at least I didn't sleep with her, right?"

Thanks for admitting you cheated on me.

He read my mind. "And at least I'm admitting I cheated on you, and at least I know what I did was wrong. So watch me apologize." He smiled, but the hurt in his face couldn't be denied. "I am sorry for cheating on you."

I never wanted to cheat on you.

"Jess, I can't keep doing this. We can't keep doing this. We have to stop pretending. I never thought I'd hear this from myself, but.. Jessica Marie Bowen, I am breaking up with you."

I bit my lip. It hurt.

"And the band.. Well.. I don't think it's gonna work anymore after this."

Don't drag the band into this.

"I know it's unfair for the band to have to suffer because of you being a whore, but, what can we do?"

Oh.

"Oh yeah, happy fucking birthday, hope you enjoyed your birthday sex." He sarcastically said.

Birthday sex. Come on, Stephen, don't be so low.

"I love you." He pulled himself close to me and kissed me. Passionately.

He was making it last. Because he was in the mindset that that was the last time he was ever going to taste my lips like that.

He pulled away and stared at me. "Fuck." Then he pulled me in again and kissed me one more time.

He pulled off from me holding back tears. He tried to smile at me. "I just hope you guys were smart enough to use protection.. I hope he didn't give you herpes or any other STD. Go for a check-up, okay? What if he gets you pregnant? Jess.. Like.. Well, good luck with that. I can just see it, when you find out you're pregnant if ever you guys were stupid enough not to have used protection, he's gonna ask you to marry him. He's gonna take full responsibility. It's a stellar thought. You'll be the mother of John Cornelius O'Callaghan the sixth. You'll be Jessica Marie Bowen-O'Callaghan. Heck, don't deny it, the idea excites you."

Don't leave me.

"Fuck, I hope you know how painful it is for me to have to end things this way. Look, I don't have a choice." He chewed on his lip. "I am sorry. And I love you."

"Don't leave me." I finally got the guts to talk. "You made me promise I was never gonna give up on us. And I never did! Don't you dare leave me, Stephen."

"Jess! My God, you finally said something! Finally! Jess, here's the loophole to everything. I didn't promise you the same thing! And frankly, I'm glad I never did! Because you're making me give up, Jess! You made me! Yeah, you heard me, Jess! I'm giving up! I can't do this anymore! Fuck!" He growled. "I am so sorry, but fuck, you should be sorry too, but you're not! I can't.. I can't. I'm sorry. Fuck everything, okay? I love you, but.. This is just.. I can't. I can't."

Then he left.

I started walking back to the room, flooding the hall with my tears.

I didn't know why I decided to make my way back to Jawn. I didn't know why I wanted to cry to him.

I wasn't even halfway done when I was grabbed from behind.

"I can't fucking believe you, babe."

"Kennedy--"

"Yes, babe, I'm fucking drunk. Come here." He growled angrily. "I drank the fucking night away! See, I told you you weren't gonna like the drunk me."

"Kennedy, let go of me, it hurts."

His grip only tightened as he dragged me down the stairs. "You're a fucking whore, babe!"

I saw Stephen running off, getting in the car and driving off.

"Happy fucking birthday!" Kennedy greeted. "How was your birthday sex?"

Second time today. I thought as I tried to pry his hand off my wrist.

"Dont' struggle, babe." He dragged me to the kitchen. "It'll make me hold on harder."

"Kennedy, stop." I cried.

"Hmm, no." He held my wrist tighter and looked around the counter. "Ah, here we go, babe." He picked up a knife from the wooden block and stabbed a fucking lemon with it.

"Put it down." I pleaded. "Put the knife down."

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna kill you, babe." He laughed.

"Put the knife down." I pleaded again.

"No! Shut up!" He commanded harshly, all the humour from his face disappearing.

"Stop," I whimpered as he put the blade on my forearm.

"No." He started pressing it against my skin. Hard enough to make blood come out, but not hard enough to have damaged anything. "Does it sting, babe? Does it hurt?"

I nodded. "Yes." How could it not have hurt? He stabbed a fucking lemon before he cut me, there was fucking citric acid. Not to have mentioned it was Kennedy doing it to me.

"There, babe! Good!" He threw the bloody knife onto the kitchen floor. "Now you have an idea how I feel right now!"

The bleeding got worse.

"Does it hurt, babe?!"

I nodded as I answered his question again. "Yes."

"Good! That doesn't even compare to how bad it feels to have your best friend sleep with your ex girlfriend in your fucking bed, babe!" He slurred.

"You promised me you were never gonna hurt me." I mumbled.

"So what?!" He exclaimed.

"You promised."

"I don't fucking care, you deserve it!" He yelled in my face. "You fucking deserved it!"

I stared at the blood that was oozing out of my forearm and the drops on the floor.

"You're a fucking whore!" He slapped me.

I put my palm to where Kennedy just hit me.

"Babe, I can not fucking believe--"

"Stop it!" He pulled Kennedy away from me and punched him.