Four More Days

:::Zacky:::

Beep....... Beep........ Beep......... Beep.......

That is the heart monitor the doctor hooked Cassidy up to. No, we aren't in the hospital, and no this isn’t your normal doctor.
Dr. Brooks, or Crackers as I call him, has become a ‘back alley’ doctor when he lost his medical degree for.......well, only Shadows knows.

But he keeps his mouth shut and doesn't ask questions.

When Johnny came in to get her and followed the duel trail of blood and found- well, you know, he cried. He actually cried.

I would have to. But I deal with my pain another way.

Yes, you guessed it, I’m a cutter.

I haven't done it in years until today. When I saw her bloody body on the ground....because of something I did I just.........

Ugh.

Beep.......beep.......beep.......beep......

I sat in a chair near the bed while Crackers bandaged her other arm.

"Almost killed herself she did."

Without thinking, I drew the gun in my boot and pointed it at the man.

"Not helping."

He apologized quickly and I put the gun back with an annoyed sigh.

I had Crackers patch my wrists up a while ago but he still felt the need to fuss over Cassidy. With good reason to. He got the bleeding to stop and had her doped up on pain meds.

"Her gauze needs to be changed every two hours until the bleeding stops completely. If you have questions or anymore....(his eyes flicked to my wrist) problems you know where to find me."

I nodded and watched him leave.

I did this to her. She tried to commit suicide twice because of me. I am a disgusting human being.

Why couldn’t I have walked away from Shadows as a teenager? None of this would have ever happened, I could have a wife and a family. I put my face in my hands and tried to think of all the good things I’ve done.

:::Synyster:::
I feel like a monster. No. I am a monster.

She tried to kill herself because of me.

Kitten was always nice to be around, well later on I mean. She was fun and loved to kick The Rev’s ass at the game that was his pride and joy. She didn’t deserve any of this. She was a really sweet girl.

I keep saying was like she isn’t still alive. She is.

Dr. Brooks fixed her up, she almost successfully killed herself. And maybe would have if Johnny hadn’t come in to take her to breakfast.

I think we went to far last night. This isn’t worth the money. Damn it the only one who gives a shit about the money is Shadows!

I went into the room where she lay on the bed. Tubes were attached to her in various places, she was pale and I couldn’t see her arms due to all the medical tape and bandaging.

I caused this. It’s all my fault. The Doc says she'll be okay but she will scar. A bunch of black hair could be seen in the chair. I went around it to see Zacky with his head in his hands.

His sleeve revealed gauze on his wrists.

I sighed. He’s at it again.

I looked over at the seemingly dead Kitten then back to my friend. At least it’s harder to trigger this time.

Beep......beep.......beep.......beep.......beep.......

The machine was the only thing telling me that she was alive, she looked dead.

I don’t know what I would do if she died. I can’t even think about it.

I put a hand on Zacky’s shoulder, making him look up faster than I’ve ever seen him move.

"She’ll be okay man." I said softly.

He nodded and turned his gaze on her once more.