Long Way

The next day I drove to Mo’s garage. I knew that Declan wasn’t going to be there, but that was alright. I wasn’t going there to see him anyway.

It was 11:30 when I pulled in. I parked next to the building and looked around before getting out of my car. I spotted Lincoln walking across the lot from working on something. I got out of my car and met him halfway across the lot. He looked surprised to see me.

“Hey,” I said to him.

“Dec’s not here,” he said.

“I know.” He looked embarrassed.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I came to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“Do you know where he is?” He sighed. He looked conflicted. He knew that Declan was in the wrong here, just like before. But this was his best friend. Lincoln always took it very personally when something happened with Declan. He took all of Declan’s responsibilities on himself.

“Why do you wanna know, Diana? Maybe you should just let him go this time. Maybe it’s best for everyone.”

“I can’t. It’s not that easy.”

“Well I don’t know where he is.”

“Yes you do.” He just looked at me.

“Yes you do know where he is. You know something. You were never a good liar, Linc.”

“If he wanted you to know where he was, he would have told you.”

“I know that. But it isn’t about him anymore.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I paused and placed my hands on my lower back.

“I’m pregnant, Linc.” He blew out a sigh and shut his eyes for a second.

“I found out right after he left me standing at the end of my driveway.”

“I’m sorry, Di.” I knew he was saying this for his friend.

“It’s not your fault that he left, Lincoln. You can’t take the blame.” He stared out into the distance for a minute.

“I don’t know the name of the place, but he’s staying out on Route Twenty at some hotel.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet.”

“You’re a good friend, Lincoln. To me and Declan.”

“I’m sorry about this. All of it.” I closed the distance between us and gave him a hug, which he lightly returned.

“Bye,” I said, walking back to my car. If Lincoln hadn’t told me anything my next plan was to talk to Mo. But now there was no need in worrying Mo.

On my way back to my place, Sharon called me.

“Hello?” I answered.

“What’s up?”

“Getting a lead on Declan.”

“Oh.” She seemed upset about something.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I got a lead on Declan too.”

“What is it?”

“Word around town is that he’s been spending a lot of time this week with Connie Fruscante.”

“Connie?” My heart sank. Connie Fruscante was a year younger than me, so I wasn’t friends with her in school, but everyone knew who she was. The neighborhood slut. There weren’t too many guys in our neighborhood that hadn’t banged Connie and paid for it. Last I heard she had been hanging around at Corey Lucca’s bar on the South side. Corey was an old friend of Declan’s.

“Yeah. I don’t know if it’s true or not. But people are talking.”

“Wonderful. I gotta go now.”

“Are you okay?” she asked me.

“Yeah,” I lied. “I’m great.” I hung up and pulled into my driveway, then backed out and headed for the South side of town.

The name of the bar was Mariah’s Place. Mariah was Corey Lucca’s best friends, who had died, daughter’s name. It was a biker bar. Rough, grimy, not exactly my usual scene. I had been there once with Declan, so I had felt sort of protected then. Walking in here alone in the middle of the day though, made me a little nervous. The gangs that hung out here were not nice guys, especially to single girls like me.

I got out of my car and hitched my chin up. The more confidence the better. No one picked on women with confidence in these places, right?

I walked in and saw Corey behind the bar, talking to a couple of guys who were sitting at the end of the bar. I chose to sit at a stool on the opposite end of the bar. Corey did not look happy to see me.

He crossed behind the bar to where I was quickly and leaned across the bar close to me.

“What the hell are you doing in here, Diana?” he asked.

“I need to talk to you.”

“About what?” He put his hands on the bar on either side of me, like he was shielding me or something.

“Declan. I wanna know where he is. And I know that of all the people in this town that are lying to me, you will tell me the truth.”

“Declan skipped outta here. Thought you had heard. Story is you were there when it happened.”

“He didn’t skip and we both know it. We both also know that he’s staying somewhere out on Twenty. I also know that he’s been hanging out here, hasn’t he?”

“You shouldn’t be in here, Diana. This is not a good place for you to be by yourself.”

“This is your bar.”

“I know. But I don’t control what these guys do when they step out of here.”

“You won’t let them hurt me.”

“You coming in here, laying your fucking tits on my bar, is not helping my situation at all.”

“Well I didn’t mean to put you in any sort of situation. If you just tell me what I need to know, I’ll let you walk me out to my car, and pretend that I was never here.”

“What do you wanna know?”

“Tell me what you know.” He paused and gave me an eye.

“He’s been in here every night this week except for the night before last.” The night that he left me, I note.

“He drinks Jameson with beer chaser’s until he’s shit-faced, then he leaves.”

“What about Connie Fruscante?”

“What about her?”

“She with him?”

“She’s been around. Last night, she hung around all night. We all know Connie. Fuck, there isn’t a guy in this bar on any given night that hasn’t been between Connie’s legs. That’s what she’s about. I never fucked her though. Her old man would kill me, and I already have a bullet hole in my chest and a dead best friend that taught me the hard way about that shit.” I knew that Corey was taking care of his friend, Bobby’s family now that he was gone.

Corey and Bobby had ran with the same crowd Declan and Lincoln did. Corey ended up in prison like Lincoln, Bobby ended up dead.

“So what happened last night?” I asked.

“Declan was here, drinking his mind away, and Connie was all over him. He wasn’t really responding, I don’t think. Then he left, and she followed him out the door about thirty seconds later.” I was livid.

“Where is he staying?”

“At the Rendezvous.” I rolled my eyes.

“You can walk me out now.”

I stayed on my stool until he came out from around the bar. I could feel all eyes on me, but I didn’t care. I was in a rage that couldn’t be matched by any of these guys.

Once I was in my car and Corey sent me on my way, I drove directly out to Route 20. It had been a while since I’d been out this far on this road. I spotted the hotel in the distance, so I merged over a lane. As I approached, I saw Declan’s Blazer parked out front. Right next to Connie Fruscante’s white Honda Civic.

My tires spun up gravel when I pulled in the lot. I parked around the side of the run down hotel, so no one would see me approaching. I shut my car off, and grabbed the large screwdriver that was in my glove box. My dad once told me to never leave home without a screwdriver. The bigger the better. Mine was about ten inches long.

I stormed out of my car and hoofed it up the rotting plank sidewalk towards the hotel room that they were parked in front of.

Connie’s Honda looked like a fucking rat trap. It was dented on all panels, rusting. I walked to the driver’s side and thrust the screwdriver as hard as I could into the window, shattering it on impact.

After I hit it I felt an immediate sense of calm. I took a deep breath and threw the screwdriver to the other side of the lot. Then I stomped up to the door of the hotel. I was fueled on pure adrenaline, and I felt like I could do anything my mind wanted.

I put my foot on the door right under the doorknob to test the strength of the door. Pretty flimsy. I took a step back, and then with all of my power, kicked the door in. It flew back and I heard Connie scream from inside.

I stepped in the doorway and glanced around the room. Connie was fully dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked terrified. Declan was no where in sight.

“You crazy bitch! What the hell is wrong with you?!” Connie screamed hysterically. I was in no mood for her dramatics.

“You haven’t seen crazy yet, bitch.”

“What are you doing here?” The bathroom door opened and Declan stepped out.

“Who are you-” he started to say, then he spotted me.

“She’s fucking crazy, Dec. She broke down the door and started screaming at me!”

“Declan,” I said calmly. “You have about thirty seconds to get this whore out of here before I grab her around her throat, and take her out of here myself.”

“Are you threatening me?” Connie yelled.

“As a matter of fact, I am.”

“Are you just going to let her threaten me?” she asked Declan. He was staring at me.

“What are you doing here?” he asked me.

“We have some unfinished business.”

“Did you hear her? You’re just going to let her treat me like that?” Connie screamed at Declan.

“Shut up, Connie!” Declan yelled at her.

“You’re crazy. I should call the cops on you. You have no right to do this. You have no right to be here. Declan doesn’t want you, honey. Get a clue. Why do you think he’s here with me?”

“I didn’t come here to talk to you, bitch!” I yelled at her. Declan stomped over to the bed and grabbed Connie by her arm, pulling her up from the bed and dragging her over to the door, which was still wide open.

“Get your shit and get out of here,” he said to her, grabbing her purse and shoving it into her hands.

“Let go of me. I’ll call the cops on both of you if you don’t let go of me, Declan. I was here first, not her!”

“This isn’t first grade, Connie. And we are not teenager’s anymore. I could give a shit about what’s in your pants. Every other guy in town already knows!” Her mouth dropped open, and Declan grabbed the door and slammed it in her face.

It was quiet for a moment. Then I heard her scream. She must have just discovered her shattered window. I can’t believe she didn’t hear it break before I came in. Declan was staring at me while we listened to Connie cuss out her broken window. The yelling stopped for a second, then she knocked on the damn door and I was livid again.

Declan ripped the door open.

“What?!” he yelled at her.

“I forgot my keys.” I saw the keys sitting on the dresser. I grabbed them up and threw them as hard as I could at her. Only I aimed too high, and hit her right under her right eye. She wound back and grabbed at her face.

“Now get the fuck out!” I yelled. She picked her keys up off the ground and quickly went back to her car. Probably scared that I was going to kick her ass if she didn’t move fast.

Declan shut the door again and turned to me.

“She’ll probably call the cops, I don’t even care,” I said to him.

“She has no proof that you did anything.” I rolled my eyes.

“What are you doing here, D?”

“Like I said, we have some unfinished business.”

“I’m sorry that you’re upset, but that’s not my responsibility anymore. You need to let it go.”

“It’s not that easy, Declan.”

“Why not?”

“Things have changed.”

“What things? I told you, I can’t be that man that you want me to be.”

“So you’re just going to settle for this life that you’re living now? Hiding out in cheap hotel rooms, fucking chicks like Connie Fruscante?”

“I didn’t fuck Connie.”

“I don’t care if you did, Declan! That’s not the point. You can’t just leave. You have things you need to take care of first.”

“Like what? The trial?”

“For starter’s, yeah.”

“I’m not gonna miss my trial, don’t worry about that.”

“What about me?”

“We talked this over. I told you a week ago, and I told you the other day, why I was leaving. We can’t keep doing this anymore.”

“Do you know how hard I worked to find you?”

“Why? I don’t get it. Why is this time any different? You’ve never tried to find me before.”

“I’m pregnant, Declan. That’s what’s different.” He was silent. He stared at me like he was trying to tell if I was lying to him or not.

“It’s true. If you don’t believe me, I have a copy of the test results in my car.”

“Is it mine?” I reached back and slapped him across the face.

“I’m six weeks along, Declan. No I wasn’t fucking around on you since you’ve been back, unlike you can say.”

“I never fucked around on you.”

“So Connie was just here to keep you company?”

“Connie’s a fucking psycho bitch.”

“Like I said before. I don’t care who you fucked, but something needs to happen here. You need to step up for your baby.” He sat down on the end of the bed and held his face in his hands.

“Oh my God,” he muttered to himself. I stood with a hand on my hip, and wiped at my face with the other.

I walked over to him after about three minutes of us just sitting there in silence, and crouched down in front of him. I reached up and grabbed him around the wrist’s, pulling his hands away from his face.

“Hey, look at me,” I said to him. He looked at me briefly, then looked away again. I cupped my hands around his large cupped fists.

“We can do this, D. It’s gonna be hard, but we can do it.”

“I don’t know if I wanna do it.”

“We have to. We can’t let this baby down. This is our child, Declan.”

“I can’t grasp this.”

“I know you can’t.” We were quiet again.

“Come home with me. We can’t work anything out here in this place,” I said, letting go of his hands and standing up in front of him.

He sighed and got up.

“Let me get my shit and I’ll meet you out front.”

“OK,” I nodded and walked out to my car. I pulled it around front so it was sitting close to his car. He came out about five minutes later with his bag, heaved it in his car, then got in and pulled out behind me.

He followed me back to my place. When we got there neither of us said anything to each other. I didn’t really know what to say at this point. So much had happened that I was trying to figure out. And Declan didn’t seem very happy at all. Which was understandable to a point. He looked like he was running everything over in his head.

Willa was more than happy to see him though. She ran around and jumped up on him, only to be ignored. He sat in the chaise and just stared right through everything, including me.

I really hoped that he wasn’t going to keep me holding on like this. I could understand a little hesitating. I’d just unloaded some huge news on him and I knew that it would take some time. But he needed to understand that I need more from him.

We sat in the house all afternoon not saying anything to each other. I had to go to work the next morning, so I decided to go to bed early.

“I’m going to bed, are you coming?” I asked him quietly.

“Not now.” I nodded my head.

“Okay then. Night.” He didn’t say anything.

I shut the bedroom door and let my hair down, then stripped down completely naked. My room was pretty dark, only the small lamp that sat on my dresser was turned on. Just as I walked over to the dresser to get something out to wear to bed, Declan opened up the door.

We both stopped and stared at each other for a few seconds, like weren’t expecting the other to be there or something. He stepped into the room a little further. I was standing in the middle of the room now, feeling quite self-conscious. I crossed my arms to try and conceal myself, but it wasn’t helping.

Declan walked over to me and put his hands on the back of my head, then put his face down against the top of my hair. I reached my hands inside of the black denim shirt he was wearing and wrapped my arms around his waist. He let out a deep breath against me, and kissed the top of my head. I was so confused, but I wanted him so bad. I wanted him to want me and this baby more than anything. To want us more than the life that he led.

He lifted my face up towards his and kissed me, and I found myself tugging his shirt away from him. He released my face and pulled out of the kiss to take the shirt off, and the shirt that he was wearing under it, then pulled me tightly up against him. The feeling of our skin against each other was orgasmic on its own, let alone the feeling of his lips against my throat and chest. His hands roamed lower, over my back and hips. I reached down and unsnapped his jeans, tugging them down. I wanted him to be in the same state that I was, feeling everything that I was feeling.

Once he was naked he laid me down on my bed, falling down on top of me, nearly taking my breath away. I reached up and pulled his head to me, kissing his earlobe and cheek while he flicked his thumb across my nipple.

He crashed his hips against mine and was inside of me all at once. I gasped loudly at the feeling, and we immediately found our rhythm with each other. He reached down and held my thigh against his body as he thrusted. We were both breathing hard, not able to find words, but it was more than enough. We came at the same time. I watched as he closed his eyes and let out another hard, ragged breath, riding it out. We caught our breath for about thirty seconds, then he laid back down on his back beside me.

I rolled onto my side and pulled the blankets back up around my torso tightly. That confused feeling was back, and I didn’t know what to do to stop it. We were keeping so much from each other, and it had all come out when we had sex, but that wasn’t the way it needed to come out. I needed him to accept this.

Declan rolled onto his side facing me. I felt him reach over, almost cautiously, not knowing if he should touch me or not. Even though we had just been so close, now we were back to where we had started, not knowing where we stand with each other.

His hand grazed my hip, then moved closer until his hand was placed flat against my stomach. I took a deep breath at his touch but he didn’t move. He was feeling for a baby that neither of us could feel yet. He was trying but receiving nothing. I placed my hand over his softly and closed my eyes, praying that he would be there in the morning.