Part I : R is for Ryan. V is for Vampire.

Haven

I rolled over on my sinking bed. Feeling groggy as usual. Hunger pains struck me with agony. I couldn't be bother. I just stayed there in bed.

It's Monday. I believe. And last Friday.

Ryan Caius made me want to shoot him up my veins like heroin.
He felt like heroin that night.
I felt so, addicted.
The mint green walls shun with the light that reflected from the open window. I've always feared that someone would jump up from those window's and kill me. Over active imaginative minds? Maybe think alike...
Danny always thought that too.

My dad was probably out... or downstairs. Making his Colombian espresso. I would normally go down and take a mug and smile and say, what's the game plan?
Not today.
Frankly... I think I'm going to be sick.

My wroth iron bed is right next to a window. So the ivory curtains were blowing every where. Which made me mad.
I mumbled bitter words and took my phone from the table beside the bed. The pale door was still.

I looked at the end table,which held my Tinker bell clock ( Which has memories.... don't judge),Meds and Danny and mine picture from wonderland.

I pulled the warm cashmere covers's over my head and felt my bed head take over my sight. I brushed my chemically stringy hair back and flipped through the texts.

None...
Zero
Zilch
Numbero Zero.

I threw my phone onto the rug below me and got up.

8:00 AM
I blinked and sighed.
Do I care about the time? No... Lucky today school starts at 9:30
Har Har HAR!

I refuse to have any mirror's in my bed room. Okay... one.
Mostly because I dread looking at myself.
Seeing my flaws. Making me in a worst state of mind that I already am.
Ya... I have no confidence.

Blame peers.

I grab my onyx black skirt tulle and a plaid flannel with a red tank under. Then stroll off toward the hallway.
Thanks toward panda's we don't have that over looking railing. I'm scared of those. What if you get pushed then fall! That would not be dandy.
Not at all.

I might as well take a shower. I cut corners and walk toward the bathroom. The royal blue titles mosaic are like ice under my bare hot toes. I cringe.
As my finger's are about to close the door I hear laughter.
Laughter?
From the kitchen down below. Why would I check. Then...I hear Ryan's voice joke.
"Well.... so is he", His voice strung throughout the air. It stayed. Why was he here? To mock me? No... did he think I went mentally insane because of the whole incident? And thought I was going to move to the Arctic circle? To have a penguin party?

Probably not... But I'd rather not talk to him. To be frank.

I just remembered. What about Danny? I can't even imagine what he looked like this morning...or where he was. He's probably shaking and twitching.
I kind of know about this stuff. Also I was so numb last night a fire alarm wouldn't of made be bothered.

My fingers were still holding the door, I closed it silently. Trying not to wake up my numb senses. I don't want to realize everything is real.
I don't want it to be real.

I don't want the world to be real.
I don't.

Not at all.

My fingers moved away from the door frame. Like it was electric.

Don't remember. Don't.

I shut off the world for only a moment, but came crashing back down toward it. It struck me like a world wind spinning out of portion.
I jumped into the shower.
Only standing under the shower head, head down. Looking at the titles on the shower. Looking at the colourful patterns of yellow and sea foam green.

My hair began to get drenched and as my head was down and the water was so exhilarating and pulsing at the spine of my back. The numb feeling was washing away.
But not my worries.

My coarse curly hair when wet was a little past my shoulder, but it had wispy ends near my ears.

I sudded up.......

- - - -

Naked I sat on the floor of the shower un moving, immobile.

I looked around the bathroom.
The walls were a white ivory,their wasn't any windows really. Escape a small one above the white claw foot bath tub.

I looked at the sink. Triple sinks with three mirrors. Ovals and a square in the middle.

White stone or marbling or whatever it was surfaced the sink counters. The sinks were green. Pale green.

Under those three counters contained things on the right for me. On the left for my father.

In the middle was suppose to be my mother.

Now she is gone. Do I know where? No.
But think of it like this.

If she stayed with us and somewhat died in anyway. We would of known she loved us but died.

But still died but loved us.

But she left. She choose to.

I stared at my toe nails, painted pink. Pale pink.
It meshed well against my caramel skin tone.

Drops of water traveled down my cold spine. Tickling me gently.

I couldn't see myself from here, the shower was cornered in the corner of the bathroom right when you open the door to this rectangular room the shower is there.
The tub was at the very end, the same place where a slipped and ripped my knee.

The sinks were on the east wall.

The light shun, room the the small window.

I stood up, not even knowing how many minutes passed.

Walked toward and bent down toward my side of the sink.
Opened the cabinet under.

Looked at the pill jars in front.

Haven,Raine

Anti- Anxiety

Quetiapine

Anti- Depression

A break out in laughter, lying on the cold floor now.
Gripping them in my hands.

I have other ones. But I put them behind.

My naked body is sprawled across the mosaic titles.
I look up to the Eco-friendly light on the ceiling.

I felt numb, time passing and not knowing the time. I don't care.

I grab the lid of the Quetiapine, flip off the top.

Empty three into my palm. Look at the pill bottle.

--DOSING: Quetiapine usually is taken two or three times daily. The dose usually is increased slowly over several days or weeks to achieve the desired effect. Quetiapine can be taken with or without food. --

Side Note:

Dr.Marine: Haven Raine, Must take only one per day. Any more could send her into an episode with other pills.

Look up up into the ceiling and choke back the pills.

It will all be okay,
Breathe.

Breathe.
Sallow

It passed through my throat I giggled. I closed it and threw it into the open cabinet where the plumbing pipes were visible.

I don't need the depression meds. Oh no.

Why?

I took another two anitexy meds and choked them back.

I gathered my naked self by the door. Listening to conversation.

I can be normal with the meds.
I can breathe.
I can breathe.

My knee's closed to my chest didn't warm me. Or make me think of warm thoughts. Oh no.

It didn't at all.

I see a haze, a haze.....

I see........

- - - - -

To catch a monster
We make a movie
Set the tempo
And cut and cut its brains out
It will inspire on the burning pyre
Half the distance
Half the motion
Communication
It's easy as the ocean

- - - - -

Drift away Haven......

Drift.....