I'm Not Insane

“It’s too bad that no one else could make it tonight, especially your parents.”

“Yeah, you’d think they would have made more of an effort.” Matt agreed with Brian, failing to mention that his parents actually had no idea there was a banquet that night. With Matt driving, they were en route to Val’s apartment to pick her up before heading over to the hall where the celebration was taking place.

“I guess there’s no point in worrying about it now though.” He continued, moving to change the subject. Glancing over at Brian, he couldn’t help but notice how, well, handsome the guy looked in his formal attire; a suit and tie which Brian had insisted on buying with his own money, despite the fact he had more pressing bills to pay. Medical bills were a bitch when one had no insurance, Matt knew. "Thanks for coming tonight, Brian. I'm glad you'll be there."

"Well, I had to clear my social calendar for this, you know." Brian grinned, both of them knowing full-well of their practically nonexistent "social calendars". "But for you? Anything."

Matt just nodded slightly. Though he was almost sure he was teasing, Brian's little comments were getting harder and harder to ignore. With a sigh he pulled up to the curb in front of Val’s apartment. She must have been waiting, because he didn’t even have time to cut the engine before she was out the door and walking over to them.

Brian got out of the passenger’s seat and held the door open for her. “All ready to go?”

“Definitely.” Val gave him a little kiss on the cheek - at which Matt was surprised to feel a little surge of jealousy rise up - before sliding into the passenger’s seat. Brian closed the door for her before climbing in the back. “Hi, Matt. That uniform looks good on you.”

He forced a grin. “Thanks. You look great too.”

And the thing was, she really did. She was beautiful, and with a shining personality to match, any guy would be lucky to have her. Brian must have been thinking the same thing.

“Well, isn’t this awkward?” he teased. “I think there’s a classic case of the “third wheel” going on here.” Matt silently agreed, though not for the same reason.

“Don’t be silly Brian!” Val turned around to speak to him as Matt drove them towards the hall. She grinned. “And who knows? Maybe you’ll find yourself a cute military boy.”

“A guy in a uniform is pretty hot.” Brian agreed, shooting Matt a grin in the rearview mirror. “But don’t worry Val, I won’t steal yours.”

Matt resisted the urge to sigh again. It was going to be a long evening.

***

“A long evening” turned out to be a bit of an understatement. Barely an hour in, and Matt was ready to get the hell out of there. Just being in the same room as all of the men he had once called friends set him on edge, and he didn’t even really understand why.

All of the mandatory and “welcome back” speeches were over, and now he was sitting at a table with Brian, Val, and about a dozen other people, both fellow military members and their girlfriends/wives. Everyone else seemed to be having a great time as they waited for dinner to be served.

“So Matt, who’s this lovely lady?” The guy on Matt’s left, a fellow corporal named Jason, nudged him lightly.

“Oh, this is Val. She’s my date for tonight.”

“Just for tonight?” Jason’s wife asked. Upon hearing her nasally tone and the slight disdain in her voice, Matt immediately decided he didn’t care for her much.

“Well...yeah, actually.” Matt shrugged. “We aren’t going out or anything. I’m not interested right now.” He didn’t notice Val turn the slightest shade of pink at the blatant reply, nor the “what the fuck, man?” look Brian sent his way from her other side.

“Oh...alright.” Jason didn’t seem to be quite sure what to say. “Pleasure to meet you, Val.”

Matt didn’t hear her reply, he had already zoned out again, wondering how long he’d have to stay before it would acceptable for him to leave. He downed his glass of wine, once again ignoring the numerous looks he received, and decided he’d need a few more of those to make it through the night.

***

A couple hours later (with more than a couple glasses of wine consumed), Matt was a little more talkative, and no longer sitting at the table. The alcohol had helped immensely in changing his frame-of-mind back to one from the old military days: An “I don’t give a fuck, so long as my reputation stays intact” kind of attitude. Off to the side of the dance-floor with a few of the other soldiers, he was in the middle of explaining what had happened at Dr. Baker’s hospital six months earlier. With, of course, several key events left out.

“And as it turned out, that crazy motherfucker was the one obsessed Brian’s boyfriend, and he’s the one who had killed him!”

One of the guys, Cam, shook his head. “That’s fucked up, on so many levels.”

“Hold on.” Jason held up a hand. “Is this Brian the same Brian you brought along? Like the one over there?” He gestured over to where Brian and Val were sitting at a table with a couple other people.

“Yeah, that’s him.”

The men suddenly seemed a little more wary. “You mean he’s a fag?”

Matt frowned. “You shouldn’t call him that.”

“Are you fucking stupid? You shouldn’t have brought him here! Unless, of course, he’s your boyfriend.” Cam sneered. It was obvious Matt hadn’t been the only one to have a little too much to drink.

“Of course he isn’t, dumbfuck.” Matt’s hazy mind worked to come up with an excuse. “I invited him so you guys could see what I had to live with for all that time!” He sighed dramatically. “And let me tell you, on those pills, he was fucked up. I had to give him a black eye once. To, you know, get the message across that I wasn’t interested.”

Excuses made by intoxicated people are generally only believed by others who are in a similar, overly-inebriated state. Luckily for Matt that was just the case. The other guys now looked openly disgusted. “He’s outstayed his welcome here.” Jason said decisively, before raising his voice. “Hey, Brian! Come here for a minute?”

Under the influence or not, Matt still felt his heart sink as he watched Brian excuse himself from the other people and walk over to them. “I don't think I've actually met any of you.” He smiled and stuck his right hand out. "I'm Brian."

No one moved to shake his hand, and Cam’s friendly tone harshly contradicted the words that came out of his mouth. “I’m not really sure how to say this politely, so I’m not going to bother trying. Ya see Brian, we don’t exactly...appreciate fucking little queers such as yourself, and we would appreciate it if you got the fuck out of here.”

To his credit, Brian did nothing but drop his hand and raise his eyebrows slightly. After a moment or two of a horribly tense silence, he finally said something. “And are you sure that everyone here feels that way?” Brian stuck his hands in his jacket pockets and gave Matt a look that made him want to sink into the floor. “I’ve been under the impression for a good few months now that Matt’s a pretty good friend of mine, and I was actually expecting him to say something in my defence.”

“He’s not your friend.” Jason blurted out, swinging an arm around Matt’s shoulders. “We’re his friends. And you know what, fag? We go way back. We all went to highschool together. There were some people like you, and you know what we did? We beat the motherfucking shit out of them. It was Matt’s idea, actually.” He grinned nastily at Brian. "He was always going on about how fucking disgusting they were, and you know what? I'd have to say we all agree with him."

Matt remembered those times in school as well, though maybe not in quite the same sense the others did. Denial might have been a better word to explain his actions, rather than disgust or hatred. He finally opened his mouth. “But, you know, people’s opinions can change over time...” he wasn’t even sure who he was directing his comment at, Brian or the other guys.

“Clearly.” Brian replied evenly, no trace of emotion on his face. "And that's all you've got to say?"

"Of course it is! Now stop fucking around." Jason answered for Matt, who just shrugged hesitantly after a moment.

Brian cleared his throat and waited another moment, still giving Matt a rather heated gaze. When the other man said nothing, he finally looked away. "I guess if that’s the general consensus, I’ll get out of here. Thanks for inviting me, Matt. The evening’s certainly been...enlightening. See you at home.”

Now there were another four pairs of eyes on Matt as his “friends” rounded back on him. “You live with him?”

“Not for much longer.” Brian called over his shoulder before disappearing into the crowd.

You fucked up, and you failed.

“Motherfucker.” Matt muttered, downing the last of his drink and ignoring the various questions coming from the other guys. He had thought he’d heard the last of that voice in his head, and now to make things worse it was echoing Dr. Baker.

The thing was, he knew how much he had just fucked things up. All because of his goddamn pride. As for failing? He wasn’t sure what exactly he had failed, but even in his drunken state of mind, he agreed with that too.