We're Not Perfect

“Max, move the blanket,” I heard Craig saying.

“Can’t you let her sleep?” Max replied. Both voices were faint, but then again, I was still half asleep.

“No, I can’t,” Craig snapped. “Not until she explains this.” I felt Max tense against me.

I pulled my self awake and opened my eyes. I saw Craig holing up a razor. The previous night came back to me. I’d broken a razor open and used the blade to cut myself. Craig saw I was awake.

“What the hell is this Rylii?” he shouted. “Why did I find this in your bathroom with dried blood around it?”

“Dude, why were you in your sisters bathroom so early?” Monte asked from the doorway. He jumped back slightly when Craig spun to face him.

“Get out!” he shouted before turning back to Max and I. I shrank under his gaze, and I felt Max whispering to me. “And you! You knew about this,” Craig directed at Max. He nodded in response. “But you didn’t think I needed to know?”

“We were dealing with this on our own,” Max said. “The past few days, Ry hasn’t done anything, but last night, well, that happens when you’re trying to break a bad habit.” I didn’t normally like when people talked about me like I wasn’t there, but I couldn’t say anything right now.

“You’re one to know about addictions,” Craig said coldly, and I felt Max tense again. “You should be a perfect person to go to fix them, but can you really help with a different kind of addiction?”

Max slipped out of the bed and was in front of Craig before I knew it. “Get out of my room” he snapped.

“Max, please, calm down,” I pleaded, standing behind him, holding his arm.

Craig looked at the two of us. “I can’t believe my sister would tell you about something before me, her own brother,” Craig said, shouting the last part. I started crying when he stormed to his room, slamming the door behind him. I felt Max pull me back to the bed, where he held me in his lap, still crying.

“Anyone want to explain what’s going on?” Robert asked. He and Monte stood in the doorway. “Craig looked ready to murder someone when he passed me in the hall.”

“And why is there a razor blade on the floor?” Monte asked, picking it up from where Craig had dropped it. I couldn’t look at them. “Ry, is this what Craig was yelling about finding in your bathroom?” I nodded.

Robert walked over and knelt in front of me. His eyes were sad as he rested a hand on the back of my arm. Knowing I couldn’t hide it anymore, I slowly exposed both my arms. The silence was deafening as Monte and Robert assessed what I’d done.

“How long have you been doing this Ry?” Monte asked softly. “You have scars covering your arms.”

I tried, but nothing came out. Fortunately, Max understood. “She started when Craig moved out here, and it was an almost constant habit, until a few days ago when I found out. Last night was the first time anything’s happened.”

“Well, now you have all of us, so there’s no reason for this to happen again,” Robert said. “And ignore Craig; he’ll come around.”

I shook my head. “This is the first time he’s ever been mad at me.”

“For anything? That’s hard to believe,” Robert said.

“He always protected me from Mom, taking my side in arguments or taking the blame when I did something wrong,” I explained. We stayed where we were for a few minutes, lost in our own thoughts.

“Let’s go downstairs and I’ll make pancakes,” Monte said finally, breaking the silence. He and Robert went first, leaving Max and I alone.

“It’ll be ok,” he whispered. IT was so quiet I almost didn’t hear him, as if he were talking to himself. I hugged him tightly before leaving to take a shower. Max sat on his bed staring at the floor, lost in thought once again as I left the room.

In my bathroom, I could see why Craig had been freaked out. There was dried blood on the edge of the tub, counter, and floor, and I could see the outline of where the razor had been left overnight. I sighed to myself and cleaned up the mess before getting in the shower and getting ready for the day. Before leaving my room, I put on a pair of gloves; I didn’t have to hide my arms from the guys anymore, but I didn’t want to see what was there.

I heard Max and Monte talking in the kitchen, and I stopped in the hall to listen. “There’s something she’s not telling me,” Max said. I could hear the pain in his voice.

“Relax,” Monte said. “She’ll tell you one day, just give her time.” They didn’t say anything more, so I entered the kitchen and sat at the table next to Max. A stack of pancakes was sitting in the center of the table, and plates were set in all the usual places.

Robert came in and dropped into a chair. “I tried, but he’s not coming down,” he said.

This was my fault. If I hadn’t told Tony I had a boyfriend, he wouldn’t have acted like he did, and I wouldn’t have come home and cut, leaving that mess behind as I went to get help from Max, and Craig wouldn’t be mad at me. I felt so lost; my brother had never abandoned me like this before.

Max held my hands in his. “Ry, give him time to chill out,” he said. “You’re his little sister and he loves you. He’s just not used to having someone else take care of you.”

"I hope you’re right," I said softly. Max gave me a small smile, which I tried to return, but failed. Max leaned closer, kissing me softly.

“Can we eat now?” Monte asked. Max and I broke apart and we ate our share, leaving a small pile for Craig. After eating, the four of us went to the living room.