Heartless

Mom was able to pick me up and take me home before going back to work, leaving me there to fume and rant to myself for the remainder of the afternoon.

“That fucker, thinks he can just fucking forget about me, after being my fucking ride home from fucking school, fucker.”

I was nearly tearing my sandwich in half while trying to cut it, finally giving up and throwing the knife in the sink before sitting down in the living room.

I couldn't believe Jace would do something to selfishly stupid! I've only known him for, let's see, 12 years! He's known Leah for like, two. And Bailey even less.

I sighed, rubbing my hand over my face before trying to think logically.

Alright. So maybe Leah missed her bus and Jace said he'd drive her home, and she got a little touchy. Maybe Jace doesn't like her at all.

… Or maybe she's a damn slut who should keep her fucking hands off of my best fucking friend.

I groaned loudly as the front door opened and Mom came in, flopping down on the couch beside me. “So,” she began, “How was your day?”

“... Hm.”

“Ah. That bad huh?”

I leaned back, sighing loudly and getting ready to explain. “Well, it started out good. Really good. Jace and I talked basically all morning in homeroom, and he didn't really pay attention to any women. And then, it all went to Hell. I failed a Chemistry test, I'm failing art, I lost like, five pencils, and to top it off, my best friend left me in the parking lot to go fuck Leah!” at the start of my speech, I was rather calm, but towards the end I got a little carried away I think.

Mom sighed, lightly patting my shoulder. “I'm sorry Hun. I know how it feels to be in love with someone as a teenager.”

I whipped around toward her. “Y... You do?” I asked. No way... There was no way she knew I was gay...

“Pfft, of course I do! And I'm sure Leah's a lovely girl. It just happens that Jace got lucky.”

Oh... Nevermind.

“Yeah... Jace got lucky... Damn him.” I mumbled. Mom nodded, groaning before standing back up. “Now, I think you should sleep off the puppy love, and be ready to go to school and show Leah you don't need her.” she smiled. I smiled back slightly before she walked away toward her room. Trust Mom to be the most blissfully ignorant person in the world. What would I do without her.

Tuesday I was still mildly pissed when I got on the bus. Jace chose to sit upfront with someone else, which was good because I didn't feel like yelling at him this early. Not to say I ever feel like yelling at him, but still.

I was the last person off the bus, seeing Jace and Leah by the side of the school, kissing yet again before going inside. I avoided them at all cost, even going a different direction to get to homeroom. Being the only person in the room, I went to sit in my usual seat in the back corner and awaited Jace patiently.

I found through the day that I didn't want to yell at Jace in public. The whole class didn't need to know our business, so I settled for short responses and generally ignoring him (which is difficult to do when you like the guy and he's so damn persistent) until he followed me off the bus and into my house. That's where I rounded on him.

“Jace. What did you do yesterday after school?” I asked calmly. He stared back for a minute before raising an eyebrow. “I drove Leah home, why?”

“Hm. What were you supposed to do?”

“Um... I'm not sure...”

I inhaled silently, clapping my hands together slowly. “Jace, I don't ask a lot of you. Except that you sleep in your own bed, and when you drive me to school, make sure you can also drive me home.”

Realization seemed to dawn on Jace suddenly as he gaped at me. “Oh shit... Will- Wait... But she missed her bus!” he argued. I was half tempted to roll my eyes, but chose to close them instead.

“And I'm sure she has plenty of friends who could've driven her home. I, on the other hand, do not. Did you sleep with her?”

“... Why?”

“Just answer the question.” I mumbled. After a minute he nodded. “Yes, I slept with her. It was pretty fun.” he added thoughtfully. At that I did roll my eyes, shrugging slightly. “Oh, well, that explains everything.”

He was silent, thinking over my comment. “Yeah, well.... Wait... Hey, what's that supposed to mean?” he asked. I shrugged again, going into the kitchen. “Well, you know, it just makes sense that you would rather fuck Leah than drive me home. God forbid you go too long without sex. Wouldn't want you to get blue balls or anything.” I mumbled. I glanced over to see him gaping at me again with his arms crossed over his chest. “Damn. You're jealous of Leah because I drove her home instead of you? Wow Willow. Never pinned you for that type of person. So sorry, from now on I'll devote my every waking hour to you.”

I turned to him, loosing patience quickly. “That's not the point Jace. The point is that-”

“The point is that you're actually jealous over something that doesn't even matter! Look, I know you aren't comfortable with me sleeping around, but that's not gonna stop me from sleeping around. God, it's not like we're dating or anything! You can't tell me what I can and can't do.”

That one hit a bit too close, making me speechless for a second as I tried to get around how much that comment actually hurt. “I don't care who the fuck you fuck with, but do me a favor and at least have the fucking courtesy to drive me home next time before you go off screwing people.” I mumbled. Jace glared back, shaking his head. “You know what, talking to you was obviously a bad idea today,” he responded, “Goodbye Willow.”

“...Goodbye Jace.”

I waited until I heard the front door slam shut to slide down to the floor, leaning back against the cabinets. Jace's comment had hit me pretty hard; harder than I realized.

It's not like we're dating or anything...

Breathing got harder to do as I felt my heart stutter and a sharp pain in my chest, making my put my hand over it in an attempt to slow it down. Before I realized it, I was crying. Not the sobbing kind, more like the sitting-there-in-a-dazed-way-with-water-pouring-out-of-your-eyes kind.

I stayed like that until I heard the front door open again and my name being called repeatedly by a female voice, glancing over as I saw Mom's feet come into view as she crouched down. “Oh my god, Willow! Honey, are you alright? Will, look at me baby...” she mumbled, putting a hand on my cheek.

It was the 'Will' that did it.

All of a sudden I was sobbing, mumbling mess, clinging to Mom as if my life depended on it. I felt her running her fingers through my hair, trying to calm me down. “Willow, sweetie, I can't understand you, you have to calm down...” she murmured. I hiccuped a few times before shaking my head. “God I hate him...” I whispered. She leaned closer to me, raising an eyebrow. “Who, honey? Did someone say something to you?”

I nodded, sighing shakily. I leaned away from her, suddenly deciding something. If I was going to cry, I might as well get it all done at once.

“Mom...” I began, hiccuping some more. “Yes, honey, what's wrong?”

“I... I'm...”

“Yes, Willow, tell me. You need to tell me if you want me to help baby.”

“I'm... I'm gay.”