Changing Your Stars

Thank God for spring break. I swear if I had to watch Zacky and Michelle together one more day I was going to kill someone. She hadn’t left his side since the day he found out she was having his baby. I forced back the bile that rose in my throat from the thought alone.
How the fuck had everything gotten so screwed up?

Love is patient, love is kind, love is NOT watching the person you love wait hand and foot on an oversized heffer who tricked him into having sex with her. Who had conveniently forgotten to get her birth control filled that month? Bullshit, fucking liar. God I hated Michelle. She was a manipulative bitch that hid behind fake innocence to get away with being a whore.

I shook myself mentally. I needed to snap out of this and fast; the girls would be here any minute. Yeah did I mention that today is my birthday? Well it is, happy fucking birthday to me. I’ve spent most of the day alone thank God. I had told everyone that Uncle Will was taking me on a day trip. It was an outright lie, but I hadn’t wanted to see anyone.

As it was I had gotten a call from Dani like a half hour ago to find out if I was on my way home yet. I had said yeah and so they had said they’d be over soon. She also informed me of our plans for this evening. Seems we were going to all hit the club and dance the night away. Lucky for me they were bringing Johnny along so I wouldn’t be alone.

Yeah Dani and Cam had this thing with getting me ‘back on the horse’ again. Seems three months moping and pining over your ex was a little extreme. So this was a way for me to ‘get my feet wet’ without any expectations, something about going out in a group setting being less stressful. I had argued and lost so now I was going out dancing but they were really trying to hook me up with their neighbor Johnny.

Johnny was okay I guess. He had started hanging out at our lunch table about a month after Zacky. Yes that’s how I segregate time, before and after Zacky. I squashed down the hurt that always came when I thought of him. It’s how I knew I loved him. I mean if I didn’t love him it wouldn’t hurt this much. But it didn’t matter that I loved him, he was with Michelle, and they were going to be a family. Again I fought the urge to hurl.

The doorbell rang and I slowly made my way towards the door. I was not looking forward to tonight, at all.

“Took you fucking long enough.” Cam huffed as she pushed herself past me.

“Well excuse me princess.” I grumped at her retreating back.

Dani was the next in the door and she gave me a bone crushing hug. I swear that boyfriend of hers was rubbing off more and more on her every day. “Hey! Oh my God this is going to be so much fun! I have the perfect outfit and Cam’s gonna do your makeup and Val’s got your hair.”

I sighed as she let go and bounded up the stairs after her sister.

“Sorry. I tried to get you out of this.” Val said giving me an apologetic smile. I was really worried at first that our friendship would suffer. When I had told her I understood if she couldn’t chill anymore she about decked me. Turns out she wasn’t much happier with her sister then I was. I almost felt bad for there being bad blood between them now, almost being the key word in that sentence.

“I just want to get it over with.” I said as we walked up to my bedroom.

I almost died when I saw the outfit they had chosen for me. A short red plaid miniskirt that had a tie down the front (you know the school girl looking one), a white tank with a matching skull and crossbones on it, fishnets, and last but not least these gothic black lace up corset wedge boots. Against my better judgment I grabbed them and headed into the bathroom.
I took one look in the mirror after I had changed and decided I wasn’t coming out. “No way am I coming out in this.”

I heard Cam snort. “Dude, get out here now or I’m so gonna come in and YOU can explain to your uncle how the door got broken.”

I sighed because I knew she wasn’t bluffing. I opened the door and stepped out already frowning. I had to look completely ridiculous in this. All three of my friends let out cat calls.

“I think I might have to watch Matt tonight.” Val said smiling as she motioned for me to twirl around so she could see the whole thing.

“Yeah cause he’s not completely pussy whipped.” Cam said rolling her eyes.

Val laughed. “True. But man is Johnny going to DIE when he sees her.”

Cam chuckled, “I doubt he’ll be the only one.”

“I know! Zacky is going to be eating his heart out!”

The laughter stopped abruptly filing the room with an eerie silence as sure as a bomb went off. “What?” I asked looking at Dani who was suddenly very interested in her finger nails.

“Way to go Dan.”

“Cam leave her alone.” Val turned to give me another I’m sorry look. “Zacky is coming out
with the guys tonight.”

“Of course he is. Just fucking perfect.” I grumbled flopping down on the chair at my computer desk.

“This is your chance to get him back Kinzi. You’re going to have a great freaking time and meet a really great guy in the process.” That was from Dani, the eternal optimist of the group.

“Yeah I guess.” It came out about as unexcited as I felt.

“Come on let me work my magic.” Cam said pulling out her makeup kit. I use the word kit cause the thing was waaaay too big to be a bag.

Another forty five minutes later and we were heading out the door and on our way to the club. The place was already full and jumping by the time we got there. It took us about fifteen minutes to find where the guys were waiting. I immediately spotted Zacky. I thanked God he hadn’t noticed us yet, that gave me time to drink him in. He was in black shoes, black jeans, and ironically enough, a red plaid button down shirt.

Of course when we sat down I was seated between Johnny and Dani, however Zacky was in my direct line of sight across the table. I have to be honest I was only half listening to Johnny. I was too busy watching Zacky out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t think however that it was noticeable until Johnny said, “You know you’d piss him off more if you actually paid attention to me.”

I turned bright red at having being caught peeking. I turned to fully look at Johnny an apologetic smile on my face. “I’m sorry. It’s just…hard.”

Johnny leaned in slightly so I could hear him better. “I get it. My girlfriend just broke up with me too.”

I blinked at him. “Then what are you doing here?”

Johnny just looked at me. “Have you ever tried telling the sisters no?”

I laughed. “Good point.”

Johnny smiled and I had to admit it, he was kinda cute. “So you do understand.”

I nodded smiling wide. “Ohhhhh yeah.”

I spent most of the night either on the dance floor or chatting up Johnny. Turns out he was really nice, super sweet and almost as funny as Jimmy. I think we both knew we wouldn’t be more then friends, there was no physical chemistry happening on either side. But bonus he could dance. I swear the girl who had broken his heart was going to be sorry one day.
He was definitely a keeper.

I was on my way back from the dance floor when I noticed Zacky outside by himself. I stopped to watch him. One hand clutched a beer bottle and the other the railing. He looked so sad, so lonely. I knew I shouldn’t care but I did. I loved him. I would always love him and I hated to see him in pain.

Knowing this might just be the stupidest idea I’ve ever had, aside from getting in my car months ago, I walked out to him. I rubbed my arms as the cold night air hit me. Not that it was really all that cold but compared to the heat inside it felt like winter again.

Zacky looked up when he heard the door close and I offered him a weak smile. “Wow its cold out here.”

Zacky looked away from me and down into his bottle. “Not really.”

I stood beside him for a little while trying to think of how best to phrase what I wanted to say.
Eventually I just gave up and decided just to say what I was thinking. “What’s wrong?”

The laugh that left his full lips was bitter. “Don’t you mean what isn’t?”

I leaned back against the railing. I wanted to tell him it could be worse but I doubted he would see it that way. Things were pretty screwed up right now for the both of us. “Everything is pretty fucked up.”

“You have no fucking clue.” He said tilting his bottle up and chugging the rest of it.

He sounded so depressed it hurt to listen to him talk. It was like my Zacky was gone, like Michelle had killed him. I wanted so desperately to see even a half smile on his face I tried to come up with something positive. “At least you’ll be a good dad.”

Zacky looked at me like I had lost my ever lovin mind. “How the fuck can you say that?”

“Cause its true dumbass.” I replied grinning. God how pathetic am I that I’m trying to make my ex boyfriend happy? Oh that’s right. I love him and love makes you do stupid things like this.

I watched as Zacky’s entire mood shifted causing his face to soften. He reached out slowly running the backs of his fingers over my cheek. My eyelids fluttered close at the tender gesture. “If this had to happen I wish it would have been with you.”

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “Me too.” Not cause I wanted a baby. Neither of us were anywhere close to being ready for that yet, but because it meant that we would still be together. Because maybe then I would have been able to stay in Cali instead of leaving in two months.

His hand moved to my neck tilting my head slightly. I screwed my eyes closed tighter when I felt his warm breath against my lips. “Kinzi…I…”

I pressed my lips against his to keep him from saying words he couldn’t take back. I didn’t need to hear what he was going to say, it hurt enough as it was without hearing him say what I wished so desperately to be true.

Our kiss was filled with the desperate longing we both had been feeling. I wrapped my arms around his neck holding him to me just as tightly as his arms around my waist held me to him. Lord help me I had missed him so much in these past three months.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?! GET OFF MY MAN BITCH!” I felt my hair being pulled as I was yanked backwards. Having been caught off guard I fell landing hard enough to knock the wind out of my lungs for a second.

Michelle of course took the opportunity of my stunned nature to start hitting and slapping me. She was going completely nuts and it took everything I had not to hit her back.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Zacky yelled at Michelle as he pulled her off of me.

I stood up dusting myself off as Zacky held back an irate Michelle. I wondered if she realized how ridiculous she looked reaching past Zacky to try and get to me. “Whore stay away from my man!”

I laughed. “I’m the whore? You tricked him into sleeping with you so you could get knocked up and you’re calling me the whore?”

When Michelle screamed Zacky gently shook her. “You need to chill the fuck out. You’re acting like a crazy bitch and I won’t deal with that shit. Hear me?”

Michelle took a couple of deep breaths while still glaring at me the whole time. “Okay I’m sorry, I’m better now.”

Zacky let out a deep sigh as he took her by the arm. “Okay then let’s go.”

I don’t know what I expected, but him leaving without even acknowledging me wasn’t it. As soon as they were back inside the tears started to fall like rain. I didn’t even bother to look up when I heard the door again. What did I care if someone saw the mess I was?

Johnny put his arm around me and led me over to a bench. “It’ll get better Kinz, promise.”

I wrapped my arms around his chest and buried my head in his neck. “When?” I sobbed. My heart felt like someone was cutting it out slowly and dissecting it for pleasure. There would be nothing left by the time they were done with it.

Johnny laid his head on top of mine as he rubbed my back in soothing circles. “I don’t know but it will.”

“I hope you’re right.” I said sniffling into his shirt.

Johnny held me while I cried myself out. He was such a sweet guy I kinda found myself wishing that I did like him, but I didn’t. Fuck me but I loved Zacky which is why my life sucked so badly right now. I finally calmed myself down and pulled back. “Thanks.”

Johnny smiled at me. “No prob but we should probably head in before everyone thinks we’re making out, out here. Unless of course you want to.” He wiggled his brow at the last part making me laugh.

“Uhhh no thanks Johnny.”

He pouted for a second before grinning. “It’s okay. It’s better this way. I’d just ruin you for all other men.”

I laughed again, hard, which only caused him to pout more. “You don’t have to laugh that hard.”

“Okay Okay I’m sorry.” I said trying to stifle my laughter.

“Sure you are. Now let’s get inside.” He said pulling me up with him as he stood. “If you want I can take you home. I’m about done here.”

I smiled at him. It was like he had read my mind. “That would be great thanks.”

With that we said our goodbyes and I chose to ignore the looks I was getting from my friends and the high fives he was getting from the guys. I swear boys are such pigs. We didn’t talk much on the way home; my mind was a million miles away. I know what you’re thinking and yes he walked me to my door and no he didn’t even try to kiss me. Like I said there are no romantic feelings on either side. We were going to be good friends. That was all.

By the time I lay down in bed it was after midnight which meant my birthday was officially over. I only hoped that seventeen would be better then sixteen had been. I’d experienced enough heartache and trauma for a lifetime.