Thin

I was down to 165 pounds when Oli agreed to have sex with me. I told him it was just to get it over with, no strings attached. I told him it wouldn't be awkward for me after and that we'd still be best friends. What really got him to agree, though, was when I promised I wouldn't tell any one.

He had turned all the lights off, leaving the room pitch black. He wouldn't kiss me or touch me the way i wanted him to. When we started undressing, he asked me to keep my shirt on.

After we were done, he didn't stay like I asked him to. He told me he had to go home to help Tom with some photography project. He obviously didn't know I talked to Tom earlier that day. He didn't know that Tom told me he was going into London for the weekend with some friends.

I was left alone, ashamed, and desperately in love with someone who found me absolutely disgusting.

I stared at myself in the mirror, seeing nothing but fat. My hips and arse were huge, along with my stomach. Don't even get my started on my thighs.

I had changed my outfit about ten times before settling on loose jeans and an over-sized hoodie to hide my obesity. I was surprised I found one big enough.

I did my make up simple and straightened my hair. There was nothing I could do to hide the fat in my face. It frustrated me. I never did make up that took longer than a few minutes. I couldn't stand to look at my failures longer than that. I was getting bigger every day.

Oli walked into my room, dragging me from my thoughts. "Yeh readeh?"

I slid my Fred Perry's on and laced them up quickly. "Let's go. This is as good as it's goin' teh get."

I sighed and turned off the light in my room before following him out. He said nothing as he grabbed my blanket from my chair, knowing I would need it, and we walked down to the car. I took the blanket from him after I got in and curled up in the seat with it wrapped around me. Oli got in and turned the car on, turning the heat up on full blast. I was still freezing.

"Are yeh sure yeh not sick?" Oli reached over and took my hand in his. I was facing him instead of the window. I didn't feel up to staring out the window today.

"I'm sure, Oli, don't worreh about meh." I snatched my hand away and closed my eyes as my teeth started chattering. I was getting sick of him pretending that he cared.

"Why are yeh still friends with meh, Oli? I know yeh ashamed of meh. Yeh always have been. Yeh couldn't even look at meh when I gave meh self teh yeh. Stop pretendin' that yeh care, Oliver. Yeh never did before." I rattled off once we were stopped in front of his parents house. I didn't know what came over me. I just let it all out. I couldn't take it any more. I haven't been able to take it for seven fucking years and he needed to hear how I really felt.

I jumped out of the car with the blanket still around me and started walking up to the door. Oli quickly got out of the car and ran after me.

"What the hell are yeh talkin' about, Ally? That were seven years ago, when yeh were seventeen. I were always awkward at that age. Yeh twenteh four now, act yeh fuckin' age. How dare yeh say I neva cared. I've always cared about yeh." He stared at me in disbelief as I rolled my eyes.

"It doesn't fuckin' matta how long ago it were, Oli. Yeh still the first person I ever let fuck meh. A girl neva forgets her first time. Expecialleh when the boy made her feel disgustin'. And yeh've been fuckin' meh ova since we were little. Don't fuckin' lie and say yeh've always cared. Why don't yeh think back to all those times yeh were teasin' meh and felt embarrassed teh be around meh?" I moved passed him and walked into his parents house without knocking. It's not like we never needed to any ways.

"This isn't ova, Allison." Oli pushed passed me and went into the kitchen to greet his parents. I took a deep breath and regained my composure before I followed after him.

"Ally! So nice teh see yeh." Carol smiled as she pulled me into a hug. I hugged her back weakly as Ian walked in and greeted Oli and I also.

I sat by Oli at the dinner table and stared down at the plate full of food. I had already taken two bites of the food. I usually limited myself around 400 calories a day, and, in my mind, those two bites were pushing it. I had no idea how many calories this shit contained. I already had half an apple that morning just so Oli wouldn't get suspicious. I felt like I was going to cry. I did my best to keep up conversation to avoid eating any more. When I got home, I planned to exercise all this off for once.

"Can I talk teh yeh for a minute, Ally?" Oli asked as he angrily dropped his fork to his plate. We all stopped talking immediately. I nodded and stood up from the table.

"Excuse us." I mumbled as I stood up from the table. I walked out into the living room, being followed by Oli. I thought my heart was about to pound out of my chest. I hope he wouldn't ask me anything about me not eating.

"What's wrong with yeh, Ally? Yeh teh pale, yeh not eatin' right. Yeh brought up shit from seven years ago! Do yeh need teh see a docta?" I laughed. I completely laughed in his face. His expression turned from concerned to angry.

"For fuck's sake, Oliver, are yeh blind or just stupid?" I ran a hand down my face as I continued to laugh. There was no going back now. I was going to have to tell him the truth, but not the whole truth. I would leave me being anorexic out. If I told him about that, he would send me to rehab in a heartbeat.

"Guess I'm a bit of both. What's goin' on with yeh?" I shook my head and sat down on the arm of the recliner in the living room.

"Rememba when we had sex, I said there would be no strings attached?" I looked up at him to see him eying me warily.

"Yes, I rememba. I rememba that whole bloodeh night. Why?"

"Well, I lied."