Forever & Always.

“Hello?” I asked somewhat breathless, my heart still racing from the feel of Gerard’s lips on mine. It was crazy how intoxicating the taste of them still were, even after all this time.

“C-Ciara?” I heard Oisín’s anguished cry on the other end of the crappy connection.

“Oisín? That you?” I strained to hear his reply of the roaring traffic going past me, “You okay?”

His sobs were audible over the cars though and my eyes began watering as I heard his pained cries. I didn’t know what was wrong but knew that I’d do anything to make it better. This boy had suffered far too much in the last few months and every time I got a call from him I could feel my heart breaking.

“Ciara…it hurts,” He’d never sounded younger than at that moment. So often I forgot that he was only sixteen because he acted so much older, but in that moment he sounded so young and vulnerable. “I can’t take it anymore, it all hurts so much.”

“What can I do help, hon?” I asked him, wanting to hug him and never let go.

He sniffled, “I need you home, please.”

I bit my lip and wondered what I could do, “Uhm…I’ll see what I can do. I need to get some money together y’know? But just keep thinking happy thought m’kay?”

“Mhmm…I love you Ciara.” There was a lot of noise in the background and Oisín must’ve placed his hand over the receiver because, although I heard shouting I couldn’t make out the exact words. Suddenly his voice came back on the line, “Uhm…Ciara, I’ve gotta go. Bye.”

He hung up suddenly and I was left wondering what had made him change his attitude so rapidly. I had to figure out a way to get back to Ireland and see Oisín; there was no way I was going to leave him by himself when he was in pain like that.
I was near a bank so I made my way to it, pulling the second, rarely used ATM card out of the back of my purse. There was a queue and I had to wait my turn to check my balance but when I did I saw that my second bank account’s balance had been severely affected by my recent flights to Jersey but there was still a rather large amount there, definitely enough to get me to Ireland and come back with Oisín in tow. The bank account was one that I rarely touched, I had set it up not long after Gerard and I had promised to marry each other. It was supposed to be my contribution to our wedding day. Even when I left to return to Ireland and knew that that day would never come I never closed the account, just moved it to an Irish bank and kept putting money in every payday. For a while I assumed the money would go towards mine and Aiden’s wedding but now I wasn’t even sure if we’d get married so taking money from the account didn’t bother me too much.

I took out my phone and clicked redial on the number that had last called me. Oisín answered on the third ring, “Hey a bhabóg, can you talk for a couple of minutes?”

“Yeah, I can,” He mumbled and I could hear him shutting a door before speaking a little louder. “I’m sorry for freaking you out earlier.”

“It’s fine, hon,” I smiled a little. He was always so apologetic when there was no reason to be sorry. “I’m gonna come home for a bit as soon as I can, okay?”

There was a hiccupped sigh and a deep breath before he spoke again, “No, it’s okay, Ciara. I can cope on my own.”

We argued for a few minutes before I convinced the teen that I was coming back to visit him, whether he wanted me to or not. I told him I’d ring him when I knew more details and then disconnected the call, already dreading my next phone bill. But, I knew that Oisín was worth every penny. For I kid I’d only known for a short time he meant a hell of a lot to me. Even Gerard’s problems couldn’t stop me from leaving because, at the end of the day, Gerard was a grown man who was capable of making his own decisions when it came to drugs and alcohol whereas Oisín was only a kid who was hurting. His needs were far more important. Nonetheless, I still needed to make sure Gee would be looked after while I was gone.



“So can you try and help him stay off drugs and whatever while I’m gone?” I asked Frankie after spending half an hour explaining the current situation to him, “I’m worried about him but I can’t ignore Oisín either. He’s only a kid.”

Frank nodded his head and his un-styled faux hawk flicked over his eyes, and it was obvious he hadn’t showered yet by the grease visible in it, “’Course I’ll look after him C. He’s my best friend too.”

I smiled a little and settled back against Frank’s shoulder as we sat on his bed. It was kind of funny how little his room had changed even after all these years. The walls were still plastered with punk bands with angst ridden quotes scrawled with Sharpie in the spaces of wall in between. His bed was the best though, it still had Justice League of America bedclothes and I couldn’t help but smile when I first saw them. I hoped that Frank would always stay a child at heart.

“Ciara,” Frank broke the silence with a tentative voice. “Do you really have to go back to Ireland?”

Sighing, I pulled back to stare at my best friend. His eyes were averted concentrating on a Green Day poster on the far wall. I could tell by the way his jaw was clenched that he was fighting back tears and I guess his reaction was understandable. Last time I had left Jersey I had run away from him. His fear that I wouldn’t come back at all this time was totally understandable.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, I swear,” I tried to shoot him a reassuring smile but it faltered when I saw his sad expression. “C’mon buddy, you know I’d never leave you again, not after I’ve gotten you back after all this time.”

He shrugged and wiped his streaming eyes with the edge of his sleeve, “I just don’t want to lose you again y’know? And I dunno if I can handle Gerard’s behaviour all on my own, especially because I think he only believes he’ll get clean if you’re here to help.”

I shook my head, “Nonsense. You’ll be fine and I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Promise you’ll come back as soon as possible?”

“Like I said, I’ll be back before you know it.”

After staying for a little while just reassuring my best friend that I’d call him every day and that I would never forget him. By the time I got up to leave it was getting dark outside and was raining heavily. I didn’t want to go, I’d rather spend the night with Frank and comfort him but I knew I had to tell both Toni and Gerard about my plans to return to Ireland and that wasn’t the sort of thing you could tell someone over the phone, especially not with my record.

I hugged Frank on his doorstep and pecked him on the cheek, “See you soon Frankenstein. Love you.”

He smiled and I could feel the curve of his lips against my neck as he squeezed me tight against him, “Love you too CiCi. Good luck with telling Gerard.”

We both laughed and I kissed him once more before walking down the driveway. My hands were shaking a little and my throat burned. The thoughts of telling Gerard what was happening kind of scared me. He was in such a vulnerable state at the moment that I didn’t want to set him off but knew it was necessary. I took a deep breath and began my trek to the Way house, my heart pounding in my chest.