I Dare Not Ask Who's Been Helping You Fall Asleep

The moment I told Alex that I liked Jack, we drifted farther apart. It was like that one little lie was the crack in the iceberg that sent us drifting in separate directions. I would never get closer than friends with him from that moment on, although I pretended like I stood a chance. Now, looking back, I realized there was never anything between us. I just wish someone had told me sooner…

I groaned at the person coming towards me. I couldn’t help it. I was in a pissy mood and he was fucking skipping light an eight year old completely fascinated by the simplest things. “So, a little birdie told me that you like me.”

I groaned once more and buried my head into my arms. It was Monday and I was in study hall. I was just going to ignore Jack; he could take the hint.

I felt someone nudge my shoulder. Well, apparently he couldn’t. I looked up at him. I hated looking up to people and Jack was practically a giant compared to me.

He poked my arm, “Hey, is it true? Do you really like me?”

There he was still towering over me. This was bad. I felt like I was slowly digging myself into a grave, welcoming an early death. Why the hell had I said Jack? Why couldn’t I just make someone up? I could have said I had someone waiting for me back in California. Hmph, yeah right. I had severed all those ties.

“Jazzy Jazz?” I didn’t say anything. “Jazz Jazz Jazzity Jazzy Jaz.”

“Jack!” I groaned. “Please, shut up.”

He grinned toothily, “I will once you answer me, Jasmine Dubberly. Dubberly Dubbiddy dub dub. Rub-a-dub Dubberly.”

“Fine! What was the question again?”

He smirked, “Do you,” He pointed a finger in my face. “Like me,” he said after pointing to his chest.

I rolled my eyes. “Yup, I can barely keep my hands off of you.” I replied sarcastically. “I literally go insane every single night just thinking about you and running my fingers through your skunk hair.”

Jack looked slightly disappointed, but tried to hide it. He pulled out a chair and sat down next to me. “I knew it… but then why did you tell Alex that you did?”

“I don’t know… I just wasn’t thinking.” I said through gritted teeth. I really didn’t want to talk about it.

“Clearly.”

I glared at him. “He told me that Jasey asked him out, and he was so fucking excited that I-I just wanted to curl up at the bottom of some deep hole and die.”

He patted my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. It wasn’t working. Thinking about that night just brought it all back. When I was younger I always thought it was so disgusting how pathetic girls got over guys, but I didn’t know it hurt this much. It was like Jasey was standing in front of me with her hand clenched around my heart.

I started to contemplate just what exactly Alex found so fascinating about her. It went beyond looks, that much I could tell, but he barely knew the girl. I had seen them together today; I cringed at the thought similar to how I had cringed at the sight. He followed her around like a sick puppy, desperate for her attention.

She ate it up.

Probably because she was used to the dip shit she use to call her boyfriend always ignoring her. Alex was a million times better than that guy and a part of me wanted to straight up tell her that she didn’t deserve him. She walked around like she was above him always half a step in front of him. The thing that pissed me off the most was that he looked so damn happy anyways. Even worst was knowing that they were going out tonight. To do what I didn’t even know.

I felt my cheek wet with tears. I wiped my face on the sleeve of my hoodies and saw a black streak smear across the fabric. Perfect. Just what I needed.

I let my tears come to a stop. “I’m so stupid. No, he’s stupid. Why can’t he just see that I like him?”

“Well, one, Alex’s an idiot. And two, life’s not a fairy tale, which is why you should fall for the strikingly hot, best friend that is always there for you. You know, whether that be a shoulder to cry on, or a guy to make out with.”

I pushed his face away in his attempt to kiss me. “Sorry, my strikingly hot, best friend, unfortunately, I’m not in the mood.”

Jack’s voice softened. “Jasmine? Hey, don’t cry.”

“Shut up.” I sniffled. “I’m not crying.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Well, your mom’s a registered sex offender.” I dead panned.

We both paused and looked at each other.

Jack burst out laughing. “Where did that come from?”

I started to chuckle lightly. “I don’t know, I guess years of Family Guy and South Park really influenced me.”

We laughed again for no apparent reason. But then Jack stopped suddenly and stared at me, dead in the eyes. I froze.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” I knew my make up was smeared pretty badly.

Without speaking Jack reached over and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “Um, Jack what—” But Jack interrupted me.

“Can you just pretend?” He practically yelled.

I looked at him in bewilderment. “Pretend what?”

He groaned. “Could you for one fucking second pretend like you don’t have this massive crush on Alex so that I might have a chance?” He looked around frantically like he was lost. He paused and very slowly and seriously said, “Can you please just forget about Alex for once an-and tell me that you don’t feel anything for me.”

I was taken aback by his sudden outburst. “I-I can’t.”

He slammed a clenched fist on the table.

“Why the hell not?”

“Because I love him, okay? I fucking love Alex Gaskarth.”

“How can you be so in love with someone who doesn’t love, or even like, you back?” He pushed himself away from the table and stood up, and glared at me.

I tried to think of something to say, but words failed me.

Jack took one last look at me.

“Oh wait, that’s right.” He said bitterly. “I already know the answer.”