Been to Hell

The next morning we awoke in the new house, still thinking that it was a dream. Not only that but I was sure that something wrong would happen again, the life between Zane and I was never a smooth life. But then again that was a lie as well, I love my life with Zane and mayhem is normal for us.

Zane smiled and draped an arm over my waist, laying his head on my rib cage. He looked happy, and that was a relief for me. Its good to know that I make him happy, it makes me feel better about being his wife. My arm came around to stroke his hair lovingly.

“You’re in a good mood.” I smiled down at him, watching him grin up at me. He was beaming, maybe it was still the excitement from being out of that damn hospital. Or maybe he was happy that no one was here to interrupt us anymore. “What’s going on.”

He chuckled. “I just missed you.”

I blushed. “Oh god.” Sarcasm was my only way out of the odd comment. But whatever floats his boat I guess. Either way it was still embarrassing, though it is Zane and I should be use to such comments by now. “By the way, if I get pregnant its all on you.” I flicked his forehead and laughed a little bit.

“We’re married and now we are safe, I would like a family with you so it honestly doesn’t matter to me.” I understood what he meant, so I took the ‘I don’t care’ part out of my mind. I would rather like to assume that he does care and that he wants a family with me right away. The money is the only issue, hopefully we’ll have a solution to that soon. “Do you care?’

I shrugged. “You know what my feelings are on the subject.”

“Yes, I do.” He pulled away from me, sitting up. I felt like I had said something wrong, and I felt panic build up inside of my like a ticking time bomb. “Em-”

“I’m sorry,” I blurted. “did I say something? Please don’t be angry.”

He chuckled. “No, you didn’t say anything. I was just thinking, maybe we could start trying. I would very much like to have a child with you, it’s a reasonable timing and we’ve talked it through. I think we can manage it now.” He became serious once again, like he was desperate.

I bit the inside of my lip in hesitation, wondering if I was truly ready. The sad thing was that I was sure I was ready just about two months ago. What’s holding me back? We have our own house now, we’re safe. Damn it, I do want kids with him. The only thing holding me back was the fear of becoming a mother. Would I be bad? Or would I be good?

“D-…Do you think I will be a good mother?” I whispered, as I said that his eyes softened. I could tell he was going to go into comfort mode, I just don’t think he realizes that I honestly do want kids with him.

His hand came up to cup my cheek, leaning over to kiss my forehead. “Yes, you’ll be a great mother.”

I smiled a bit then pulled him into another kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You always know what to say.” he nodded then kissed me again. It was one of those sweet kisses that send you heart into over mode. A kiss from a fairy tale book. How could I ever have had second thought about starting a family with him? At one point it was all I wanted, but now that I know that we have bigger problems to worry about. But nine months is a long time, we can make it work. “I love you, Zane.”

He chuckled a little bit then tucked his face into my collar bone, kissing that as well. “I love you too, and I want to talk about something else as well.”

I leaned back, pulling away from his kisses for a moment. His green eyes were full of excitement, and it kind of masked his wild brown hair. My lips smiled as well, waiting for his question yet again.

“What’s up?” I questioned, wondering what else he could possibly have to say.

“If I get a job and come up with the money to buy you a dress will you have a wedding with me?” He looked desperate once more, making it look like he was begging me to marry him again. How could I turn him down?

“Of course.” I promised, he smiled and then leaned in for another kiss.