Dependent on Life.

‘Jim Jam!’ She said jumping into my arms
‘Talaya! How are you my beautiful best friend?’
‘Glad you’re home How about you my little lemon drop?’

‘Great now that you’re here.’ I smiled sweetly to her as she blushed, I always had that effect on her making her blush by giving compliments, little did she know that what I would say was really true, I did love her, I did think she was beautiful and I so badly wanted to kiss her. But I never told her that last part…

‘Jimmy! How was the flight home man?’ Brian said bringing me into a tight hug.
‘Bad I had to sit with some snoring old guy…I tried to sit still but it was so hard!’
After hours of catching up with all the boys and Talaya and bringing up old memories, I decided it was time to go home. ‘Alright guys I’ve got to get going; otherwise I might fall asleep here. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.’ I said flashing a charming smile before leaving; I had gotten half way done the street when I heard a sweet voice call after me.

I turned to see Talaya running towards me, when she finally caught up she was out of breath and holding my shoulder so that she was still standing, she pulled her puffer from her pocket and pushed the button four times finally catching her breath she spoke.

‘Jimmy, I need to tell you something and no it can’t wait, I’ve waited too long to say this.’ I gave her a puzzled look not knowing what she could mean, two things went through my head.

1 was that she was going to say she didn’t want to be my friend any longer and 2 was had a boyfriend that she wanted me to meet. Somehow she knew what I was thinking and told me that it wasn’t those options.

‘Okay, uh I don’t know to say this but um I have this friend his nice, really nice. Smart, always complimenting me, making me blush and laugh…he is all a girl could ask for. But I don’t know if he feels the way I do about him, his friends say he does but I’m not sure what do you think I should do?’
‘This guy first off he better treat you right…’

‘Oh I know he will.’ She said looking off into the distance.
‘Okay good he better…but I think if you like him you should tell him Talaya if he is your friend he will understand.’

‘But see Jimmy I’m afraid if I tell him it will ruin our friendship.’
‘Just tell him how you feel Talaya, you won’t regret it. Don’t regret something that makes you happy.’ I should really be taking my own advice but she had feelings for some other guy it was clear.

‘Okay Jimmy I’ll tell him.’
‘Good!’ I smiled before turning to walk home, but she grabbed my hand pulling me back to look at her, her green eyes glittered as the light flickered and her golden blond hair touched her waist, she brought her body close to mine pulling my face down. ‘Jimmy Sullivan, I love you.’

‘I love you too.’ Obviously not catching onto what she meant, she rolled her eyes laughing.
‘No Jimmy, I love you. The boy I was talking about is you Jimmy.’
‘It was? But I thought, I thought you meant someone else Talaya?’
‘You don’t feel the same?’ She said sounding a bit heart broken, before she had the chance to say anything more I pulled her body closer to mine and brought my hand to her almost bare hip, bring her face to mine.

I pressed my lips to hers she let my tongue massage hers, before I felt she soft lips form a smile. ‘I love you Mariah Talaya Stone, I always have.’

I was being shaken awake, I groaned slowly opening my eyes they were filled with tears. I looked over to see Talaya. What no! I blinked again and saw Jasmine with a rather worried look on her face. ‘What’s wrong Jasmine?’
‘You were crying in your sleep for about 15 minutes I’ve been trying to get you to wake up but you wouldn’t, so I had to shake you, sorry I was just worried.’
‘That’s okay Talaya.’

Oh Fuck.

‘What did you just call me?’ She said like she was hearing things.
‘Hm?’
‘Just now you said that’s okay Talaya didn’t you?’
‘Yeah, sorry Jasmine…You just you look so much like her, your mother I mean.’ I sat up putting my hands in my head, she sat down next to me rather close as well.
‘You really did know her? You really are my father, she said only her best friends and her partner called her Talaya…she wasn’t with anyone when I was born she had told me she was by herself. She told me her partner went by the name Jim Jam?’
‘She told you that? Jasmine I’m Jim Jam, your mother gave me that nickname to me when we were in pre-school together and it stuck ever since. How do you know all this?’
‘She wrote a letter to me before she died, she always wrote letters if she was scared.’ Jasmine sighed.

we sat in silence for a while before my phone roared it’s ringtone.

‘Hello?’
‘Jim, it’s Brian. I was wondering what you and Jasmine want to eat because we are kind of already at here at the pizza place..so’
‘Agh we had pizza three nights ago dude.’ I whined.
‘Just ask Jasmine if she wants meat lovers pizza!’
‘Jasmine, do you meat lovers pizza, its okay if you don’t’
‘Are you kidding me, I’d love meat lovers! If of course it’s not a bother...’ She said going from excited to shy within seconds.
‘Bri she wants meat lovers...I’ll have whatever.’ I said hanging up after he said he’d be home soon. I looked over at Jasmine and she was in that quite stage again, I watched her looking at the ground blankly I waved my hand in front of her and she snapped her vision to look at me again.

‘She didn’t want to leave you...she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you..and I- if I wasn’t in the picture she would still be here, you would both be married and happy and I ruined that.’ She whispered running into the bathroom and shutting the door before I had time to get to my feet.

I walked over to the bathroom and knocked on the door softly before pressing my ear to the door to hear her soft cries. It broke my heart the know that she thought this was her fault when I knew things happen this way for a reason, that reason being Jasmine was broken and I need to mend that broke heart, for me, herself and her mother.

‘Jasmine..please open the door let me in..’
‘Why so you can tell it’ll be alright?’ the tone in her voice told me she was mad which meant she means none of this. ‘When you and I both know it isn’t!’
‘It might not be okay now sweetie but it will be soon I promise..’ I twisted the handle but she locked the door and I cursed under my breath. ‘Jasmine please..’
‘How can you promise something like that? You don’t know if it will be okay..for all you know I could be some freak and you will realize you don’t want me and send me back to the orphanage and then you will pretend you never found me and go on with your perfect life!’ She mumbled.

‘I would never, ever do that to you ever...like I told you yesterday I will do everything I can to be the dad you didn’t have for the 16 years of your life...please just open the door.’ I whispered and I presume she was sitting up against the door because there was a shadow underneath the door. I sat up against the door thinking how did it come to this...if Talaya were here she would know exactly what to do...I'm so scared because I don't want to mess this up, you only get on shot at being a dad.

_________

Jasmine’s POV.

I didn’t mean to get angry at him like that, he didn’t even do anything wrong and here I am basically telling him who I think he is when for all I know he could be the complete opposite.

Damn my insecurities! Damn them to hell! I sat up against the door and I felt Jimmy do the same, I kept trying to tell myself to go out and apologize but each time I’d get up I sat right back down of fear of what might happen if I go outside this door.

I'm scared he probably doesn't even know it..

Far out..I’m just a damn coward.