Just A lonely Star

I looked back at the band, encouraging smiles flashing towards me. I grabbed the microphone before turning back to the crowd, look at one face in particular.

She didn’t look angry, she looked very confused, embarrassed and kind of hurt. I hated seeing her like this.

The guitars signaled it was my time to sing so I put the microphone to my lips…

` So this is the end of you and me

We had a good run and I'm setting you free

To do as you want, to do as you please

Without me

Remember when you were my boat and I was your sea?

Together we'd float so delicately

But that was back when we could talk about anything

'Cause I don't know who I am

when you're running circles in my head

And I don't know just who you are

When you're sleeping in someone Else's bed

Three whole words and eight letters late

That would have worked on me yesterday

We're not the same, I wish that could change

But it can't

And I'll say your name and in the same breath

I'll say something that I'll grow to regret

So keep your hands on your chest and sing with me

That we don't wanna believe

'Cause I don't know who I am

And you're running circles in my head

And I don't know just who you are

When you're sleeping in someone Else's bed

So it's true what they say

If you love someone, you should set them free

Oh, it's true what they say

When you throw it away

I don't know who you are

I don't know who you are

Oh, 'cause I don't know who you are

When you sleep with somebody else

'Cause I don't know who I am

When you sleep with him’

By the end of the song I was crying. The song may not have made sense but it was about me
saying that I would let her go if she wanted me to but that I didn’t want to, I still loved her and that I couldn’t bare the thought of her being with another guy.

I looked up at her again, her head was in her hands.

Had I made a mistake? I had made this so public and now she was crying and not even able to look at me. She turned to Ollie, said something to him before looking back at me. Her makeup was smudged now, she still looked beautiful though, and she glanced quickly at me before turning towards the exit and walking out.

The whole crowd started to murmur, all gossiping about what had happened. A few people were crying also, a few bored and a few looked angry.

`Josh, go after her’ Chris said to me, patting me on the back. `Don’t let her get away’

I looked at him. He had a successful relationship of four years; he must know what he’s talking about. And I really didn’t want to miss any chance to get her back.

`Thanks man’ I said before running off stage.

I ran and ran until I found an exit, ignoring the calls of the crowd.

I looked all around me, not knowing where to look. She wouldn’t have gone to the bus so I ran
round to the front of the venue; all these years of jogging had certainly paid off. I got to the front steps, still not seeing her.

`Fucking hell’ I shouted, dropping to the floor, my hand running through my hair. I’ve fucked up everything.

I felt someone sit down beside me.

`Language, Franceschi!’ they said.

That voice was familiar! I looked up and through my tears I saw the purple haired figure I had
been searching for.

`May’ I whispered

`That is my name’ she smiled

`May, I'm so sorry. Please let me explain!’ I was practically begging at this stage

`This had better be worth it Josh, you just walked out on 4000 people and revealed your love
life to everyone. This is pretty fucked up.’

`May, it is so worth it. You are worth it! I just need a chance to explain, please?’

`I’ll give you a chance’

I was gathering my thoughts when I heard someone shout my name. I turned around; the fans were beginning to flood out of the venue and had spotted me. I grabbed May’s hand and ran to the backstage bus area and ran onto our bus.

It was empty on the bus so I locked all the doors and sat in the front lounge with May opposite
me. There was a tense, awkward silence before I decided to speak.

`So that night, in London. I’ll start from the beginning. I had just got off stage and the guys were already heading out to greet fans, you were finishing up at merch so I decided to take a quick shower. I got out and got dressed and dried my hair. I was tired and decided that before I went to greet the fans I’d have a little time to relax. I had my eyes closed and heard the door open and… I thought it was you, I thought you had finished early at merch and had come to see me, next thing I know I’m being straddled on the sofa and someone is kissing me. I'm not going to lie… I did kiss her back but as soon as I realized it wasn’t you I stopped. I felt disgusting, I felt sick, I felt like I had cheated on you and Max even though I was, for the most part, innocent. I tried to push her off but she was very drunk and clinged onto me. That was when you walked in to the dressing room and Sara pulled away to look at who it was. When I saw you I felt terrible.’

I was crying again now, May was looking towards the floor. `I didn’t mean for it to happen, I really didn’t. I want you. I know you might not want me, especially after I just embarrassed you in front of so many people but I had to try if not for my sake then for yours. I needed to know the truth and how I feel about you’

`So how do you feel about me?’ she asked, still not giving me eye contact.

`May, I fucking love you. If I didn’t know that before then I do now. I hated being away from
you, I know it might feel too soon but I seriously know that I am in love with you and I'm not
asking for much, just for a second chance. I know we can make this work second time around.
Please’ I was begging again.

May looked up at me. Her eyes wet with tears, I hated seeing her cry.

`How do I know all this is true?’ she asked, her voice cracking as she spoke.

`You don’t, I guess… I guess you’re just going to have to trust me and believe me, I hope you can.’

`Josh. I'm so sorry.’

`Why are you apologizing?’ I was so confused, `you have done nothing wrong, love’

`No, you’re wrong, I have. I came here, stayed at your home, came on tour with you, and then as soon as I saw something I did’t like, I did’t wait around to find out the truth, I did’t trust you, I did’t even give you a chance.’

`Well you’re here now and that’s all that matters. So, can we at least be friends?’

`Josh, I don’t want to be your friend. I want to be your best friend, you girlfriend, your lover, I want to be your everything. We have wasted so much time because of one pathetic girl and I don’t ever want to feel this way again.’

`Me either, I have hated this past week. It’s been one of the hardest weeks of my life.’ I walked over to her, kneeling in front of her and taking her hands, `Will you be my girlfriend, May?’

She did’t answer; she just leaned forwards pulling me into a deep, passionate kiss. The tears were still pouring down both of our faces but this time they were for a whole other reason, this time it was joy spilling from our eyes.

Finally we pulled away for air and May said something I had only dreamed of hearing for the past week.

`I fucking love you too, boyfriend’