TLOZ Chatroom
TLOZ Chatroom 13
TLOZ Chatroom 13
Catching up: There was yet another crossover special (second one!), in which Ganondorf finds out Vaati stole his wife, nobody knows what happened to Rabia, Zant got a date with Zelda, Link's caps lock was threatened by Zelda, and everyone still thinks Kaikoura and Sheik are in love...
*btdubsimad00d has logged on*
*partygril984 has logged on*
*hero_oftehworldz has logged on*
hero_oftehworldz: is links caps lock broken now?!
partygril984: ohh yes.... its good and broken.... in fact i broke his SHIFT keys too....
hero_oftehworldz: bahahaaa! good! finally, maybe well get some peace from his insane online screaming!
*shukaku132 has logged on*
partygril984: hi kaikoura
shukaku132: hey! where is everyone today?
parygril984: well link is probably mourning over his broken caps lock and shift keys.. ganondorf is probably frantically searching for vaati and malon... tingle i dont care about... and rabia and midna i just dont know...
shukaku132: hmm okay...
btdubsimad00d: was it really necessary to break both his shift keys too?
partygril984: YES!!!!! otherwise he would have probably found some way to constantly hold down the shift keys...
btdubsimad00d: you DO know he could just buy a new keyboard, right?
partygril984: well, knowing link and his fear of technology, thats pretty unlikely to happen
hero_oftehworldz: lawl link is better off in the amish country than hyrule xD
shukaku132: oh please!!! hyrule might as well be the amish country! the most advanced technology you have is the internet and computer, the second is tv and cameras, the third is ceiling fans!
hero_oftehworldz: hmmm well yeah i guess thats true xD
partygril984: okay, i just got a message from ganondorf you guys... o__o
shukaku132: what did he say?!?!
partygril984: guys im really scared!!!! D'x
shukaku132: WHAT WHAT!!!!!
hero_oftehworldz: xD
shukaku132: dont even say it shadow >.>
hero_oftehworldz: okay...
partygril984: he said that if he cant find malon in the next 18 hours, hes coming for link!!!
hero_oftehworldz: to be his wife?!?! xDDDDDDDDDDDDD
partygril984: no!!!! coming to KILL him!!!
shukaku132: what!!! why link!? why not go for vaati?!
hero_oftehworldz: ummm NO why not go for someone like tingle?!
shukaku132: because tingle helps you decipher maps!
hero_oftehworldz: SO??????
partygril984: the point is, if he doesnt get malon back, link is going to die! D:
btdubsimad00d: oh deku nuts! this is horrible! what are we going to do?!
shukaku132: we need to warn link!
btdubsimad00d: yeah, but where is link?
partygril984: uhh isnt he staying with marth until he can buy that underwater house?
btdubsimad00d: damn it, where does marth live?
hero_oftehworldz: gee, i wonder, prince of altea, WHERE MIGHT HE LIVE? -__-
btdubsimad00d: well excuse me! i dont know what his official titles are >_>
hero_oftehworldz: you should know! considering youre going to be links maid of honor when he marries marth
btdubsimad00d: shadow, youre such a doucher...
shukaku132: SHADOW LINK, YOURE SUCH A JERK! THAT WAS JUST MEAN!
hero_oftehworldz: well sheik cant be his best man because 1. sheik isnt a man and 2. link would be the woman in the relationship anyway
btdubsimad00d: YOU ALL NEED TO SERIOUSLY SHUT UP.........
hero_oftehworldz: hehe im sorry sheik...
*btdubsimad00d has logged off*
hero_oftehworldz: daww i made sheik sad...
shukaku132: NO!!! YOU PROBABLY MADE HIM ANGRY!!! that was beyond mean shadow link...
hero_oftehworldz: funny that YOU would say that
shukaku132: how is that funny!?
hero_oftehworldz: .....nothin, just nevermind....
partygril984: HELLO?? is anyone going to go tell link?!
hero_oftehworldz: meh, sure, kaikoura and i will go
shukaku132: fine, as long as youre nice..
hero_oftehworldz: ill tryyyyyyyy
shukaku132: good!!!!!!
partygril984: HURRY!!!!
shukaku132: okay well be back!!!!!!
*shukaku132 has logged off*
*hero_oftehworldz has logged off*
*a few moments later*
partygril984: .......am i alone?!
partygril984: ......hello?!?!?!?!
partygril984: -sigh- i guess im just a lonely child... even though im not a child....
*insaneprsnofdoom has logged on*
partygril984: RABIA!!!!! WHERE DID YOU GO?! what happened to you?!?!
insaneprsnofdoom: sorry, i was kidnapped by voldemort... -__- hes such a douche
partygril984: whats with all these kidnappings?! first me, like 98,508 times, then kaikoura and now you!
insaneprsnofdoom: uhh idk maybe they just think were sexy!
partygril984: ewww......
insaneprsnofdoom: but im okay, so its all good
partygril984: OH MY TRIFORCE I HAVE NEWS TO TELL YOU!!!!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: news?!!?!??!what kind of news?!?
partygril984: TERRIBLE NEWS!!! ganondorf said if he doesnt get malon back in 18 hours, hes going to KILL link!!!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: why link? he didnt steal her lol... and when does the terrible part start?!
partygril984: the point is that we need to help somehow!!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: hmmmmm....... okay..... but how.....
partygril984: lets go fight ganondorf to the death!
insaneprsnofdoom: hahahahahhHAHAHAHAHH yeah okay, youre maybe the size of his leg...
partygril984: thanks for the confidence in me.....
insaneprsnofdoom: wait!!! i know EXACTLY what we can do! we’ll stall him!
partygril984: oh oh oh good idea! like keep him far from link! but how?
insaneprsnofdoom: oh, i know how..... lets go, zelda... and bring the skankiest clothes you can find with you....
*insaneprsnofdoom has gone afk*
*partygril984 has gone afk*
-------
*NOW WE SEE WHAT GANONDORF IS DOING....*
*GO TO AUTHOR'S NOTES FOR WHAT RABIA AND ZELDA ARE WEARING....*
-------
I was walking down the street in the market, going to buy some bread. I reached the stand and bought a few loaves, negotiating the price beforehand. The next thing I know, I see Zelda and some Zora riding up on horses sexily. They approached me and stopped about half a foot away.
“Oh, Ganondorf! Weird seeing you here...” Zelda said, flipping her hair behind her shoulder and lying down on the horse.
“Uh, sure I guess,” I answered giving them weird looks.
“So, are you busy?” Zelda said. The two of them dismounted their horses.
“Actually, yes.” I replied, brushing by them and over to a tomato stand.
“Are you sure? We’d love to spend some time with you...” The zora girl said.
“I’m buying tomatos. Go away.”
“Awwww... is someone a little grumpy??” Zelda said.
“No. I’m busy.”
“Well... maybe we could go back to your house and... be busy there.” She said seductively.
“...Well I’m kinda in a relationship right now, so I’m gonna have to pass.”
“She doesn’t need to know.” Some parents walking by shielded their children’s eyes and ears, looking at us disapprovingly.
“... go away. Why are you wearing fishnet in broad daylight?”
“Oh! I forgot I was still wearing what I went to bed in!” she said innocently. I rolled my eyes and noticed Sheik and Link at a cucumber stand. I nudged Zelda.
“Your boyfriend is over there.”
“I don’t have a boyfriend silly. Besides, I wouldn’t date Link. He’s not as muscular and strong as you...” She said, reaching up to touch my biceps.
“Yeah, but you need a man in touch with his feminine side -- and Link is definitely perfect for that.” She shook her head.
“No, Link isn’t my type. A big, strong, sexy Gerudo man is...”
“Hmm, maybe you’ll have to wait another hundred years then, because I’m not interested.” I continued walking away, but was stopped by Link.
“Why are you talking to my Zelda, you beast?!” he hollered, pointing a finger in my face and causing a few people to stare.
“I’m not...? She started talking to--”
“DON’T SPEAK! We fight for her!” He reached for his sword, and Sheik was rolling his eyes behind him.
“Fight for her? You can have her. I’m already married.” I started walking faster away from them, and finally escaped them after a few minutes. I just hoped Link didn’t somehow follow me...
sidfhidsgsogfsdojgsdjadgfdhjasdfhsdgfdgfjsgfg
I reached my domain underneath the Great Deku Tree’s remains and set the bag of bread on the kitchen counter. Once I did, I had a strange feeling come over me. I turned around to face my kitchen table, and of course, there sat Zelda and her zora friend from before. I sighed and shook my head.
“Hi Ganondorf,” they said, smiling.
“Why do you keep following me?” I said, starting to become angry.
“We told you earlier! We want your hot, tan body...” Zelda said, slowly trailing off.
“Yes, well, I’m not interested. I believe I told you that earlier as well.” She stood from the table and walked over to me, tracing her finger on my chest plate.
“Are you sure? I mean.... we could have a lot of fun...”
“Yup, I’m pretty sure.” I reached behind me and took out a loaf of bread, taking a bite out of it.
“That bread looks soooooo yummy...” she said, breaking off a small piece and slowly eating it.
“You’re not getting anywhere, princess.” I walked to the table and sat next to her zora friend.
“Are you sure I’m not?” She picked up the bread and rubbed it on her face slowly. “This bread is soooo soft....”
“Eww why are you doing that to my bread?! Now it’s no good!”
She walked back over to me and put her arms around my shoulders. She then sat on my lap (facing me, mind you) and stared at me intently.
“Ewwwww that’s so gross...... oh wait, I mean you’re sexy...” the zora said.
“Rabia, you’re ruinin’ my game!” Zelda cried.
“Oooooh, my bad,” the girl said. Suddenly, Zelda started dancing on my lap. I’m assuming she was trying to be sexy, but it wasn’t really working.
“Alright, that’s it,” I said. I stood up and threw her over my shoulder and motioned for the other girl, Rabia, to follow.
I brought them into a different room and set Zelda down on a couch.
“Stay here, I’ll be right back.” I left the room for a few minutes after that. I soon returned, however, with a phone at hand.
“Okay, tell me what you REALLY want from me,” I said, staring them down.
“Really, we want you!” Zelda said innocently.
“....alright, fine, tell me what you want or I’m calling Link and Sheik!” The two girls laughed.
“Ooooh, I’m so scared,” Rabia said, laughing.
“Like they’re going to do anything,” Zelda said.
“Alright, I’ll call Zant!”
“He’s dead!” Zelda cried.
“Oh please, Zant and I are tighter than Shadow Link’s tights!” Rabia said.
“Uhhhh that’s disturbing....” I answered, staring wide eyed.
“Nooo, it’s oh so sexy..... I mean... you are....”
“...Fine! Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you. Is it money? I’ve got plenty if that’s so.”
“I don’t want your money, Ganon! What I really want is you!” Zelda said once more. I sighed.
“Okay, then let’s do it.” There was an awkward silence.
“....Wait what?” Zelda asked.
“I said let’s do it. Let’s go to my bedroom right now, and do it.” There was another silence. Finally, Zelda broke it with a stupid grin.
“Okay!” She jumped off the couch and stood next to me.
“Alright, follow me then.” I started to walk toward the stairs leading to the bedroom when she cleared her throat. I looked back at her. “What is it now?” She held up her arms and looked at me like I was stupid.
“Well? Aren’t you going to carry me there? You’re not very romantic, Ganondorf...” I looked at her and sighed.
“Okay then, sure, I’ll carry you.” I picked her up and started carrying her up the stairs after that.
(at this time, to illustrate the severity of this situation, please listen to this music while reading this line:)
Needless to say, she wasn’t joking.
ogfhjgfhodhgfaufhjk
---
*NOW BACK TO THE..... OH DEAR GODDESSES.... THAT IS JUST..... SO WRONG.....*
---
*insaneprsnofdoom has returned from afk*
*partygril984 has returned from afk*
*hero_oftehworldz has logged on*
*btdubsimad00d has logged on*
hero_oftehworldz: heyyy did you guys find a way to entertain yourselves while we were gone?
insaneprsnofdoom: shadow, how tight are your tights?
hero_oftehworldz: well, theyre tights, so...... tight ;3
insaneprsnofdoom: DAMN that is sexy!
partygril984: we found a way to entertain ourselves by helping link!
insaneprsnofdoom: if thats what you call helping link, then sure... xD
btdubsimad00d: how did you help link, zelda?
partygril984: we stalled ganondorf!
hero_oftehworldz: why did you stall him for three hours? he still has like another 15 hours to kill link....
partygril984: …..well damn, well stall him again!
btdubsimad00d: how did you stall him? please tell me hitting on him at the market wasnt your way of stalling....
partygril984: not exactly....
hero_oftehworldz: WHOAAAA first a date with zant, then hitting on ganondorf?! whats next, becoming bicurious with veran?!?!?
partygril984: hmmm id consider it.... totally kidding everyone.... DONT DARKSPACE THAT....
btdubsimad00d: then how did you stall him?
partygril984: well...... i....... we......... he....... me..........
insaneprsnofdoom: they did it!!!!!!!! it was disgusting!!!!!
btdubsimad00d: YOU WHAT?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?
partygril984: i was taking one for the team!!!!
hero_oftehworldz: BAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA OHHH NOW THAT IS PRECIOUS...... xDDDDDD
partygril984: shut up shadow!!!
hero_oftehworldz: how was it? was he --
btdubsimad00d: YEP LETS NOT TALK ABOUT THIS.....
insaneprsnofdoom: big? rough? fast? creepy fetishes? what? lol.
partygril984: yes, yes, yes, and I don’t know... that was only the first time I’ve fucked him. I think...
insaneprsnofdoom: that sounds painful... and how do you not know who you’ve fucked? I think I’d notice if I was fucking Ganondorf... yeah I’d definitely notice that! Unless I was dead. Ya know what? no. That’s just gross. Ew.
partygril984: well, it was kinda painful, but it really wasnt that bad... if i absolutely HAD TO again, i probably would
btdubsimad00d: i am just astounded right now, i cant even be here..... goodbye ._______.
*btdubsimad00d has logged off*
hero_oftehworldz: lawwwwwwwwwwlz you liked ganondorfs secksssssss xDD
partygril984: grow up shadow!!!!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: YOU’RE SOOOOOOO SEXY SHADOW LINK....
hero_oftehworldz: this is hilarious.... im so telling lord vaati.. xD and thanks! :D
partygril984: DONT TELL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: wanna come over?! i promise i wont sexually harass you... much ;D
hero_oftehworldz: sureee i dont think midna would like it if you did ;3 heehe just turn your lights out and ill be right over
insaneprsnofdoom: okay!
*shukaku132 has logged on*
shukaku132: so link is guaranteed to be dead by tomorrow.....
hero_oftehworldz: dawww poor kaikoura :’[
shukaku132: how is that poor me?! more like poor link!
hero_oftehworldz: hell live.... zelda will distract him some more.... ;D
partygril984: LEAVE BEFORE I KILL YOU
hero_oftehworldz: heh heh okay ;]
*hero_oftehworldz has logged off*
insaneprsnofdoom: i should probably change, but... oh well... he probably doesnt care
partygril984: you better watch out! he might bite you in some odd places!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: hmmmmm id be okay with that i think ;]
partygril984: …......leaving now................
*partygril984 has logged off*
shukaku132: can you come help me save link?! im waiting at his house for him to come back!
insaneprsnofdoom: maybe... in a little bit... after im done harassing shadow....
shukaku132: good! im scared hes gonna be killed! ;__;
insaneprsnofdoom: i wont let link diiiie... dont worryy... most likelyyyy....
shukaku132: WHAT?!?!?
insaneprsnofdoom: kiddinggggggg.... i might be busy with shadow though, so no promises.....
shukaku132: RABIA!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: fine, ill send zelda to ganondorf in like ten hours, sheesh....
shukaku132: what?
insaneprsnofdoom: oh you missed that, didnt you?
shukaku132: missed what?!
insaneprsnofdoom: zelda fucked ganondorf bye
*insaneprsnofdoom has logged on*
shukaku132: WHAT?!?!? WHY WOULD THE HUMAN VERSION OF ME AND RABIA WRITE THAT INTO THIS STORY?! but its oh so scandalous... i guess it works
*shukaku132 has logged off*
WOW THIS WAS REALLY WEIRD.... BUT OH SO INTENSE.... AND ALL IN ONE PART!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! WHY IS MIDNA NEVER LOGGING ON ANYMORE? IS SHE ILL?! WHY DOES SHADOW LINK KEEP FLIRTING WITH RABIA?! HE HAS A WOMAN!!! WILL LINK BE DEAD?! WHY DID ZELDA HAVE AN INTIMATE MOMENT WITH GANONDORF/!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? THATS NASTY!!!! STAY TUNED FOR THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE!!!!!
Catching up: There was yet another crossover special (second one!), in which Ganondorf finds out Vaati stole his wife, nobody knows what happened to Rabia, Zant got a date with Zelda, Link's caps lock was threatened by Zelda, and everyone still thinks Kaikoura and Sheik are in love...
*btdubsimad00d has logged on*
*partygril984 has logged on*
*hero_oftehworldz has logged on*
hero_oftehworldz: is links caps lock broken now?!
partygril984: ohh yes.... its good and broken.... in fact i broke his SHIFT keys too....
hero_oftehworldz: bahahaaa! good! finally, maybe well get some peace from his insane online screaming!
*shukaku132 has logged on*
partygril984: hi kaikoura
shukaku132: hey! where is everyone today?
parygril984: well link is probably mourning over his broken caps lock and shift keys.. ganondorf is probably frantically searching for vaati and malon... tingle i dont care about... and rabia and midna i just dont know...
shukaku132: hmm okay...
btdubsimad00d: was it really necessary to break both his shift keys too?
partygril984: YES!!!!! otherwise he would have probably found some way to constantly hold down the shift keys...
btdubsimad00d: you DO know he could just buy a new keyboard, right?
partygril984: well, knowing link and his fear of technology, thats pretty unlikely to happen
hero_oftehworldz: lawl link is better off in the amish country than hyrule xD
shukaku132: oh please!!! hyrule might as well be the amish country! the most advanced technology you have is the internet and computer, the second is tv and cameras, the third is ceiling fans!
hero_oftehworldz: hmmm well yeah i guess thats true xD
partygril984: okay, i just got a message from ganondorf you guys... o__o
shukaku132: what did he say?!?!
partygril984: guys im really scared!!!! D'x
shukaku132: WHAT WHAT!!!!!
hero_oftehworldz: xD
shukaku132: dont even say it shadow >.>
hero_oftehworldz: okay...
partygril984: he said that if he cant find malon in the next 18 hours, hes coming for link!!!
hero_oftehworldz: to be his wife?!?! xDDDDDDDDDDDDD
partygril984: no!!!! coming to KILL him!!!
shukaku132: what!!! why link!? why not go for vaati?!
hero_oftehworldz: ummm NO why not go for someone like tingle?!
shukaku132: because tingle helps you decipher maps!
hero_oftehworldz: SO??????
partygril984: the point is, if he doesnt get malon back, link is going to die! D:
btdubsimad00d: oh deku nuts! this is horrible! what are we going to do?!
shukaku132: we need to warn link!
btdubsimad00d: yeah, but where is link?
partygril984: uhh isnt he staying with marth until he can buy that underwater house?
btdubsimad00d: damn it, where does marth live?
hero_oftehworldz: gee, i wonder, prince of altea, WHERE MIGHT HE LIVE? -__-
btdubsimad00d: well excuse me! i dont know what his official titles are >_>
hero_oftehworldz: you should know! considering youre going to be links maid of honor when he marries marth
btdubsimad00d: shadow, youre such a doucher...
shukaku132: SHADOW LINK, YOURE SUCH A JERK! THAT WAS JUST MEAN!
hero_oftehworldz: well sheik cant be his best man because 1. sheik isnt a man and 2. link would be the woman in the relationship anyway
btdubsimad00d: YOU ALL NEED TO SERIOUSLY SHUT UP.........
hero_oftehworldz: hehe im sorry sheik...
*btdubsimad00d has logged off*
hero_oftehworldz: daww i made sheik sad...
shukaku132: NO!!! YOU PROBABLY MADE HIM ANGRY!!! that was beyond mean shadow link...
hero_oftehworldz: funny that YOU would say that
shukaku132: how is that funny!?
hero_oftehworldz: .....nothin, just nevermind....
partygril984: HELLO?? is anyone going to go tell link?!
hero_oftehworldz: meh, sure, kaikoura and i will go
shukaku132: fine, as long as youre nice..
hero_oftehworldz: ill tryyyyyyyy
shukaku132: good!!!!!!
partygril984: HURRY!!!!
shukaku132: okay well be back!!!!!!
*shukaku132 has logged off*
*hero_oftehworldz has logged off*
*a few moments later*
partygril984: .......am i alone?!
partygril984: ......hello?!?!?!?!
partygril984: -sigh- i guess im just a lonely child... even though im not a child....
*insaneprsnofdoom has logged on*
partygril984: RABIA!!!!! WHERE DID YOU GO?! what happened to you?!?!
insaneprsnofdoom: sorry, i was kidnapped by voldemort... -__- hes such a douche
partygril984: whats with all these kidnappings?! first me, like 98,508 times, then kaikoura and now you!
insaneprsnofdoom: uhh idk maybe they just think were sexy!
partygril984: ewww......
insaneprsnofdoom: but im okay, so its all good
partygril984: OH MY TRIFORCE I HAVE NEWS TO TELL YOU!!!!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: news?!!?!??!what kind of news?!?
partygril984: TERRIBLE NEWS!!! ganondorf said if he doesnt get malon back in 18 hours, hes going to KILL link!!!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: why link? he didnt steal her lol... and when does the terrible part start?!
partygril984: the point is that we need to help somehow!!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: hmmmmm....... okay..... but how.....
partygril984: lets go fight ganondorf to the death!
insaneprsnofdoom: hahahahahhHAHAHAHAHH yeah okay, youre maybe the size of his leg...
partygril984: thanks for the confidence in me.....
insaneprsnofdoom: wait!!! i know EXACTLY what we can do! we’ll stall him!
partygril984: oh oh oh good idea! like keep him far from link! but how?
insaneprsnofdoom: oh, i know how..... lets go, zelda... and bring the skankiest clothes you can find with you....
*insaneprsnofdoom has gone afk*
*partygril984 has gone afk*
-------
*NOW WE SEE WHAT GANONDORF IS DOING....*
*GO TO AUTHOR'S NOTES FOR WHAT RABIA AND ZELDA ARE WEARING....*
-------
I was walking down the street in the market, going to buy some bread. I reached the stand and bought a few loaves, negotiating the price beforehand. The next thing I know, I see Zelda and some Zora riding up on horses sexily. They approached me and stopped about half a foot away.
“Oh, Ganondorf! Weird seeing you here...” Zelda said, flipping her hair behind her shoulder and lying down on the horse.
“Uh, sure I guess,” I answered giving them weird looks.
“So, are you busy?” Zelda said. The two of them dismounted their horses.
“Actually, yes.” I replied, brushing by them and over to a tomato stand.
“Are you sure? We’d love to spend some time with you...” The zora girl said.
“I’m buying tomatos. Go away.”
“Awwww... is someone a little grumpy??” Zelda said.
“No. I’m busy.”
“Well... maybe we could go back to your house and... be busy there.” She said seductively.
“...Well I’m kinda in a relationship right now, so I’m gonna have to pass.”
“She doesn’t need to know.” Some parents walking by shielded their children’s eyes and ears, looking at us disapprovingly.
“... go away. Why are you wearing fishnet in broad daylight?”
“Oh! I forgot I was still wearing what I went to bed in!” she said innocently. I rolled my eyes and noticed Sheik and Link at a cucumber stand. I nudged Zelda.
“Your boyfriend is over there.”
“I don’t have a boyfriend silly. Besides, I wouldn’t date Link. He’s not as muscular and strong as you...” She said, reaching up to touch my biceps.
“Yeah, but you need a man in touch with his feminine side -- and Link is definitely perfect for that.” She shook her head.
“No, Link isn’t my type. A big, strong, sexy Gerudo man is...”
“Hmm, maybe you’ll have to wait another hundred years then, because I’m not interested.” I continued walking away, but was stopped by Link.
“Why are you talking to my Zelda, you beast?!” he hollered, pointing a finger in my face and causing a few people to stare.
“I’m not...? She started talking to--”
“DON’T SPEAK! We fight for her!” He reached for his sword, and Sheik was rolling his eyes behind him.
“Fight for her? You can have her. I’m already married.” I started walking faster away from them, and finally escaped them after a few minutes. I just hoped Link didn’t somehow follow me...
sidfhidsgsogfsdojgsdjadgfdhjasdfhsdgfdgfjsgfg
I reached my domain underneath the Great Deku Tree’s remains and set the bag of bread on the kitchen counter. Once I did, I had a strange feeling come over me. I turned around to face my kitchen table, and of course, there sat Zelda and her zora friend from before. I sighed and shook my head.
“Hi Ganondorf,” they said, smiling.
“Why do you keep following me?” I said, starting to become angry.
“We told you earlier! We want your hot, tan body...” Zelda said, slowly trailing off.
“Yes, well, I’m not interested. I believe I told you that earlier as well.” She stood from the table and walked over to me, tracing her finger on my chest plate.
“Are you sure? I mean.... we could have a lot of fun...”
“Yup, I’m pretty sure.” I reached behind me and took out a loaf of bread, taking a bite out of it.
“That bread looks soooooo yummy...” she said, breaking off a small piece and slowly eating it.
“You’re not getting anywhere, princess.” I walked to the table and sat next to her zora friend.
“Are you sure I’m not?” She picked up the bread and rubbed it on her face slowly. “This bread is soooo soft....”
“Eww why are you doing that to my bread?! Now it’s no good!”
She walked back over to me and put her arms around my shoulders. She then sat on my lap (facing me, mind you) and stared at me intently.
“Ewwwww that’s so gross...... oh wait, I mean you’re sexy...” the zora said.
“Rabia, you’re ruinin’ my game!” Zelda cried.
“Oooooh, my bad,” the girl said. Suddenly, Zelda started dancing on my lap. I’m assuming she was trying to be sexy, but it wasn’t really working.
“Alright, that’s it,” I said. I stood up and threw her over my shoulder and motioned for the other girl, Rabia, to follow.
I brought them into a different room and set Zelda down on a couch.
“Stay here, I’ll be right back.” I left the room for a few minutes after that. I soon returned, however, with a phone at hand.
“Okay, tell me what you REALLY want from me,” I said, staring them down.
“Really, we want you!” Zelda said innocently.
“....alright, fine, tell me what you want or I’m calling Link and Sheik!” The two girls laughed.
“Ooooh, I’m so scared,” Rabia said, laughing.
“Like they’re going to do anything,” Zelda said.
“Alright, I’ll call Zant!”
“He’s dead!” Zelda cried.
“Oh please, Zant and I are tighter than Shadow Link’s tights!” Rabia said.
“Uhhhh that’s disturbing....” I answered, staring wide eyed.
“Nooo, it’s oh so sexy..... I mean... you are....”
“...Fine! Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you. Is it money? I’ve got plenty if that’s so.”
“I don’t want your money, Ganon! What I really want is you!” Zelda said once more. I sighed.
“Okay, then let’s do it.” There was an awkward silence.
“....Wait what?” Zelda asked.
“I said let’s do it. Let’s go to my bedroom right now, and do it.” There was another silence. Finally, Zelda broke it with a stupid grin.
“Okay!” She jumped off the couch and stood next to me.
“Alright, follow me then.” I started to walk toward the stairs leading to the bedroom when she cleared her throat. I looked back at her. “What is it now?” She held up her arms and looked at me like I was stupid.
“Well? Aren’t you going to carry me there? You’re not very romantic, Ganondorf...” I looked at her and sighed.
“Okay then, sure, I’ll carry you.” I picked her up and started carrying her up the stairs after that.
(at this time, to illustrate the severity of this situation, please listen to this music while reading this line:)
Needless to say, she wasn’t joking.
ogfhjgfhodhgfaufhjk
---
*NOW BACK TO THE..... OH DEAR GODDESSES.... THAT IS JUST..... SO WRONG.....*
---
*insaneprsnofdoom has returned from afk*
*partygril984 has returned from afk*
*hero_oftehworldz has logged on*
*btdubsimad00d has logged on*
hero_oftehworldz: heyyy did you guys find a way to entertain yourselves while we were gone?
insaneprsnofdoom: shadow, how tight are your tights?
hero_oftehworldz: well, theyre tights, so...... tight ;3
insaneprsnofdoom: DAMN that is sexy!
partygril984: we found a way to entertain ourselves by helping link!
insaneprsnofdoom: if thats what you call helping link, then sure... xD
btdubsimad00d: how did you help link, zelda?
partygril984: we stalled ganondorf!
hero_oftehworldz: why did you stall him for three hours? he still has like another 15 hours to kill link....
partygril984: …..well damn, well stall him again!
btdubsimad00d: how did you stall him? please tell me hitting on him at the market wasnt your way of stalling....
partygril984: not exactly....
hero_oftehworldz: WHOAAAA first a date with zant, then hitting on ganondorf?! whats next, becoming bicurious with veran?!?!?
partygril984: hmmm id consider it.... totally kidding everyone.... DONT DARKSPACE THAT....
btdubsimad00d: then how did you stall him?
partygril984: well...... i....... we......... he....... me..........
insaneprsnofdoom: they did it!!!!!!!! it was disgusting!!!!!
btdubsimad00d: YOU WHAT?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?
partygril984: i was taking one for the team!!!!
hero_oftehworldz: BAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA OHHH NOW THAT IS PRECIOUS...... xDDDDDD
partygril984: shut up shadow!!!
hero_oftehworldz: how was it? was he --
btdubsimad00d: YEP LETS NOT TALK ABOUT THIS.....
insaneprsnofdoom: big? rough? fast? creepy fetishes? what? lol.
partygril984: yes, yes, yes, and I don’t know... that was only the first time I’ve fucked him. I think...
insaneprsnofdoom: that sounds painful... and how do you not know who you’ve fucked? I think I’d notice if I was fucking Ganondorf... yeah I’d definitely notice that! Unless I was dead. Ya know what? no. That’s just gross. Ew.
partygril984: well, it was kinda painful, but it really wasnt that bad... if i absolutely HAD TO again, i probably would
btdubsimad00d: i am just astounded right now, i cant even be here..... goodbye ._______.
*btdubsimad00d has logged off*
hero_oftehworldz: lawwwwwwwwwwlz you liked ganondorfs secksssssss xDD
partygril984: grow up shadow!!!!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: YOU’RE SOOOOOOO SEXY SHADOW LINK....
hero_oftehworldz: this is hilarious.... im so telling lord vaati.. xD and thanks! :D
partygril984: DONT TELL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: wanna come over?! i promise i wont sexually harass you... much ;D
hero_oftehworldz: sureee i dont think midna would like it if you did ;3 heehe just turn your lights out and ill be right over
insaneprsnofdoom: okay!
*shukaku132 has logged on*
shukaku132: so link is guaranteed to be dead by tomorrow.....
hero_oftehworldz: dawww poor kaikoura :’[
shukaku132: how is that poor me?! more like poor link!
hero_oftehworldz: hell live.... zelda will distract him some more.... ;D
partygril984: LEAVE BEFORE I KILL YOU
hero_oftehworldz: heh heh okay ;]
*hero_oftehworldz has logged off*
insaneprsnofdoom: i should probably change, but... oh well... he probably doesnt care
partygril984: you better watch out! he might bite you in some odd places!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: hmmmmm id be okay with that i think ;]
partygril984: …......leaving now................
*partygril984 has logged off*
shukaku132: can you come help me save link?! im waiting at his house for him to come back!
insaneprsnofdoom: maybe... in a little bit... after im done harassing shadow....
shukaku132: good! im scared hes gonna be killed! ;__;
insaneprsnofdoom: i wont let link diiiie... dont worryy... most likelyyyy....
shukaku132: WHAT?!?!?
insaneprsnofdoom: kiddinggggggg.... i might be busy with shadow though, so no promises.....
shukaku132: RABIA!!!
insaneprsnofdoom: fine, ill send zelda to ganondorf in like ten hours, sheesh....
shukaku132: what?
insaneprsnofdoom: oh you missed that, didnt you?
shukaku132: missed what?!
insaneprsnofdoom: zelda fucked ganondorf bye
*insaneprsnofdoom has logged on*
shukaku132: WHAT?!?!? WHY WOULD THE HUMAN VERSION OF ME AND RABIA WRITE THAT INTO THIS STORY?! but its oh so scandalous... i guess it works
*shukaku132 has logged off*
WOW THIS WAS REALLY WEIRD.... BUT OH SO INTENSE.... AND ALL IN ONE PART!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! WHY IS MIDNA NEVER LOGGING ON ANYMORE? IS SHE ILL?! WHY DOES SHADOW LINK KEEP FLIRTING WITH RABIA?! HE HAS A WOMAN!!! WILL LINK BE DEAD?! WHY DID ZELDA HAVE AN INTIMATE MOMENT WITH GANONDORF/!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? THATS NASTY!!!! STAY TUNED FOR THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE!!!!!