Every Storm That Comes Also Comes to an End

I thought she'd at least say goodbye.

After everything we'd been through, I at least thought she'd have the decency to look me in the face and give her farewell. Jack said she didn't say much in the phone call. Just that he told her we were leaving and that she should say goodbye, but that she had plans and couldn't make it. I guess I could understand why she wouldn't come see me.

I ruined everything between us and I know she's still trying to fully forgive me for that. That could take another 50 years for all I know, so giving her that space and time is the best option. I have to live with the consequences. Which I'm willing to do.

The whole plane ride here to L.A. Jack kept asking me if I thought I was making a wise decision. I would either answer "Yes" or just shrug. I knew he was worried about me. I would be worried too. My heart was now completely shattered and it was my fault. Avery was done with me and it was time I tried to move on from my past.

I would have liked to have had one last word with her before I left, but times goes on.

"Alex!" Jack calls from my new kitchen, his voice echoing. I snap my head toward the open doorway. "Should I put the cookie jar by the fridge or the stove?"

I roll my eyes, shoving another set of jeans in the drawer of my brand new dresser. "I don't care! If you want to set the cookie jar on fire by putting it next to the stove then go ahead!" There was a hefty silence before Jack screams back, "Fridge it is then!"

I crack a small smile as I close the full drawer, opening the empty one beneath it.

I couldn't stop thinking about her. I know I told myself this was for the best, but my chest ached to see her, hear her, feel her...It was unbelievable. I couldn't stop my brain from flitting to her again. I squeeze my eyes shut as I shove shirts in the drawer, not even caring that they were no longer folded and neat. I slam the drawer closed and harshly shove my suitcase off the bed and onto the floor, kicking it under the mattress. I plop on my new bed, ripping at my hair in frustration.

Stop thinking about her...

I make a small noise of irritation, clenching my teeth until my jaw screamed in agony. She doesn't want you anymore. You have to stop. Fuck! I stand up hurriedly and pace toward my bathroom, ripping the mirror open and gazing in at the contents. Toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, deodorant, Nyquil...

I felt a tug in my heart at the sight of the familiar orange bottle.

I hadn't taken any pills since the day I almost overdosed, but I still kept the close at hand. I didn't know why; I promised Jack and Avery and everyone else that I wouldn't keep popping them. But it was so tempting.

I found myself reaching for them, my fingers close to grasping at the canister. But at the last second I snap my hand away, shaking my head. I shouldn't resort to that.

Instead, I pound away from the mirror and out of my room.

Our new house was pretty nice. It was one floor with a lot of open space and big windows so we could see the beach and the ocean from our living room. I liked the open-ness of it and how the air conditioning felt like a breeze. The kitchen had good appliances and Jack and I got our own separate bathrooms. The backyard walked almost right onto the beach and we had a deck with a grill. It was almost perfect.

But it would be completely perfect if a certain someone were here with me

"No!" I shout out loud, shaking my head.

I hear footsteps before my best friend rounds the corner, a spoon dangling from his mouth and a bowl in hand. "No what?" he asks me, removing the silverware from his lips.

I wave this off, pretending as if he had imagined me shouting the word. "Nothing, nothing." I walk over to our new sofa, plopping down on the cushions. "You breaking in the kitchen? I see the first thing you did hear was pour yourself some cereal."

"Actually, this is cream of wheat."

"Of course it is."

Jack rolls his eyes. "I think you have jet lag. It is nine p.m. Maryland time right now. I think someone needs to take a nappy-poo in beddie-by land."

"Stop quoting Vin Diesel and leave me alone."

"Someone is grumpy!" Jack scoffs, sitting down beside me. I groan out loud, grabbing the remote off the coffee table. "I told you this was a bad idea from the get-go. We've lived here for five minutes and you're already missing her. I think you should go back and talk and work this out - "

"She doesn't want to work it out!" I growl, dropping the remote and getting to my feet. I glare over at him. "How many times does that have to be said? We talked and she said she couldn't forgive me. That led me here, okay?"

"How does her saying that lead you to moving away?"

"Because it was the only solution!" I shout at him, frustration building. "I love her, yes. But she doesn't love me anymore! It's time we come to terms with that."

He stares at me for a few beats as my labored breathing calms down a bit. Finally, he sets his bowl on the table in front of him, sitting up straighter and looking me in the eyes. I was a bit scared of his serious face; that's a bit unusual for him. He then speaks, his tone calm. "Alex, she does love you. She may not have said it out loud, but everyone knows she loves you just as much as you love her."

"I doubt that," I immediately voice.

"How do you know?"

I roll my eyes. "If I call her right now and ask her if she loves me what do you think she'd say?"

Jack shrugs. "She'd say what she'd say." He picks up his cream of wheat and shovels some into his mouth. He swallows and glances back at me. "It's worth a try."

"What's worth a try?" I ask haughtily, annoyed by his cryptic talk.

"Calling her."

I go to protest but freeze after registering what he said. A call wouldn't be too bad. I mean, I could call to say goodbye since she didn't have the decency to call me or come see me in the hospital before I left. It would be the adult thing to do instead of moping around like a toddler who was absent his sippy cup.

Finally, I walk a little ways away from Jack, taking my phone out from my pocket. I dial her phone number with shaky fingers, taking deep breaths to try and soothe myself. When her number was written on my screen, I press TALK.

It took five rings before someone answers. "Hello?"

That voice. I had to suck in a silent breath to hold myself together.

"Avery," I say with an exhale, resting my forehead against the wall in front of me. I hear her take a small breath, my minds-eye picturing her closing her beautiful eyes.

"Alex," she returns, her voice caressing my ears.

There was a brief silence before I clear my throat. "Sorry about the abrupt move. Jack didn't give you much warning I guess." I give a small chuckle and she does too. "I would've told you sooner, but I was in the hospital and they didn't allow me to use my cell phone so..." Awkward quiet, then, "I called to say goodbye."

I hear her give a small gasp of surprise. "What do you mean, Alex?"

I had to close my lids. Her voice just kills me. "I moved for a reason. I love you, but you'll never return it. Which I understand. It's my way of letting the past go and allowing you to move on. I'm just poison, Avery. I seep into you and destroy everything."

"Al - "

"Please, let me finish," I breathe. "I will always love you. No doubt about it. But you need someone else in your life. Maybe that guy from Starbucks, I don't know - "

"It's over."

A small pause. "What?"

Avery breathes in deeply, my head reeling. "It's over...between me and Darren. He told me I would never truly be able to move on since I'm hung up on someone else." I could feel my heart clench. "I think you know where this is going."

"Is that true?" I ask softly, my heart pounding. "Are you still hung up on me?"

Another pause. "I - " A door bangs open on her end of the phone and I hear Caitlyn's voice over the receiver. "Come on, Ave! The salon closes in an hour! Move your ass!"

"Cait, I'm kind of - "

"Come on!"

Avery exhales loudly, and I chuckle knowing she was annoyed. I hear her come back to the phone. "Sorry," she murmurs. "I have to go." I could just see her biting her lip, my heart aching to see that sight in person.

"I understand," I mutter. "Goodbye, Avery."

"Bye, Alex."

Then I hang up, my ass sliding to the floor. I let my phone clatter against the tile, falling from my hand. I bang my head against the hallway wall in front of me, inhaling through my nose deeply. I am going to kill Caitlyn.