Alone

"Young Girl, Don't Cry I'll Be Right Here When Your World Starts To Fall. Young Girl, It's Alright Your Tears Will Dry, You'll Soon Be Free To Fly"

This was it. My world had fallen so many times already. I was crying. I want to be free, but I'm trapped here.

" When You're Safe Inside Your Room You Tend To Dream; Of A Place Where Nothing's Harder Than It Seems. No One Ever Wants Or Bothers To Explain; Of The Heartache Life Can Bring And What It Means"

My room was the only place I had ever felt safe. The place I dreamed of different places. Safer Places. Better Places. Why didn't my parents stay alive? Stay with me? Why me? I tend to ask myself this all the time, and every time I do I hate myself for asking it. Because I'm pitying myself and I don't want to do that.

"When There's No One Else Look Inside Yourself; Like Your Oldest Friend; Just Trust The Voice Within"

I was beginning to think that I didn't have a voice within. Psh, I hadn't even used my voice without in almost a year. What difference would a voice within make for me?

"Then You'll Find The Strength That Will Guide Your Way. You Will Learn To Begin To Trust Your Voice Within. Young Girl Don't Hide You'll Never Change If You Just Run Away. Young Girl, Just Hold Tight And Soon You're Gonna See Your Brighter Day"

I was thinking about the rape and what I should do about it. The song said not to hide. Was I hiding by not saying anything about the rape?

"Now In A World Where Innocence Is Quickly Claimed Away; It's So Hard To Stand Your Ground When You're So Afraid. No One Reaches Out A Hand For You To Hold; When You're Lost Outside Look Inside To Your Soul"

Quickly claimed away is right. I knew I was afraid, but I wasn't sure of what I was afraid of. No one has reached out a hand for me because no one knows. So, am I the problem?

"When There's No One Else Look Inside Yourself; Like Your Oldest Friend; Just Trust The Voice Within. Then You'll Find The Strength That Will Guide Your Way. You Will Learn To Begin To Trust Your Voice Within"

I was right the only reason I feel alone is because I'm making myself feel alone.

"Yeah... Life Is A Journey It Can Take You Anywhere You Choose To Go. As Long As You're Learning You'll Find All You'll Ever Want To Know"

My journey hasn't taken me anywhere really special. But again that could be my fault too..

"You'll Break It. You'll Make It. Just Don't Go Foresaking Yourself. No One Can Stop You. You Know That I'm Talking To You"

I've broken lot's of things. I haven't made anything. I've foresaked myself, but for good reasons. I know nothing can stop me, nothing ever has, except for... Me.

"When There's No One Else Look Inside Yourself; Like Your Oldest Friend; Just Trust The Voice Within. Then You'll Find The Strength That Will Guide Your Way. You Will Learn To Begin To Trust Your Voice Within'

So what do I do? Do I tell, or do I stay quiet?

I say something, but not with my voice. I'm still not ready for that. But I'll still speak up in my own way. I smiled to myself. I knew that song would do something for me. I was lucky to have found it in Rocky's.

I put the CD back inside it's case and went to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. I hadn't been to school in 3 days. I was a mess, even though I had gotten ready for the day I was still a mess. And I could tell that the others were starting to worry about me.

I sighed and went back to my room, I knew what I had to do. So I grabbed my stuff and left.

I went straight to the Head Mistresses office. I went past her secretary who was trying to stop me and knocked on her door. The secretary was trying to get me to sign something when Head Mistress Bleese opened her door. I looked at her and she nodded back to her secretary to let me go.

She opened the door wider and let me come in. I went and sat down in one of the two seats she had in front of her desk. She set aside papers and her hands came together in front of her, her brown eyes looked at me pointedly.

"Ms. Lite, what a surprise to see you. I was actually going to schedule a meeting with you so I could see how you were doing." I nodded.

"So what can I do for you?" I quickly wrote down, Help me. and showed it to her.

Once she read it, her eyes went a little wide. But she nodded anyway. I started writing again, but this time I told her about the party and told her what happened at the party. She was very patient as I wrote down the whole story. When I was finally done I handed her the notebook and let her read everything I had wrote.

It only took her a couple minutes to read what I had wrote. But when she had looked up she had a weird look in her eyes.

"Who was it?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"If I showed you pictures of all the male students would you be able to point him out?" I nodded my head.

She nodded and we set to work. I went and sat beside her behind her desk and she started showing me pictures of all the male students in the school, and there were a lot.

After about 3 hours I was ready to give up. She flipped to another set of pictures. I looked over them and almost gave the signal to flip to another page, but then I saw him.

I sat straight up in my seat and pointed to him.

She clicked on his image and all his information popped up, but I only looked for one thing, his name.

I found it at the top right corner of the page. Keegan Howard. I made sure it was him again by looking at his picture and it was. While Head Mistress Bleese looked over his information I quickly wrote down something. Then showed it to her. I told her not to punish him too bad because he was drunk during the whole thing. She nodded.

She picked up her office phone and then called someone she said Keegan's name and hung up. She told me I could go and I did.

I went straight back to my dorm. I arrived to find Chris and Erin making out on the couch. I didn't want to interrupt them so I passed as quietly as I could, apparently not quiet enough.

"Where have you been Mute?" Erin asked me. This was the first time she had talked to me in a long time and she was the first one to give me that nickname.

I shrugged my shoulders and kept heading for my room. I could feel both of them staring at me as I walked on. I quickly shut my door so I wouldn't have to feel there stares anymore. I slid down the door and Bubba immediately came to me. I smiled and petted him.

I sighed and got up then went to refill Bubba's water and food bowls.

When I was finishing with that there was a knock on the door. I opened the door a little to see Bianca.

It felt like forever since I had seen or talked to her.

"Hey Kirsten I was wondering if you would like to hang out with me, Leo, and Zachy." I nodded. She smiled. I held up my finger and quickly got my stuff.

Then I left with Bianca. We went over to the Boy's dorm and went to Zachy's dorm. She opened the door and there sitting on the couch was Zachy and Leo. When Zachy saw me he smiled big.

"KIRSTEN!!!!!" He yelled and ran over to me to give me a hug. But I was still scared of contact with guys, so I quickly put up my hands in a stopping position. He stopped immediately. I put my hand out for a shake and he shook it with a confused look on his face.

I went over and sat on the couch, but I sat farthest away from Leo. I could see that, that hurt him a little, but he got over it quickly.

"So Kirsten where have you been these past few days?" Leo asked. I just shrugged my shoulders.

"What are we going to be doing?" Bianca asked. I was happy she changed the subject.

"I...... Don't know." I couldn't help but smile at Zachy after he said that. I missed this. It felt like it had been forever since I had hung with these three.

"Let's do something!" Zachy said.

"Thanks Captain Obvious." Bianca said. Then Zachy jumped up on the table they had and did a super hero pose and gave Bianca a salute.

"Anytime peasant." I smiled and gave an inside laugh. Ahh I missed this.