I Lost My Fear of Falling

I spent ten minutes in the fetal position trying to calm down before I managed to call Wes.
“What’s up?” She asked.
“He told me he loved me.” I stammered.
“Oh my God! Really? What did you say?”
“I uh, didn’t.”
“You didn’t tell him you loved him too?”
“Obviously not Wes otherwise I wouldn’t have called you!”
“Well that’s nice, you wouldn’t tell your best friend that your boyfriend said he loved you.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Fine, fine. So what’s the problem? Why didn’t you tell him?”
“I’m scared.” I said in a small voice.
“Of what?”
“Of having a broken heart. I know what love can do to people. It can make them crazy and do horrible things to each other. I don’t want to hurt that way.”
“So you’ll break Mikey’s heart because you’re scared of pain? Life is pain Ems.”
“I…I just can’t say it. I think I do but…”
“But you’re too damn afraid to say it. Emmy, you need to come clean with him.” I bit down on my lip.
“I’ll go talk to him tomorrow.”
Tomorrow turned into the next, and into the next until it was two weeks that I hadn’t spoken to Mikey.
I don’t know where he went during lunch. Maybe out to sit in his car. Frank was upset with me and so was Wes, but we still carried on a conversation at the table.
I looked out at my window where I could just see Mikey’s legs poking off the end of his bed.
It was just beginning to snow, the first snow of the year. I stared up at my ceiling and willed for myself to be brave.
Before I could think about it too long, I’d laced up my boots, jammed a hat on my head and wrapped a scarf around my neck and headed out across the yard to knock on Mikey’s door.
Gee opened the door and he didn’t look to happy to see me.
“I need to talk to Mikey.” I blurted before Gee could say anything.
“I hope it’s an apology. He’s been pretty screwed up.” I sat on the steps while Gee went to get him.
I didn’t turn around when the front door opened and closed softly, just waited while Mikey sat down next to me.
“Hey.” I said, trying to break the ice in the air that wasn’t related to the snow.
“Hi.” He looked sad and tired. I reached for his hand and he shifted away slightly.
“You have every reason to be mad at me. Just let me explain, okay?” When he didn’t answer I took it as an agreement. “Two weeks ago I was a scared girl who was afraid to fall in love. Because I was afraid if I said those words we were doomed to hurt each other. But…I lost my fear of falling. Mikey, I love you.”
He finally looked at me when I said the words. “I love you too.” I closed my eyes and melted into his kiss.
I’d missed him more than imaginable. Just hearing his voice made the whole world come to a standstill for me.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you.” I touched his cheek gently.
“You’re worth the wait.” He said simply and pulled me back to him.
Of course, Gee HAD to open the door and River HAD to come outside to see where I was.
So both of them saw us making out on the front porch.
“Aww, my little fuck face is growing up.” River cooed. “Although I really don’t wanna see his hands on my baby sister.”
“I don’t want to see my brother making out.” Gee made a face. “Hey man, I’m Mikey’s older brother Gerard.”
“River Leeves, Emmy’s brother.” River and Gee did a bro handshake. “Come on fuck face, Mom’s flipping a bitch.”
“Fine.” I leaned down and kissed Mikey one last time, a lot less hot than we had been kissing before. “See you tomorrow.” I added, “Love you.” In a softer voice so River and Gee wouldn’t here.
“Love you too.” Mikey said quietly.
--
I woke up thinking, “Someone in the world loves me.”
And the fact that it was Mikey brought a huge smile to my face.
Wes could tell something was different when she got in the car. “Did you finally tell Mikey?”
“Yes.” I couldn’t keep the excitement out of my voice.
“FINALLY!” She practically screamed. “I was getting fucking sick of you looking all hang dog.”
“Oh shut up and start sucking Frank’s face some more.” I pulled into a parking spot and straightened my scarf around my neck. Winter in Jersey is always colder than a witch’s ass and it was here already.
Mikey was by my door by the time I got out of the car and I gave him a kiss before lacing our gloved fingers together. We were supposed to get six inches of snow this week and the air was bitterly cold.
I snuggled into Mikey’s side for both warmth and just the opportunity to be closer to him.
“Cold?” He asked, wrapping his arm around me.
“Fucking freezing.” We made our way across the icy parking lot quickly if only to get into the heated air of the school.
My hands were so numb I could barely spin the lock on my locker and get my books. Mikey was a little farther down the hall unlocking his own locker.
Which is why they reached me first.
They were the same Meat heads who’d been giving me shit in the beginning of the year. I guess they were bored now and I was in their line of sight.
One of them knocked the books out of my hand and another pushed me into the lockers.
“Where’s your slutty friend now freak?” The leader, whose name I actually knew- Brian- sneered, shoving me again. A lock dug into my back and I was pretty sure I’d have a bruise later.
Mikey heard the commotion and came running. “Leave her alone!” He yelled, pushing the one nearest to him away.
“Look, the freak has a little boyfriend.” Brian towered over Mikey and he was about twice the size of him. Mikey took a protective stance in front of me.
“I said, leave her alone, or did that not process in that tiny little brain of yours?” Mikey didn’t even look scared of Brian, which was surprising to the pea brained Meat heads.
Frank and Wes appeared out of nowhere and flanked Mikey.
“Let’s go. Have fun fucking your little freak.” Brian called over his shoulder as they walked away.
I reached up and pulled Mikey’s face down to mine to give him a huge kiss on the lips.
By the time I let go, his glasses were askew and his face was flushing red.
“That was to show my appreciation.” I tapped his nose with my finger and picked up my books.
“I better start acting like a fucking white knight.” Mikey said breathlessly.