Fool With Dreams

Ash headed for the kitchen and saw Bam making himself another cocktail. He was trying to balance himself by leaning against the counter and his hand was shaking a bit too.

“B, why are you doing this to yourself?” she went to him, taking the bottle of Jack from him.

“Do what?” he slurred, leaning on her with his full weight.

“Drinking til you pass out. It’s stupid,” Ash pushed the alcohol away from them and turned to hug her drunk best friend.

“I don’t know. I always do that. And I still last longer than any of these dicks,” he bragged, pointing his thumb towards the living room.

“Stop, please. At least this time. I wanna spend my birthday with my best friend. I don’t want to find you passed out somewhere in an hour or two,” she pleaded, holding his face between her hands and looking to his blurred eyes.

“Okay. For you, babe,” Bam sighed, leaning his weight on her again. “But I need a drink to hold. I don’t wanna give those dicks any reason to mock me.”

“Here, take this,” Ash handed him her glass she had just filled with Coke. “No one is sober enough to realise it’s just plain Coke. And when someone does, just tell you accidentally must have taken my glass.”

“You think it would work?” Bam took the glass, taking a sip out of it because he was thirsty.

“I know it will,” she smiled. She grabbed herself a new glass, looking exactly like the one she just gave to Bam. Since the glasses looked alike, it would be easy to switch them and she could back up Bam if needed. She filled it with Coke and went to Bam who was leaning against the counter once again.

“Are you coming home for Thanksgivings? My parents would love to have you over,” he pulled her against his side, leaving his arm resting on her shoulders.

“I don’t know B. It’s one hell of a ride down here and I can’t leave Hemi all alone to Cali,” Ash sighed. She hadn’t realised how difficult could traveling be when you have a dog. Hemi wasn’t some stupid Chihuahua you could stuff into a crate that would fit under the seat on the plane.

“What about flying?” Bam asked.

“It’s risky for dogs, especially to dogs with short nose. Boxer and AmStaff are both in that group. Plus nonstop flights are expensive and with united flights there’s always the risk that your baggage could get lost and losing a dog can be fatal. And all airlines are not even accepting big dogs,” she explained, telling him what she had searched out.

“But wouldn’t it still be better than to drive for three fucking days?” Bam leaned his cheek on the top of her head.

“I don’t wanna put him in such a risk. It would be stressful to him. At least while driving he would be with me. He loves driving around in a car,” Ash snuggled closer to him, feeling comfortable in his arms.

“Will you at least think about it?” he begged, watching as Steve-O stumbled in the kitchen door, supporting himself against the kitchen island.

“Fuck dudes, stop that fucking. Come on, we have a bet to win,” he came over and tried to pry Bam away from Ash.

“What bet?” Bam’s eyes lit up but he kept holding on to Ash, not moving anywhere.

“Some dudes believe that you can’t do a Nollie Gazelle flip while being drunk,” Steve-O laughed, slumping against the fridge.

“Brandon, I don’t want to end this day with taking you to a hospital,” Ash stated firmly.

“You won’t, I promise. I’m not that drunk yet,” he whispered that last sentence to her ear before kissing her cheek. He followed his friend out of the house, not able to refuse a bet like that.

Ash sighed, leaning her back against the edge of the counter. As much as she loved these guys, she was glad she lived far away. She couldn’t take this constant worrying anymore, she felt like some old lady, too reasonable to risk anything. She closed her eyes and rubbed her hand over her forehead.

“What are you drinking?” suddenly Jimmy stood in front of her, looking at the glass she was holding.

“Coke and Jack,” Ash said, knowing that her voice betrayed her. Jimmy was one of those kind of people she wasn’t able to lie to.

“Ooh, can I have some?” he asked, taking her glass without waiting her answer. “It seems that Jack has escaped from this glass,” he lifted the glass up to his eyes, investigating it closely.

“Fine, it’s just Coke,” she smiled, knowing that Jimmy was only picking at her.

“So you don’t drink alcohol at all?” he handed her glass back.

“No, she usually doesn’t,” Brian walked in, followed by Matt and Val.

Ash felt fear all of a sudden. She knew Jimmy would accept her no matter what she was. But she didn’t know how the others felt about her now when they knew everything.

“And how do you know that?” Val turned to Brian.

“That’s what I’d like to know. How do I know you usually don’t drink? Or that you can’t swim? How do I know you had a brother who died in a car accident? Or about your tattoo I have never seen or heard of? How do I know you love being out in the sun but at the same time love starry skies as much?” he ranted, surprising Ash and his friends while slowly walking towards her, stopping right under her nose. He crossed his arms on his chest, waiting for her to say something.

“Tell him Ash. I know that there’s something that had to happen between the two of you. We are not going anywhere, we’re gonna be a part of your life as long as you want us to be,” Jimmy said, Matt and Val nodding their heads to agree, “but Brian needs to know all you’ve told us and maybe even a little more.”

He kissed Ash on her cheek and then left the kitchen, pushing everyone out before him. Ash looked over at Brian, still standing and waiting for answers. She sighed and stepped past him. Brian grabbed her hand in his, making Ash stop in shock. There was so much energy flowing between them, now even more than there ever was before.

“Please tell me,” he begged, looking straight to her blazing eyes.

“I was going to, but not in here,” she tugged at his hand gently, indicating him to follow her. He did, keeping a firm hold of her hand.

Ash’s heart dripped blood. At least that’s how she felt. Somewhere deep inside she knew that no matter how she would tell this to Brian, it would not end well. She knew that unlike his friends, Brian was gonna freak out. But Jimmy was right, he needed to know.

She guided him to her bedroom and motioned him to sit on the bed. He turned his questioning gaze back to her once he sat down. Ash turned away, feeling pressure build up and started to pace back and forth. She couldn’t find the words to say.

“Look, I don’t know how to explain this to you. It’s much harder to tell you than it was to tell the others,” she said at last, seeing that Brian was starting to get restless. She went to her bag and dug out a black notebook.

“This is my diary I’ve written in about a year and a half now. It should explain almost everything. It seems insane and stupid, but please just keep reading before you make any decisions,” she talked quietly, looking at the slightly worn out book in her hands. Sighing, she handed it over to him.

“Start at May four, it’s the day I met you guys. I’m going to take a shower. If you still wanna have anything to do with me after you’ve read it,” she nodded towards her diary, now resting in Brian’s hands, “you can wait up for me. Or you can leave if it’s too much for you.”

She grabbed some random clean clothes and walked to the bathroom, leaving Brian to stare down at her diary.