Stay With Them Tonight

Kelly looked from me to her brother standing just outside the door, obviously thinking I might be like nearly hyperventilating because of him, but also knowing something else was up.

“Tyler, you idiot, can’t you see she doesn’t want to see you? Shoo. Go away.” She pushed him away and grabbed me, shutting the door on Tyler and rushing me up to her room. I felt myself smiling when she didn’t even seem to realize she had just shut the door in his face.

Being in Kelly’s room was almost like being in my own room, I was here so often. I felt myself start to take deeper breaths again.

“What’s up, Al? What happened? I thought you were the pizza guy!” she said. She had both of my shoulders, shaking me slowly like I might need my brain more scrambled than it already was.

“Are you alright? What did Tyler say?”

“Nothing, he was fine.” I smiled a little bit.

Did I really want to hurt her that much by telling her? What if I just ignored the kiss, told Ryan firmly it could never be like that, and went on with life? Kelly wouldn’t have to be hurt at all.

I knew that ignoring it would probably come back and bite me in the ass, but I loved Kelly like a sister, and hurting her was something I would go to any length to avoid. And, I was selfishly avoiding the issue, hoping it would go away.

Eventually, I believed Kelly and Ryan would end up together, but it wouldn’t help either of them to prolong the consequences of that one, spur-of-the-moment kiss. Right?

I knew I was being stupid, that this might lead to her hating me, so I decided to tell her without really telling her.

“Kelly, something happened, but I don’t want to hurt you. I think it would be better if I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you because you’re my best friend in the world and I don’t want to ruin something good for you by telling you.” I didn’t give her any time to reply, because she looked like she was about to ask me what the hell I was talking about.

“Why didn’t you tell me Tyler’s moving into the apartments by the school?” I asked, slightly out of breath.

She stared at me for a minute, but thankfully didn’t question me. The apartments near the greenbelt were less than a mile from the school, a fact that I had figured out since Tyler told me. The local college was only a little bit away, so it made sense that he would live there.

“You’re always-” she paused to study my reaction “-weird about Tyler. I didn’t want to freak you out.”

I was nodding before she finished, glad she didn’t pursue the weird way I had admitted something had gone wrong without ever saying what had happened that was bad. I knew it wouldn’t work forever, but it gave me time to think of a better way to tell her.

“Well, I don’t feel so stupid around him anymore, Kells. So, it won’t be so ‘weird’ anymore.” I made air quotes around “weird” and smiled. “Sorry for how I’ve acted about him.”

I wondered if it would be like it used to, him always being around us, now that he was moving back. It would be nice to be “normal” again, but I wondered how long it might last.

“It’s okay, Al.” She hugged me, telling me I was forgiven. I hugged her back extra hard, wondering how the hell I had gotten lucky enough to have such a great best friend.

“Hey, I have to go. So I’ll see you tomorrow or something, okay?” I told her when I finally let go.

“Sure, come by and see me at work. I’m on till three.”

“Okay. Bye, Kelly.” I gave her a hug and went downstairs. Tyler was sitting on the stairs of the porch looking like he was thinking, and jumped up when I came out.

“Hey, Allen, you don’t have my number, do you? And I don’t have yours.”

“Oh, right.” I hadn’t thought of that at all.

“Here, let me see your phone.” I handed him mine while taking his, and we put ourselves in each other’s contacts. He walked me out, and asked me why I hadn’t brought a car.

“I live right over there,” I told him, pointing. He looked surprised.

“Oh. Well let me walk you back, then.”

It was a silent walk, half not knowing what to talk about, half not really knowing each other anymore. When we were walking up my driveway, I saw that Ryan was talking to my mom.

“Tyler!” she exclaimed when she saw us, and Ryan turned. I cringed a little bit, dreading this situation. “I haven’t seen you since Allie entered high school!” Tyler and I looked in different directions, neither of us quite looking at my mom.

“Hi, Mrs. Anderson,” Tyler smiled, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Al, I needed to talk to you about earlier-” Ryan cut off before he said anything more. He gestured with his hands, a motion that really didn’t mean anything, except that he moved his hands when he was nervous.

There was a sudden look of understanding on Tyler’s face and he looked down at me, and then to Ryan. Ryan was studying Tyler, and I imagined that I was an ostrich and burying my head in the ground. Too bad I wasn’t an ostrich.

“Uh, sure, Ryan. I’ll see you later, Tyler?” I rocked on my heels, hands in my pockets.

“Yeah. How about tomorrow, while Kelly’s at work?” he asked. “We can catch up.” He shrugged and was speaking quietly, but I was sure my mom and Ryan still probably heard- we were only a few feet away, at the bottom of the porch steps.

“Sure.” We hugged again, very aware of our audience, and he started walking back. I looked after him for something to do until I turned to my mom.

“Hey, mom, I’m going to talk to Ryan for a minute, okay?” she got the hint, and with an “okay,” she closed the door. Not knowing what else to do, I went and sat in my truck, Ryan climbing in on the other side.

“Ryan, Kelly likes you.” I jumped right into it.

He was silent, and I looked over. His eyes, which I now I couldn’t help but notice were green, looked right back at me. I had never put thought into his eyes- they were just there, something I often saw but rarely looked at. Now, it was all I felt I could look at.

“I didn’t know she liked me that much,” he admitted softly, studying my face. I didn’t try to hide anything, and kept eye contact openly.

I shrugged. “Even if she likes you just a tiny bit, she’s my best friend.”

“That guy went into Kelly’s house,” he noticed, glancing past me.

“Is that her boyfriend?” I was almost sure he knew Kelly didn’t have a boyfriend.

“Brother.”

I looked away, the unspoken “not that you should care” floating between us. I was defensive and just wanted to get this over with.

He looked back at me again. “Oh.”

“Ryan, you don’t like me enough to ruin all of our friendships, right? Because it would- anything we did together like that would hurt everyone. Kelly wouldn’t trust me after that, and I wouldn’t like you for it. It won’t go anywhere, and we would all hate each other.” I said it all slowly, always giving him a chance to think it through, also trying to make sure it felt right to say it.

It did.

I realized I had just spoken almost the same thing Tyler had once told me, and I finally understood it. The type of love where you’re willing to risk relationships for wasn’t what I felt for Ryan, and I was sure that wasn’t what he felt for me either. I don’t like him enough to hurt Kelly, and I felt something heavy float off of my shoulders at the realization.

“It’s not because there’s anyone else?” He jerked his chin towards Kelly’s house, indicating it might be because of Tyler.

“Ryan,” I said angrily, not having to say anything else. He knew what I was talking about.

“It doesn’t matter, but no. You’re already a really good friend, and I’ve only known you for three weeks. We can’t mess things up with everyone. I won’t, Ryan, I’m sorry.” Somewhat pissed and feeling wrong about the whole situation, I put my hand on the door handle before he said something else.

“Allie, I don’t think that you don’t like me at all.” I was about to deny it, but he cut me off by speaking softly.

“I know I’m a good friend, but when we first met it seemed like you might like me. Until you talked to Kelly about me, am I right?” I didn’t talk at all. I hardly moved, staring at him.

He waited for a few seconds, searching my face. I tried my best not to give anything away, but it was basically exactly as he said. I had started liking him, before I found out my friend had been in serious like with him for a while.

“Right,” he said to himself. “So, if or when Kelly ever decides she doesn’t like me, the first thing I’m going to do is ask you out, Allie.”

I sighed and dropped my head against the seat.

“I don’t think she’s going to magically not like you anymore, but what the hell.” I said finally, lifting my head to look at him seriously.

“But you have to really give her a chance. You should go on dates with her; get to know her as more than a friend. I won’t dictate your dating life, but I hope you give her a chance to show you how great she is.”

I opened my door. “I’ll see you later.” I walked into my house, passing my parents and noticing Cass quickly closing the curtain of the front window. Obviously, she had been watching most of the time. I rolled my eyes, feeling defeated, and trudged to my room.

*****

“Allie,” Cass sung softly. “Allieee,” she drew out my name, but I didn’t move. She slipped under the covers of my bed, like we used to do when we were little.

It was in the middle of the night, and I hadn’t bothered to get up since I came in here, claiming to feel sick.

“Al?” I sighed, turning over to face her. I had hardly gotten to sleep when she came in.

“Too much happen today?” she asked. She guessed way too much, most of the time.

“Mhm.” I closed my eyes and fell back asleep, feeling Cass take my hand. I felt ten again, and my new dreams were memories of when we were little; me and Cass and Kelly and Tyler, all playing together like we used to.