Forever & Always.

Oisín led the way through Dublin's busy streets, scooting around ignorant people with their shopping and dodging hyper kids who were paying no attention to those around them, more interested in the sweets their parents had bought them in order to keep them quiet whilst they shopped. His face held a smile and I wondered where he was bringing me. This was the last day that we’d be spending together until I returned from New Jersey – though he didn’t know that yet – and I had decided that the young boy could decide where to go. The young brunette led me confidently down narrow alleys and across traffic-clogged roads with confidence. It seemed that he had been spending more time exploring the city without me. The turns he took seemed almost second nature at this point and I was impressed at how easily he navigated the confusing city.

“Here we are,” He announced as we arrived outside a dirty, red-brick building crammed in between two coffee shops, the sign above the door declaring it to be Jim Doyle’s.

“Where is here exactly?” I asked, my eyes giving the building a once over and shuddering inwardly. It was grubby and seedy looking, not a place I’d ever usually want to enter. It was the sort of place one would steer far away from at night, in fear of who may be lurking in the shadowy doorway

“This is like the best place to see unsigned bands in Dublin. One of my favourite bands is playing today.”

I nodded and let him lead me into the dark pub despite my apprehension. Oisín had obviously been here before and I trusted him.
Inside, it was dark but still didn’t manage to hide the grubbiness of the establishment. The walls were painted a scarlet that was covered in, what looked like, years of grime and dirt. My feet stuck to the sticky wooden floor and I had to work hard to hide my disgust.
There was a small, make-shift stage in the furthest corner and I could see a band already beginning to set up equipment to play a set. The pub was mostly empty and I decided that I had misjudged the place. It was small and a bit grubby, but nowhere near as bad as I had initially assumed it would be. Inside it seemed homely and comfortable.
Oisín and took seats at the bar, close enough that we could see the stage from our stools. I ordered a vodka and white while the teen beside me got a Jack Daniels and coke.

“Since when are you eighteen?” I asked with one eyebrow raised once we had gotten our drinks and the barman was far enough away to not hear our conversation.

He shrugged and gave me a small sheepish smile, “Since I got this off a friend.” He pulled out a fake I.D. that declared him to be, in fact, eighteen. “I needed it to get into a show last week and I’ve just kept it since then.”

I smiled and shook my head at him in mock anger, “You’re a disgrace.”

A cheeky smile crept onto his face, “Yup.”

Music began playing and I turned in my seat to see the band that had been previously setting up now all standing around with instruments, obviously ready to begin their set. Raw guitars sounded through the speakers and a guy stepped up to the microphone, guitar in hand, his voice containing essences of Tom Delonge of Blink182.

“Hello there, how are you? It’s been such a while,” He sang with a twang, his eyes closed as he strummed his guitar.

Oisín began singing softly along with him, his head bobbing up and down. I could see why he liked this band, their lead singer’s voice brought you in and you were hooked.
I smiled at the young boy beside me and took a sip of my drink before turning my attention back to the band.

“Please don’t make me leave,
I’ve had too much to drink and in your arms,
the safest place to be,
I might try but I can’t sleep a wink
‘Til I can’t remember your name.”

I nodded my head in time, enjoying the second singer’s voice just as much as the lead’s. It was a nice and simple punk song and they followed it up with a beautiful acoustic song entitled 'Dear' .
Oisín was enjoying the show and I was glad that I had agreed to accompany him when he had called me and asked. I was going to miss the teen that I had grown so close to over the past few weeks.

It wasn’t long until the band, whose name I know understood to be Zulu, finished up their short set and exited the stage. The lead singer, Darren I believed he had told the small audience during their short set, made his way to the bar and Oisín just stared in awe. I laughed at his star-struck expression and shooed him over to talk to the young man he seemed to idolise. I watched as he conversed with the dark haired man who seemed genuinely nice and signed a napkin for Oisín before saying something and disappearing into the crowd.

Oisín came sauntering back over, a huge grin on his face, “He’s so nice.”

I smiled a little back, “Seemed it.”

He clapped his hands together excitedly, “Oh my God, Ciara! We should do this every week. Y’know, come to a bar like this a see some local band or something.”

It was time to tell him. I couldn’t hide the truth anymore. Oisín had become quite reliant on me and he needed to know that I wasn’t going to be around for a little while.

“Yeah…about that...I can't...I’m not gonna be around for a bit,” I bit my lip and avoided his eyes that stared at me imploringly. “I’m going to Jersey for a bit. Have some friends I need to see.”

He nodded and ran his finger around the rim of his glass, “It’s Frank Iero and the other MCR guys, isn’t it?”

I nodded, “Yeah, how’d you know?”

He shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips, “I saw the way he looked at you when he heard your name. It was obvious he knew you. And, it’s obvious that you miss them, I can hear it in your voice whenever you talk about them.”

We sat in silence for a bit, Oisín sipping his drink and me tracing patterns in the condensation that had dripped from the glasses and onto the table. It was an uncomfortable silence. Oisín was waiting for me to say something but I didn’t know what it was. The atmosphere was so tense that I almost felt like screaming.

“I’m only going for a couple of weeks,” I attempted to reassure him though I still didn’t know what to say. “You won’t even realise I’m gone. I’ll be home before you even realise it.”

He laughed a little and shook his head, “You’re not coming home.”

His statement confused me, of course I’d come home. I was only visiting Jersey; it wasn’t like I was moving back there. I’d be home in no time. I voiced my confusion to him and he laughed again.

“I can see it in the way you’re talking about this trip and the way your eyes light up when you talk about Jersey. You want to go back, you miss your friends,” He took my hand in his and gave it a comforting squeeze as his green eyes bore into mine. “I’ll completely understand if you decided not to come back.” I began to protest but he just raised one finger and shook his head, “I don’t care if you don’t think you’ll want to stay, you may want to once you go back. Just promise me you’ll keep in touch. I need a friend, even if you’re never coming home.”

Looking into those eyes that looked so much like Fergal's there was no way I could deny him anything. He looked so young and vulnerable in his black baggy jeans and his loose grey Green Day t-shirt. If he had asked me to jump off a cliff for him I would’ve done it gladly.

“Of course I will Oisín. You still have my number, yeah?”

He nodded but didn’t say anything, just sat there staring at his own hands as they twisted and untwisted on the table. His teeth were nibbling on his bottom lip so fiercely that I was sure the skin was going to split at any moment.

“Well you can contact me on that until I get something else sorted out, ‘kay?”

Again he nodded and said nothing. I sighed and looked around the small bar, trying to distract myself from the horrible thought that I would have to leave this young boy behind when he obviously needed me to be around. At the other end of the bar I could spot the lead singer of Zulu standing there as he ordered himself a drink. As if sensing my gaze he looked up and smiled before walking over towards me and Oisín, beer in hand.

“Hey Oisín,” He smiled at the boy beside me and Oisín blushed fiercely at being remembered. The dark haired young man turned to me next, “And you are?”

I smiled and reached out my hand for him to shake, “Ciara. I’m here as Oisín’s guardian.”

He nodded and took my hand in the one that wasn’t holding his drinking, shaking it firmly, “Darren. Nice to meet you Ciara.”

“Likewise,” I murmured withdrawing my hand and focusing once more on the little puddle of water that had formed on the countertop.

Darren conversed with Oisín about music and movies while I checked my phone and wondered how long it would take me to get home, and if I’d get there before Aiden. I hadn’t told him I was going out and I knew he’d be pissed about it.

“Hey Ciara, Darren invited us out for drinks. You coming?” Oisín’s voice snapped me back to reality and I saw him watching me with expectant eyes. He wanted to go with the guys, that much was obvious, but I didn’t really have the time to go with him.

I shook my head, “I can’t go, sorry. I’ve gotta get home.” Oisín’s face fell and I knew what he expected me to say next, so I knew he’d be surprised. “But you go on with the guys. Just be good and text me when you get home.”

He squealed before jumping up and engulfing me in a huge hug, squeezing me tight against his chest, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!”

It always me how such small gestures could make him so happy. All it took was one little act of kindness to make him hug me and be grateful. He was a sweet kid and every day I still feared that what he’d been through would catch up with him and he’d lose that childlike innocence that he still held in his eyes. I didn’t want that to happen and I hoped with all my heart that I’d never have to see it occur.

I quickly said my goodbyes to the young boy, reminding him that I wouldn’t see him for a few weeks but to keep in contact and text me whenever. He got all embarrassed, his face cherry tomato red, as he tried to brush it off and seem cool around his new rock star friend who was laughing a little at him. I hugged Oisín goodbye and then Darren who promised me that he’d look after the teen for me. I gave the two guys one last wave before practically running out of the bar and to my bus stop, hoping that I’d get home before Aiden, praying that if I didn’t that he show me some mercy and go easy on me for once.

When did my life become such a nightmare?