Status: On hold , help me?
Smile for Me
26
I sat in a daze, the room spinning and sound going in and out, like I was underwater. But when I came back to my hazy reality, Dad was kneeling in front of me, shaking my shoulders.
“Christ, kitten, I’m so sorry.” He said shakily, rubbing his thumb across my cheekbone.
I winced and pushed his hand away, saying quietly but forcefully, “Don’t touch me.”
He sat back and I put one hand on the wall, raising myself on shaking knees. He tried to help me but I shoved him off.
“Don’t fucking touch me.” I screamed at him, tears of pain and heartache sliding down my cheeks.
He scowled and pushed his finger in my face. “Don’t you fucking talk to me like that. As long as you live under my roof – “
“I’ll do what you say?” I finished for him and huffed, watching with disgust and a little bit of fear as he took a menacing step towards me. “Don’t even try to pull that shit on me, the way you did on Kelly because it won’t work. I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, Daddy.” I stressed the word and before I knew it he was slamming his hand across my face again and this time my bottom lip split on the right side.
He stared at me with dispassionate eyes before he turned and stomped to the door, grabbing his keys and leaving without another word. I stood in shocked silence and listened as he started up his truck and tore down the driveway.
I forced myself to move and limped up the stairs, unsure how I had hurt my ankle. But it throbbed something crazy and I wasn’t sure what to do about it.
I went into my bathroom and locked the door before turning on the shower. Waiting while the water heated up, I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. My right cheek was already starting to swell and was an angry red. The left side of my forehead was also red and had a tiny bump, which I knew would give me one hell of a headache. My bottom lip was cracked and oozed blood, and I wiped it away before stripping off all my clothes.
My eyes filled with tears as I replayed the conversation over again in my head. Why did he have to do that? Why did my dad have to be such an asshole? He was all I had left in this world and he couldn’t even care. He didn’t care and it hurt. It hurt so much…
Knowing of only one way to deal with the pain, I opened the drawer and pushed around the contents, pulling out the tiny box from the back. I popped the top and grabbed one of the razors, holding it gently as I stepped into the shower.
Standing underneath the hot water, I turned and held my left arm underneath the spray, palm up. I looked at all the white and pink scars, tracing my fingers over them lightly before I got a better hold on the tiny razor. And I started to cut.
“Christ, kitten, I’m so sorry.” He said shakily, rubbing his thumb across my cheekbone.
I winced and pushed his hand away, saying quietly but forcefully, “Don’t touch me.”
He sat back and I put one hand on the wall, raising myself on shaking knees. He tried to help me but I shoved him off.
“Don’t fucking touch me.” I screamed at him, tears of pain and heartache sliding down my cheeks.
He scowled and pushed his finger in my face. “Don’t you fucking talk to me like that. As long as you live under my roof – “
“I’ll do what you say?” I finished for him and huffed, watching with disgust and a little bit of fear as he took a menacing step towards me. “Don’t even try to pull that shit on me, the way you did on Kelly because it won’t work. I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, Daddy.” I stressed the word and before I knew it he was slamming his hand across my face again and this time my bottom lip split on the right side.
He stared at me with dispassionate eyes before he turned and stomped to the door, grabbing his keys and leaving without another word. I stood in shocked silence and listened as he started up his truck and tore down the driveway.
I forced myself to move and limped up the stairs, unsure how I had hurt my ankle. But it throbbed something crazy and I wasn’t sure what to do about it.
I went into my bathroom and locked the door before turning on the shower. Waiting while the water heated up, I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. My right cheek was already starting to swell and was an angry red. The left side of my forehead was also red and had a tiny bump, which I knew would give me one hell of a headache. My bottom lip was cracked and oozed blood, and I wiped it away before stripping off all my clothes.
My eyes filled with tears as I replayed the conversation over again in my head. Why did he have to do that? Why did my dad have to be such an asshole? He was all I had left in this world and he couldn’t even care. He didn’t care and it hurt. It hurt so much…
Knowing of only one way to deal with the pain, I opened the drawer and pushed around the contents, pulling out the tiny box from the back. I popped the top and grabbed one of the razors, holding it gently as I stepped into the shower.
Standing underneath the hot water, I turned and held my left arm underneath the spray, palm up. I looked at all the white and pink scars, tracing my fingers over them lightly before I got a better hold on the tiny razor. And I started to cut.