I Dare Not Ask Who's Been Helping You Fall Asleep

Alex’s POV:

There it was again.

That same terrified feeling I got the day she left, a real heart-clenching, gut-wrenching fear. I had to kiss her to just see if I hadn’t been imaging those feelings all those years ago. My brain was in a state of shock. I shouldn’t have kissed her and then left, but I needed to get away and think. Everything was so different now; our lives couldn’t just fall back into place, just like that.

I leaned back onto the couch in our hotel room and ran a hand through my sweaty hair. My hands were shaking. Would it really be possible for us to be together when our lives were already settled on different coasts?

I didn’t know what I would do…

“Are you fucking serious?” I said with a laugh.

I watched as Jasmine faced us with raised eyebrows and a smirk on her lips wearing nothing, but a black swim suit with small white hearts in every direction. I gulped as I quickly tried to avert my eyes. Everything about her sent my heart beating into overdrive.

I tried to keep my eyes away from Jack as he walked over to her and put his long lanky arms around her waist, but the second she put her arms around him as well; my eyes were clued. She leaned her half naked body into Jack’s bare chest. I knew that I was feeling jealousy, but it didn’t matter. I could not like my best friend’s girl even if she was my best friend also. Jack was just so god damn lucky.

Here I was the third wheel. I felt a hand hold mine. Oh, right, Lisa. I had to admit. She and I were getting closer and closer. I couldn’t escape the tension we had whenever we were together. It was like fire, the flames doing nothing, but averting my attention. She was a distraction.

“Are you guys going to do this or not?” I heared Jasmine say. She’s already making her way to the fence. “Because if you’re all going to be pussies about it, I don’t give a fuck, just so you know. I can go by myself for all I care.”

We all knew she was just bluffing and sure enough she let out a pleased smile as we came up beside her.

“How high do you think this fence is?” Lisa asked with uncertainty.

I had no idea. Jasmine just shrugged, “I guess we’ll find out once we start climbing it.” She placed a hand on the metal above her and hoisted her self up and we soon followed her. She could have convinced me to do anything.

------x-------

“I am way to fucking mature for parties.” Jasmine said with a drunken laugh. She was tangled in Jack’s arms as she sat in his lap.

“Yeah right.” I scoffed. “You’re the baby of the bunch.” I teased. We were all sitting on the couch in Rian’s basement.

Jack was doing nothing put staring at her with so much love in his eyes. I got this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that they were made for each other. It wasn’t fair that Jack had gotten to her first. That could be me she was now kissing, not Jack. Why did I have to be so engrossed with Jasey back then?

Lisa hadn’t been able to come to Rian’s party and for some fucked up reason I was grateful. A felt a hand go on my upper thigh and I felt my body stiffen. I looked down at Jasmine’s hand and then up to her face. Her eyes were twinkling with one of her crazy ideas.

“You wanna know what one of the things on my bucket list is?” She asked suggestively.

I looked at Jack who was also looking at her hand. We both didn’t say anything. We knew she would tell us anyways.

“I have always wanted to have a threesome.” Her hand inched higher and I scooted to the side out of her reach.

Jack let out a laugh and Jasmine’s body moved to face him. “I was just kidding, Jack Jack.” She slurred.

Jack glanced at me, “She’s never drank this much before. I tried to stop her, but she insisted and you know I can’t resist her.”

I looked at Jack with a laugh, “I know, Jack. You’ve told me before, remember?”

Jasmine sat up straighter, “Jack Bassam Barakat, do not talk about our sex life!” She collapsed back onto Jack with an uncontrollable giggle as if the exertion of laughing tired her out. “Jack?” She now mumbled into his neck.

I shifted my eyes away as I saw her start to nibble on his skin. “Can we go outside?” I heard her ask. “I need some fresh air.”

The three of went outside and the cool air cleared my senses. I wanted Jasmine… badly. I watched as she walked toward the big oak tree in and sat underneath it.

“I’m going to get some water for her. I’ll be back in a second.” Jack told me.

I barely paid attention and made my way toward her. I sat down next to her and she didn’t even look up when she leaned her head into the crook of my neck.

I cleared my throat, “You know I’m not Ja—”

“Yeah, I know it’s you Alex. I’m wasted but not that stupid.”

“Oh…” It was weird how normal she was talking now when before inside her words were slurred. It was like just being outside cleared her senses.

She laughed, “I know what you’re thinking.” She began. “I wasn’t really drunk back there, okay maybe a little tipsy, but I’ve learned to handle my liquor.” She laughed. “You and Jack are such bad influences. But anyways, I just like messing with you.”

I let out a laugh and she adjusted herself after the movement of laughing caused her to become uncomfortable. She moved closer so that she was still leaning against me. “You like messing with me?” I asked. “Why?”

She sat up and shrugged, “It’s fun.” She paused and looked into my eyes. I felt myself leaning forward. Her eyes were glassy and she didn’t even notice. She turned away and looked up quickly. “Let’s go up on the roof.” I heard her say.

She took my hand and led me to where the wall surrounding the house and I hoisted her up. I soon followed. I watched tentatively as she wobbled slightly to steady herself. Once I was sure she was fine I looked around.

“It’s amazing up here, isn’t it?” She asked.

She was turned away from me looking up at the sky. I watched her, staying silent as she spun around keeping her head up. “God, it just goes on forever.” I heard her whisper. She looked at me and I could see tears in her eyes.

I took a step closer to her. “Jasmine?” I asked, unsure of what to say.

“I’m leaving soon and I still haven’t said all that needs to be said.” She burst into tears.

I immediately went to her and wrapped my arms around her. “You still haven’t told Jack?”

She nodded her head slowly. “Yeah, um… yeah, I still need to tell Jack.”

“Where the hell are you guys? This isn’t funny. Stop acting like children!”

Jasmine let out a laugh and dried her eyes. She crawled over the edge and peered down at Jack. “We’re up here, Jack.”

He looked up at us in disbelief. “What the fuck?”

“I slipped Alex some Rufilin and he wanted to go on the roof get it? I’m sooo hilarious.” Jasmine let out an infectious laugh. “Get up here Jack.”

“You stole that shit from The Hangover!” Jack yelled before climbing up. The three of us laid on our backs to look at the sky. We didn’t even care how dirty it was; it was just us and the stars with Jasmine in the middle. I turned my head to look at her, but all I could see was the back of her head and a bit of her neck, because she was facing Jack. I looked at her with so much longing.

It was true. She was leaving soon and she had no idea.

No idea how much I loved her.

------x-------

I shook my head. Enough with the memories, that kiss told me everything. Wasn’t it time I just acted with all these emotions. I was never one to think with my head anyways. I also went with what I felt. I sprung off the couch, got my acoustic guitar and left…