Bittersweet Sundown

All this screaming was going to drive Ash insane, she felt like her head was going to explode. She pulled the hood of her hoodie over her head, ignoring disapproving sounds coming from behind her back, and closed her eyes. She didn’t have anything against this band, actually she liked their songs and even had her favorites, but she was having a hard time holding on to her sanity in these surroundings. She was growing more nervous and anxious with every passing minute.

From her childhood, she had serious problems with enduring crowds and she thought it was foolish of her to even come here. The worst part was that she couldn’t run away, she was totally surrounded.

Desperate, she turned her head up, feeling her hood slip a little and hair fall away from her face, and tried to imagine herself back to her old room in her mom’s house. She tried so hard to think that this music came from her computer and that she was standing alone in the middle of her room. It was almost impossible, considering the fact that she was constantly been pushed and nudged from every side of her. But she shut her eyes even tighter and tried to concentrate harder.

At last, she was slowly succeeding and even started to enjoy the music that was blasting through the speakers. But she didn’t dare to move, she just stood there, on one tiny spot, afraid that if she’d move even an inch, all of her concentration would brake and she’d have to start all over again.

Suddenly, Ash felt someones hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes, unwillingly, and stared in front of her, finding deep mystical brown eyes staring back at her from the stage. But that hand on her shoulder was still there and she turned her gaze to the side. There was some man standing beside her. He was much taller than she and he was watching to the stage, pointing to Ash with his other hand at the same time, like trying to get someone to notice her. And then he turned to look at her.

What Ash saw then scared the shit out of her. But apparently that guy was surprised too, his eyes were huge and Ash could see shock on his little too pale face.

“Aren’t you supposed to be dead?” she asked, way too quietly for him to hear. If Ash hadn’t spent her last week at Dani’s, she wouldn’t have recognized this man. But he looked exactly the same as on those posters on Dani’s bedroom wall.

“I am,” he answered, apparently he had managed to hear her somehow. Next second he was gone. He just vanished into thin air.

“I can’t believe it. Brian has been looking at you like forever already. So wake up miss sleeping beauty,” Dani screamed in Ash’s ear. She watched towards the stage but none of the men were watching at them.

“Which one is Brian?” Ash asked from Dani. She knew that girls tried to tell her the guys names earlier but she didn’t concentrate then.

“That one with a striped guitar,” Dani answered, pointing towards a man with striped guitar and jet black hair, same one who was looking at Ash just a minute ago.

But this brown eyed guitarist was now on the side of the stage, talking to some man while playing continuously. He didn’t seem to be interested in any of the ​girls, so Ash assumed that Dani was just over reacting, as usual. So she adjusted her hood over her head and closed her eyes again.

She couldn’t get that dead guy out of her thoughts. Soon she felt some struggling beside her, she got to be in peace only till the next song ended. Someone grabbed her shoulder and said something to her, half of his words getting lost in the noise. This sudden deep voice of some man frightened Ash and she opened her eyes quickly, turning herself towards Dani and that unexpected voice. Of course, Dani saw that she didn’t understand anything and came to her rescue. She was standing closer to him after all.

“He wants you to go with him to the back stage,” Dani said to Ash, smiling like mad.

“What? Only me? Hell no!” Ash protested without hesitating, shaking her head. She wasn’t going anywhere with a stranger that looked so big and frightening.

“Oh, come on Ash, you have to go, you have a wonderful chance to meet those men up there,” Pamela tried to talk her over.

“I’m not going without you two,” Ash stayed confident to her decision, shaking her head again. That man before them seemed to hear her, because he talked something into his radio just after Ash finished her sentence. After that he just stood there. On the corner of her eye, Ash saw that guitarist going to the side again. Security guy’s radio started to make a sound soon after that.

“Fine, all three of you can come. Follow me please,” he said seemingly bored and started to make a way through screaming and jumping mass of people.

Dani and Pamela didn’t give Ash a chance to protest and started to push her after that big man. Once they managed to get to back stage, he guided the girls to some small room with two long couches and an armchair.

Thankful of being finally away from all those shrieking people, Ash landed in the middle of one of the couches, leaned her head back and closed her eyes again. All those flashing lights had made them hurt. Dani and Pamela chatted overly happily beside her and she could feel herself finally relax.

After what seemed like an eternity, door to the room opened and girls beside her shut up suddenly. So she guessed that the band had arrived. She didn’t bother to open her eyes. She was way too comfortable.

“Hello ladies. How did you like our show?” was asked at a low voice that gave Ash goose pimples all over.

“It was totally awesome,” “Best ever,” Dani and Pamela answered at the same time and started to giggle after that. Gee, girls, get yourselves together now will you, Ash thought. These are just some guys you’ll never see again after tonight.

They started to talk with them and Dani was tugging Ash on her side a few times but she chose to ignore her. She was slowly drifting off to sleep when someone sat on that empty spot beside her. Unwillingly, she opened her eyes and turned to look.

“Wow, she’s alive,” someone joked from the other side of the table. But Ash didn’t turn to look who because she was too surprised to see a beautiful blond woman sitting beside her.

“Hi, I’m Val,” she introduced herself, holding out her delicate hand. Slapping herself out of her daze, Ash accepted it, connecting their almost same size hands. Val’s was so much warmer than hers.

“Ash,” she said her name and pulled her hand free. She wasn’t gonna melt like ​these two marshmallows on her other side. So what if this group is famous, it didn’t make them gods. At least, not to Ash.

“Ash? That’s an interesting name,” Val eyed her curiously.

“Ashlee. But I prefer Ash. I don’t like to be called Ashlee,” she explained.

“Oh, okay. So you don’t like their music?” Val asked seriously, looking at her with intense interest.

“What makes you think that?” Ash answered with a question of her own.

“You had that kind of face out there, that you would rather be anywhere else,” she answered thoughtfully. When did she see me out there, Ash wondered. Was she standing somewhere close to us?

“Yeah, you got that right. But it doesn’t mean I don’t like their music,” Ash said, remembering all that anxiety she was in just an hour ago.

“Why then?” Val didn’t give up, sounding sincerely interested.

“I have problems with crowds,” Ash answered quietly. She didn’t like to admit it, but she knew that it caused her less problems when people around her knew it.

“And you wanted to see us so bad that you still came?” a man with cutest dimples ever, sitting opposite to them, asked, blinking his eyes with surprise. Trying to remember what names Dani earlier named, Ash was pretty sure that the singer of the band was called Shadow or something.

“No. I was forced to come,” she admitted bitterly, glancing at Dani’s way. Looking back to that man, she could see disappointment in his eyes. For some reason Ash felt bad for causing this but it was only the truth, she was not gonna lie just to make someone happy.

“It must have been hard for you,” he said with a thoughtful face.

“It’s not that bad as it used to be. I’ve learned to live with it, at least as long as I do it voluntarily. It’s much worse when I just happen to get into a crowd suddenly, without preparing myself before. But it takes a lot of concentration and energy to keep myself calm,” Ash explained quietly, so only people close to her could hear.

“Well, you have courage girl. I hope you at least enjoyed our show a little,” that man said, giving her approving nod.

“I really tried. But it worked only for a short while. You have a little too much screaming and pushing fans,” she smiled to him. He only smirked to that and Ash turned her gaze towards other men, sitting on a couch opposite to them. Three of them, two guys who Ash remembered were playing guitars, and an older man with blue beard, were talking with Dani and Pam, fourth was watching at her. It was that same guitarist who looked straight at her earlier.

Ash had to admit that he was the most beautiful guy she had seen in a long time. But he seemed distant and too serious, so probably his beauty was his only good side. His gaze gave her strange feelings, it was almost like blaming or angry and she had never even met him before. He had no reason to hate her. And that dead guy was sitting on that armchair, not saying a word to anyone and no one didn’t seem to notice him. He was watching her too, leaning forward with his chin propped on his long arms. This seemed so weird to Ash.

“So you live in Kansas City?” the woman beside her asked, breaking into her conscious and turning her attention back to herself.

​“No. I’m on a so called road trip. Just traveling around, visiting some places that seem interesting. I’m here visiting my friends,” Ash said, pointing her head towards Dani.

“Where are you from then?” Val continued her questioning, drinking something once in a while.

“I grew up in Ohio, but last three years I’ve lived in Jamestown, North Dakota. I just needed a break from that drama in my life,” Ash admitted, turning her head to look again at that beautiful man sitting next to that dimpled one. He was still just staring at her. He didn’t even flinch when their eyes met, nor did he turn away his gaze. What the hell was wrong with him, Ash thought to herself. She didn’t want to seem as rude as he was and turned her gaze back to the woman next to her.

“We have been in North Dakota. We have some pretty crazy fans there, in a good way crazy of course,” Mr. Dimples said, feeling himself pretty comfortable. Since Ash wasn’t totally sure about his name, she was calling him Mr. Dimples for now.

“Yeah, I know you’ve been there. It was all over the local media,” she smirked, pushed herself back a little and leaned her head on the edge of the couch. She could feel herself comfy too, only threat she could sense in this room was from that guy sitting opposite to her. He was still just looking at Ash. But she chose to ignore it as long as he was just sitting there doing nothing harmful. Even that Dead Guy felt safe compared to the staring she got from that Brian guy. Dani and Pamela were chatting so animatedly with those other three guys so she guessed they would be staying for a while. “I sure am crazy but I’m not exactly a fan. Sorry to disappoint you,” she continued, closing her eyes at the same time.

For some reason she felt safe in here, with all these people around her. It was so weird because she didn’t trust people easily. But she felt like she could trust Val, and Mr. Dimples. And even that Dead Guy. Ash knew that ghosts were real but she hadn’t met one before. She was terrified of ghosts but for some weird unexplainable reason, she wasn’t afraid of him, even then when he had touched her. He seemed to be good. Maybe she was just starting to lose her mind after all these tensions she’d been through lately.

“Oh, it’s okay as long as you still like us,” Mr. Dimples laughed lightly, causing her to open her eyes again. Ash wanted to see him laugh and she didn’t have to disappoint, he was almost as beautiful as that man sitting next to him.

“Honey, it’s gonna take much more than just looking beautiful to get me to like you,” she smirked, leaning her head back again. Before Ash could close her eyes, she saw an almost unnoticeable tiniest smirk on that rude guy’s lips. His gaze was now directed to Mr. Dimples. Wow, Mr. Ice King has feelings after all, she thought. Val laughed beside her lightly. She was really beautiful and she had a sweet laugh, like an angel.

“Where are you going after you’re leaving this town?” Val asked. Ash didn’t bother to lift her head again, instead she just turned it towards her.

“Tomorrow I’m going either to New Mexico or California, I haven’t decided yet. And after that I was thinking about maybe Seattle,” she told Val, looking straight ​into her hazel eyes. She was in exact same position like Ash, her head leaning against head rest and turned to face Ash.

“We are going to California next, guys have their last concert in LA in a few days,” Val announced with a smile. There was some longing in her eyes.

“And after that you can finally go home,” Ash referred, guessing those reasons behind that longing.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to get to my own bed again. I don’t remember how it felt anymore,” Val said with a frown. She was obviously not happy about it.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be home before you even notice,” Ash tried to console her, smiling to her for the first time in this evening. She moved her head a little and her fringe fell over her face, covering almost half of it. It felt uncomfortable but she left it there. Ash wanted to get used to this haircut, so she didn’t move. But Val stretched out her hand and pushed the hair aside a little.

“I like your hair. That green stripe looks so cool,” she said at the same time. Ash’s first natural instinct was to pull away but Val’s warm fingers sliding across her cheek felt kind of good. So she stayed there, unmoving, and fighting with her instincts. Probably sensing her discomfort Val quickly took her hand away. Suddenly that Dead Guy was kneeling down, next to Val, whispering something to her. Then he looked at Ash with intense curiosity, before returning to his seat.

“You want something to drink?” Val asked from Ash, sitting up and looking at the table in front of them.

“Depends,” Ash answered staying on her spot. She wasn’t gonna follow her every move.

“On what?” Val turned to face her with interest.

“What do you have?” Ash answered with a question of her own again. A habit she had, it drove all her friends insane.

“Beer, Jack and some booze,” Val listed, licking her lips lightly.

“Do you have anything non-alcoholic?” Ash asked, deciding to stay away from alcohol. Val looked at the table again and then looked towards a man with blond hair.

“Hey Johnny, was there some energy drinks left earlier?” she asked from him, letting Ash know at least one of the names.

“I think we left some Rockstar’s in dressing room,” he said, looking at the two girls.

“Wanna come and help me?” Val invited Ash to go with her. She was a little afraid to be left alone, with Dani totally ignoring her and that Brian guy still looking straight at her, so she complied.

Ash followed her out of the room and in to the hallway. For a minute they walked in silence, only their footsteps echoing back from walls around them.

“I actually wanted to talk to you alone,” Val confessed when they reached the dressing room.

“I’m listening,” Ash said, encouraging her to continue.

“I wanted to ask if you’d like to come with us to Cali. I would love a female company for a change. I’m getting fed up with those monkeys,” she said, looking at Ash, hopefully.

​“Val, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I do like you but you guys are totally strangers to me,” she told Val, staring at her seriously. There was a tiny part of her that wanted to go, but this was a safer choice anyway.

“I know, but we’re safe. I’d just like to talk to you more. There’s something I like about you and I don’t want to let you go just yet. Besides you were going to Cali anyway, by coming with us you would save money ‘cause you don’t have to buy a plane ticket,” Val tried to reason. She was right about that last part but still, they were total strangers to Ash, she would take a huge risk by going with them.

“Please,” begged a male voice behind Ash. When she turned around, he stepped closer to her and took her hand in his. It was that dead guy again. Looking back at Val, Ash could see her looking straight to him.

“Isn’t he dead?” she asked Val, feeling somewhat confused. It was all over the news and Dani told her about it too. Was she seeing dead people now?

“Yeah, kind of,” Val said, turning serious. “No one outside very close friends or family can see him. Even some of the guys had trouble in the beginning. I don’t understand how you can see him,” she muttered.

“And that’s the reason I want you to come with us. I want to talk to you, get to know you. I haven’t been able to talk to someone new for sooo long,” the man beside Ash pleaded, with eyes full of hope and loneliness.

“I don’t know if I can trust you,” she said honestly. For a moment she could see an expression of hurt on his face but he hid it fast.

“I promise you that nothing bad will happen to you,” he sounded sincere and honest so Ash thought about this over again. She really felt like she could trust him, which was alarmingly unusual for her, plus she wanted to get to know him more too. And saving from that bus ticket was oh so tempting.

“What about others? I don’t want to bother anyone,” she tried to find an excuse. She really did want to go with them but her mind screamed at her for even thinking about taking such a stupid risk.

“I’ll talk to others, I’m sure they are okay with it,” he assured her. Val, being seemingly happier, handed Ash a few cans of Rockstar energy drinks and grabbed more for herself, then guided her back to the hallway.

“If I am going with you guys then I’ll have to go get my stuff from Dani’s,” Ash thought out loud.

“Sure, we can find some way,” Val said, walking few steps in front of her.

“Hey, why are you still here? Why didn’t you go to the Shadow World?” Ash asked, turning to her side, where the Dead Guy was walking. She couldn’t acknowledge him in front of Dani and Pamela, they would think she’s nuts.

“I can’t go. Well technically I can, but I won’t go. My baby would fallow me there and I’m not letting her die. She’s too young to die,” he explained, voice full of sadness.

“Oh, I’m sorry then. Maybe one day she’ll be ready to let you go,” she said, thinking about how weird this was. Was this really possible that if you don’t want to leave this world, then you can stay here like this?

“How did you know it’s called Shadow World?” he asked, bumping in to her side playfully. Smiling Ash punched him back, harder, and he fell slightly against the ​wall. He only laughed and shook his head a little.

“My grams told me,” she said, thinking about her grams. She was in the Shadow World now, had been for seven years. He stayed quiet after that and Ash didn’t say anything either.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she muttered to herself before they reached the door.

“I’m happy you’re doing this,” Dead Guy announced and slid his arm over her shoulders. It felt good, once she managed to ignore all those alarms going off in her head.

She entered to the room after Val and placed those cans she had on the table, then sat down to same spot she was sitting on earlier.

“Where did you go?” Dani asked, finally remembering her.

“Getting some drinks,” Ash replied, pointing to the table. Val was talking quietly to Mr. Dimples, who then looked at Ash.

“Yeah, sure, no problem”, he said, giving her that irresistible smile of his. Everyone turned their interested gazes to him.

“Ash is coming to Cali with us,” Val announced happily, coming to sit by her side again.

“You are going with them?” Pamela asked from Ash, with a high piched voice, full of disbelief. Ash looked around the room, seeing anger on Brian’s face. What the hell was his problem?

“Great, like I haven’t enough problems all ready,” he muttered, got up and left the room. Ash could only stare at the door, closing slowly behind him.

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said without looking at anyone, turning her gaze to her lap instead.

“Oh, don’t mind him, he’s just an asshole,” Val said, getting up and going to sit on that now empty spot beside Mr. Dimples. He slid his arm around her and kissed her temple. They looked cute together, two unbelievably beautiful persons.

“No, I don’t want to cause a trouble to anyone. Besides I’ve had enough drama lately. It was great to meet you guys but I have to get out of here,” Ash apologized, hugging Val and Mr. Dimples at the same time and then turned to Dani. “I’ll be waiting outside,” she said before walking out of the room, leaving everyone in dead silence. She walked away from that room as fast as she could, trying not to get lost.