Vice Versa

I grunted as I woke. I smiled at the memories from last night. Me and my wife. I turned over to pull her closer to my chest to find that it was empty. I frowned. I pulled my torso up on the bed.

“Michelle!” I yelled my wife’s name. Till then, I noticed something fucked up. This was not my room. It was way too small, and I hated the red accents in it. The sheets were red and black. Definitely not mine. I felt really small, like everything in the unfamiliar room was bigger than they should be. I looked down on myself and let out a scream.

I stumbled out of the bed, pulling off the sheets from the bed. My skin was way paler than it should be and void of tattoos. I put my hands on my chest. I had tits. Perplexed, I jiggled them through the white tank top. I was wearing a small pair of shorts. Ugh, my crotch felt really empty. I shook myself, trying to get ahold of this foreign body.

What the fuck was this? I was definitely not a chick. I was Brian Haner, or Synyster fucking Gates. I didn’t have tits; I never had set foot in this room before and sure as hell never saw that woman who cracked open the door.

“Alice? What the fuck is going on?” she whispered. I slowly shook my head. Alice wasn’t my name.

“I’m not Alice. Tell me what the fuck is going on?”

“Is this some kind of a prank you always pull off?” the girl said, raising her eyebrows. I suppose she was pretty. Brown long curly hair, brown eyes, pretty lips. I could imagine her lips around my…

I forgot that I was dickless. Brillant.

“No, it’s not a prank! Maybe it’s a prank that you’re in on?”

“What the fuck, Alice! You’re never like this. You always have been blunt, but not this rude!”

“Where’s the mirror?”

“Right there? Have you gone blind or something?” she shot back. I groaned and shuffled to the mirror. I gaped at my reflection.

Dirty blonde hair lay on my shoulders, pin straight. Large brown eye rested on my face with a nicely coloured pink lips. I had a pale heart shaped face and a small petite body. My tits weren’t small, although. I gave them another feel. Jesus. I feel tiny. I wasn’t accustomed to this. I looked at my hands. They looked so tiny and fragile; especially that they were so pale and nicely manicured.

“Who the fuck am I!?” I began to freak out. I had no clue what was going on. I woke up in some chick’s bed and apparently I turned into some chick. Sure, people teased me for being feminine or something. But not this. Never in a million years would I find myself being one.

“Alice. Calm down.” I looked at the girl indignantly.

“How can you calm down if you wake up being someone else!?” my wide scared eyes bored into her deep brown eyes. She chuckled. I remained serious.

“Listen, I am a dude, okay? Or was - whatever. My name is Brian, not Alice. I had a dick, not tits. I had tattoos. Fuck, I even have a wife!”

“You’re not kidding?”

“Damn right I’m not!”

“Wow… okay. Um… Bruce or whoever-“

“Brian.” I interrupted her. She probably had bad memory or something.

“Brian.” She echoed. “… Are you sure you’re not kidding?” She said skeptically. I gave a groan.

“How many-“

“Sh, Shhh, I know. Shut up.”

“What’s your name?”

“Envy.” She said with an eye roll. “Okay. I don’t know what happened. But we gotta find out what happened. And we need to find Alice.”

“Wait, I have an idea. I could call home…” I trailed off.

“Righto.” Envy stalked off, probably off to find a phone. I sat on the bed, groaning. I rubbed my face.

“Brian?”

“Yeah?”

“Oh my God, it’s weird calling you that because you’re Alice, and… yeah, whatever. Here’s the phone.”

I grabbed the phone off her and punched in the familiar number. I raised it to my ear.

“Hey?” I asked. Just then, I realised my voice is really high. I couldn’t imagine any other voice than my own coming out of my… Alice’s mouth. What did I do that got me into this fucked up situation?