Status: Completed; finally.
Shooting Love in Real Time.
Ten.
My phone vibrated on the coffee table. It was 7pm, Marissa had left hours ago and I’d heard nothing from anyone since. I was curled up in a blanket, some movie or another on the TV. I’d long since lost track of what I was watching, wrapped up in my thoughts. James’ name blinked on my screen, and I opened up the call. I’d been expecting this since I stormed out of class, though now I was beginning to feel ready to answer the questions my friends wanted to put to me. My talk with Marissa had done wonders and set me on the path to dealing with how I felt.
“Hey, what’s up?” I asked. It wasn’t too normal for James to call, so while I’d expected contact, I’d not been too sure on how or when it would come.
“Hey, I just wanted to check on how you were feeling. I didn’t thinking texting was the right way to go,” he half laughed. I suppose it was nervous laughter, after all, I’d kind of bit his head off earlier.
“I’m doing okay. I spoke with Marissa for a bit, and Alex and I are being civil at least. As in, I’ve text him once or twice and he’s responded. I think I can deal.”
“Good, I’m glad.” There was silence for a while. I knew he had something more to ask but was too nervous to ask, so I waited it out for him. “So, um, about last night. You said he argued with you about the show, and I’ve been thinking about a few bits, and tell me if I’m being crazy, but your Alex isn’t the Alex I'm currently thinking it is, is he?”
I rolled my eyes a little. It had actually taken him quite a while to figure out, considering he was actually supposed to be really smart.
“It was, yeah. But you have to promise you won’t tell anyone. Marissa needs her privacy too, and just because Alex and I broke up doesn’t mean she deserves to have people know her personal business or who Jack is.”
“No, absolutely,” he said hurriedly. “I’d just been thinking about it and I thought I was being stupid. At least that explains the way you were last night. I suppose you guys were together through all of that.”
“You could say that.” I heard a small knock and the front door open, and turned around expecting it to be Marissa coming over for some of Alex’s things.
Strangely, it was the man himself.
“Look, James, I have to go. I’ll speak to you later.” I didn’t give him a chance to reply and put the phone down abruptly. “Hey.”
“I, uh, just came for some things,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Marissa tried to come over for me, but they’ve done enough today.” I nodded, biting my lip nervously. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. We’d pretty much exhausted everything last night.
“I can still leave, you know,” I finally said. “I don’t want to make this any more difficult than it has to be.”
“Me neither. That’s why you should stay. You’ve got enough to think about as it is.” I nodded and he made his way upstairs to pack his things. I watched him go, an ache forming in my chest. I knew, somewhere deep down, that this was what was best for us, and yet I couldn’t help missing him and wanting to shout after him to just stay. He came back downstairs, bag in hand, about five minutes later. “I should get going.”
“Alex, wait,” I let out, as his hand reached for the door. He turned around and looked at me, eyebrows raised and waiting for the remainder of my outburst. What did I want to say? I’d let it out to stop him going, even though I’m not even sure that I should be stopping him. “I just- I just wanted to say I’m sorry. For everything.”
“I know, me too,” he said, smiling sadly. “But we both know that doesn’t change anything.” And with that, he turned and left the house.
I finally let the tears out. I hadn’t cried all day, not once, and now I let them go. It was finally hitting me. I stared at the white of the door, hoping this was all a bad dream. Hoping I’d wake up any minute now and everything would still be perfect. My phone was still in my hand from before, so I pulled up a text to the first person I could think of.
I don’t want to be alone tonight.
“Hey, what’s up?” I asked. It wasn’t too normal for James to call, so while I’d expected contact, I’d not been too sure on how or when it would come.
“Hey, I just wanted to check on how you were feeling. I didn’t thinking texting was the right way to go,” he half laughed. I suppose it was nervous laughter, after all, I’d kind of bit his head off earlier.
“I’m doing okay. I spoke with Marissa for a bit, and Alex and I are being civil at least. As in, I’ve text him once or twice and he’s responded. I think I can deal.”
“Good, I’m glad.” There was silence for a while. I knew he had something more to ask but was too nervous to ask, so I waited it out for him. “So, um, about last night. You said he argued with you about the show, and I’ve been thinking about a few bits, and tell me if I’m being crazy, but your Alex isn’t the Alex I'm currently thinking it is, is he?”
I rolled my eyes a little. It had actually taken him quite a while to figure out, considering he was actually supposed to be really smart.
“It was, yeah. But you have to promise you won’t tell anyone. Marissa needs her privacy too, and just because Alex and I broke up doesn’t mean she deserves to have people know her personal business or who Jack is.”
“No, absolutely,” he said hurriedly. “I’d just been thinking about it and I thought I was being stupid. At least that explains the way you were last night. I suppose you guys were together through all of that.”
“You could say that.” I heard a small knock and the front door open, and turned around expecting it to be Marissa coming over for some of Alex’s things.
Strangely, it was the man himself.
“Look, James, I have to go. I’ll speak to you later.” I didn’t give him a chance to reply and put the phone down abruptly. “Hey.”
“I, uh, just came for some things,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Marissa tried to come over for me, but they’ve done enough today.” I nodded, biting my lip nervously. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. We’d pretty much exhausted everything last night.
“I can still leave, you know,” I finally said. “I don’t want to make this any more difficult than it has to be.”
“Me neither. That’s why you should stay. You’ve got enough to think about as it is.” I nodded and he made his way upstairs to pack his things. I watched him go, an ache forming in my chest. I knew, somewhere deep down, that this was what was best for us, and yet I couldn’t help missing him and wanting to shout after him to just stay. He came back downstairs, bag in hand, about five minutes later. “I should get going.”
“Alex, wait,” I let out, as his hand reached for the door. He turned around and looked at me, eyebrows raised and waiting for the remainder of my outburst. What did I want to say? I’d let it out to stop him going, even though I’m not even sure that I should be stopping him. “I just- I just wanted to say I’m sorry. For everything.”
“I know, me too,” he said, smiling sadly. “But we both know that doesn’t change anything.” And with that, he turned and left the house.
I finally let the tears out. I hadn’t cried all day, not once, and now I let them go. It was finally hitting me. I stared at the white of the door, hoping this was all a bad dream. Hoping I’d wake up any minute now and everything would still be perfect. My phone was still in my hand from before, so I pulled up a text to the first person I could think of.
I don’t want to be alone tonight.